by R W Sowrider
“It doesn’t work like that.”
“Oh, really? Then how does it work?”
“I get premonitions. They can come at any time and be about anything, but in general, they either involve a personal experience concerning the people I’m with or a major event or catastrophe affecting a whole population. And it’s not like I can channel them. They just come to me.”
“Well, we’re taking you to Epidaurus,” Rowen said with a reassuring yet tight-lipped smile.
“Epidaurus? Like where the Asclepion Sanctuary is?”
“Exactly,” Rowen replied.
“Why’re you taking me there? ”
“To heal you, you silly goose. The Asclepion Sanctuary is renowned for the quality of its medical treatment. It’s the only place in the world where you get proven results.”
“Do you really think I’m in that bad of shape?”
“He thinks you have brain damage,” Francesco chimed in. “He thinks all those fumes from deep within the Earth poisoned your brain and will slowly turn it into mush if you don’t see a qualified medical expert.”
“I didn’t say ‘brain damage,’” Rowen countered, turning to Sera. “I’m just worried about you. About your health. If you could have seen the state that you were in … it was horrifying. If they kept doing that to you, it would have only been a matter of time before you… Anyway, I just think it’s really important that you get examined, and why not arrange an examination from the best?”
As Rowen finished his thought, Sera froze up suddenly and a glazed look settled over her eyes.
“Sera?” Rowen called, emphatically. “Are you okay?! What’s going on?! Sera?!”
As Rowen put a hand on her shoulder, she snapped out of it. “I know you guys aren’t gonna believe it, but I just had a vision.”
Both Rowen and Francesco perked up. Rowen was eager for the chance to hear one of her prophecies while Francesco was eager to crap all over it.
“Do tell,” Francesco said.
“I saw three things. All of them at the Asclepion Sanctuary. I saw a hound gorging on the intestines of a young boy. I saw a father feeding his daughter to a fanged serpent. And I saw a woman give birth to a 5-year-old.”
Not that they tried very hard, but the guys were unable to hold back their laughter as they once again burst into hysterics.
“A 5-year-old?!” Rowen repeated, cracking up.
“He must have come out with a full blown goatee,” Francesco said, delighted with his joke. “Or even a couple kids of his own!”
It took a while for the guys to settle down, but when they finally did, they once again looked at Sera in amusement and in unison said, “You’re too cute.”
***
The journey to Epidaurus was a semi-long, semi-arduous one, but it gave Sera an opportunity to get to know Rowen and Francesco.
“I would have left you for dead,” Francesco informed her. “But good old Rowen here wasn’t having it.”
Possibly in an effort to build Rowen up in the eyes of Sera, but more possibly in an effort to embarrass him to death, Francesco decided to tell Sera their thought process when stealing her away.
“I’ve never seen my good friend so shaken up. As he watched the reaction you had to those fumes, he actually started shaking. It was like he was in worse shape than you were. He just couldn’t bear to see you like that. He kept mumbling, ‘We’ve got to save her,’ ‘We’ve got to rescue her,’ ‘We can’t leave her like this!’ Isn’t that right, Rowen?”
“You were in very bad shape,” Rowen said to Sera, as if defending himself for a crime.
“And what did I tell you, Rowen?”
“What do you mean?”
“About rescuing her.”
“You said you had no interest whatsoever in rescuing her.”
“That’s right. And?”
“And that she’d just be another mouth to feed and an all-around added burden.”
“That’s right. And do you know how he replied to that, Sera? He said that you could have his food and that if it came to it, he would carry you on his back. Can you believe what a fool this guy is? I just don’t understand what’s gotten into him.”
Feeling Sera’s gaze, Rowen blushed.
Suddenly, Sera found Rowen’s outlandishly big nose to be stately and his bushy unibrow, macho. She felt her heart melting again. “That’s so sweet of you, Rowen.”
And with those five simple words, a wave of euphoria crashed through him. Nothing could please Rowen more than learning that he had pleased Sera. “Really?” he said, turning toward her, grinning from ear to ear.
In a flash, Sera’s heart-melting feeling was replaced by the violent urge to vomit. The moment she caught sight of that uber-gummy smile, the bubble once again burst.
“Are you okay?” Rowen asked.
“I’m sorry,” Sera moaned between dry-heaves. “The seafood must have been spoiled. Please don’t look at me.”
“She’ll be fine, my good friend,” Francesco said, patting Rowen on the shoulder. “Just give her time.”
“But we haven’t even eaten any seafood.”
***
“I will be happy to show you around,” the cheerful young medical priest said, leading them into the sanctuary grounds, which were a mixture of lush greenery with expansive views of the sea and pristine ivory temples and dormitories.
Not long into their tour, Sera stopped short, gasping. “A hound gorging on the intestines of a young boy,” she whispered, ominously.
Rowen and Francesco traced her line of sight.
“What’s going on over there?” Francesco asked the medical priest.
“Oh that?” he replied. “No need to be alarmed. That poor boy was injured in a hunting accident. He got his stomach cut up pretty bad and he’s being treated by one of our medical dogs. ”
“Treated?”
“Yes, it’s licking the wound to help it heal. Saliva not only aids blood clotting, but it also contains a bacteria-fighting enzyme that helps prevent infection.”
“I see,” Francesco said, nodding before making eyes at Rowen and laughing at Sera. “You’re too much. Hounds eating boys?! C’mon, the kid’s just having his wound treated.”
The guys were still chuckling when they entered the Abaton, which according to the medical priest was the holiest part of the sanctuary.
As they walked down the hall past a series of rooms, Sera once again stopped short, gasping. “A father feeding his daughter to a fanged serpent.”
“What’s going on in there?” Francesco asked the medical priest.
“Oh that? They’re just treating that poor girl. Apparently, she suffers from anemia. The snake is used in the purification ritual prior to the ingestion of beetroot which contains high-quality iron that is easily absorbable and will increase her red blood cell count.”
“I see,” Francesco said, nodding.
The guys once again snickered. “A father feeding his daughter to a serpent?! That’s rich. You really are priceless!”
A little further down the hall, they passed a room where a small naked boy covered in placenta and crying at the top of his lungs was being handed over by a pair of medical priests to an outstandingly overweight and extremely exhausted woman.
Sera once again came to a halt and gave the guys a you-know-I-nailed-this-prophecy look.
“What happened here?” Francesco asked the medical priest.
“Oh, how wonderful!” he replied, clapping his hands. “That poor woman had been pregnant for five years and she’s just now been cured. Needless to say, the result is that adorable five-year-old boy.”
Sera gave the boys a self-satisfied nod. “It’s exactly as I said. I hit this one right on the nose.”
Francesco raised an eyebrow while Rowen raised half a unibrow.
“Not so fast,” Francesco said. “First of all, you didn’t get it 100% correct…”
Sera butt in. “Yes, I did.”
“I’m afraid she did,” Rowen concurred.
>
Francesco continued without acknowledging either of their statements. “Second of all, even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while. And that’s what happened here. Dumb luck. A queer coincidence.”
Rowen nodded. “I’m afraid I’m gonna have to agree with him. When you think about it, pretty much anyone could’ve taken a stab in the dark and guessed that there might be a lady here giving birth to a five-year-old.”
“Lastly and most important,” Francesco said. “You’ve just done yourself a huge disservice.”
Sera’s eyes popped out of her head. “Huh?!”
“It’s kinda sad actually. The fact that you lucked out on this one means the odds of you ever lucking out again just got astronomically worse. It’s a numbers game, darling. So I highly recommend you get out of the prophecy business lest you become a laughingstock.”
“But all you guys do is laugh at me.”
At this, Francesco and Rowen gave each other a look and once again burst out laughing.
“You guys are such jerks.”
When they finally settled down, they replied in unison. “And you’re too cute!”
Without realizing it, the group had come upon Abaton’s main hall, which was noteworthy for three reasons.
First, it was packed with cots on which a number of patients were resting.
“This is where you’ll be spending the night,” the medical priest informed them. “Pick any open cot you like.”
Second, dotting the walls and decorating the corners were ornate sculptures of Asclepius—God of Healing, Resurrection, and Phallic Symbol-Entwined Phallic Symbols Like Serpent-Entwined Rods.
“All of our medical knowledge has come from the wisdom and compassion of Asclepius and His ever-regenerating serpent, who is often depicted coiled around His staff.”
Third, there were a shitload of live snakes. Slithering on the floor, the cots, and the sculptures were throngs upon throngs of snakes. There were so many that it appeared as if the floor and walls themselves were wiggling.
“Don’t worry,” the medical priest said. “They’re not venomous. They’re part of the healing process.”
The trio frowned.
“Another part of the healing process is getting a good night’s sleep, so after dinner, please pick a cot and get some rest. Tomorrow morning, we will begin with a dream interpretation session, so pay close attention to what you see tonight.”
***
“I was walking in the woods with my family,” Sera said to the medical priest first thing the next morning. Getting to sleep had not been easy, but somehow everyone made it through the night. “And suddenly, the forest in front of us burst into flames.”
“Oh my,” Rowen gasped, listening in on the session.
“‘Fire,’ I screamed. But everyone just kept on walking. It was as if they didn’t hear me. ‘Fire,’ I screamed again, frozen in place, watching my family continue toward the conflagration.
“‘It’s not fire!’ one of them shouted, turning back to me. ‘It’s poison! ’
“Suddenly, for some strange dream reason, my family had turned into strangers. Wild-eyed men were screaming at me. ‘It’s poison!’ they screamed. And the fire was gone but now there was this eerie, nebulous gas hovering all around me. And the men were fanning it toward me while at the same time warning me about it. It filled my lungs and I coughed and coughed, all the while they were shouting at me. And then, when I was suffocating and about to die, I woke up.”
“Very interesting,” the medical priest said. “Do you have any idea what it could signify?”
“I think it’s about the fumes that I had to breathe when I was working as the Oracle at Delphi.”
“Oh, you were Pythia?”
“Yes. Until these gentlemen kidnapped … uhhh, rescued me.”
“Well, I can say with great confidence that they did the right thing. It was only a matter of time before those fumes killed you.”
“Really? You can say that for sure just based on my dream?”
“Yes. That and the fact that all Pythias up until now have died of either lung cancer or brain damage. Usually, while still relatively young.”
“Well, that’s wonderful then.” Sera turned to Rowen and Francesco. “Thank you very much!”
“Did you experience any other intense dreams?” the medical priest asked.
“I did,” Sera replied, groaning. “It was horrible. At first, I was in a lovely garden on a beautiful day enjoying a wonderful picnic with some people I’ve never met before but for some strange dream reason were my best friends.
“The next thing I knew, they were all snakes. I was surrounded by them. They were slithering through the grass, winding around tree branches, and even invading my picnic basket. I was so frightened I could hardly breathe. And then suddenly, one of them was wrapped around my neck, but my arms were paralyzed so I couldn’t get it off. It was squeezing the life out of me.
“I must have woke up at that point cause I can’t recall anything else.”
“Very interesting,” the medical priest replied. “What do you think it could signify?”
“That this place is crawling with snakes who were slithering all over me when I was trying to sleep, and scaring the crap out of me and everyone else.”
“I think you’ve once again hit the nail on the head. It’s quite a common dream here, actually. You will find that once you are no longer sleeping in snake-infested quarters, the nightmare will gradually subside. Gradually.”
“Your moaning woke me up,” Francesco butt in. “And not only did I catch a glimpse of that snake around your neck, but I saw your knight in shining armor as well.”
Now that the dream interpretation session seemed finished, Francesco took the opportunity to embarrass his good friend. “It was your stalker,” he said, shifting his eyes from Sera to Rowen.
“What do you mean?” Sera asked.
“I mean there actually was a snake around your neck, and you were actually moaning and groaning about it in your sleep. Fortunately, your stalker in shining armor noticed as well and fought the beast off before you were actually harmed.”
“Really?!” Sera exclaimed.
Rowen’s face flushed crimson.
“I think he spent the rest of the night watching over you to make sure it didn’t happen again,” Francesco continued. “Just look at him; he looks as tired as a two dollar tramp.”
Sera looked at Rowen and felt a warm tingling flow through her entire being. Her heart melted. Here was a man who truly cared for her. She wasn’t exactly sure why, perhaps it was his nature, or fate, or magic, but here was a man who would put her before all others and would love her with all of his heart.
Suddenly, Rowen’s absurdly large nose, flanked by bags beneath his eyes from the lack of sleep, inspired feelings of security, and that bushy unibrow scrunched into an expression of concern inspired feelings of tenderness. “You are such a sweetheart, Rowen.”
Clearly not one to learn from experience, Rowen broke into huge smile.
Sera instantly clutched her chest as that violent urge to vomit … failed to come.
This time, rather than eliciting nausea, Sera found Rowen’s uber-gummy smile to be just off-putting. Not attractive or anything even close, but not vomit-inducing.
Sera smiled warmly at Rowen giving him a I’m-finally-able-to-endure-your-hideous-angry-chimp-smile-but-keep-it-under-lock-and-key-if-you-want-me-to-stick-around look.
Catching her drift, Rowen instantly buttoned his lips, turning his uber-gummy smile into an endearing shit-eating grin.
From that moment on, the two were attached at the hip. Lovebirds who couldn’t get enough of each other.
***
On the semi-long, semi-arduous journey back to Pompeii, Rowen and Sera’s love blossomed. By the time they reached home, they were engaged to be wed.
Within a couple-few fortnights, the wedding was arranged and on the eve of the big day, Francesco hosted a rehearsal feast with al
l of Pompeii invited.
Which is to say all of Pompeii’s patricians. Plebeians, slaves, and other such gutter-trash were not welcome. Except, of course, for Francesco’s slaves who were necessary to prepare the feast, serve it, and clean up afterward .
As Gilgamesh refilled Francesco’s chalice with wine, Francesco signaled with his fore and middle fingers to keep it coming until the chalice was on the verge of overflowing at which time he forcefully gave the stop sign. Gilgamesh swiftly and dutifully obeyed, avoiding any spillage.
Francesco flashed a satisfied smile and turned to Rowen. “I sure hope you can pour a cup of wine like that, my friend. Because otherwise, I’m afraid I will have to beat you black and blue.”
The two were seated at the head of the main table with Sera to Rowen’s right and his parents next to her. Francesco’s wife and family were on his left, and stationed directly behind him in case he was running low on wine was Gilgamesh.
“What’re you talking about?” Rowen replied.
“But pouring wine at parties is the easy part,” Francesco continued. “The rough part will be working the mines. I do hope you’ll be able to hold up all day in hot, cramped conditions.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
“Of course I am. I’m talking about what it will be like for you when you become my slave.”
“Why would I become your slave?”
“Oh, don’t play dumb with me. It’s the agreed compensation.”
“Compensation for this feast?”
“Quit being foolish.” Francesco raised his left hand limply in front of Rowen’s face, displaying the little crimson scar. “Compensation for this.”
“Oh, you mean compensation for the assault. From what Sera said.”
“No, not from what Sera said, from what Apollo said.”
“Oh, right. But He didn’t say that I’d be your slave.”
“Yes, He did. He made it clear and simple. He said that you were to provide compensation to me by giving me your most prized possession,” Francesco said, triumphantly .
“And?”
“And ?! And that prized possession is your freedom. You are to give me your freedom; i.e., you become my slave.”
“That’s preposterous,” Rowen replied, defiantly. “Apollo didn’t mean some kind of metaphorical possession. He meant a physical possession. And as much as it pains me, I fully intend to give you my most prized possession: My bell cow, Juno.”