Tudor Rubato

by Jamie Salisbury

  “Yes, of course. I’ll be ready. Have you talked to your mother yet?”

  “She was the one who called me. She was putting up a good front, but you know she’s devastated.”

  “I know. She loved your father very much.”

  We ended our conversation a few minutes later. I put the phone back in its cradle. Walking over to the closet I took out my carry-on bag and began packing before getting myself ready for what was no doubt going to be a long day. This was not how I expected to reconcile with my husband.

  ******

  The limo took me on the long trek to the airport. When I finally arrived, I quickly hopped the stairs to the plane. Amadeus was pacing the floor waiting on me. Seeing me in the doorway, he rushed over and hugged me hard. I reciprocated, holding onto my husband for the first time in months.

  “I’m here baby,” I whispered in his ear. “I’m here.”

  He didn’t say a word. When we let go of one another I noticed how haggard he looked. He hadn’t shaved. Which while not uncommon for him, it added to his look of anguish. Finally, I pulled away from him, knowing we needed to get ourselves ready for the trip.

  “Come, I’m sure the pilot is under a time frame. Let’s sit down and get buckled in.” I took his hand and led him toward two high back leather seats. Amadeus took the one next to the window and I sat in the one closest to him instead of across from him. I could sense he needed me close. He grabbed my hand and held on to it and looked out the window. Neither of us said a word. One of Peter’s cabin attendants smiled as she walked by, checking to make sure we were belted in our seats.

  “I have a couple of options for breakfast I’ll go over with you and Mr. Tudor once we’re airborne and leveled out at our cruising altitude,” she informed me, smiling as she walked off to her seat.

  “That will be great Madge.”

  I remembered the young woman from a previous flight Amadeus and I had taken on Peter’s plane. I watched her walk down the aisle and out of sight.

  Amadeus was still looking out the window with a blank stare on his face. I squeezed his hand as I leaned back in my seat. The plane started to power up and move toward the runway. I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed the back of it. He turned his head away from the window and glanced at me. Through all his hurt I could see my Amadeus in there. I covered his hand with my other hand and smiled at him.

  He leaned over toward me and with his remaining hand placed it on my cheek and drew me to him. His mouth slanted over mine as he ardently began to kiss me. He didn’t have to force anything as I willingly opened my mouth to accept his probing tongue. We explored each other fervently until the plane suddenly lurched forward as it powered up, heading down the runway.

  “It’s good to see you too Amadeus,” I commented as I rubbed his cheek with my hand, and smiled at him. “I just wish it was under happier circumstances.”

  “You came, Zara. That’s all that matters. Thank you.”

  “You’re my husband, Amadeus, first, and foremost, regardless of our issues. I love you and I love your family.”

  “That’s one of the reasons I love you, Zara.” He leaned back over my way and kissed me lightly on the lips. “How long are you planning on staying?”

  I felt confused, slapped in the face and loved all in one instant. I knew what he was talking about. “I’m here to stay Amadeus. I told you, the deal in New York was out of my control.”

  “I know. I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right. I haven’t slept.”

  “Don’t. You don’t have to explain yourself. I’m here and we’ll get through this together. And we’ll help your mother as much as she’ll let us.”

  “You’re right about Mother. She’s going to try to be quite stoic I imagine.”

  “True, but I imagine she’s in total shock right now. No one saw this coming.”

  “No, no one did. Zara. When all this funeral and family stuff is over, can we discuss what we talked about? Figuring out where we want to move?”

  “Of course we can,” I replied, squeezing his hand. “And we don’t have to wait. Have you thought some about Peter’s offer?”

  “Yes and I think it’s perfect.”

  “Scotland, huh? I like it. Edinburgh is a beautiful old town.”

  “We could move, without having the burden of finding someplace to rent.”

  “It would allow us to concentrate on us, and if we decide we want to stay we can explore the option of perhaps buying our own place.”

  “There’s always Malibu, you know. It’s not off the table. I just thought Scotland would put us somewhere farther away, where we wouldn’t have to worry about people dropping in.”

  “Hmmm, yes perhaps. It depends on what you want to do. I know you want to go back to work. We’ll explore both options, okay? But I think Peter’s farm in Scotland is it.”

  “Yes. Either is fine with me, Zara, as long as we’re together. That’s the most important thing to me.”

  “Me too.”

  Madge reappeared pushing a beverage cart. Amadeus and I both sat back up. I knew I could use some caffeine.

  “Have you got any espresso, Madge?” I asked. One or two shots of that should keep me going for the remainder of the trip.

  “No ma’am. I’m afraid it’s either black coffee or tea.”

  “Then black coffee it is.”

  “Mr. Tudor?” She addressed Amadeus, as she poured me a cup of hot black coffee.

  “Coffee is fine, Madge, and black.”

  She passed us both our coffee before rattling off what was available for breakfast. We both settled on fruit and croissants.

  ******

  When we arrived in Seattle it was early afternoon and overcast. Typical Seattle weather…drizzling rain faced us when we disembarked Peter’s plane. Angus met us in his SUV at the plane. He and Amadeus hugged each other before stowing our luggage in the back of the vehicle. I silently noted that he all but ignored me. I rode in the back seat and listened to Angus tell Amadeus what had happened to their father. How Grace was doing, as well as the rest of the family. He finally pulled up in front of our building and parked to help Amadeus with our stuff.

  “I’ll see you two over at Mother’s for dinner. Try to get there early, around five. It’s just going to be immediate family. Dad’s family won’t start arriving until tomorrow morning.”

  “We’ll see you then, Angus,” I replied, eyeing him as I followed Amadeus into the building. I felt a cold chill run through me at the thought of what the detective and I had discussed earlier in London.

  We rode up the elevator in silence. Amadeus was running on pure adrenaline—he hadn’t slept at all on the plane. Knowing him as well as I do I knew he’d go until his body no long could.

  I followed him down the hall to our bedroom and took the bag I held into the bathroom. I left the bag in front of the long counter and walked back into the bedroom. Amadeus was not where I left him seconds ago. I walked out into the hallway and heard him softly talking to his mother. I felt awkward, not knowing what to do. I felt pulled between allowing him to have this very private moment between him and his mother, or joining him to try and comfort him. Walking into the den, I saw him leaning against the wall of windows. He spotted me and motioned me to join him. I walked over in his direction and wrapped my arms around his waist. He pulled me tightly against him with his free arm.

  Before I knew it he handed me the phone after telling his mother I wanted to speak to her. I knew I had to have had an odd look on my face as he passed the phone to me. He held on to me, his chin resting on the top of my head. I could tell he was fighting back tears.

  “Hello Grace.”

  “Zara, it’s so good to hear your voice, dear. I can tell Amadeus is having a hard time with all of this, isn’t he?”

  “Yes,” I replied. “Is there anything we can bring this evening?”

  “No, nothing at all. I just want you and Amadeus to come, that’s enough.”

  “Well, we’ll be th
ere around five.”

  “Good. I look forward to seeing you both. Zara, why don’t you go take care of him now. He needs you. I’ll see you in a while.”

  “Okay Grace, I will,” I replied, before adding, “Grace I am so sorry. William was a wonderful man.”

  “Yes, yes he was. Now, go see to Amadeus and I’ll see you two shortly.”She hung up before I could say anything else.

  Amadeus bent down and began kissing me, then whispered in my ear, “I need you Zara.”

  “Oh Amadeus,” I choked out. “I need you too.” I took his hand and guided us back to our bedroom.

  His touch, just something as simple as his touch was like a fire. A fire that burned me down to my soul, and I had no control over the feelings they ignited. I arched under him as his fingers found their way to my breasts. The nipples hardened more as he rubbed each one between his thumb and forefinger. His fingers traced their way down to my stomach, leaving a searing sensation as he moved lower. I heard myself moan as I felt him insert a couple of his fingers in and then out of me as his thumb rubbed against my clitoris. I was totally at his mercy as he withdrew his fingers and replaced them with his hard cock. This is the first time we have been together since before the baby, before his accident, and it is obvious. We make love hard, almost animalistic. Amadeus withdrew and flipped me over on to my stomach, steadying me by holding on to my hips with one hand and thrusts so deep inside me, there is nothing but our skin on skin between us. With his other hand he rubbed my clitoris as I met his thrusts until we both tip the edge and fall over into ecstasy. He laid on top of me, still a part of me, the two of us breathing heavily. Slowly he withdrew, still erect and held on to me as he tightly embraced me.

  Throughout our lovemaking we stayed relatively silent, each knowing the other.

  “I’ve missed this so much baby.”

  “So have I. I love you Amadeus.” I rubbed his chest, as I enjoyed the simple pleasure of being with him.

  “Zara, I love you. I’m sorry for everything. Please don’t leave me like that again. I couldn’t stand being apart from you.”

  “Hmmm, I couldn’t handle being apart from you either,” I replied. “I hate to say it, but I guess we need to think about getting up and getting ready to go to your mother’s.”

  “I know. You’re right. But don’t think I’m finished with you. I still have a lot of catching up I want to do.”

  I rolled away from his embrace and sat up on the bed, gazing at him. “Why don’t you go take a shower first. I’d suggest we take one together, but I’m afraid we’d be quite late getting out of here.”

  “Ah, you don’t trust me to let you go first? Afraid I’ll sneak in with you?” He grinned wickedly at me. “And you’d be right.” He rolled his legs over the side of the bed and stretched his long frame. He bent over toward me and kissed me before making his way to the shower.

  ******

  We had both gotten quiet as we arrived at the house. From the amount of vehicles accumulated, it was obvious everyone was there. Amadeus helped me out of the SUV, kissing me as he shut the passenger door. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we walked toward the house. I snaked my arm around his waist and hugged him.

  “You’ll be fine. Just take a deep breath.”

  “I’ll just be glad to get this over with. It’s just seeing Mother for the first time. I don’t know what to say to her Zara.”

  “I told you—it’ll come naturally. You’ll see.”

  Just as we walked up the front steps, Grace opened the door. She looked as if she hadn’t slept with dark circles under her eyes. Her eyes were red and swollen. She had obviously been crying recently. But being Grace, she was meticulous, not a hair out of place, her clothes and make-up perfect.

  “Amadeus, Zara, come.” She put her arms around Amadeus and hugged him, then wrapped her arms around me and did the same. “I’m so grateful to Peter for getting you both here so quickly.”

  “He sends his condolences, Mother. He said he’d love to come for the wake, but is sure you’d understand why he won’t. He’ll see you soon though.”

  Grace nodded her head, taking her son by the hand, leading us into the house.

  Inside the large family room all the siblings gathered. The grandchildren were outside playing for the most part or in William’s office on the computer or watching the TV. Damien saw us enter the room and stood up and surprised us both by walking without assistance towards us.

  “Little brother, Zara, it’s good to see you both. Together.”

  “It’s good to see you too Damien.” I heard Amadeus tell his oldest brother. Damien had been through a lot physically. He had suffered a stroke and was just now coming back into his own. It was still unknown as to whether or not he’d ever return to the stage.

  I looked around for Angus and found him sitting off to the side of the room-observing everyone and what was going on. I quietly excused myself to join the women in the kitchen.

  ******

  We spent the following morning alone, by ourselves. Amadeus woke me up early, before it was even light wanting to make love. It was like we had to rediscover each other, like we couldn’t get enough of each other. Finally I got up and made us some coffee and sent Amadeus down the street to a bakery to pick us up something to eat. The kitchen was pretty bare with neither of us having been home. I knew I needed to go through the cupboards and take an inventory, but right now I wanted to catch up with my husband, knowing that over the course of the next week we would not have much time alone, except here at our own place.

  That was exactly how we spent most of the day. Alone together. By mid afternoon however, we were receiving phone calls from various family members.

  ******

  The evening of William’s wake was a sea of people, both familiar and not. William’s siblings, the two remaining sisters had flown in from England for the service with their spouses. In addition there was a mass of people who knew either William and Grace or one or all of their children. It was hard to keep everyone straight. Amadeus tried to stay close, but there seemed to be someone always calling him away from me. I found myself still overly protective of him. After what had happened to him and all he’d been through I was wary of strangers, especially people who were strangers to me. But since my conversation with the detective in London, a stranger might not be who I needed to be wary of around Amadeus.

  I noticed an attractive brunette approach Amadeus on more than one occasion that evening. There were usually other people with Amadeus when she came up. He obviously knew her by his reaction, and what I considered her way too familiar gestures with him. She touched him in ways I considered inappropriate.

  Angus, seeing me on my own walked to my side. He had evidently observed what I was watching transpire between Amadeus and the brunette. I turned away and faced Angus.

  "That brunette who would be all over Amadeus if it weren’t for the fact that we’re at a wake for your father.”

  “Zara, I’m going to give you some advice. For Amadeus’ sake, don’t go there. He’s having a hard enough time dealing with our father’s death. He doesn’t need your neurotic bull shit.”

  “My neurotic what? So, what you’re telling me Angus, is that I’m suppose to just sit here quietly and watch whoever that bitch is openly flirt with my husband, and put her hands all over him, at your Father’s wake. And I’m being nice in how I phrase things.”

  “Don’t do anything stupid Zara. You’ll only make matters worse, and embarrass yourself.”

  “Don’t tell me how to act where my husband is concerned, and stop protecting her. You’ve yet to tell me who she is. What I would like to know is why,” I hissed at him, turning on my heel and walking in the direction of where Amadeus was.

  As soon as I reached him I wedged myself subtly between him and the brunette, giving her a death stare as I did. Amadeus, oblivious that I had seen anything or that he even thought anything was inappropriate, put his arm around my waist. He kissed me on the chee
k as he made introductions.

  When he came to the brunette I did an Oscar award winning performance in front of Amadeus and all those around us.

  “Amber,” I repeated after Amadeus made the introductions, getting to her last. I’d never met anyone named Amber before and the only ones I had heard of were not of the type I would have wanted myself, let alone my husband to associate with.

  I was about to casually start up a conversation with her when Angus moved in and whisked her away. Now I was really curious. Who was she and why was Angus being so fiercely protective of her. And why didn’t he want me talking to her?

  Amadeus and I stood chatting with a couple of his English cousins with whom I remembered Amadeus had an on-going relationship with. When Angus reappeared, I whispered in Amadeus’s ear, asking him if we could walk over to the bar and get something. We excused ourselves, leaving Angus to entertain their foreign cousins.

  Leaning against the bar, Amadeus ordered me a glass of red wine while he got himself a shot of whiskey and a beer.

  “Thanks for the idea, love. I owe you. I’d been wondering how exactly I could excuse us without seeming rude.”

  “You’re welcome, and you don’t owe me. You looked like you were getting restless.”

  I spotted Amber out of the corner of my eye retreating into the ladies room. I decided I had a perfect opportunity to corner her without Angus’ interference.

  “I need to use the ladies room. You don’t mind waiting here for me?” I asked as I leaned up and kissed him.

  “No, I’ll be right here, love. Don’t be too long.”

  I entered the large tiled bathroom. There appeared to be no one else inside. I propped myself against the wall next to the row of sinks waiting for Amber. She wasn’t too surprised to see me when she walked up to one of the sinks and turned on the water.

  “So Amber, who are you and why is my brother-in-law so determined to keep us from speaking?”

  She gave a condescending sort of smile in my direction before looking back down at her hands. “You don’t know?”