Journey of the Heart

by Mills, DiAnn; Darty, Peggy;

  The dedication page was empty, and Katie decided to ask Uncle Seth and Aunt Elizabeth to complete it. If they had gone ahead with their plans to present the Bible to her that evening, the blank lines would have been filled.

  Leafing through page after page, she read passages that comforted her but none that pierced her heart. Then 1 Corinthians, chapter 13 caught her eye. Katie read it once and wept in the knowledge of God’s love for her and His infinite understanding of her feelings. She reread the description of love, blinking back the tears and thanking God for His Word. Verse 8 spoke directly to the pain in her heart. “Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.” And on to verses 12–13: “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.”

  Katie closed the book and let it rest upon her lap. What Colonel Ross and Peyton did was wrong. They had deceived her in order to see if she would willingly side with the Comanches. Had the colonel and Peyton contrived the Kiowa’s questioning? She quickly dispelled the latter thought. The Kiowa spoke of matters known only by Lone Eagle and herself.

  She sat upright—Peyton knew of her relationship with Lone Eagle. He had heard the Kiowa issue Lone Eagle’s demands, and he clearly heard her answers. Peyton had known all along and never said a word. It was as though it didn’t matter to him. That’s why he was so angry that day. The guilt she bore for not telling him about the warrior didn’t seem to matter now. Yet, beyond any measure of doubt, Peyton clearly understood her loyalties. She’d feared rejection from him when he learned the truth, and he had already heard the truth from her own lips.

  Now she saw why the Kiowa had been released from his duties at the fort. The Indian could not be trusted. If Peyton did use her, why did he later pursue a relationship? Betrayal cut so very deep.

  How much of the conversation did Peyton reveal to the colonel? Humiliation spread through her—the commander of the post knew intimate information about her. Perhaps Peyton kept some of the knowledge to himself. In any event, Katie must forgive them for purposely misleading her. And no matter the outcome, she must ask Peyton to forgive her for not telling him about Lone Eagle from the very beginning.

  Katie closed her eyes and prayed for guidance. She leaned back against the quilt and slept.

  She woke to the sound of Aunt Elizabeth’s voice calling her to waken.

  “Yes,” Katie said. “I fell asleep. I’m sorry.”

  Her aunt pushed aside the blanket separating the two rooms of the cabin. “Peyton is here with the colonel. They’re waiting to see you.”

  The news cleared any sleepiness lingering in Katie’s mind. “They both are here to see me?” she whispered.

  “Yes, child. I invited them in, but they decided to wait outside.”

  She stood and laid her Bible on the bed. “I guess I’d better see what they want.” Then she added, “Peyton is all right, isn’t he?”

  “He looks tired, but healthy.” Her aunt touched Katie’s cheek. “I’m going to take the children to visit Seth.”

  “No, please. I can talk to them outside or go to the colonel’s office.”

  “You aren’t the only Colter who is stubborn,” Aunt Elizabeth said. “And I’ve already told Jacob we would be leaving for the blacksmith.”

  She saw little use in arguing. Her aunt ushered the men inside, poured them coffee, and left with the children to see Uncle Seth.

  Katie avoided eye contact with both men. She no longer felt like crying or shouting accusations. It seemed simpler to hear why the two had chosen to visit.

  “Colonel Ross, I owe you an apology for my outburst in your office today,” she said.

  “Under the circumstances, I don’t believe an apology is necessary.”

  “There’s no excuse for my rudeness, and I am sorry. Colonel Ross, Peyton, you didn’t need to pay me a call.” She turned to Peyton for the first time but still avoided his gaze. “I’m glad to see you returned safe and unharmed. Are the other men all right?”

  Peyton sighed. “Yes, just exhausted.”

  The men sat stiffly at the table, but Katie chose the rocker near the fire. Would she ever feel comfortable with either of them again?

  “Miss Colter, Sergeant Sinclair and I are the ones who owe you an apology for what appears to be a misunderstanding or rather an oversight on our part. My reasons for accompanying the sergeant are to tell you myself that there was no pretense in the meeting you had with the Kiowa. The scout came into my office and stated he needed to speak with you. I sensed an importance in the matter and sent the sergeant to fetch you. In case you may have questioned my motives, I do not speak Comanche. Therefore, I have no idea what transpired in your conversation. The sergeant told me you relayed perfectly the Kiowa’s words, and I chose not to ask anything more about the subject but to take heed as you suggested. As I said to you after the Kiowa left my office, I appreciate your concern for the welfare of the people living here at Fort Davis. I chose to allow the Kiowa to come and go here to use his treachery against him, and I purposely provided him with false information.”

  The colonel stood from his chair. “I sincerely hope you will give this young man an opportunity to clear up this unfortunate incident.”

  Katie nodded and escorted him to the door. “Thank you for everything you just told me and for coming by to see me,” she said. “I am sincerely grateful, and again I apologize for earlier today.”

  Once the door closed, she leaned against it. She sensed Peyton’s eyes on her, but she couldn’t bring herself to face him.

  “Am I so repulsive that you can’t look at me?” he said, his words harsh and cold.

  She forced herself to meet his gaze. Worry lines dug across his forehead. “No, I really don’t know what to say or do. I’ve been angry, I’ve been hurt, and now I’m confused and ashamed.”

  “Why are you ashamed?” he said.

  Katie took a deep breath. “Because I was busy feeling sorry for myself, and I forgot to consider the information you found out about me.”

  “Are you talking about your relationship with Lone Eagle?”

  “Yes, and I should have told you about him the first night you asked to come calling.” She remained against the door as though it helped her from crumbling before his eyes.

  “And I apologize for not telling you of my ability to speak Comanche.” Peyton’s face softened. “I know it’s no excuse, but I tried on several occasions.”

  “The afternoon of Lauren and Miles’s wedding?” She moved away from the door and sat across from him at the table. “Because I wanted to tell you about Lone Eagle then, too. I didn’t want to keep it from you any longer.”

  Peyton shook his head as though he attempted to clear his thoughts. “I did try the day of the wedding. Katie, if I learned anything the night you met with the Kiowa, it was how you were willing to go back with him to save the lives of people here. How could I be angry at your unselfish gesture?”

  She stared at her hands neatly folded in her lap. “I never looked at it quite the same way as you do. I kept remembering Jacob and Emily’s family and wanted to see it ended. You see, I’m not afraid of Lone Eagle, and at one time I believed I loved him. I don’t want to ever go back there, but if I had to, it wouldn’t be a terrible sacrifice.”

  He reached across the table and wrapped his hands over hers. His voice sounded raspy, and when she met his gray gaze, she saw emotion steal across his face. “Promise me you won’t ever go back to him.”

  “I can’t, Peyton.” How could she make him understand? “I can’t promise you something that might endanger innocent lives. I love you. I love you with all my heart, but I couldn’t live with myself if one person was injured or killed to ensure my happiness.”

  “Must you be so noble?”

 
Katie lifted her hand to his cheek. “I’m not noble, no, nothing of the sort. I’m trying to live my life as God would want, and I’ll go wherever He leads me.”

  “Away from me, away from a life together?” he said.

  “I pray it won’t come to a choice.” Hot tears filled her eyes. “I don’t want to live my life with one man and love another.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Long, uncomfortable moments followed with the sounds of outside activity deafening the roar in Katie’s heart. She wanted to tell Peyton the many things she dreamed for both of them and the countless hours spent watching the fort gate and praying for his safe return. The look on his face silenced any words of endearment. She’d seen the same expression on his face the night she refused to tell him what the Kiowa had relayed to her. They had quarreled then, and she didn’t want to fall into the same pit again. Arguing solved nothing; it only deepened the problem.

  She ordered herself to say nothing more in her own defense but allow Peyton to express his indignation. Except this time frustration and anger weren’t the only emotions tearing through him. She saw a mixture of love and hate intertwined to add confusion to his passion. Dare she hope the hatred was not intended for her?

  How would she face another day if Peyton despised her? He risked his life every day he rode outside the safety of the fort. She waited for him to speak, but she must hold on to her convictions.

  “The Kiowa should have tried to contact you by now,” he said, his brows narrowed. “He could have used any excuse to gain entrance into the fort.”

  “I agree,” she said. “I look for him every day.”

  “Then marry me now, Katie. Marry me before Lone Eagle has a chance to use his power over you.”

  She blinked back the tears, reaching deep for strength. “Don’t you see? It wouldn’t change a thing but make matters worse. In his eyes, I am his wife.”

  “It wasn’t consummated,” he said.

  “Did you memorize every word of the Kiowa’s conversation?”

  “And if I did?”

  “Then you understand my leaving the village hurt Lone Eagle’s pride.”

  “I don’t care about his pride! What kind of a man would want a woman who didn’t want him?” Peyton pounded his fist into the table as though the physical action would make her listen to him.

  Katie vowed not to lose her temper, and silence exploded from the four walls of the cabin.

  Finally she spoke, but her voice cracked. “I grew up with Lone Eagle. I know him. He would use the lapse of time for his own benefit. He’s known among the other warriors for his shrewd and cunning ways. Waiting is one of his favorite games. My fear is he will do nothing until he thinks I no longer believe he will send word. That’s when Lone Eagle will take his stand. Peyton, it’s not an affair of the heart for him. It’s a way of life, and he must win. No matter if he loved me beyond any doubt, Lone Eagle would still be a warrior. By waiting to speak until I have made other plans”—Katie paused and felt herself grow warm with the implication of her words— “he causes me to fall into his trap, and then he will wage war. Lone Eagle does not make idle threats or speak empty words, for that would discredit him in the eyes of his people.”

  “Remember when the Kiowa said Swift Arrow and Lone Eagle would not declare war over a woman but over honor and the land of their fathers?” Peyton said. “He’s using his power to force you back to him.”

  Katie slowly nodded her head. “Yes, but I am his property, and in Lone Eagle’s eyes his wife has run from him.”

  Peyton stood and paced the room. “I will see that murdering Indian burn in—”

  “Peyton, calm down. He may not be here with us, but he’s succeeding in causing you to react in anger instead of logic.”

  “And what would you have me do?” Peyton swung his attention to her. “Sit back and allow Lone Eagle to decide your future, our future? I am a man, Katie, not a child who allows others to make his decisions for him.”

  “We could pray. We should turn this whole thing over to God and allow Him to work it out. I’m a new Christian, but I’ve seen the value of prayer.”

  He walked to the door. “I can’t pray right now. I’m too angry, and the thought of you allowing a murdering savage to determine our happiness is more than I can handle.” He lifted the latch and closed the door soundly behind him.

  She glanced around the empty room. What do I do now, God?

  “Trust Me, Katie,” came a clear, quiet answer.

  Katie spent the remainder of the daylight hours contemplating what she should do about Peyton. She prayed for him and asked God to be with him, but little else could be done. Peyton needed to search for his own answers and allow God to work in his life. She must wait for Peyton to come to her. Waiting…that’s what Lone Eagle did best, not her.

  The Comanche warrior held her future, and she never doubted for a moment that the Kiowa had delivered her message. Lone Eagle deliberately chose not to send a reply. He stalked his prey well, and now he watched and waited for her next move.

  But she wasn’t his wife. She was still untouched.

  Pa told her once that love could easily change to hate and hate to murder. Pride usually controlled a man’s emotions, especially those affairs of the heart.

  Katie had admitted her past love for Lone Eagle. She couldn’t deny those feelings or pretend nothing ever happened. She’d worshipped him. Everything about the Comanche warrior had intrigued her: his hair—the color of the crow, his deep, penetrating eyes that had always held tenderness for her, the magnificent way he carried himself. He stood for the virtues held high by every tribal member. He fought bravely, and others told of his mighty acts in battle. As Swift Arrow’s eldest son, Lone Eagle spent many hours with his father learning how to lead the tribe. His mother loved him above her other children. She sewed for Lone Eagle and cooked his favorite foods. The warrior knew his guardian spirits and regularly consulted their medicine. Comanche families wanted him to notice their daughters and befriend their sons. Lone Eagle rose as a son among sons, a warrior among warriors.

  Her thoughts of love for Lone Eagle had led her to believe he was perfect. He did have a bad temper and a vindictive nature. How could she have overlooked the way he oppressed weaker warriors or shunned Indian maidens who were plain? Jealousy and arrogance clasped hands with Lone Eagle, and he never let her forget he would one day be chief of the Comanches. When they were alone, Lone Eagle showered her with affection. Katie never doubted his love or devotion, but many things had changed since she came to live at the fort. Her love for Lone Eagle began to diminish when she viewed how the people around her cared for each other. They worshipped the one true God—a God of love and compassion.

  God, please help me. Katie shuddered. Because I don’t want to ever go back to him.

  Colonel Ross sent Peyton on another patrol, but Peyton failed to inform Katie. Neither did he tell her good-bye. In fact, she realized Peyton purposely avoided her, and Katie found out about the patrol through Lauren. This time the soldiers would be gone a week.

  She prayed for Peyton’s safety and for them to be able to talk upon his return. He had to have made a decision about the two of them by now. Maybe the silence provided an answer. The ache in her heart refused to go away. She hurt in the mornings and even more at night. Aunt Elizabeth and Uncle Seth continued their comfort and encouragement. Their wordless gestures told her they shared her pain. They cared for Peyton, too, and it didn’t help when Jacob asked about his soldier.

  “Jacob, would you like to go fishing?” Katie said when the small boy asked again about Sergeant Sinclair.

  He didn’t need to think twice. “Yes. Can we go now?”

  Katie smiled and ruffled his hair. “Of course. I heard Uncle Seth say he had a taste for fish.”

  “I’ll catch them all.” He straightened his shoulders. “And I’ll dig for worms.”

  The day had a bit of chill to it, and Katie made sure Jacob wore a coat. Together the two carried p
oles and a wooden bucket to bring back their catches. She hoped the sun would peek through the bleak sky to warm them a little, but the clouds seemed to carry the threat of snow.

  Limpia Brook rippled noisily while Katie helped Jacob find worms. She’d tucked in a few slices of bread in case the fish needed encouragement to swallow the line.

  “Indian boys catch fish with their hands,” she said.

  He attempted to snatch up a swimming trout, but the fish proved faster than his little hands.

  “The water is too cold,” Jacob said. “My fingers are froze.”

  Katie warmed them with her own hands, and soon he was ready to try again.

  “Let’s try catching fish the Indian way when the weather is warmer,” she said with a laugh. “Today we can fish like the soldiers and Uncle Seth.” Katie handed him a pole, and he took it reluctantly. “I bet my fish will be bigger than yours.”

  “Boys can fish better than girls.”

  An hour passed and still no fish. Jacob was rapidly becoming discouraged; then something nibbled at his line.

  “Look, Katie, I’ve got one,” he said.

  She helped him bring in a good-sized trout and land it in the bucket.

  “Now, it’s your turn,” he said, “but I know mine is bigger.”

  A short time later, Katie brought in one that measured slightly shorter than Jacob’s fish.

  “You won.” She squeezed his shoulders. “I think we have enough for supper. Shall we take these two home?”

  Jacob nodded. “Yes, I’m cold.”

  Once inside the fort, Katie heard the sound of soldiers and saw the army patrol enter the front gate. From the distance they looked tired and dusty, but nothing out of the ordinary. Then she spotted two soldiers tied across their saddles, and three others wore makeshift bandages. Peyton wore one of the bandages around his shoulder. From her stance, she saw bloodstains.

  “Peyton!” Katie cried, leaving the fish bucket and rushing with Jacob to his side. “You’re hurt.”