All The Things We Were (River Valley Lost & Found Book 3)

by Kayla Tirrell

  I knew everyone heard it, but some prideful part of me didn’t want to acknowledge just how affected I'd been by the song.

  “Crap, a string just broke,” I lied. “I’m gonna run next door and grab a new one. Be right back.”

  I walked as quickly as I could without running until I made it outside. Once out in the evening air, I slowed my pace as I made my way over to my yard. I doubted anyone believed my story, but I needed a minute to get my bearings. I sat down on my front step and closed my eyes, trying to force Michelle’s face out of my head. It was pointless, every time I closed my eyes I saw her.

  I wasn’t surprised when I heard footsteps walking toward me shortly after sitting down, but when I looked up, the face that greeted me was unexpected.

  “Look, about inside…” I started, but sighed. I didn’t know what to say about the hostile looks we had exchanged in the garage. I was tired of fighting with people. I was tired of this summer. I just wanted things to get back to normal.

  “Can I sit down?” Avery asked.

  I motioned at the space beside me. She was wearing a skirt, and it took her a minute to maneuver herself onto the low stoop.

  “Was that song about Michelle?”

  “Do you need to ask?”

  “She likes you, you know. And for what it’s worth, I think you two would make a great couple."

  I let out a humorless laugh.

  "It's true. Michelle likes to pretend that she’s some badass chick who doesn’t need anybody, but it’s only because she has been hurt so many times.”

  “I would never hurt her.”

  “Maybe not intentionally, but what did you think was going to happen when you went back to school? It's what, seven hours to the panhandle? Did you think you’d visit each other on the weekends?”

  The way she asked the question like it was the most preposterous thing in the world made me embarrassed because that was exactly what I envisioned happening.

  “Okay, so long distance is obviously out of the question. But what are we supposed to do? Drop out of school to be together? It's a little too Romeo and Juliet to me, and we both know how that ended up.”

  “I’m not suggesting that either. There’s not an easy or obvious solution here, Rainier. I just didn’t want you to think you were the only one hurting right now. Michelle was angry when she and Julian broke up. She went around saying awful things.”

  “That’s what I’ve heard,” I mumbled under my breath. Somehow Avery managed to make out the words because she was quick to defend Michelle.

  “She was upset, and she was embarrassed. Was it the best way to handle things? Obviously not. But the reason I even bring it up is that her reaction to this breakup of yours is different. I’ve known Michelle for a long time, and when she’s hurt, she refuses to talk about it. When I saw her earlier, she refused to talk about you.”

  I wasn’t sure what to do with Avery’s words. Part of me wanted to leap for joy. I wanted to know I wasn’t alone in these feelings. Michelle had seemed so cold when I went to her house.

  But I didn’t want to rejoice in her suffering either. I liked Michelle, and I wanted the best for her.

  At that moment, sitting on the porch with her best friend, I knew what the best thing was for our situation was. I would let her go. It would be painful for a short time, for both of us. But we couldn’t throw our futures away for some summer fling.

  “Do me a favor, and don’t tell Michelle about the song, okay? I think it’s best that we just leave things the way they are.”

  Avery’s gaze was sad, but she nodded. “How long does it take to change a busted string anyway?” she asked.

  “Assuming anyone believed that, I should be back by now.”

  Avery stood up and turned back toward me. “Then I guess we’d better be getting inside.”

  The unnatural silence that met Avery and me when we walked back into Matt’s garage spoke volumes. Everyone knew exactly why I had walked out and had been discussing it while Avery and I had been having our conversation next door.

  Jenny and Carter refused to meet my eyes.

  However, Matt smiled at me and was the first one to speak up. “Rainier, I’m not going to ask you to open and up and sing Kumbaya with me or anything. But I know I’m speaking for the band when I say that song is something else.”

  “Thanks,” I answered quietly.

  “We need to tighten it up before Thursday’s show at The Imperial.”

  “We’re not playing that song at The Imperial.”

  “What are you talking about, man? That’s better than any of our other originals, and you know it.”

  “I shouldn’t have played it tonight because we can't play that song.”

  Matt opened his mouth to argue, but Carter beat him to it. “A music scout is coming to the show this week,” he blurted from his place against the wall. Carter had one foot kicked up against the wall, and his head was bent toward the ground.

  “What?” Matt shouted. “How do you know this? Why didn’t you say anything?”

  The two of them began a back and forth. I didn’t care about whether or not someone in the industry was coming to listen or the reason why Carter hadn’t said something sooner. Matt, on the other hand, was pissed. This band was his dream, and he wanted to be in the loop about any possibilities for a big break.

  “You like her,” Jenny said, walking up beside me.

  What was with the girls tonight? I’d sung one ballad, and suddenly everyone knew all about my love life or lack thereof? This reaction was why my song would never see the light of day. I was right to keep my song private for so long. If only I'd been smart enough to keep it that way.

  “That’s what I keep hearing.”

  “Rainier, it’s okay to like Michelle.”

  I couldn’t do another talk. Not tonight, absolutely not with Jenny. “Listen, I gotta go. Have the guys let me know what they end up deciding.” I nodded my head in the direction of the heated conversation that continued between Carter and Matt.

  With that, I grabbed my guitar and walked out, not feeling the least bit guilty about it.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Michelle

  This was it.

  Between The Pages’ final day wasn’t until Sunday, but my last shift was today. It was bittersweet considering I’d grown to love this place. And while I’d told Rainier not to romanticized my childhood spent within these walls, I was sadder than I thought I would be.

  The fact that Rainier was my co-worker that evening made it that much harder. Thankfully, we shared the closing shift, which was only three hours long.

  Three hours. Plenty of customers looking for last minute deals. I could do it.

  I walked into the store to find Rainier already in his usual spot. Just the sight of him behind the counter was enough to cause my heart to skip a beat, even without the goofy grin I'd become so accustomed to over the last few weeks. Things would never be the same. There would be no more reading together, no more teasing.

  “Michelle,” he said with all politeness, making me question whether or not I had imagined the sad smile I saw when I approached. How could he act so calm and collected when I felt like screaming?

  “Rainier."

  “It’s been pretty busy today,” he continued, his voice even. “A lot of our regulars have been in clearing things out.”

  I nodded my head.

  “Even Mrs. Bristol is over in romance making a small pile as we speak.”

  I looked over to see her with a small pile at her feet as she ran her fingers over the spines of the remaining books on the shelves. Every so often, she would grab a book and read the back cover. Sometimes the book went back on the shelf, other times it went on top of the pile she was making.

  I stayed at the register and watched her as Rainier rang up the purchases of the other customers in the store, but eventually, it got to be too much. Standing so close to Rainier was unbearable, knowing what it felt like to be on the receiving en
d of his smiles, knowing what it felt like to kiss him.

  I let out a sigh and walked over to Mrs. Bristol. She wore frumpy clothing while her brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. I hadn't thought she was pretty the first time I saw her, but seeing her now, I saw that she had a subtle beauty that didn't rely on being flashy. I wondered what it would be like to stop caring what everyone thought and to live the way I wanted.

  Did I even know what I wanted anymore?

  When Mrs. Bristol noticed my approach, she stopped her perusal to look at me. There wasn’t anger or even embarrassment on her face, only resignation. She waited for me to speak first.

  “Rainier said you’re a widow," I said without thinking.

  She looked shocked but recovered quickly. “I am.”

  “How long has it been since he died?”

  “A year ago.” Tears started forming in her eyes.

  Surprised she was answering my questions, I pushed on. “And does reading stuff like this help with the pain?”

  “Are you making fun of me again?”

  “Let’s just say, I’m asking for a friend.”

  Mrs. Bristol examined my face for a long time before answering. “I loved my husband very much. I miss him every single day. Sometimes these books make the sting of loneliness more bearable. Other times, it makes me more aware of what I’m missing.”

  I reached down and grabbed her pile of books from the ground. “My dad owns the store, and I know if he were here right now, he’d want me to give these to you. You’ve been a loyal customer for a long time from what I can tell.”

  “What happens when your dad isn't too keen on you giving books away?”

  “He’ll take it out of my paycheck," I answered with a shrug. "It doesn't matter though. I was horrible to you, and it’s the least I can do.”

  She continued to watch me as I took her books to the register. I grabbed one of the larger plastic bags from beneath the counter and put them all inside before walking back over to her. I pretended not to notice Rainier’s eyes on me the entire time.

  Mrs. Bristol grabbed the bag from my hand. She looked over at Rainier before meeting my eyes again. "Thank you."

  I smiled at her as she left with her haul, hoping my dad wouldn’t be too angry. With the going out of business sale going on, I doubted it would make much of a difference. Besides, I was serious when I said I would pay for them if he was upset. I couldn’t explain it. I had just wanted to do something for that woman now that I had a small taste of losing someone I cared about.

  I couldn't even imagine the pain she must feel on a daily basis.

  When I walked back to the counter, Rainier got up from the chair he was sitting in. I didn’t take it but stood next to him.

  “What was that all about?” he asked.

  “Nothing. I just wanted to do it.”

  “I should have stopped you, you know. You may be the boss’ daughter, but it was still stealing.”

  "Are you going to tell on me?"

  "Michelle."

  I turned to face him. "Are you?"

  When he didn't respond, I pulled out my phone. After dialing my dad and lifting the phone to my ears, I fixed my stare on him. I raised a single brow and put my free hand on my hip.

  “Princess?”

  “Hey, daddy. I just wanted to let you know I gave one of your regular customers a stack of books and didn’t charge them for it.”

  “Okay,” my dad’s voice came through the speaker.

  “I just wanted you to know that I stole them from you. Naturally, Rainier didn’t approve.”

  Rainier’s fingers tapped wildly against his leg, but he didn’t look away. Our gazes were locked in a stand-off. My dad sighed on the other end of the call. “Michelle, the store is closing in a couple of days. Use your best judgment. But I can't talk right now.”

  I wasn’t sure what I expected my dad to say, but that wasn’t it. Honestly, I hadn’t known what I was going to say when I called my dad, but I was so incredibly frustrated I couldn't think straight. I didn’t know what to do. Ordinarily, I would lash out, but I didn’t want to do that to Rainier. Even this small retaliation felt wrong.

  “You didn’t have to call your dad.”

  “I know I didn’t have to call him,” I snapped.

  "Then why did you?" The look Rainier gave me as he said this was too close to pity. I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me. That was the last thing I needed.

  I was wrong when I thought I’d be able to make it through my last shift. I was wrong about a lot of things. I couldn't do it anymore.

  “I gotta go.” I grabbed my purse off the counter and made my way past Rainier.

  He grabbed my arm to stop me. “Wait. Where are you going?”

  “Out. Home. Does it matter?”

  "The store doesn't close for two more hours."

  "Then you better figure something out, because I quit."

  I didn’t look back at him as I walked out of Between The Pages.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Rainier

  I’d been watching the front door of The Imperial all evening. I knew Carter was waiting for Avery to show up, and for some reason, I’d expected Michelle to stroll in beside her. So when Avery walked into the club alone, I was disappointed.

  Avery looked edgier than usual in a skin-tight red dress and dark makeup. Somehow I knew Michelle had a hand in it.

  Tap, tap, tap.

  I tried not to focus on the fact Michelle wasn’t there and thought about the set for the evening. Carter had said there might be a scout in the audience, and sure enough, a guy was hanging out near the bar who stuck out like a sore thumb. It was a combination of things that weren’t that odd on their own, the nice suit, the confidence, the constant talking on the phone in a bar. Those things combined, however, made it obvious the guy didn't belong here.

  “I’m playing the song,” I said, walking over to Matt.

  “What?”

  “My song, I think we should play it.” I tipped my head in the direction of the guy at the bar. “If you think the song is good enough to get his attention, let’s do it.”

  “Are you serious, man?”

  “Let’s just make sure Carter and Jenny know what’s going on.”

  We scrambled to find our bandmates before we were supposed to go on stage to fill them in. We decided to play it last in hopes of it being heard.

  My nerves were working overtime with the prospect of bearing my soul the way I had the other night in the garage. Only this time, instead of being in front of my closest friends, it would be in front of a couple of hundred people. The one bright side to it was Michelle wouldn’t be in the audience to hear it.

  Before I knew it, we were on stage. In the excitement of the evening and our last minute changes, I messed up a few notes on our covers. Jenny shot me a look every time, which meant it hadn’t gone unnoticed, but hopefully, it wasn’t clear to the masses.

  When the time came to play the final song, I felt an unnatural calm come over my body. Everything came into focus as I hit the first note. The rest of the band came in with perfect timing, despite our lack of practicing together. I’d played the song so many times, my fingers stayed true.

  You were the sun, I was the rain

  That’s how it felt anyway

  How could I know we were the blooms

  Unfortunately, despite the accuracy of my playing, I couldn’t prevent my voice from cracking once again. I’d thought I would be okay singing that evening. I was wrong. I missed Michelle, and that came out in every word of the song. At least I wouldn’t have to play or sing anything else when we finished it.

  When the crowd started cheering, I wasted no time in packing my gear and loading it in my car. I didn’t stop to talk with my bandmates. I didn’t linger to see if the talent scout said anything to us. I got the hell out of there and didn’t look back.

  Once I got home, I was happy to see Sarah was still awake and waiting for me. And even more thrilled w
hen I realized my folks were already asleep.

  “How did it go?” Sarah asked as soon as she saw me come in.

  “I played my song.”

  “I know,” she said before biting her bottom lip and making a face. Sarah glanced down at the phone in her lap. “One of my friends was at the show tonight and posted a video.”

  “What?” I practically ran over to where my sister was sitting.

  “It was amazing, Rainier. Hearing you play it downstairs and then seeing it performed with the Go-Aways is like night and day. It blew me away.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Uh, huh.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I really hope Michelle sees it.”

  “I hope she doesn’t. I took the leap of faith you suggested, and it couldn’t have gone worse. I’m done.”

  “I don’t think you are. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have played that song tonight.”

  “There was a guy from some record label in the audience. That’s the only reason I suggested we do it.”

  "Oh, yeah? And how did that go? Did he fall in love with your sound? Did he refuse to leave before signing you to his label?”

  “I don’t know. I left right after the show.”

  Sarah snorted. “Exactly. You think you played it for the band, but I think you just don’t want to admit what’s going on here. You’re head over heels for that girl, and even your subconscious is trying to tell you what to do.”

  “And what’s that, oh wise one?” My voice was sarcastic, even though I was dying to know what she thought. So often she saw what I couldn’t.

  “You need to give this thing with Michelle a shot.”

  "Whatever you say."

  "You know I'm right," she argued. "It's just a matter of whether or not you're going to act like a complete idiot."

  “I’ll think about it,” I said, walking down to my room.

  It only took me a few minutes to get ready for bed. Once I'd finished, I laid down in my bed, staring at the ceiling.