All I Have Left

by Shey Stahl

  It was about time we finished up for the night, mainly because the bottle of tequila that was back stage was now gone, but it was also an hour past the midnight curfew for concerts.

  When we walked off stage, a little tipsy from the tequila shots, I was scooped into a big hug from Ethan for a thank you.

  As he held me, he leaned down to my ear. “Be careful, he’s mad, very mad.” Ethan warned. “I don’t want you leaving with Shane alone.”

  And here comes the concerned brother. I tried to pull away but he pulled me closer. “I. Do. Not. Trust. Him. Period.”

  I really wish it were that simple.

  I just wanted to be with my family and Grayson tonight. I wanted to run to him and never let him go this time. I wanted my life the way it used to be when I was with Grayson, when my life made sense. The only problem is that if I don’t leave with Shane tonight it will cause more problems for me and my mom later. My mother losing her job over my choices was not an option.

  Next thing I know, I was being pulled away by the lunatic himself. I looked back at Grayson, who was talking with Frankie, although his eyes were directly on me. He looked uneasy at the way Shane roughly grabbed my arm, and shot him a vicious glare.

  Most never realized this, but Grayson could be very aggressive when and if he wanted to be. His mood could change in a matter of seconds.

  His expression made me hesitate until Shane reached for me.

  “Jesus, Shane, not so hard,” I gasped at how hard he was grabbing my arm, surely that would be leaving a bruise later. “Let go of me.”

  Grayson was about to come over when Ethan and Frankie stepped in front of him. He pushed passed them slightly before Josh appeared to grab him by the arm. The anger held in Grayson’s eyes evident even in the dark. Whenever Grayson was angry, his eyes would turn from his usual chocolate brown to black. When you saw that color, you knew the wrath of Grayson was coming soon.

  “Come on buddy, we need to catch up,” Josh insisted pulling him away, his arm wrapped around his shoulder.

  Kelly walked off with them as well, turning once to give me a sympathetic smile. It’s been three years since she saw her little brother, too. Grayson turned and punched the wall as they walked away, pausing to glare at Shane who was, in fact, glaring right back.

  Nice, Grayson, I see the temper is still there.

  Shane spun me around to face him, his hands on both my shoulders gripping them tightly as he glared—his dark eyes intense.

  “What the fuck was that, Evie?” he asked. “Who the hell is that guy and why the hell did he have his goddamn hands all over you?” His voice had risen dramatically to the point where he was yelling.

  Everyone turned to stare at us. I shook my head, frustrated and utterly annoyed at that point. Luckily, Ethan and Josh had pulled Grayson far enough away that he didn’t hear Shane yelling at me, or so I’d hoped.

  I hated this. I couldn’t get away from this asshole no matter what.

  First, he is stronger than I am.

  Second, he has on more than one occasion, conveniently reminded me that if I ever broke up with him my mother would lose the landscaping bid with his dad.

  My mother needed the money so I stayed, whether I liked it or not. Hopefully my mom could get another job soon but she enjoyed working for Shane’s father. I doubted that was going to happen, he paid her very well for the work she designed for him. Lawson Landscaping was one of the only landscaping companies around the Pinckard area so they provided most of the contracts to the larger businesses for the surrounding cities as well, consequently making them the most reputable in the area. And, finally, she loved her job.

  “It was just an act for the songs Shane, relax.” I grumbled removing his hands off my shoulders but continued to stand in front of him. “It didn’t mean anything.”

  The field was almost cleared out when he suddenly yelled, “WHO IS THE GUY?”

  I jumped back a little, shocked at how loud he was in front of everyone. Usually Shane kept his anger private.

  “He’s an old friend.” I answered, not wanting to repeat his name in fear that he would realize exactly who Grayson was to me. We all went to high school together; although he was three years ahead of us with Josh and Kelly, but I’m sure Shane wouldn’t remember him or hopefully not put two and two together—prayed actually.

  Knowing their personalities, them not knowing each other was best for everyone.

  Shane knew my best friend growing up was Grayson and though he had an idea for the feelings I had for him, deep down he knew that if Grayson ever returned that I wouldn’t give Shane a second chance. Not that I am now I just can’t figure out what the hell I’m doing. So for now, here I am trying to calm down this insane lunatic before he does something stupid.

  I didn’t think he would know that my Grayson was also the same Grayson who was friends with Josh…Shane’s rival enemy. But Shane’s not stupid by any means.

  Josh and Shane detested each other in high school. Needless to say Josh was raging when he found out I was dating him.

  “That didn’t look like an old friend, Evie. It looked like much more than that to me!” he grabbed my arm pulling me with him to the car while I stumbled through gravel beside him, avoiding the questioning glances of those around us.

  “Tell me who that was,” he pressed again yanking me forward. “Do you have feelings for him? It sure looked that way to me.”

  “Jesus Christ, Shane!” I wriggled out of his grasp. My arm was beginning to burn from his grip, not to mention how many people were now blatantly staring at this ridiculous scene in the parking lot.

  “Lower your voice, Evie,” Shane warned, his eyes on mine. “You’re going to attract attention.”

  “Me? Me lower my voice?” I rolled my eyes as I shook my head. “Yeah, because you screaming and dragging me through a parking lot like a fucking caveman isn’t already doing that.” I spat back at him.

  He continued to glare at me but I wasn’t backing down right then. Maybe it was the tequila talking. “He’s a friend from high school,” I admitted. “I grew up with him so if we want to sing a song together for the sake of my brother’s band I believe I have every right to.” I pushed away from him. “Let go of me. I’m going with my brother tonight!” I said, walking away.

  And I may or may not have been stomping away like a child who was just told they couldn’t have candy for dinner…but at this point can you blame me?

  “Oh no you don’t.” Shane chased after me, his hands reaching for me. “You’re coming with me tonight. You’re mine, or did you forget?” he grabbed onto my shoulder again pulling me back toward his Mustang.

  That pissed me off.

  “Why don’t you just piss on my leg already and mark your territory then,” I growled, crossing my arms over my chest.

  He knew he was overstepping.

  Trying for once to control himself, Shane took a slow deep breath and stepped toward the car, opening the passenger door. My head slammed against the top of the door as he pushed me in. It surprised me, making me dizzy for a second. His roughness always caught me off guard.

  “Sit down.”

  I started to get out as he said the words that he knew would make me stay. He always did.

  He backed away from the car, his palms held up. He gave me that look, the one I knew so well. “Guess I will just have to tell my dad that Kathy needs to look for another job…” his voice faded cocking an eyebrow challenging me.

  What a fucking prick.

  Tell me again why I ever started dating this jackass in the first place?

  Oh right, I remember, it’s because I’m an idiot. Leave it to me to me to go out with any jackass in Pinckard.

  I got in simply out of defeat. He knew it. I knew it.

  Fuck my life, it sucks.

  Shane got in the car after me, the door slamming shut behind him.

  “So, Evie, I’m waiting. Who is he?” he pressed again as he pulled out of the parking lot onto the highw
ay.

  Controlling the sigh that wanted to escape, I knew this was the point I needed to act civilized. “His name is Grayson. I’ve known him since I was four. He left for three years and joined the military. Apparently he’s home for a while. I think. I didn’t really have a chance to talk to him.”

  “Yeah, it didn’t look like talking,” Shane mumbled, his eyes on the road, his chin tucked down. “Were you fuckin’ him back stage?”

  “No. I wasn’t.”

  “What’s his last name?”

  There was absolutely no sense in lying. None. “Gomez.”

  Shane was quiet for a moment before the rage hit him. He slammed his fists into the steering wheel, gripping it forcefully causing his knuckles to turn white.

  He figured it out all right. I just stared out the window, careful not to make eye contact with him.

  “Goddamn it, that’s fucking great, Evie. I knew that guy in high school.” I could see his chest heaving as he breathed, his uncontrollable temper taking over as it did most nights. “He’s that arrogant jackass who played shortstop for the baseball team. I saw you with them all the time. If you think I’m letting you go anywhere with him you’re out of your goddamn mind! He probably just wants to fuck you.”

  If only he knew. The truth was, that did happen. And it was unforgettable heartache. Something I could never ever forget. Never wanted to forget.

  Nothing I could say would make this Shane calm down now, I knew that. I definitely wasn’t going to tell him that I just thought about having sex with Grayson again and how awesome it would be but that was probably not going to happen again. Ever. Grayson left me and surely he wasn’t going to display that type of interest in me. I had always been just Evie to him, the one who was always there for him whenever he needed. His sister’s friend. His friend. I was the one who always remembered that he was allergic to tomatoes and picked them out of everything for him so he didn’t get sick. I was the one who knew that he couldn’t play baseball unless he had his lucky socks, and made sure they were in his bag before every game. I took care of him. That was until he left.

  “Just take me home, Shane. I’m tired.” I rested my head against the window as I stared out at the passing cars, each headlight burning bright. My eyes burned with tears, both from the light and the pain. This was so frustrating.

  Shane gave a muffled laugh. “You’re coming to my house. I don’t want you near Grayson Gomez,” and then his tone changed. “Besides that, after seeing you in this dress,” he groaned slightly, his weight shifting to one side as he leaned into the center counsel. When he placed his hand on my thigh, I knew where that was going. Instinctively I moved my leg further away. “I wouldn’t mind having you alone for a while.”

  He’s fucking deranged if he thinks I’m letting him touch me now.

  “You know if you deny me, it only makes it worse,” he said, giving me that look. “Why do you make me do this?”

  I had no answer for him. I didn’t make him do shit.

  Shane didn’t listen to my objections and instead took me back to his house a little after midnight. He was renting a house about three miles from mine tucked away behind the high school.

  I was so exhausted that I must have fallen asleep on the way because the next thing I knew I was being placed on his bed.

  He sat down next to me and began to take my dress off, kissing my shoulders, then making his way toward my exposed neck. He brought his hand under my chin to lift my face up for a kiss.

  “Shane, stop.” I groaned pushing him off twisting my head to avoid his kiss. “I’m not in the mood right now.”

  “What if I don’t stop? Then what?” his eyes were dark as he hovered over me held up by his extended arms.

  My tired eyes searched his and then the features of his hard face. “Don’t…”

  He blinked and then let out a growl under his breath and sat up balling his hands into fists beside him. “I should just fuck you right now. Show you who you belong to, just in case your teasing ass forgot.”

  I had so much I could have said to him right then. So much I should have said. But I didn’t I could give anyone a piece of my mind but not Shane Lawson.

  “I should just take it.” He said again, coming closer, his hands on the edge of my panties.

  I pushed back again. “Just take me home.” I pulled my dress back down, not that there is much to pull down, but I tried anyway. “Come on, I’m tired.”

  “You know, I don’t think I will,” he said, calmer than I imagined he would be. His mood changed when he looked at his cell phone as it buzzed. I knew exactly who that message was from too. Fucker. “Walk home.” He stood up and proceeded to take his clothes off and get in bed.

  What a tool.

  At least he didn’t hit me. That was a change from the previous nights, and sadly, at least he wasn’t forcing me to have sex with him again.

  As I left, I began to wonder exactly how many gallons of gas it would take to burn his precious custom ’67 Mustang to ashes. The thought had me laughing a little to myself as I put my shoes back on. I really wanted to see his face as the red beast burned.

  Goddamn son of a bitch. As I watched Evie in the arms of another, I felt my whole body tense, my fists clenching in anger. I was pissed at not only the way he was touching her, but the way he looked at her and the way she looked scared to death of him. But then, most of all, mad at myself for leaving her in the first place.

  What in the hell have I done?

  I knew coming back I was setting myself up for this but deep down, I was prepared to a certain extent, but not for this.

  Josh and Ethan lunged for me as I started to walk toward them, scrambling to get a hold of me. It was probably for the better. I had every intention of beating the living shit out of this asshole. I would have too. There’s one thing the last three years had done for me. Empowered me with a physical strength that knew no bounds.

  “Come on, buddy,” Josh coaxed with a nod toward my truck. “We need to catch up.”

  He reached to grab my arm as I roughly jerked away from him. Josh was strong but nothing could control me when I was angry. I flexed my arm away but he grabbed me again. I think he knew right then he would need Ethan’s help to contain me.

  I relaxed a little, not wanting to cause too much of a scene my first night home.

  “Believe me, Grayson, it’s better we let her be right now.” Ethan said, giving me a look I didn’t understand. “For Evie’s sake let’s just please walk away.”

  I could see hesitation in his eyes that he was hiding something, or maybe I didn’t want to believe it. It was a similar pain, the same magnitude that I saw in Evie’s eyes.

  “I promise I will explain later,” he assured me, knowing I wasn’t going to just back down that easily. “Let’s go.”

  That guy with Evie stood there staring me down like I was the devil before they left, and I kept my glare as well. He looked like he was itching to say something or start a fight. I would give it to him too. If he wanted to brawl, then I would, right here.

  But he didn’t. I think he knew he didn’t have a fucking chance in hell against me. Instead he took with him what I knew wasn’t mine anymore. Right then I knew for sure. Shit had changed.

  “Let’s go,” Josh pushed me hard, and I started walking forward toward the cars.

  Maybe to torture myself, I glanced over my shoulder as they pulled me away only to see Evie being dragged. Actually fucking dragged.

  When we got near the bar, I couldn’t help it and punched the side of the building, partly because I had a problem with my anger and the other, well, I wanted him to see I was no one to underestimate. I glanced back at him and saw that he was looking right at me.

  That’s right, asshole, she does mean something to me.

  I could be a tenacious motherfucker when I wanted to be and with Evie, I would always be one. My eyes caught hers for a fleeting moment, just one, before they were gone again.

  “Do you guys mind expla
ining?” I tried to control the anger in my voice but there was no hiding it. I’ve never been very good at that.

  Ethan and Josh exchanged a loaded glance before Ethan shrugged. “Grayson, it’s best we let Evie go with him. For her sake.” Josh unwillingly drug me by the arm.

  I jerked my arm away from him forcefully but continued to walk with them. I didn’t need my hand held for Christ sakes.

  “We’ll explain later,” Frankie muttered jumping on my back. She was in no shape to even be walking at this point, so I carried her to Ethan’s Jeep.

  After buckling Frankie in Ethan’s Jeep, I slid into the driver seat of my Chevy just as Josh got in with me. I assumed this was their way of insuring I didn’t follow Evie, which was probably a good idea. Because I had been planning on it.

  “I’ve missed you, Grayson,” he said, rocking my shoulder, obviously trying to lighten the mood, not helping. “It’s good to see you.”

  “Looks like a lot has changed in three years,” I growled pulling out of the parking lot, a spray of gravel and dirt kicking up in a cloud.

  Josh shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Some things are better left alone if you know what I mean. Causing problems will only cause more for her,” he added, instantly regretting his words, he looked away. He knew this would only make me angrier.

  “Who the fuck is that guy?” Instinctively I gripped the steering wheel preparing myself for what I knew I didn’t, and never wanted, to hear.

  “Who’s who?” He teased, trying to play dumb. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel in anger, letting out a dramatic sigh.

  “Jesus, chill out man!” he laughed.

  “Nothing about this is funny, Josh. Who is he and why is Evie with him?” I was losing my patience fast. “How could you let her be around someone who treats her like that?”

  I was taking it out on Josh, he didn’t deserve it but I was livid. Shitty part was I only had myself to blame right now. He knew that as well.