Running from Romeo

by Diane Mannino

  “For one we all don’t have a Mr. and Mrs. Smith who magically appear and clean our dishes and keep our refrigerators fully-stocked.”

  “Good point, Miss King.” He grins and then rises from his stool and clears the counter.

  “Well, since I can’t convince you to play hooky, you ready to go?”

  “I have another word to add to your description list.” I say as I stand.

  “Oh?” He lifts an eyebrow.

  “Tenacious.” I smile and pause. “Have you seen my shoes and purse?”

  “I was hoping you’d forget them so that would guarantee you’d come back.” He teases.

  “You just have to invite me.” I smile. “I think I left them by the couch when you were trying to get me tipsy.”

  I glance in the direction of the sofa and spot my things. When I return, Logan is leaning against the counter. He is far too good-looking.

  “I really had a good time. Thank you.” I smile.

  “I had a good time, too.” He takes my hand and then leads me to the car.

  “Hi.” I say when I return home. Bryn is in the kitchen on her laptop.

  “Hi! You’re here!” She jumps up when she sees me. She’s wide-eyed and anxious. She grabs my face in her hands. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine – actually good. Really good.” I smile.

  “You did it! Didn’t you?” She says in a shocked tone. “Tell me everything!”

  “No, we didn’t.” I mumble.

  “I just figured because you said really good that’s what you were referring to. I have to say I’m relieved you didn’t because I still don’t trust him.” She pauses. “What did you do all night?”

  “We talked.” I smile.

  “Talked? All night?” She scratches her head and furrows her brows.

  “Pretty much.”

  “That’s interesting. He didn’t try to?” Bryn asks. She can’t hide her confusion.

  “Well, we kissed and I told him I wanted to take things slowly.” I know Bryn wants all the details but I have to get ready for work soon or I’m going to be late.

  “He agreed?” She asks in shock.

  “Yes. Can we talk about all of this later? I have to be at work by ten.”

  Bryn looks at the clock on the oven. “I’ll drive you. You need to change?”

  “I’ll go change and then you can drive me since I know you aren’t done with your interrogation.” I smile.

  In a moment, I’m in cutoff denim shorts, a cream-colored sweater and havaianas. I throw my hair up into a loose top knot bun. We are in Bryn’s black Mini Cooper and the interrogation continues.

  “And you still like him?”

  “Yes. I really like him.” I smile.

  “You think you might sleep with him?” She quickly glances at me and then looks back at the road.

  “Well, I actually did sleep with him.” I giggle.

  “Don’t be smart with me.” She playfully pokes me in my arm. “You know exactly what I mean. I’m just looking out for your best interests.” She smiles.

  “I know.”

  “So?”

  “Maybe.”

  “I’m all for taking it slow.” She pauses and then says, “Logan gets around. I know you like him – really like him. But I just don’t want you to end up being just another notch on his belt.”

  “That’s a horrible thing to say, Bryn.” I frown.

  “Sorry. I’m just looking out for you.” She says in a matter of fact tone.

  “You really think he’s like that?”

  “You obviously know him better than I do. I just know how guys can be, especially guys like him – most have sex on the brain.”

  “You think Logan is one of them?”

  “If the shoe fits…” Bryn shrugs. “Listen, I know I sound like a broken record. Maybe he feels differently about you than other girls. The fact that he slept with you and didn’t have sex with you speaks volumes. I just want you to be careful.”

  She slowly pulls the car into the lot behind Spyder. The clock on the dashboard flashes 9:59AM. I made it just in time.

  “Thanks for the ride and the warnings.” I smile.

  “You know I love you, Emilia. I don’t mean to sound all doom and gloom. I just want you to be careful. I’m happy you are taking it slow and I’m even happier that he agreed.” She gives me a quick hug before I jump out of the car and into the store.

  When I walk in the back entrance Mr. and Mrs. Sutton warmly greet me. I look at them and it’s the first time I realize how much they look alike. Some say that married couples often start to look like each other when they’ve been married for so many years.

  Mr. and Mrs. Sutton definitely fit the bill. They are in their mid-fifties with blue eyes, tanned skin, and long wavy hair. They look like they grew up on the beach together. Since they own a surf shop that’s probably not too far from reality.

  “Hi, Emilia. Nice to see you.” They say in harmony. Boy, they have been married a long time. They look alike and talk alike.

  “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Sutton. Nice to see you too.” I smile.

  “We’re unpacking another new shipment. You mind opening the register and turning on the iPod? The front door is already open.” Mr. Sutton asks.

  “No problem.” I start to walk to the front of the store.

  “Just holler if it gets too crazy.” Mrs. Sutton shouts.

  The morning is quiet with just an occasional customer but by noon the store starts to get busy. Mrs. Sutton comes to the front of the store to help at the register while I assist customers on the floor. I’m at the front of the store when I notice Tyler.

  “Hi, Emilia.” He’s grinning at me and I smile back at him.

  “Hey. How are you?”

  “I’m great. I was just in the area and thought I’d stop by and say hi.” He nervously mutters.

  “Hi.” I try and suppress a giggle because I can’t help but notice the awkwardness of this conversation.

  I glance around the crowded store and that’s when I see that Logan is standing behind me. When did he walk in? He looks gorgeous in a black hooded sweatshirt and khaki shorts. I smile at him but he doesn’t return my smile.

  “Tyler, have you met, Logan? Logan this is Tyler.” I say trying not to sound too awkward.

  They both nod at each other and size each other up. Could this be anymore awkward?

  “You coming tonight?” Tyler asks me. I notice his nervous glance in Logan’s direction.

  “Tonight?” I ask with my brows furrowed.

  “My band is playing at Soho.”

  “Oh, sure. Bryn and I will be there.” I think she mentioned something about it earlier in the week.

  “Great. I’ll see you later.” Tyler grins and looks towards Logan, “Nice to meet you.” Then he heads out the door.

  “See you.” I say. I turn and look at Logan. “You planning on going to Soho?”

  “Your boyfriend didn’t ask me.” His tone is cold.

  “He’s a friend and I’m inviting you.” I say really hoping that he will join us.

  “Emilia, you are a fool if you think that boy just thinks of you as a friend. I just sat here and watched him. He’s like a love sick puppy.” He sounds exasperated.

  I scowl at him and turn to the register. I see Mrs. Sutton glance at me with an amused look on her face. Great. Logan thinks I’m a fool and Mrs. Sutton is laughing at me.

  “Sorry. I shouldn’t have called you a fool.” He tries to stifle a laugh. “What I meant to say is that you are utterly absurd.” He starts to laugh.

  “You think you’re funny?” I tease because it’s hard to stay mad at him when he’s being so playful.

  “I am funny.” He smirks. “I’m funny and I’m right – that, boy…”

  “Tyler.”

  “Yes. Him. He wants in your pants.” He gazes down at me. “He wants in your denim shorts.” He smirks.

  I roll my eyes at him. “You can think whatever you want. But we are just frie
nds.”

  “A friend who wants in your pants.” He teases.

  “Are you going to stop now? I do have to work.” I smile.

  “Is that what you’re doing? Looks like you are just eye candy for some horny customers.”

  “Present company included?” I lift an eyebrow at him.

  “Good point.” He grins. “You trying to give me a message with this song?”

  I don’t know what he’s referring to until I stop and focus my attention to the iPod that plays overhead. I listen to the lyrics of Matt Nathanson’s “Faster.”

  You’re so delicious

  you’re so soft

  sweet on the tip of my tongue

  You taste like sunlight

  And strawberry bubble gum

  you bite my lip

  you spike my blood

  you make my heart beat faster

  own me, you own

  you rattle my bones

  you turn me over and over

  ‘til I can’t control myself

  make me a liar

  one big disaster

  you make my heart beat faster

  it’s the way you swell, slow

  pushing right out your seams

  It’s the way you smile, baby

  When you’ve got me on my knees

  Your all night noise

  Your siren howl

  You make my heart, beat, faster…

  “I taste like strawberry bubble gum?” I smirk.

  “You know I’m referring to the faster part. Don’t play coy with me.”

  “You agreed.” I whisper.

  “Can’t blame a guy for trying.” He gives me a wicked grin. I wonder how long he will put up with taking it slow. Probably not long.

  “Did you just come in here to give me a hard time?” I smile.

  “I actually came into buy something unlike other people who just come here to gawk.”

  “Oh. What do you need?”

  “Need? Well I can think of a couple things but right now just some sex wax. I’m all out.” He says nonchalantly.

  “Seriously?” I ask amused.

  “Yes. Do you doubt my surfing abilities?” His look is unreadable.

  “Surfing or tea bagging?” I tease.

  “Excuse me?” He laughs.

  “Tea bagging is when a rookie surfer sits out on the waves – just bobbing up and down – acting like they are anticipating the perfect wave to surf but they never actually do it. Tea bagging.” I giggle.

  “Is that your definition of tea bagging? Hmm. Well, I’m only aware of another definition and it has nothing to do with surfing. Maybe you should Google it and then you might not be giggling.” His eyes flash with a wicked gleam. I have no doubt that his definition is something sexual.

  “Well, let me ring up that wax for you.” I say as I move toward the register.

  Mrs. Sutton is staring at Logan. Her eyes are nearly popping out of her head.

  “Logan, this is Mrs. Sutton. Mrs. Sutton, this is Logan.” I smile.

  Logan puts his hand out to shake her hand. She can barely contain herself. She’s like a giddy teenager.

  “Nice to meet you Mrs. Sutton. Emilia has told me wonderful things about you.” Logan smiles.

  Mrs. Sutton giggles. “Oh. Please call me Rosemary.” Ugh. Really?

  “Rosemary. I just need to buy some sex wax.” He whispers. He’s teasing her.

  She immediately giggles again.

  “Ahem.” I clear my throat to interrupt this nonsense. “That’ll be two dollars.” I say as I hand him the sex wax – which resembles a circular bar of soap or a hockey puck.

  “Thank you, Emilia. Rosemary.” He breathes as he takes the bar of wax.

  Mrs. Sutton is practically foaming at the mouth. I look at her and roll my eyes.

  “Bye Logan.” I dismissingly say to him.

  “Bye, baby. Don’t forget to Google tea bagging.” He winks and heads out the door.

  Mrs. Sutton has finally picked her jaw up off the floor. “Sweet Jesus, Emilia. You’ve got two boys who are completely smitten with you. Tyler is hot but Logan! I can’t even think straight after staring at all that gorgeousness.”

  “Kind of obvious, Rosemary.” I tease.

  “You know we always tell you to call us by our first names. You are the one who chooses to be so formal.” She smiles.

  “I know. I’m just teasing. You really think they are both smitten with me?”

  “Isn’t it obvious to you?”

  “Not really.” I say.

  “You’re going to break that poor boy Tyler’s heart. I can tell you think of him as a friend, right?”

  “Yes. I’m hoping he thinks of me the same way.”

  “You can hope all you want but that won’t change the way he feels about you.” She smiles. “It’s obvious it’s Logan that gets you hot and bothered.”

  I giggle. “Mrs. Sutton, can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure, sweetie.” She smiles.

  “Well, do you think all guys care about is sex?” I say and blush.

  “That’s probably in their top three.” She laughs. “Why? What’s bothering you?”

  “Bryn thinks that’s all guys care about. She’s worried that’s all Logan is after – you know just making me another notch on his belt.”

  “I can tell you this. Men are complicated but I watched the way he looked at you and he seems pretty head over heels. Just take it slow and if he tries anything that you don’t want him to do just give him the jugular notch back off.” She smiles.

  “That sounds painful.” I say with interest.

  “It is honey and it’s supposed to be. My dad is ex-Army and when he retired he opened a self-defense studio. I used to help him run it. Would you like me to show you some moves?”

  I smile. This sounds like fun. “Sure.”

  Mrs. Sutton turns towards the back of the store, “Sam, can you come and help me with a demo?”

  Reluctantly, Mr. Sutton approaches us. “Jeez. You want to do a demo now? Here in the store?”

  “There are no customers and Emilia needs a quick tutorial. Come on honey, it’ll be fun.” She winks at him.

  “Fun for who?” He looks mirthless.

  “Alright so the jugular notch back-off is the first move I’ll teach you.” She places her body in front of Mr. Sutton’s body. “So say your attacker attempts to ‘hug’ you from the front.” Mr. Sutton rolls his eyes and flops his arms out.

  “Come on, Sam. You need to look somewhat fierce.” She teases.

  “Grrrr – How’s that?”

  Mrs. Sutton ignores him. “So what you do is you use two fingers – usually your pointer and middle, with your arm extended, strike just below the ‘Adam’s Apple.’”

  Mr. Sutton steps back and puts his arms out to stop her just as she’s about to strike. “She gets it.”

  “He can be a bit of a baby.” Mrs. Sutton rolls her eyes. “But the most important thing to remember if you are going to stab him in the jugular your fingers and arm need to be straight – not bent. It’ll make him gag and then you can get the hell away from him.” She smiles.

  “I think I got it.” I say. When I woke up this morning I would have never have imagined that I’d be enjoying this self-defense show from Mr. and Mrs. Sutton. Never in a million years.

  “Okay so the next move is called, ‘The Nose Knows.’ You want to use your stronger hand – kind of like a karate chop.

  Sam leans by the register checking out a surf magazine, paying no attention to his wife.

  “Sam, get over here.” Mr. Sutton slowly rises in front of Mrs. Sutton.

  “You take your arm and lift your elbow at a ninety-degree angle and with all your strength strike him right under his nose. You strike in an upward motion with your pinky finger like a ‘blade.’ See like this.” Mrs. Sutton takes her hand and gently chops Mr. Sutton’s nose so that he puts his head back.

  “See? I can be gentle.” She teases Mr. Sutton. Then
she turns her attention to me.

  “You’d be surprised how painful this can be if you hit someone hard enough. The most important thing to remember with this attack is that you need to keep your arm at a ninety-degree angle. You still following me?”

  I nod and smile. “The next one is my personal favorite.” She says, smiling.

  “The Eye Gouge. With both of your hands you firmly grasp the side of the attacker’s head with your palms.” She holds Mr. Sutton’s head. “Your hands should be covering their ears. Then you dig your thumbs into their eye sockets.”

  Mrs. Sutton has her thumbs on Mr. Sutton’s eyes. “Okay, kind of in pain here.”

  “Oh, sorry, hon.” She puts her hands down at her side. “You need to remember when you stab their eyes with your thumbs that you still are grasping the head and don’t be hesitant. Push those thumbs into their eyeballs like your squashing grapes.” She smiles.

  “Nice visual.” Mr. Sutton mutters

  It’s obvious that Mrs. Sutton is passionate about self-defense. She speaks very excitedly and enthusiastically. Mr. Sutton, on the other hand, not so much.

  “Now if the guy attacks you from behind and he grabs your arms so you can’t move – you can do the Stomping Kick.” She pulls on Mr. Sutton from behind and takes his arms so that they are wrapped around her in a hug – her back to his front.

  “With this you want to use your stronger leg and then you bend your leg in the air. Your knee should go as high as you can lift. Then slam it down as hard as you can and stomp your heel into his foot.” Mrs. Sutton demonstrates with a bit of force.

  “Shit!” Mr. Sutton screams out in pain. He bends over and starts to massage his foot. I’m sure the pain is more real since he’s wearing flip-flops.

  Mrs. Sutton squats down and starts to rub his foot. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” She glances up at me. “I always get a little carried away with my demos.”

  “A little?” Mr. Sutton says with sarcasm. I can’t help but smile.

  “Sorry. Well, I won’t show you any more but you could also do a pinkie grab. It doesn’t sound too painful but believe me it is. You just grab their pinkie and bend it backwards.”

  Mr. Sutton regains his composure, stands up, then puts his hands on Mrs. Sutton’s throat and playfully squeezes her. “You can always just strangle them.” He teases.