Cut Wide Open (A Bleeding Scars MC Book 1)

by Abby Mccarthy

  “Mom,” he sucked in sharp breaths as he cried, “Don’t leave me.”

  “I’m here,” I whispered and then I began to hum to him. It was soft and quiet. I hummed “Amazing Grace.” It was something I’d done plenty of times for him. I was lost in the moment and didn't hear the door. I was focused on my son, rocking him and holding him like he was much younger than his seven-year-old self. He needed so much. I hated what that sick fuck did to me, but I hated him even more for what he did to my son. No boy should have to lose his mother. I knew what it was like to lose the only person in your world. He must’ve been so afraid.

  A hand on my shoulder had me looking up in surprise. Gunner was standing there. He bent low, leaning over us. He smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. Sweat and gasoline. The room was dim and my boy still rocked in my arms while I continued humming. Gunner pressed his head to mine. The feel of his forehead against my own was a comfort I had long forgotten. My son didn't flinch, or move when he felt Gunner at his back. It was like my son accepted his comfort on a subconscious level.

  I finished the verse and Gunner lifted Gun from my arms. I looked up at him stunned by the ease with which Gun went to him. He held out his hand for me, which even in the dark I could tell was bruised and swollen. “He been up for a while?”

  I shook my head not using my voice and clasped my hand in his. We walked quietly to the bedroom and I noticed his friend trying to give us privacy by not looking our way as he hung back in the kitchen.

  The room was the same room I awoke in not ten minutes before, but somehow, now it seemed different. Everything that felt muted before now seemed more alive Moonlight filtered through the lone window. The wooden beams of the log cabin were a stark contrast to the black headboard that seemed to take up an entire wall. It was a masculine space, but somehow with the small nightstand and intricate woodwork, it felt almost homey. Gunner laid Gun down in the middle of the bed, and only once he laid him down did he notice the tears still streaming from Gun’s eyes.

  I couldn't hide in myself any longer. Gun needed so much. He needed his parents, both of us. “He had a bad dream,” I admitted out loud, speaking to Gunner for the first time. His eyes were the only thing that gave away his surprise.

  “That true, kid? Something shake you?”

  I sat down on the edge of the bed as Gunner stood above us. Gun eyed me, and then moved in close, and put his arm around my waist.

  “Baby, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Kid,” Gunner spoke as he sat down on the other side of Gun. “Told you I’d bring her back to you, yeah?”

  When Gun didn’t answer him, he prompted again, “Didn’t I?”

  Gun lifted his head from my lap, “Yeah, Dad.”

  My heart clenched at hearing Gun say dad.

  “I promised you, right?”

  “You did.”

  “Well, I’ll make another promise to you, and I always keep my promises. Nothing is going to happen to your mom. I won’t let it. I promise.”

  He nodded his head accepting Gunner’s promise, then placed his head back in my lap. I stroked the side of his head and it wasn't long before he drifted off.

  Once asleep, Gunner placed Gun under the blankets and then grabbed my hand, walked me to the other side of the bed, climbed in next to Gun, and laid down saying, “Climb in with me. Need you near, but I don’t want to leave him.”

  I did as he said and laid down beside him facing him. “God, let me hear your voice, Mouse.”

  I swiped my thumb along his bruised cheek, “You’re hurt.”

  He sighed like it was the best sound he’d ever hear. “I’m fine.”

  “Where’d you go?” I asked and was met with the same question from Gunner, “Where’d you go?”

  What a loaded question. Which time. Where did I go when my momma was getting high, and left me as her life drained? Where did I go when he left me young and pregnant? Where, after the foster home from hell? Where, after Enrico raped me? Where, after I was almost killed?”

  I blinked unsure of the answer he wanted me to give. Noticing my internal dialogue, Gunner answered my question. “I fight. Used to do it all the time. Now, I do it when I need a release. Seeing you like that. Jesus. I wanted to break something. That’s not even the right way to describe it. I want to kill someone. I want to find that sick fucker and not only kill him, but I want to destroy anything he ever gave two shits about. Can’t do that and keep you safe, so, I found a fight and I fought.” He shrugged his shoulders like no big deal. The heat from his skin radiated like a warm blanket. One would think after everything I’d been through that I wouldn't want a man to be near me, but this wasn't just a man. He was the only man. I’d never felt safe or loved except for Gunner, and then Gun. He was a part of me.

  “Did you win?” I looked down feeling shy.

  Gunner’s slightly swollen knuckles lifted my chin, “What do you think?” His voice almost had a rasp to it, and part of me wanted to press my lips to his, but then the shame of everything my body had been through washed over me.

  “I think if I remember your temper correctly, then he never had a chance.”

  He smirked, “It’s nice to hear your voice.” And then Gunner leaned forward and pressed his lips to my head, “Get some sleep. Yeah?”

  I moved my arm around his waist and burrowed deep into his chest. Today was a hard day. Tomorrow would be better. I’d be better.

  Chapter Twenty-One Gunner

  My God! Her voice! What a sweet sound. I laid awake with her in my arms, feeling like I could finally breathe. Even though she was frail, and her body was broken, there was something about her that gave me the peace that no amount of fighting, drinking, or sex could’ve ever given me.

  I woke up when I heard Gun stir. Charlie was still sleeping. I peeled myself from her arms and sat up. I put my finger over my lips to shush Gun. I didn't want to wake her. She looked peaceful.

  Gun followed me into the kitchen where Shane and Reggie sat drinking coffee. “You want some cereal?” I looked at Gun wondering how he was today.

  “Any more Lucky Charms?” he asked telling me he wasn’t letting last night get him down.

  “Saved you a bowl,” Shane said sliding the box down the counter, “This dipshit would’ve eaten it all.” Shane shot Reggie a look that said, told you we needed to save some.

  I poured him a bowl, then poured two cups of coffee. I liked mine black, but had no idea how she would take hers. I guessed she at least liked milk, but I had no idea, seeing as she was sixteen the last time I’d spent any real time with her. That thought made me angry. There was so much about her that I didn’t know. Like the way she took her fucking coffee.

  “I wish Lucky Charms was reversed,” Gun said between bites, quickly snapping me out of my anger.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I wish it was like mostly marshmallows and just a little bit of the crispy cereal.”

  “Right on,” Reggie laughed fist bumping my kid. I shook my head. When did he teach him to fist bump?

  Shane got my attention, “How’s she doing?”

  “She talked last night, so we’re making progress.”

  “And last night? Heard you didn't go easy.”

  I shrugged, “Do I ever?”

  “I guess not. The guys were happy, walked out with a shit ton of money.”

  “There was a fighter last night, name’s McGuiness. When this shit blows over, we should talk to him. Don't know if he rides or not, but he’s got that look.”

  Shane knew exactly what type of look I was talking about considering we had seen it so many times in prospects eyes. He nodded his head in understanding.

  “Going to bring this to your momma. You good?” I asked Gun.

  He moved his spoon around his bowl searching for marshmallows and said, “Sure,” in a peppy voice.

  I walked down the hall and was surprised to see Charlie sitting up with my t-shirt pulled over her head.

  She
saw me and smiled. Actually, fucking smiled. I would’ve done anything for that smile and here it was so freely given.

  “Where’s Gun?” she asked like it was the most natural thing in the world for her to speak.

  “Eating cereal with Shane and Reggie. He’s in good hands. I brought you coffee. Didn't know how you liked it. So, there’s some cream. I can get you sugar, if you want?” I rambled nervously. Why the hell was I nervous? It was just coffee.

  “Coffee’s good.” She reached her hand out to take the mug from me and I took full advantage brushing my fingers over hers capturing her eyes, not daring to look away.

  “He looks like you, doesn't he?” she broke the spell.

  “I didn’t even have to find out his name to know he was mine, spitting fucking image. I got to know Charlie, what happened after I left. I searched for you for years, I couldn't find you. Hell, I got connections and no one could find you. You turned into a fucking ghost.”

  She sighed, “I need to get out of this room. Do you think you can get me some pants, and maybe we can walk?” As much as I didn’t want her walking around, I got how she could be stir crazy.

  “One of the old ladies dropped off some clothes.”

  “Old ladies? How many people are here?”

  “There’s four cabins and a bunch of families are bunked up in those. Most of the single brothers are in the tents. There’s about forty people here, in all.”

  “Wow,” she breathed in amazement that there were so many people here.

  “There’s another bedroom off the living room. Shane and Ace are bunking up in there, and Reggie who’s taken a liking to Gun, stays on the couch.”

  “Where are we?”

  “We picked this property up a few years ago. Bought it through a shell company, so it can’t be traced back to us. No one knows we’re here.”

  “Oh, okay,” she answered like it was too much too soon.

  “I’ll get you some pants.” I left the room and saw Gun curled up on the couch with Reggie on the other side. On the television, cartoons played and I watched Gun chuckle, his little body shaking. In a bag next to the door, there was a stack of clothes that Roxanne, one of the old ladies, had dropped off. I brought them into Charlie, and didn't look away or give her privacy as she pulled up the jeans that were sizes too big. Maybe that made me a dick after everything she’d been through, but I didn’t care. I always thought of her as mine and giving her privacy would’ve felt like I was admitting she wasn’t. She slipped her feet into a pair of Uggs that she’d pulled from the bag and I asked again, “You sure you’re up to walking?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, it’s kind of chilly. Wear this.” I handed her my sweatshirt that was almost like a dress on her. Our Bleeding Scars logo spread across the back.

  We walked out of the bedroom, but her slight painful stance made me hesitate going outside, but I knew she needed this.

  I ruffled Gun’s head as we passed. He looked up and his eyes got big when he saw Charlie dressed and walking around.

  “Mom! You’re up.”

  “Gunner and I are going to go for a walk. When I get back, how about you tell me what you’ve been up to since I’ve been gone?”

  He anxiously nodded his head, and I put my hand on the small of Charlie’s back guiding her outside.

  The air outside was cool. Even cooler evenings left the trees all shades of reds, yellows, and oranges. Fires that had been constantly stoked still burned big. Various camping chairs with brothers, and some of their family members surrounded them. It was early, but to many of these guys, this was like a huge camping trip with their loved ones.

  The cabin we stayed in was the largest of the four and was slightly more secluded than the rest. The other cabins were clustered together closer to a small lake. In the distance, I could see two teenage boys casting out a fishing line. Tents were crammed together, and as we silently walked past, snoring cut through the air. Walking past the final tent in the cluster, moaning and skin slapping against skin drowned out the snores. I checked to see Charlie’s reaction. There wasn't one. She ignored it. Looking at her as she walked beside me, she was the same closed off Mouse that I’d met when we were so young.

  I grabbed her hand and led us to a small path that ran along the lake. “Can you tell me what happened after you left the neighborhood?” I had to break the silence. I needed to know.

  She walked a few more steps, then paused and stared out at the water. “I went to another foster home.” She bent low, picked up a rock and threw it into the water. I didn't like how she seemed to be holding back.

  “After that, I stayed in some shelters. I eventually got a place.”

  “Hold up,” I interrupted her account because it was riddled with holes.

  “What happened at the foster home?”

  “They were religious freaks. I couldn’t stick around.”

  “Charlie,” I said her name, cutting her off. She was leaving out something huge. I could tell. “Don’t sugar coat shit for me.”

  “Fine,” she said with more fierceness than I’d heard from her. “You want to know? You sure about that? ‘Cause once I tell you, I can’t take that back. You’ll know.”

  “Charlie,” I was agitated. I needed to know.

  “Your baby was in me and these bible thumpers, who thought their twin sons were holier than thou, let it happen. It happened once.”

  “What happened?” I struggled to hold onto my temper. I had the sick feeling I knew what she was going to say.

  Chapter Twenty-Two Charlie

  “They raped me! Is that what you want to hear? They held me down and raped me. But you know what? The second time they tried, I was ready. I stole a gun and waited for them to try something. They weren’t expecting me to defend myself. I shot the brothers, took their parent’s car and money, then got the fuck out of there. I ditched the car. Hitched a ride with a trucker and stayed in shelters for a while until I stole someone’s ID, and used that to get into the system. I didn’t have much, but I eventually got into the system. You couldn't find me because I was hiding.

  “I worked at clubs under the table and had been working at The Select Club for a while. I did all right. Not to say that Gun and I had it easy, but I got us by. I wasn’t going to do it forever. We had a life, maybe not an awesome one, but it was okay,” I finished. I hadn’t even looked at Gunner to gage his response. I didn't know if he’d look at me differently for shooting those boys. I didn't know if he would pity me. I bent low and grabbed a pretty leaf that had fallen and I twirled it by the stem in my fingers. It calmed me and I needed that. My beating heart felt like it might explode in my chest. I wasn't even talking yesterday, and today I divulged things that I’d never admitted to anyone before.

  I heard a flick of a lighter and then lifted my eyes to see Gunner pulling smoke into his lungs as his cherry glowed red hot. He was breathing in deep breaths. Like he needed to control himself too.

  “I met them. I fucking met those people. I questioned them myself. Their sons were at football practice, but the mom and dad, they answered every question I asked about you. They told me you were only there a week, and then you were moved to another foster home. Fuck!” He gritted his teeth and took another long drag from his smoke. “I can't believe those Jesus freaks got one over on me. They’re dead. All of them.”

  I wanted to argue with him and tell him that he didn't need to do that for me, but there were much bigger monsters for us to be concerned with.

  He stomped out his smoke, his black boot grinding into the dirt. And then he did something I wasn't expecting. He grabbed me, pulled me into his arms and hugged me. His body was so large against mine that I felt cocooned as his broad arms enveloped me. We stood that way for an infinite amount of time. At least it felt that way. After a while, Gunner pulled away, “We should get back. You’ve been standing for a while. You need to heal.”

  I nodded, even though I hadn’t felt my pain until he brought attention to it. We cu
t through the woods this time and were much closer to the cabin than I’d first thought. Gun was standing by a fire pit, laughing with a few other kids. After his bad dreams last night, I was fearful that he’d be damaged, but he seemed like he was okay.

  Inside, I followed Gunner into the kitchen where he opened the fridge. “How about we get you some lunch?”

  I nodded again. I was still quiet, but it felt good that Gunner knew where I’d been. I supposed we didn't need to get into what Enrico did to me. He found me hanging near death, so he probably had a pretty good idea.

  “Ham and Cheese alright?”

  “Yeah, thanks.” I sat down on the stool and watched as Gunner made lunch and then set mine down on a plate and then called for Gun out the front door of the cabin. It all seemed so natural the way Gunner was with Gun.

  “Knew you’d be a good dad,” I said to Gunner once he returned. “I’d daydream about it. Pretend we were a family.”

  “We are a family,” he sternly gritted out.

  “Just like that?”

  Gun came barreling into the cabin and raced up to us throwing his arms around my waist

  and then pulled himself up on the seat next to me. He didn't wait. He just started eating, like my kid was a ravenous beast.

  “Slow down. You’ll give yourself a stomachache.” It came out naturally for me to scold him and I think Gun appreciated it. He smirked and then looked up at me and began to take his time.

  Gunner eyed us and after a few minutes began to eat. “Yeah, Mouse. Just like that.”

  I wanted to talk more about it, but didn't feel like it was the right time with Gun right next to us. As brave as I felt this morning, my body began screaming at me the longer I sat and ate, so after a few more bites, and once I was sure that Gun had sufficiently eaten enough food, I excused myself to lay down.

  “Ma, I thought we were going to talk?”

  “Kid, she’s tired you can catch up after she’s napped. Yeah?”