How The Cookie Crumbles

by Ting, Melanie

  “Wow, Chlo,” I said. “That’s so beautiful.”

  Bianca nodded. Things were shifting a little. Chloë was always a little backwards when it came to guys; she was the one having unattainable crushes or being too awkward to make a good first impression. But now it was like she had leapfrogged over us and was truly in love: a real, committed relationship. Her certainty made me realize that thinking Matt and I would get married had been ridiculous; our relationship had never reached that degree of serene contentment on Chloë’s expressive face.

  “Enough about me, what about you guys?”

  “Bee’s got a new boyfriend, just in time for the holiday season!” I tattled.

  “You make it sound like clothes shopping,” Bianca protested.

  “Isn’t it? You have one boyfriend one week and a different one the next.”

  Bee made a face at me. “It’s not my fault that engineering is full of guys who are desperate and dateless. And by the way, every one of my engineering buddies who sees you wants me to fix him up with you. Well, the confident ones anyway. You’re a little too daunting for the socially-challenged ones.”

  “Sorry, I still haven’t recovered from the date you set me up with in first year. Remember the X-date?” I retorted. The guy had planned this whole theme date. First he took me see The X Files: I Want to Believe which should have been retitled, The X Files: I Want to Leave, and then he had this plan to go to actual locations around the Lower Mainland where The X Files series was filmed. Which would have been oodles of fun for someone who had actually watched the show more than once or twice. I couldn’t even remember his name anymore – something about squirrels.

  “Okay, Alvin was a mistake, but he was the best looking guy in the class, and I knew that’s what you liked,” Bianca explained.

  “I’m pretty sure everyone in engineering has their hotness level go down the minute they issue those pocket protectors,” I replied.

  Chloë cleared her throat to interrupt. “Can I just ask: what about Jake? Didn’t you go to L.A. to visit him?” She was clearly behind the times.

  “Twice, actually,” Bianca offered helpfully.

  “Really? Oh, that’s great! What happened? In Kingston, you were so uninterested.”

  “What do you mean, uninterested?” Bianca asked. Apparently I wasn’t going to have to say anything here, which given the undefined state of our relationship, was fine with me.

  “Well, you know,” Chloë began to blush, “Frankie got along so well with Jake, but she wasn’t, er, attracted to him.”

  “Are you insane? That’s the opposite of what I saw! She could barely say a word to him, but it was clear they could hardly wait to be alone. When he came over, they were generating so much heat, our hydro bill went down,” Bianca declared.

  “What! You slept with Jake and didn’t tell me?” Chloë’s eyes were big to begin with, and now she resembled those Photoshopped cats on greeting cards.

  “They didn’t do any sleeping that night,” Bianca corrected her. I really hated it when they started joining forces like this. They both turned x-ray eyes on me.

  “So Frankie, what’s going on with you and Jake?” Bee smirked, she had been trying to pin me down on this matter for weeks, and now armed with Chloë, it was her chance.

  “Um, I don’t know….” I faltered.

  “Really? Frankie Taylor, whose life is more organized than Martha Stewart’s, doesn’t know the state of her relationship? Does Chloë know you’re going to be living with him?”

  “What?” Chloë fell back onto the couch pillows in a mock faint. “How did I not know this?”

  “It’s not like that! I’m going to have my own bedroom, I’m not living with him, I’m just staying at his place for three months while I do my internship.”

  “Same diff,” Bianca snorted.

  “No, there is a difference. It’s a fine point of distinction that I have to practice before I explain everything to my parents.”

  “Please, back up here!” Chloë demanded. “Let’s start with the most important part, are you going out with Jake now?”

  I sighed. “Well, no. I know I wasn’t attracted to him in the summer, but I when I went to his hockey game here, and he was so different: so intense and into the game. It gave me a whole new impression of him.”

  Bianca snickered. “Yeah, you finally saw him as a hockey superstar and billionaire.”

  “It’s not like that! I finally got to see that he could care about something and really be into it. During the summer, he always seemed like such a slacker, and that’s not attractive to me.” I shook my head; it was tough for me to even get my mind around this. I guess I had liked Jake, but seeing that he could be so accomplished and hardworking was a revelation.

  “So, you’ve been seeing him ever since?”

  “Well, not really. I went to L.A. for a long weekend,” I smiled, remembering what a good time we had had. “Then I found out about this cool internship at the LACMA, and applied. And I got it.”

  “Really?” echoed Chloë, “Um, what is the LACMA, is it like the lactating mothers’ association?”

  “Gross. No, it’s the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.”

  “You forgot the part where you went back to L.A. and lovingly nursed him back to health after his concussion,” Bianca added helpfully.

  “I didn’t realize I had to give a blow-by-blow description of every moment of our relationship,” I retorted.

  “Oh, dirty!” Bianca said, and we all started giggling helplessly. The Mules were working their magic.

  Chloë clapped her hands together, and I remembered that Me + Jake = her dream come true. “Gosh, Frankie, I have to say, this sounds pretty serious. From what Andrew has said about Jake, I don’t think he’s ever had a girl visit him in L.A., and now you’re going to live together.”

  That note of reinforcement made me feel all warm and fuzzy, but only for a moment. “Look, I was a complete idiot when it came to Matt. I thought we were all serious, and the day he broke up with me I thought he was going to propose.”

  “Oh no, Frankie! Really?” Chloë was all sympathy, and looked like she was ready to give me a hug. Bianca looked more like she wanted to kick me in the butt for being such an idiot.

  “Yeah, so given my tendency to jump to emotional conclusions, I’m really trying to take things one step at a time here. Anyway, Jake insisted that we are not in a relationship, so that pretty much settles it.”

  “What? He said that to you?” Bianca demanded.

  “Um, yes. When we talked about my living there, he said he wasn’t ‘into relationships.’”

  Bianca frowned. “That’s pretty conceited. But he’s still into having sex with you?”

  Trust Bee to get right to the point. I tried to explain, to myself as well as to my friends, “I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have to say I think he’s scared. I think that he really does like me but he doesn’t want things to change, in case that screws everything up. It’s not anything he says, but how it is when we’re together.” This was the comforting idea that I had been nursing for the last month.

  Chloë smiled, but Bianca rolled her eyes. “Frankie! You just finished saying that you weren’t going to jump to romantic conclusions and then you’re all, ’Oh he tells me to get lost, but I don’t think he really means it!’ Don’t be a sap.”

  “Am I being a sap?”

  “Yes! He wants to have sex with you, but no commitments. That means he’s out screwing other women too. I told you he was a player. Have you never Googled him?”

  “I did. But it was so negative! People making fun of his play and his weight. He’s not fat!” I had been horrified at the remarks, and I was on an L.A. Kings fan site!

  “Not the hockey part, I mean Jake and women. He’s supposed to be a pump-and-dumper. Puck bunnies don’t care, but you’re different. You get so emotionally involved.”

  “Like nobody’s ever lied on the internet?” I scoffed.

  “Where there�
�s smoke….” Bianca answered.

  “I think Frankie’s right,” Chloë chimed in, and we both looked at her in surprise. “I only know what I saw in Kingston, and I saw a guy who was really into her. Why would that be different now?”

  “Well, for starters, he’s back playing hockey. Back in a situation where girls are throwing themselves at him 24/7,” Bianca said.

  “Well, does he act like a guy who’s interested? Do you guys keep in touch?” Chloë wondered.

  “A little. He texts me once in a while. I text him when I have news or questions about my coming to L.A., but he’s not really good at keeping up.”

  “Strike one,” Bianca said.

  “No, it’s not like he’s ignoring her,” Chlo argued.

  “Okay, let’s start with what we do know. How do you feel about him?” Bianca was funny; she never asked me half this stuff when we were alone, but being with Chloë seemed to make her bolder.

  “I uh, well, I really like him. He’s so much fun and… stuff.”

  “Yes, stuff. Well, we all know what that means. In fact, those of us who live in this apartment got to hear what ‘stuff’ means.” She smirked, and Chloë blushed.

  “It’s more than that though. I mean, you could get sex anywhere,” I hypothesized. Possibly not the kind of otherworldly sex we had, but it wasn’t like I was a sexpert. “I like being with him. He makes me laugh, and I don’t know, I guess he’s unpredictable. I don’t know exactly what he’s going to do or say next. Not in a weird way, in a fun way.” I felt dumb, I kept repeating that he was fun in different ways. But maybe it had to do more with me: I was kind of intense and on-task, so being with someone like Jake was relaxing for me.

  Bianca looked mystified. “I guess he’s got the dough to take you to some fancy places in L.A., right?”

  I shook my head, “Not really, unless In-N-Out Burger counts as a nice place. We go to regular places, and I usually pay for myself — well I offer, anyway. We went to the VIP area of a club once, that was cool. But he has a surprisingly normal lifestyle; even in L.A., he’s pretty much the same as he was in Kingston.”

  “So, he doesn’t take you to nice places or buy you gifts even though he’s loaded. Strike two,” Bianca concluded. “Face facts, Frankie. The guy acts like an egotistical superstar and not boyfriend material.”

  “That’s because you’re so into hockey and you think of him as a big hockey star,” Chloë piped up. “If you had met him in Kingston, the way Frankie and I did, you’d realize that he is a regular guy. A really nice guy.”

  “I don’t think it’s possible for someone to make that much money, be a hockey superstar, and be normal. But why not ask the expert? Frankie?”

  “You’re both right,” I said, and they didn’t look too impressed at my equivocating. Jake was a regular guy at heart, but Bianca was right, you couldn’t leave home at 15, join the NHL at 18, and still turn out completely normal. Jake took luxuries for granted, like expensive homes and nice cars. And there was something a little twisted about his attitude towards women; he was nice to me, but I got the feeling that getting women came so easily to him that it was another thing he didn’t fully appreciate.

  “Wait, he did give us hockey tickets,” I remembered. And I had found out he had to pay for them.

  “And he gave you his jersey, so it must be serious,” Bianca snorted.

  “Yes, and I was only one of a thousand people in Staples Center wearing one.”

  “I’m sure he didn’t give them all jerseys,” Chloë giggled, ever hopeful that two best friends were dating two best friends.

  “Only the good-looking women,” Bianca joked. I laughed along, but inside I felt my stomach flip. Jake definitely had an eye for attractive women. Strike three.

  47. Christmas Cheer

  When Rex and I finally went home for Christmas holidays, I had a whole bad news, good news scenario in mind. Three months without me in town, but they’d get Rex instead! Okay, maybe it was bad news, bad news. I waited until after dinner, so we were all in a good mood. Unfortunately, this also meant that the whole family was sitting around the table adding their two cents to the subject. I managed to answer the big questions on how exactly I was going to graduate (late, but this year after summer session), what I would get from the internship (work experience and a better understanding of what I wanted to do after graduation), and how this would affect my grad school plans (not at all).

  “What I don’t understand is why Los Angeles and not the Vancouver Art Gallery?” my dad wondered.

  “Dad, it’s more prestigious to work at a big American museum. It will actually help me get work in Canada in the long run if I have the LACMA on my resumé.”

  “So Frances, you met this Beatrice woman when you had your California museum field trip in the fall?” Okay, I had lied about why I went to Los Angeles the second time. I couldn’t tell my parents I was skipping classes to look after Jake. “And she’s going to be the one you’re staying with?”

  I couldn’t lie about a three-month stint. And besides it would be just like my parents to drop in. They had good friends with a place in Palm Springs.

  “Actually, I’m staying with a friend I met in Kingston, who has a townhouse there.”

  “Who is this friend?” my mother asked.

  “Uh, Jake,” I said. Too bad he didn’t have some gender-neutral name.

  “Jake is a boy’s name,” my mom pointed out, in case I hadn’t noticed. “So, who exactly are you going to be living with?”

  Why was I suddenly feeling sixteen years old? “It’s Jake Cookson.” The name meant nothing to my mom or grandmother, but my dad stared and Allan and Glen both dropped the phones they were secretly texting on.

  “Jake fucking Cookson!” said Allan.

  “Allan! Language!” said my mother.

  “Sorry Mom, but Franny, are you kidding me?” Allan was pumped.

  “No, I told you he was my friend when I got back after the summer.”

  “Yeah, but I thought that was a friend, like maybe he’d say hi if he tripped over you, not like a friend that lets you stay at his place for three months. Say, is this like a romance or something? Are you dating him? Tell me you are, and you can get me game tickets!” The last time Allan was this excited, a big screen TV had just been installed in our rec room.

  I shook my head. “No. No way. No tickets, no romance.” This was the tack I had decided to take, so I could claim that the relationship began when we lived together, rather than having to break all the news to my parents at once. Since I couldn’t even define our relationship to my best friends, I wasn’t going to try with my parents.

  Allan frowned. As did my mom, and then she spoke up. “I don’t know, I don’t think you should be living alone with a man. And he’s a hockey player. That’s not right.”

  “Actually, he lives with another guy. So we’re not alone.”

  “Who’s the other guy?” wondered Glen.

  “Lucas Dominick.”

  “Luke fucking Dominick!” said Allan.

  “Allan! I warned you before. You’re not too old to spank, you know,” said Mom.

  “Mom, I think I am too old to spank.” He was 16 and almost a foot taller than her.

  “Being impertinent will not get you anywhere. Go to your room.” Allan rose reluctantly. “And leave your phone here.” He grimaced and left the dining room, mouthing, “I want tickets” at me behind Mom’s back.

  “Frances, I don’t like this. You living with two men that we don’t even know, there will probably be parties and shenanigans.” Only my mom would use a word like that, making me think of leprechauns doing the limbo.

  Glen spoke up. “They’re hockey players, not criminals. They’re rich and famous! They could have any girl in Hollywood, Mom. Why would they pick Franny?” This kind of insult was how my bros always helped me.

  “Joanna,” my granny interrupted, and my mother looked over at her. “At Frankie’s age, I was already married and pregnant. Let her go
and have some adventures. She’s a good girl with good sense, and she’ll be fine.”

  My mom looked at her and then at my dad. I could tell there would be a lot more questions, but I think I had won the battle. “Well, if everyone else is okay with this….” Nobody said anything else. My mom went to the kitchen to make herself a comforting cup of tea. Glen and my dad went downstairs to see what other hockey player buddies of mine might be on TV.

  “Thanks, Granny,” I said, giving her a hug.

  “That’s okay, dear,” she twinkled up at me, “but tell me, is he a hottie?”

  Jake

  The box arrived just before Christmas with this note:

  Jake,

  Just thinking about you. Hope you have a nice Christmas and I’ll see you in January.

  Frankie

  Since Frankie left, she had sent me three care packages. The first one was brownies, a get-well thing that she had mailed before she came, but it took ages to get here. The second one was these cake pops she sent for my birthday. And the third one was today.

  I looked inside, there was a box neatly wrapped in Christmas paper with a matching bow. And there was a tin with reindeer on it; I opened it and looked inside. It looked like chocolate chip cookies, but I knew what this really meant. Commitment.

  “Fuck me,” I said to Domer.

  “Waff?” He already had a mouthful of cookie.

  “I knew it! I told her, but she’s not listening to me. This proves that if Frankie comes and lives with us, it’ll be this big fucking deal.”

  “What are you talking about? These are just cookies. Good ones too, almost as good as my mom’s.”

  “They’re commitment cookies! Feel this,” I handed him the gift.

  “Uhhhh.” He handed it back to me with a WTF expression on his face.