They leave and I wrap my arms around Raven. “Let it go. I know you’re trying to be strong.” We drop to the floor and I rock her in my arms, letting her cry. Holding her and taking care of her like she did for me when Max was shot.
“Jackie, I just found her and now she’s gone. How can this be happening to me again, why? I’m not a bad person; at least, I don’t think I am. I try to do the right thing even when it’s not always easy. Why?”
“It’s not you, it was never you. There are evil people in this world. You can’t give up. If you do, then evil wins. I think we need to honor her by doing good things in her memory. Don’t make her death in vain.” I stop rocking her and rest my forehead upon hers. I take both her hands and hold on tight.
“We are married to two of the wealthiest and most powerful men in the world. They want nothing more than to make us happy. Let’s take this world by storm and kick some ass. Rose didn’t die; she lives on in all of us. In such a short time, she made a huge difference. Let’s show her what we’ve got.”
She looks at me, and finally, I see a smile. “Does Max know yet that he’s married to the most stubborn, strong, obstinate woman I’ve ever met?”
“Shh, some things are best left alone. He’s liking the discovery as much as I am.”
“Oh, Jackie, thank you. I love you so much, please never change. Come on, let’s go get the guys; I’m ready to go home.”
MAX AND I HEAD into the office. It seems like a lifetime ago that we were last in here. What happened when you told mum? I wished you would have called me, mate, you know how she worries.”
“She handled it better than I thought she would. Mrs. Osla, Bella, and Mick were with her. Of course she was worried about Raven and Jackie. We are going to wait to tell Junior, he needs to concentrate on his treatments.”
“That’s all well and good but you know he’s going to want to see her. He’s too smart to put off for too long.”
“I know. I honestly don’t know how he’s going to handle this. I didn’t realize how close they were until that day he hid in the tunnels.” I slump down into one of the chairs, feeling overwhelmed by all of this.
“I know you reviewed the research on the clinic, are you sure it’s going to be okay for him?”
“Yeah, it’s cutting edge research that’s not available in the States. I feel comfortable sending him there. Junior’s doctor and Rose looked over everything and they thought it was a good fit.”
He closes his eyes and begins to rub his temples. This usually helps him, but I notice his jaw is clenched and I know there’s more he’s not telling me. “Max, what is it? Please just tell me and I’ll deal with it.”
“The clinic’s research is done with stem cells early on in the treatment. The hospital in Philly doesn’t bring that in until the end of treatment and only if they feel that it is warranted. Bella is only a seventy percent match. You know that Michael is not a match. I thought about cord blood, but that takes time—”
“—Stop. I know where you’re going with this. If we need him, I promise you, I will be the one to go. I would never put you in that position, Max—ever.” We sit quietly for a bit and it’s these times with him that are the best for me. “You know what Jackie gave me the night of our wedding? Her birth control pills. She stopped them before the wedding.”
I begin to laugh so hard, tears are falling.
“Jax, you want to tell me what’s so funny?”
“Oh, yeah, Raven is subscribing to the let-the-chips-fall-where-they-may method.” I lean back and prop my feet up on the desk right next to his.
“Well, Jax, you just might get your wish for ten babies.”
“One at a time, Max. Let’s grab the girls and go home.” I get up. Max follows suit and we head out to the living room only to find the girls waiting for us by the elevators. “Hey, I guess everyone is ready to go.”
Jackie puts her hand out to Raven. “Are you ready to go live that life we talked about?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” She puts the key in the elevator.
“Well, I believe the helicopter is waiting on the roof to take us to the airport. Are you guys coming?” Jackie raises her brows at us. Raven is giggling and it’s such a beautiful sound and so rare.
“Max, who is this woman you married?” I cock my head toward him and ask out of the side of my mouth.
“Every day is a new experience with her.” The elevator doors open, we step in and head up to the roof.
The guards are waiting and escort us to the helicopter. Within minutes, we are on our way.
EVERYONE IS FINALLY ASLEEP, so I pull out the file on the clinic to see what it’s all about. It seems they are pretty advanced in their research. Oh my God, the words are staring me in the face: stem cells—used in the early stages of treatment. What the hell am I going to do? I’m not prepared to tell my son. Jax said he would go to Dad if we need them. I know he thought we might be able to use cord blood but that was down the road. He’s my son and if I have to, I would make a deal with the devil himself to save him. Why couldn’t one of us be a better match? Why is God doing this to my son, to our family? I lie down and curl into Michael.
“Bella, what’s troubling you now?” he whispers.
“Nothing, Michael, go back to sleep.”
“I read the file. I will find a way. He’s my son in every way that matters. Please never doubt that.”
“I love you, Michael.”
“Per il cielo e amore indietro. Now try and get some sleep.”
WE ARE ABOUT TWO hours out and I still haven’t seen An. I know she wanted some time to be alone and rest, but I need to know she’s okay. I’m about to knock on her door when she opens it.
“I’m sorry, I need to know that you’re okay, and then I will leave you alone. I’m sorry I can’t help it—”
Before I can finish, she pulls me inside her cabin.
“I’m sorry; I should have told you I was okay. I needed some time to rest and think.” She reaches up and brushes her lips across mine. “Mick, I made some tea, have a seat.”
Tea? What the hell?!
“I think we need to talk.”
Talk? Tea? She kissed me!
“You seem surprised, Mick. Can I ask why?”
“Surprised? Yeah, you could say surprised. We’re friends, An. I feel comfortable talking to you. I don’t want to lose that.” My whole body becomes tight and I feel like any movement might make it snap.
“You would never lose my friendship, that’s a given. I know I’m a little older than you, is that a problem?” Her voice has a quiver to it, and I realize she’s worried about what I think.
“Honestly, I’ve never thought about it. Whether you were eighteen or eighty it wouldn’t matter. It’s about trust with me, you know that. I care about you a lot. You are the one person I can be myself with and not worry. I don’t always have to be perfect; you accept me for who I am, scars and all.”
“Then, why were you so shocked that I kissed you?” She sits down next to me and takes my hand. Rubbing her fingers over one of the scars on my hand. “I already know the answer, Mick. I need you to say it out loud . . . to own up to it. You’ll never get past your fear if you don’t.”
I close my eyes tight, I can’t look at her. “My body is very marred up, An, I can barely look in a mirror. How can I expect you to look at me without disgust? This family is all I have. I can’t lose any of you; I won’t survive it.”
“Do you think so little of me that you feel a few scars would push me away? Look at the shame I’ve lived with for all these years. The mistakes I’ve made. Mick, no one is perfect. My point is, we all have scars; some are just more visible than others. Those scars make up who you are and all you’ve been through. But, they shouldn’t decide where you’re going. They shouldn’t define you as a man. You need to let yourself feel again. Look what happened to Rose; that should be a wake-up call for all of us. Life is too short, Mick, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.
”
She reaches up and rests her hand on my cheek. The fear makes me want to run, but she makes me want to stay. I pull her hand away and gently brush my lips across her knuckles, as I tightly squeeze my eyes shut. “Give me time to wrap my head around this. Time to deal with the fear, please.”
“Open your eyes, Mick, and look at me.” My eyes immediately open and look into hers and all I see his kindness.
“One day at a time, one step at a time. Never be afraid to talk it out with me. First and foremost, we will always be friends. Now, I think we need to get ready, we should be landing soon.”
I get up and pull her to her feet, “Yes, let’s get seated and ready for landing.”
“Thank you,” It’s just a whisper but her beautiful smile lets me know she heard me.
We head out to the main cabin and everyone is already seated. I feel like all eyes are on me. I hurry over to the inflight phone and check with the captain that everything is still on schedule. He assures me it is and that Mr. Gerhard is personally at the airport awaiting our arrival. I know I will feel a little bit calmer once we are all safely tucked away at the Gerhard compound. The captain asks if I would like to come into the flight deck for landing. I quickly take him up on his offer; it’s the one place I find peace.
THE FLIGHT FROM THE Tower to Teeterborough is quick. I was hoping the caskets would have been loaded before our arrival, but no such luck. As we are approach, Raven and Jackie stop, frozen in place. I feel Jackie sway in my arms. Fuck, we’re almost there; please hang on.
“I can’t do this, Max.” She closes her eyes and her tears are falling. She is shaking in my arms.
“Yes you can. You’re a lot stronger than you think. That’s not them in there anymore, you know that. Your faith tells you they are already with the angels. Be strong, babe, I know you can. Raven needs you to be . . . we all do.” I finally get through to her and she steps forward, taking Raven’s hand.
“Come on, Raven, we will do this together. Their death will not be in vain, let’s prove it to the world.” They walk up to the caskets, kiss each one, then walk up the steps, and enter the plane arm in arm. With a bond this strong, I know nothing will break it.
“Come on, Jax, we need to go.” I watch my brother trying to be strong, but I know this hit him hard. Watching someone die for you is not something he will ever get over. I know . . . it stays with you for life. We head up the steps and give the customs agent our documents. When we are all cleared, we buckle up and head out. I, for one, am happy to be getting out of the States. Raven and Jackie are curled up together, each gaining comfort from the other.
I grab a bottle of water and nudge Jax to get his attention, “Let’s go in the office, we have lots to discuss.” I need to get him out of his head for his own good.
“ Have a seat; I need to talk and you need to listen.” He sits down and I pour him a scotch.
“I know what you’re going through; I’ve been down this road before.” He looks at me wide-eyed and shocked.
“Yeah, my partner took a bullet that was meant for me. It almost broke me, made me second guess myself. I felt doubt all the time. Was it my fault? Did I provoke the shooter? Maybe I didn’t do my job properly? It was eating me up alive, and making me a danger to everyone around me. No one wanted to partner with me. My mind wasn’t in the game.” I pour myself a drink, my mind instantly flashing back to that day.
“So what did you do? I mean, how do you live with it, knowing that person’s life is over, but you get to live on?”
“You just said it, Jax. You live. You do your best to be the best you can be. Don’t make that person’s death be for nothing. Don’t waste your life doing nothing or wallowing in self-pity. Do something to honor that person. Make a difference in the world. Jackie asked me why I wanted to bring a child into this world that is so full of evil. I told her there has to be a balance or evil wins. I have hope, even after all I’ve been through.”
I hold my glass up toward him, “Here’s to grabbing life by the bullocks, mate.”
We toast and finish our drinks. “Now, on to business, we need to check in with Mick. They should have arrived there by now.”
“Raven spoke to Bella right before we left. She said everyone was doing okay. I know Bella is eager to get Junior checked into the clinic. Did you get a chance to read the file from the clinic?”
“Yeah, Jax, do you have a plan?” I know him and he thinks he has this all figured out.
“As a matter of fact, I do. After everyone is safely tucked away, I will be heading to Capri—alone. I told you I would handle it. I won’t put you in that position.”
“Cold day in hell, mate. Never gonna happen, so get that shit out of your head. We go together and we cover each other’s arse. That’s what brothers do.”
“What if you can’t control yourself, have you thought of that?!”
“Have you thought about what you would do if you can’t control yourself?”
“You’re. Not. Going. With. Me. Max!”
“You’re. Not. Going. Without. Me. Jax!”
We are just about to come to blows when the door flies open. Jackie and Raven are both standing there, hands on hips, glaring at us. We let go of each other and sit back down. Raven steps forward and I swear she’s about ready to explode.
“What the hell is going on in here? You are fighting like kids on a playground! You’re grown adults, what the hell is the problem?”
“Um, sweetheart, we had a difference of opinion, nothing more.” I’m trying not to laugh as Raven is tearing into him, that is, until she turns her attention to me.
“Max, why do you push his buttons? You know how crazy he can be, but you’re like a dog with a bone. What is the problem? And don’t tell me nothing!”
I look to Jackie for help, but my wife is not budging. “Don’t even think that I’m going to help you out of this one, Max. Nope, you are on your own. Now, what the hell is going on back here?”
“Jackie, It’s all Max’s fault.”
“Oh, bloody hell—no! Don’t you dare throw me under the fucking bus!”
Jackie leans on the desk, her face only inches from Jax’s. “Spill, Jax, all of it and I mean all of it.”
“Okay, all I did was tell Max that I would go see Dad as soon as Junior is settled in and get the test for the stem cells. He is insisting that he has to go with me. I don’t think it is necessary. That’s all, just a little difference of opinion.”
“Ah!” Raven gasps. “What happened that Michael is getting stem cells now? Why didn’t you tell us sooner? Jackie, did you know any of this?”
“No, this is all new to me. Why now?”
“This clinic does things differently; they treat early on with the stem cells.”
“Well, isn’t Bella or Michael Sr. a close match?” Jax and I look at each other and I realize I need to tell Jackie everything. It’s always been so hard for Jax and me to talk about.
“Jackie, Bella had every intention of disclosing this to you, she just never had a chance. Michael is not Michael Jr’s biological father. Bella was drugged and raped at a convention in Las Vegas. She didn’t think she would ever have to deal with this again, but then everything happened. She is only a seventy percent match. I mentioned to her about the cord blood you told me about. I really couldn’t remember much, only that the baby needs to be born in a hospital. We figured we had three years, that one of us would have a baby by then.”
“Well, Bella and Michael are the best parents—biology has nothing to do with that. Now, as far as going to see James, we either all go, or no one goes. No more fighting, no more yelling, and no more secrets—ever. We have a long flight ahead of us and I’m tired. Is everyone good here now?” she asks, hand on her hip.
“All good, babe, I’m going to come with you.”
I rush out the door after her, hoping to finally have some alone time with my beautiful wife.
“HEY, YOU OKAY?” I know he needs me just as much as I need him. He s
eems a little distant. Usually, he is all over me. I wonder if there’s something more with Michael that he hasn’t told me?
“Yeah, I’ll be okay. With everything going on, I didn’t get a chance to talk to you about the clinic. I looked at the research and I think it will be a good fit for him. Raven, I’d go to hell and back if it meant he would get better. I just worry about Max going with me.”
“One thing at a time; let’s get through today first.”
I get up and lock the door. “Jax, I need you, more than you will ever realize. I need to lose myself in you. I need you to take away the pain and the hurt. I miss my mom and I miss our daughter. I miss you and all your crazy intense ways. I need you . . . please.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” I remember the day in the washroom and how much he loved to watch me. I lift off my shirt and shimmy out of my jeans. His eyes follow my every move.
He leans back and props his feet on the desk. “Carry on, sweetheart.”
I turn around so my back is toward him as I reach behind and unhook my bra, letting it fall to the floor. I’m left in nothing but a thong. I take my hair down and let it tumble down my back. I turn around and he hasn’t moved. He’s letting me take the lead. I run my fingers up and down my neck and chest. My breasts are still producing milk but I haven’t pumped today, so I need to tread lightly here. I glide my fingers down my ribs and pull at the thong. I know he loves to snap them. I let go and continue running my fingers down into my thong until I reach, what he calls, cock heaven. I throw my head back and let out a long, low moan. “Oh, Jax.” My fingers are moving faster. I look at him and his eyes are wide as he takes his feet off the desk. He’s almost ready to pounce. “Oh, Jax, please now.”
That’s all it takes, he leaps out of his chair and in one quick move he snaps my thong. He drops to his knees and his lips and tongue are all over me. “I can’t hold it, Jax.” He’s not stopping. He reaches his hands up and rolls my nipples between his fingers. I’m screaming and I don’t care if the world hears me. All of my emotions are flooding to the surface; every nerve ending is on fire. “Jax, I need more—now!”
Shattered Lies Page 25