by A. Gorman
After that, it was one loser couple after another, and I was beaten, molested, and burned. Then I was placed with Tina and Ben, they had one daughter, Winter. She was the closest thing to a sibling I ever had. They eventually adopted me, and that’s when my name changed from Talon no-middle-name Myers to Talon Benjamin Livingston. I miss them. I get letters from all three of them from time to time, I rarely reply. I do believe that Reese sends them my address. She thinks I need to keep in contact with them. After Amelia died, I lost myself. Joining the United States Army was the best damn thing I have ever done.
“Hey, you, I was looking for you earlier. I wanted to talk to you about possibly meeting my family. I know you hate people, but my mom really wants to meet you.” Reese says, sliding over and handing me a bottle of water.
“Why would you want to take someone like me home to meet your family? Do you see what I see,” I bite out. She scrunches her nose, and I see her nostrils flare. “I am a broken man, Reese. You and I can never be together.”
“Quite arrogant aren’t we? I don’t want to be with you, you’re my best friend. I want you to enjoy life, be around people that care about you, that love you. Like your parents.”
“They don’t love me. Hell, no one does. Remember I was adopted when I was almost sixteen years old. I never even had a middle name the first fifteen years of my life. The only person that loved me is dead and gone, and I am left to grieve for the only one I’ll ever love.” The words leave my mouth, and I see her face go pale. I see the tears well in her eyes before they spill down her rosy cheeks.
“Well, I love you, and I worry about you. But like you said, the only person you loved is gone. I made you a tray. Enjoy.” She rushes away before I can say anything.
Fuck, I do love Reese Swindle. I think I have since I met her. Not the way I love...loved, Amelia.
“Wait up,” I say jogging behind her. She doesn’t stop she continues to walk faster. “Goddammit, Reese, please. Let me explain.”
Turning on her heel, she’s in my face. “I don’t want your explanation. I try so hard with you, Talon, but you are so fucking clueless. The feelings I have for you, aren’t just as a buddy or a pal kind of feelings. I tried to keep them on that level, trust me I did. They went farther than I wanted them to. But you can’t see it, why? Because you have built this wall up and think no one wants you. You’re too busy battling with your inner self to see what’s on the outside wanting in. I love you... Can’t you see that?” she whispers, as more tears stream down her face. “I was so torn, and I knew that I would have to break things off with my fiancé. I got home, but since he did that for me, I don’t have too. I don’t know when it happened, but I fell for you. I fell hard. I’m not sure that, I can stop loving you. Can’t you see? You deserve to be loved.”
Her words leave me shocked. I’m actually at a loss for words. I knew we’d grown close, but I never knew how she felt about me. I can’t do this. I can’t let her in. She’ll end up like Amelia, and I’ll be left grieving once again. She must sense my concerns.
“You’re something else, you know? I can’t believe that you can’t bring yourself to move on. It’s been five years! She’d want you to move on, not to be some lonely miserable bastard.”
“You don’t get to bring her into this. I don’t want to be with anyone. Can’t you see that? Why aren’t you happy with the way things are?” My voice is clipped.
“The way things are? We walk around each other, aching for one another. I see it, I know you want me as much as I do you.”
“Sweetheart, you’re so wrong. You are my friend and that’s all.” The words leave my lips and I regret the sound of them. God, I do want her, I just can’t.
“Keep telling yourself that. I know you, and I know that you want me as much as I do you. I can’t keep fighting these feelings. I have wants...needs, and you are all I want. You’re all I can think about.”
“Sorry, darlin’, but friends is all we can be. I have some things to tend to. I’ll see you around.” I walk away leaving her standing all alone in the dark, probably just as confused as I am.
What the fuck is wrong with me. Why am I so fucked up? I hate that I can’t trust or feel. I have always been like this, not wanting to let anyone in. My life has always consisted of wondering why everyone gives up on me. Wondering why the fuck I even exist in the first place.
* * *
I find myself walking outside alone for the last hour. The rain beating down on my skin lets me know that, although I am dead on the inside, I can still feel on the outside. I hate that I hurt Reese’s feelings. Dick move on my part.
“You know, you can’t just treat me like you feel nothing for me?” I hear her timid voice from behind. I turn and see that she’s completely drenched. Her long hair is stuck to her face, and her clothes are glued to her perfect body. She get’s closer to me. “I thought about it, Talon. I’m not allowing you to push me away like you do everyone else. The last five years, I’ve watched you... I’ve loved you from a distance.
“You don’t love me, sweetheart. Hell, my own mother didn’t even love me. There’s something wrong with me. Everyone abandons me. I can’t let you love me. I’m broken, and don’t deserve your love.”
“You’re a foolish man, Talon. You are loved so much more than you know,” she says, stepping so close I can smell her lotion that’s mixed with the scent of the falling rain. “Tell me, tell me right now that you don’t feel anything for me,” she says, slipping her shirt over her head. Her tan bra is clinched to her silky skin. I feel my dick jump in my pants.
Fuck me.
Swallowing the lump that’s formed in my throat, I feel my jaw tick. “Reese, I don’t have feelings for you.” The words burn deep in my stomach, as they echo through the night air.
Sliding her sweat pants down her thighs, “Tell me you don’t want me, Talon.” Her pants hit the ground and I see her perfectly trimmed pussy. She slides her hands to the back of her bra, unfastening it, and letting it fall to the ground. Her full breasts are just as I’ve dreamt they would be. Pushing her hair away from her face, she wrings the water from her long locks. “I’m not going to deny it, I want you. I dream about you every night. I want your touch. God, do I want your touch. Tell me...tell me you don’t feel the same.”
“You don’t want me. You deserve so much better.” I wrap my hands in her hair. “I’m damaged, and I’ll only bring you heartache.”
Shaking her head, I see a tear slip down her face. “You’re perfect, kiss me,” she says, as my other hand snakes around her waist. “Please, don’t deny me of this. I need you so bad.”
“Why do you want me,” I ask, as I inhale her scent. God, she’s like pure heaven.
Her shaking hands grab the hem of my shirt, pulling it up, I step back so she can slide it over my head. I watch, as her eyes never leave mine, she tosses my t-shirt to the ground. Her fingers go to my chest and she traces along my breastbone. “You are everything I want. Mind, heart, and brokenness. I want it all. I want a life with you.”
Her hands go to my zipper. I don’t stop her, as she slides it down, sticking her petite hand inside, she can feel how hard I am. She smiles. “I’m going to prove to you, right here, just how much I want you,” she says before kissing my chest, sliding down my body she unbuttons my pants, and sliding them down my wet thighs.
“Right here?” My voice croaks.
“No one is around. Just us and the night sky,” she says as she wraps her hand around my swollen cock. “God, you’re much larger than I imagined.”
I chuckle, “Is that a bad thing,” I ask as I wrap my hands in her hair. “What are we doing?” I sigh.
“I’m going to suck your cock, Talon. Then I want you to make love to me, then tell me how much you don’t want me. You can’t push me away. You think you’re fucked up? Well, love, you don’t know all of me. Sure, I grew up wealthy with lots of family, but it wasn’t the sunshine and unicorns you think it was. Now, shut up so I can suck this beauti
ful cock.”
Did she just refer to my cock as beautiful?
I feel her teeth slide over the head of my dick, and I want to come instantly. Not even an hour ago I was trying to push her away and now she’s getting me off.
Nice, Talon. real, smooth.
Her head bobs up and down my shaft. If she doesn’t slow down, it’ll be over before it even starts. Looking around, I spot a large rock. It’ll be perfect. “Let’s go over here, sweets. I can’t come in your mouth,” I say as I step back, her mouth makes a popping sound as she releases my hard cock. She looks at me confused. “You want me to make love to you, don’t you?” Picking her up, I carry her to the rock, trying not to trip over my pants. I lay her down, pushing our clothes under her head. “My turn,” I say as I place kisses down her sexy body. “You know how I really feel, don’t you,” I ask, not looking at her.
“I do. It’s kind of obvious, but I wanted to hear it from you. All the guys give me shit about you all the time. They know too.”
My mouth waters, wanting to taste her sweetness. Hovering over her heat, my tongue darts to her clit. She writhes under me. Dipping my index finger in her opening, I feel how tight she is. She lets out a moan and I almost come undone. “Fuck, I need to be inside of you.” I breathe. I waste no time, filling her with my cock. She feels like pure fucking bliss.
“Yes.” Her moans feel my ears.
She’s so fucking tight and feels so fucking good. “So good, baby,” I say as my cock pounds in and out of her. “I can’t hold off much longer, you just feel so good, I don’t want to stop,” I say as I bury my head between her breasts.
“Harder,” she moans. “I want all of you,” she whispers, and I know she isn’t just meaning all of me at this moment.
“You got me, Reese. One taste of you ruined me. I can’t deny you now, sweets. I’m yours.”
My pace picks up and my thrusts get harder. I feel my balls tighten as I lose myself inside of her.
There’s no going back to just friends now.
Chapter Five
July 31, 2010
Berlin, Germany
I watch her as she sleeps. It’s been a few weeks since I gave myself to her. Do I regret it? No, but I do pray to God that she never sees what I see in myself. Our mission here is over in two days, and we’re going back to the States. So far it’s been, without a doubt, one of the calmest mission’s I’ve ever been on. Tracing the small freckles that line her cheek, I lean in and kiss her. It feels good to touch a woman again, and to feel a woman’s touch.
“Hey you,” she says as her eyes open, her skin is flushed and her eyes are hooded. “I need coffee.” She yawns.
“Already got us some. We need to get up before someone sees us.” I say and hate that we have to hide our relationship.
“I know, they all knew it was going to happen, but I understand that they can’t find out. Not right now, at least. So...are you going to take a leave with me when we get back? You’re entitled to it; I want you to meet my family. I want to go meet yours. Winter, has emailed me a few times, I think we will get along just fine.”
“Where is home for you,” I ask as I lay my chin on top of her head.
“Where ever you are,” she whispers. “My family lives in Peoria, Illinois. But my home will be the place you and I decide to move.”
“You want to move in with me,” I ask as little shocked.
“Of course, I have lived with you on and off the last five years, I have seen you at your highest and prayed for you at your weakest. I’ve begged God to heal you, to show you that what you needed, was right in front of you. My prayers were answered when you allowed me to love you, not just from a distance.
“I can’t promise you that it will be a fairy tale, but Reese, I do promise that no matter what storms we endure, I will love and protect you till the day I die.”
I watch as she wipes her tears, “Okay, soldier, enough mushy stuff. We have work to do.” Her smile spreads across her face. “But first, I need you to make me come.”
* * *
“Aero, she can stay here. We can do this alone. The three of us can handle the mission,” I say as I feel anger boiling through me. I know that Reese is one of us, but I have a bad feeling about this last mission and I just don’t want her in the crossfire.
“Sorry, Talon, but she is just as capable as the three of us. She signed up for this, and although she is a chick, she has a better aim than most of us. She can fire an AK faster than you.”
Fuck, he has a point. She is damn good at her job.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Reese’s voice booms through the room.
“I was just telling Livingston that you are one of the best to go along on this mission,” Aero states.
Crossing my arms, I huff. “I was telling him that you should stay behind tonight and get ready to head back to the States. Take the night off, read, or catch up on emails.”
“With all due respect, sir, I am capable of doing my job. There’s no need for me to stay in for the night when I can assist with said mission.” The tone in her voice makes me worry, as I know she is in fact not going to sit in tonight, she is going to be right beside of the three of us.
Right in the middle of the action.
“I’m going to make sure the Humvees are ready for tonight and let you two discuss this in private.” Aero exits as quickly as he can.
“You’re not doing this mission, Reese,” I say, sternly.
“The hell I’m not. Look, just because we’re together, doesn’t give you the right to tell me how to do my job. I signed up for this, and I will be fighting alongside you and the other men. You don’t get to tell me what to do, Talon. We can’t allow anyone to see us this close. You know we’ll both get reprimanded.”
“It is going to be dangerous, babe. I...I just can’t have you out there. I have a really bad feeling about it.” Sighing, I run my hand along her cheek. “I love you and I want you to stay safe.”
“I know you do, but you can’t keep me from doing my job. I’ll be fine. We will be fine we’ve fought these battle for years. You and I both know what were doing, and so do the other two men.”
“Promise me you’ll be careful and call on us for anything. And I mean anything.”
“You worry to much, I’ll be fine. Yes, I’ll stay as safe as I can.”
“I can’t wait until this is all over, so I can take you out on a real date, and wake up next to you every morning.”
“Back at you. Come on, we better get ready. Aero and Lesion may have the Humvee loaded with nonsense things.”
* * *
“See you had nothing to worry about, we all managed to be fine,” Reese says as she slides in the Humvee next to me.
“I still can’t shake the feeling that something is going to happen. I am ready to head back to the States. We can head out in the morning.”
“You finally going to take your leave,” Lesion asks.
“Yeah, I haven’t seen my parents in five years.” This is the first time I’ve actually referred to them as my parents.
“Fuck, back up man. I just saw a man throw something,” Lesion says looking behind us. “A Goddamn grenade. Drive, Livingston,” he yells.
“Reese, stay down,” I yell, as I take my hand and push her into the floorboard.
“Stop treating me like I am uncapibale of helping, Talon. Stop the Humvee, I see the man running toward the right.” She grabs her gun and opens the door. I slam the Humvee in park and jump out, chasing her.
“Reese, come on, get back here,” I say, and I see the man lifting his rifle toward her. All I can think about is protecting her, saving her. Shot after shot, ring through my ears as my body covers hers. “I’ll save you, baby.” Is all I can manage to get out before darkness takes over, and all I feel is a burning sensation throughout my body.
Chapter Six
August 7, 2010
Berlin, Germany
Beep... Beep... Beep. I wish like hell these beeping machin
es would just blow the fuck up. I awake every hour or so, to beeping sounds all around me. I’ve been lying in this fucking bed for days now. I want to go home...but where the fuck is that? I listen to her prayers and cries, her begging me to just talk to her. I’m no fucking good for her now. If I thought I was fucked up before, I am worse now. I’m now out of the Army for medical reasons. I have seen this happen to some of my other brothers, but I never thought it would be me lying in the damn bed, waiting for someone to speak to me about therapy.
I just want to leave Germany and go back to Texas, there’s no way I can go back to Missouri, now anyways. My left leg was so damaged they had to amputate it from my knee down. Doctors words, “You’re very lucky, you could have been killed.” Yeah, I am so lucky...I’ve never been the one to rely on folks, and now I am stuck in this fucking bed with all these Goddamn machines.
“Talon, can you hear me?” Reese asks again, for the twentieth time. I nod, and she proceeds. “Please don’t be mad, but they are transporting you back to Missouri. I know that’s not what you wanted, but your family is worried and they will meet us at the hospital there.”
I feel my fist tighten around the white sheets that covers my shameful body. I’m a grown ass man and I can’t even get up and walk to the bathroom. They’ve given me bedpans, fucking bedpans, like I am ninety years old or some shit. “No.” My voice booms through the room. That little two-letter word pisses my girl off more than anything.
“Don’t you no me, mister. You will be going back to Missouri and I am going with you. I’m taking leave. I don’t know when or if I’ll even go back, but I know that I love you and this is kind of my fault that you were injured.”
“Injured? It’s not like I broke my hand, or my nose. I lost my fucking leg. They took me into surgery and cut the motherfucker off, Reese. It can’t be fixed. You need to just leave. I’m not going to Missouri and letting them all see me like this.”