Fighting Fate

by Hope, Amity

  He didn’t look at her but he didn’t need to. He could feel her gaze searing into him. She was waiting for an explanation. He didn’t want to give one to her. He was sick of always delving into his messed up family life. He was sick of talking about it. She had to be sick of hearing about it.

  “It’s getting cold. You have to be freezing. Let’s get out of here,” he said.

  She put a hand on his knee to keep him in place. “Let’s not. Why won’t Karen fill out those forms?”

  Why had he even brought it up? He knew her well enough to know that now she wouldn’t let it drop. He could either deal with her insistence or he could just cave. He realized he might as well save himself some time and frustration because he was likely to cave eventually. Might as well do it now.

  “She doesn’t want people looking into her finances.” Sarah frowned and he went on. “I don’t think she or dad have filed income taxes for years. They kinda just pretend that law doesn’t exist. There’s no way she’ll draw attention to that.” Though his parents hadn’t been together for years, they’d never bothered with the formality or expense of a divorce. Cole was sure that was mostly his dad’s doing. Since they were technically married, he felt it gave him the right to slam into their lives whenever he wanted.

  “Look,” he said sharply, “I don’t expect you to get {ct nt> it.”

  She held up her hands, as if in surrender. “I get that you don’t want to talk about it. So. Okay. Moving on. What about a loan?”

  He sliced a look at her. Did she have any concept of how much money that was?

  “What if I don’t cut it?” he asked, voicing his biggest fear. “What if I can’t make it, I fail out and I still have to pay it back? Then I’m worse off than I am now.”

  She stared at him for a moment, as if waiting for him to take it back. She finally shook her head. “You cannot be serious. You would never fail. You just wouldn’t.” When he didn’t respond her voice was firm when she continued. “It’s only hopeless if you believe it’s hopeless.”

  “Did you read that on a poster somewhere?” he grumped.

  She didn’t crack a smile.

  “You just don’t get it. You’ve had everything handed to you. You don’t know what it’s like to want something that is completely out of your reach.”

  She folded her arms across her chest. “Of course I do.”

  “What?”

  “I wanted you. And I went way out of my comfort zone to make it happen.”

  He couldn’t help it. He laughed at her because the two were nowhere near the same thing. She didn’t seem to think it was so funny but he really didn’t care. He’d gotten tired of the serious topic and he was glad to see it end.

  “I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you,” she said quietly.

  He let out a self-deprecating laugh. “How do you see me?”

  “I think you’re perfect.”

  He opened his mouth, clearly in protest but she stopped him. “You are. You’re perfect in all the ways that really matter.”

  Her words stopped any more laughter from crossing his lips.

  “You have a good heart. I know you want to make a better life for yourself. You’re smart even if you don’t think you are. You always make me feel like I’m the most important person in the world.”

  “To me, you are,” he said. “You mean everything to me. I’m just afraid that someday you’re going to figure out that you want more than I can give you.” The thought had been troubling him for a while. Thinking it and actually saying it were two very different things. It wasn’t like he didn’t think she would eventually come to this conclusion on her own. It was just that he didn’t want to hurry her along.

  “If you want to work at the lumberyard, then work at the lumberyard,” she said. “But only if it’s what you want.”

  “And what about you?”

  “W {izer words hat about me?” she wondered.

  “Will that be good enough for you? If that’s all I do?”

  She shook her head and grabbed the collar of his jacket in her fists so that he would have to look her in the eye. “Cole, I have been trying to get through to you for months. I want to be with you. But I want you to be happy too. You don’t have to change for me. But I want you to think long and hard about what you want to do for yourself.”

  His head was all tangled up in what she said. With just a look or a certain tone, she had the ability to twist his thoughts around, until he almost agreed with her.

  “You know what?” His tone was teasing because he just couldn’t take any more of the serious talk. “I think you like me. I think you might like me a lot.”

  She laughed as she gave him a shove. The momentum was enough to push him backwards. He grabbed a hold of her as he toppled, pulling her along with him.

  This was what Cole did. He’d never said those three, all-important words but he hinted at them. I like you. I like you a whole lot, he would say with a mischievous grin. I think you like me a whole lot too. But not as much as I like you.

  She was still smiling when she looked down at him. “Oh, I definitely do,” she said. “I like you.”

  “You do?”

  “Uh-huh.” She leaned down until their lips were touching. She dotted several light, teasing kisses on his lips and down his neck.

  He didn’t have the patience for that. He gently knotted his fist in her hair, bringing her mouth back to his. His free hand slid down her back and he used it to press her body into his. Then she took over the motion on her own, rocking subtly against him. After a few minutes, he realized he might be in trouble.

  “Can we go back to your house,” she mumbled.

  She’d been there a few times before. She’d never turned up her nose or made disgusted faces like he’d been worried that she would. However, right then, that had nothing to do with why he knew he shouldn’t bring her there.

  She was propped up, hovering over him. Her messed up hair hung around her face. Her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes had a determined look in them. She was so damn beautiful, sometimes he couldn’t stop looking at her. She shifted her weight around as she bit her lip. The sensations she caused were enough to cloud his judgment.

  The ground beneath him was rock hard due to being half-frozen. If it hadn’t been, he’d have been more likely to say they could stay right where they were. It would be the smart thing to do {t tes, h because while at the pond, out in the open, they were less likely to get carried away.

  “I don’t think anyone is home tonight,” he finally warned.

  He knew what she was going to say before she said it.

  “I know.” She was doing it again. She was using a tone that twisted and turned his thoughts around. Tangled them up until there was no straightening them out. She leaned down to drop another kiss onto his mouth. The movement caused her to press into him again, rocking her body just right. She smiled wickedly as he groaned. “That’s what I was counting on.”

  He knew why she was asking. He also knew he should tell her no. He should. He’d been telling her no for months. He didn’t want her to go through with something she couldn’t undo, no matter that she’d been insisting that she wanted to. So he should tell her no.

  He took a deep breath.

  “Yeah,” he said, “let’s go.”

  *****

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “How am I looking at you?” he asked.

  She delicately lifted one shoulder as she pulled the sheet up tighter around her. “I don’t know.” Frowning she said, “Did I do something wrong?”

  “What? No.” He shook his head. “No. I’m afraid I did. That wasn’t supposed to happen like that,” he said with a frown.

  “What was it supposed to happen like?” she wondered. “Or wasn’t it supposed to happen at all?” She had been letting Cole know for awhile that she was more than willing. He always backed away. He said he was doing it for her. But she always disagreed. She wanted to be with him.
She wanted him to be her first. She’d be happy if he ended up being her only.

  “It was supposed to be somewhere nice. Not in this shitty room of mine. I wanted to be with you all night. Not send you home in an hour so you won’t miss curfew.”

  “You’re doing it again,” Sarah said as she flopped back with a groan.

  “What am I doing?” he demanded.

  “You’re acting like I give a damn about any of those things. I don’t. I just want to be with you. And I don’t care where.” She opened her eyes and narrowed them at him as she turned to face him. She pointed a finger at him. “If you didn’t want this, you should’ve said so. But I wanted it so please don’t ruin this for me.”

  His expression instantly changed from one of frustration to one of contrition.2em" al>

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. And just so we’re clear, I wanted it. I’ve wanted it for a long, long time. I just wanted you to be positive.”

  Every now and then, Cole seemed to slip into a dark place and it made her worry about him. Usually with a few teasing words and a few distracting kisses she could pull him out again.

  This time, it didn’t quite work that way.

  He turned on his side to face her. With one finger he traced a light line across her lips. Then he leaned in to leave a light kiss there. When he pulled away, Sarah had hoped he’d be smiling. He wasn’t. He had that all-too-serious look that he’d been wearing more and more lately.

  He pulled her close to him; wrapping his arms around her while she settled her head onto his chest. Even though the actual moment was over, the feeling of skin against skin as he held her felt blissful. This was what she had wanted.

  “You were right, earlier, what you said about college. I’m not making any promises but I’m going to talk to Mrs. Richards,” he said, mentioning the guidance counselor. “Maybe she can help me figure out what my options are.”

  “Really?” she asked as she lifted her head.

  “Yeah, but I really don’t want to talk about her right now,” he said with a mischievous grin.

  She propped herself up on her elbow. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “Me. You.” His hand coasted around her waist and she broke out in chill bumps.

  “Go on,” she said with a smile.

  “I think I love you, Sarah Heath,” he quietly admitted. “And one day, I want to give you the life you deserve.”

  “Well, Cole Montgomery,” she said with a small smile, “I don’t just think I love you, I know I do. And I don’t want you to work for that kind of future just for me. I want you to work for it because you think you deserve it too.”

  ~nt>2e

  Chapter Seventeen

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  She huffed out a sigh of annoyance. “It’s not ‘nothing’. You want to say something. What is it? Come on, tell me.”

  “It’s just that…Well, I think this place needs more work than you think. All of the windows? They should be replaced. Come here,” he said as he took her hand. He led her to the window over the sink, the one overlooking the driveway and the front yard. “If you look at the bottom ledges, you can see that the wood is starting to decay. And this isn’t good.” He walked to the center of the kitchen and tapped his foot. “The beams underneath this floor should probably be replaced sooner rather than later.”

  “Anything else?” she asked, feeling defensive.

  “Don’t be mad. I’m just saying…it’s an old house. I’m no expert when it comes to the electrical stuff, but if I were you, I’d at least have it looked over. Make sure everything is up to code. Right now? I’m guessing it’s not. Overall, this place needs a lot of work but it can be fixed. You know, if you’re willing to put in the effort. And the money.”

  It was a few days after the storm had hit. They had spent all of that day cleaning up the yard. Near evening, Sarah’s dad had driven up, along with a neighbor who had helped Cole clear Sarah’s driveway of the two trees that had fallen across it.

  Up until the moment she realized her re0">Cole cldad was there to rescue her, she’d thought that maybe Cole would be trapped, forced to spend another night with her. She realized she wasn’t exactly opposed to that. But once he had a way out, her dad had sent him on his way.

  They had both returned the next day. They moved Sarah’s furniture and then they’d all worked on her yard. Now, Cole was back to working on her house again. He had gone back to pulling off the siding when Sarah had asked if he could please come inside for a moment.

  The window in the spare room had been jammed and she needed help opening it. It had taken him some shoving and prodding but he’d finally gotten it up.

  “I knew it would be a lot of work,” she said resignedly. “But it seems like my list keeps growing instead of shrinking.”

  “I’m willing to help. Whatever you need.”

  “Okay. I suppose we should start with an estimate. Can you do that? Or do I need to give Tom a call?”

  “I don’t think we need to go through Tom. I can give you an estimate on supplies.”

  “And what about labor?”

  He tossed an annoyed look her way. “I meant I would help you. Not work for you. Tom’s going to charge you for this job because he lined it up. But after that I’m happy to just help out.”

  “I can’t ask you to do that.”

  He grinned at her. “We could always make a trade. I can’t cook worth crap. How about if I work for food? Maybe you can pack me my lunch every day during the school year.” He raised his eyebrows at her. “Huh? What do you say?”

  She nudged him and said, “I think you should get back to work. That’s what I think.”

  He gave her a look, pretending to be annoyed. “Fine. But the offer stands. I’ll be your own, personal handyman.”

  She shook her head, ready to laugh him off. “Wait!” she exclaimed as she thought better of it. “Can I have you look at one more thing before you go back outside?”

  “Sure.”

  She pointed to the door that led to the cellar. “It doesn’t sit in the frame properly. It always swings open unless you lift the doorknob up just right and wait for it to click. I don’t know what to do. Do I need to buy a new door? It wouldn’t be such a big deal but Penelope likes to sneak downstairs. Sometimes I don’t notice she’s gone down there and I lock her in. She pretty much has full reign of the house and she always wants to be in the one place she’s not supposed to go.”

  Such a typical little kitten.

  Cole opened the door and closed it again, inspecting it. “When I get some time I might be able to pt ben.

  “Okay,” she said. “It’s not a big deal. I mean, I’m not in a hurry. I’ll just add it onto my never-ending list.”

  “Hey,” he said, “don’t sound so glum. You’ve done a lot with this place. Do you happen to have a screwdriver handy? Maybe I can take care of this right now and you won’t have to add it to your list at all.”

  “Umm…” She scanned over the drawers that lined the kitchen. “Maybe in here,” she said as she crossed the room to the junk drawer. She pulled it open and began rummaging through notepads, pens, a tape measure, glue, a wrench, a package of thumbtacks… “Will this work?” she asked as she held up a Phillips screwdriver. It was a bit on the small side.

  “I can try it. If not, I’ve got one out in the truck.” He took it from her just as her phone chimed from its resting place near the coffeepot.

  She glanced at the screen and saw that it was Liz. “I’m going to take this but I’ll just tell her I’ll call her back.”

  Liz had called the day before and Sarah had finally told her about Cole. They had talked for over an hour, both about the Cole of the past and the Cole of the present. Liz had been elated. Sarah was sure her friend was calling to press for more information. She was not going to tell Liz anything about him when he was standing right there.

  Cole nodded as Sarah said her ‘hello’.

  “Don’t be
mad. I did something really stupid last night. But you should know I was completely justified. She was goading me and I just couldn’t take it anymore,” Liz gushed by way of greeting. She sounded frazzled.

  “Okay,” Sarah said slowly as she leaned against the countertop. She didn’t dare tell Liz she would call her back. Her friend was too worked up to be put off. “What did you do?”

  She could almost see Liz cringing on the other end. There was a moment of silence as Liz worked herself up enough to blurt out whatever it was that she had to say.

  “I told Brynn off last night,” she nervously admitted. “And she didn’t take it well.”

  “Liz!” Sarah cried. Cole glanced at her over his shoulder and she toned down her annoyance. “I thought we agreed not to do that.”

  “She was just being so awful,” Liz moaned.

  “She’s always awful,” Sarah reminded her. “And completely unreasonable. And that’s why we don’t provoke her.”

  “This was different,” Liz argued, ready to state her case. “I was completely minding my own business. We were out with Todd’s family because it was his parents’ annivrenan>She approached me. She came right up to my table and started gloating about how she essentially ran you out of town. She was so pleased with herself, making a spectacle. She said that she was happy that you had to give up your job, your friends, your house…”

  “I chose to give up my job. And that house was nothing but a rental!” Cole had been fidgeting with the hinges but he stopped once again to look at her. Sarah mentally cringed. It wasn’t that he was eavesdropping. It was just that the kitchen was very, very small. She contemplated moving into the living room but decided that would be rude. And also ineffective as it wasn’t that far away. He looked at her apologetically, as if reading her thoughts, and then went back to work. “And she didn’t scare my friends off. My real friends stuck by me.” She had dropped her voice to add on the last part but there was no doubt Cole heard her.

  “She said that after everything you took from her family that you deserved to be left with nothing.” Liz’s tone was rueful. “And the only reason I’m telling you what she said is because that awful Shelby Jacobs was there. She was eating up every word. I wouldn’t be surprised if she called you to give you a play by play. I wanted you to hear it from me first because I think I was justified.”