Starry Eyed Inside

by Rochelle Allison

  "Shh," he said against my mouth. Without warning he slipped his fingers beneath the fabric and touched me...finally.

  Melting, I licked my tongue into his mouth, my mind going on autopilot in response to how good he made me feel. He kissed me back the same way, all the while stroking me beneath his jacket.

  It felt so good. I shuddered, knowing I'd be coming soon.

  Something loud and violent happened onscreen. People reacted. I didn't look, didn't care. My universe was Skyler and what his fingers were doing to me. He slid one inside, and I jumped in my seat, breaking the kiss.

  "Does it hurt?" he asked, pausing. I could tell he was turned on by how his voice sounded. I hope he didn't expect me to return the favor here in the theater; I'd never be able to do it as subtly and smoothly as him.

  I shook my head, wordless, my throat tight with wanting.

  He kept going until I was almost writhing against his hand. So good, so rhythmic; that was it. I gasped, turning my face the other way, slinking down into my seat as he kept up the slow in and out. I grabbed his hand, through the jacket and my skirt. I was way sensitive now.

  After a minute, I opened my eyes and glanced around the darkened room, trying to see if anyone had noticed what we were doing. It didn't look like it...not that I'd cared seconds before. Skyler took a long sip of soda and gazed at me, like he knew what I was thinking.

  I wanted to hold his hand, but hesitated. And felt dumb for hesitating.

  If he could stick his hand in my panties I could sure as hell stick my hand in his hand.

  So I did. He threaded his fingers through mine and settled back in his chair and I felt warm inside. I imagined his fingers probably smelled like me, and that was kind of weird but obviously not to Skyler.

  We walked around for a while after the movie, getting Italian ice cream and talking. I stuck with my girls, whispering secrets about the things Skyler had been doing to me, and they listened, enraptured and grinning silly.

  "You should wear skirts all the time," joked Teigan, licking the last of her gelato off the tiny spoon.

  "The thought has crossed my mind," I said, sneaking a peek at Skyler. He was up ahead between Rocco and Sean, his hands in his pockets.

  He glanced back, catching me looking. His eyes trailed down to my hemline and then he turned around again, heading toward the parking lot.

  My insides quivered.

  He was the brightest star.

  Electric Relaxation

  I knew boys liked skin; I just hadn't realized how much.

  Skyler kept his hand on my thigh on the way home, and I kept mine on top of his. When we got to Niki's, where she and Finn were waiting in the parking lot, I leaned over to kiss him goodbye. He stared at my mouth for a long second and then kissed it, licking along my bottom lip before sliding his tongue inside. I wondered where he'd learned to kiss like that.

  After that, there never seemed to be enough alone-ness. There was, however, a lot of kissing: empty hallways at Kai's, at the beach while everyone else partied a few feet away, inside his car when we stopped to get munchies.

  The problem was that now I knew how skillfully Skyler could play my body, kissing was hardly enough. I wanted more. He wanted more. And I wanted to give it to him.

  Well, not it, but I wanted to give him something.

  For Christmas, I got a thick, leather-bound journal and a pack of jewel toned pens from my mother. Normally, I used plain notebooks, so this was a step up. Teigan christened the inside with lipstick kisses; Niki, with Polaroids from the cute, pink camera she'd gotten for Christmas.

  On New Year's my parents made me go with them to a party in Port St. Lucie. One of Dad's old friends lived over there, and we went every year. Fortunately, they let me bring Niki and Teigan this time. I might have choked on boredom otherwise. We sneaked champagne and got tipsy and drunk dialed the boys, who were spread out all over the place at celebrations of their own.

  I scooted up a couple steps and sat, curling up on the carpeted stairs.

  Skyler sounded a little drunk when he answered. "Only one reason for late night phone calls."

  I peeked at the clock on the wall. Ten past one. "To say Happy New Year?"

  "This is a booty call, isn't it?" he asked, amusement in his voice.

  I smiled, chewing my thumbnail. "Sure, why not."

  "Don't tease. I might come through your window later."

  "You do that anyway," I said, winking at Niki. She and Teigan were whispering at the bottom of the stairs—probably about the cute guy mixing drinks in the kitchen. He was like thirty, though.

  "I only did it once," clarified Skyler. "But I'll do it again."

  "My friends are sleeping over tonight."

  "They can watch."

  "Ew." I giggled, but it was kind of a groany giggle. Skyler really brought out the inner harlot in me.

  He knew it, too, because he chuckled. There was talk on his side of the line and then he came back on. "I gotta go, but you better lock your window tonight, Aurora."

  "Mhm. Bye."

  "Bye."

  The first time Skyler called me late at night, he was drunk dialing. He slurred non sequiturs until Rocco cracked on him in the background and made him hang up.

  The second time he was straight, and we talked for a while. I didn't want to get off the phone, not even when I couldn't stop yawning and my eyes started closing on their own. It was like this suspended moment in time, a bubble, and once it popped... it was over. Like I'd fooled him into engaging and once he realized what he was doing he'd never call back.

  But he did. He texted way more than he called, but he did call sometimes, usually after smoking on the roof and sneaking back into his house. We talked about the crazy stuff and the normal; our conversations rambling from politics to the questionable meat sources our cafeterias used.

  “Don't you ever get lonely?” he asked once. “Or bored?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, blowing on my toenails. One was already smudged, but I didn't feel like starting over.

  “Being an only child.”

  “No.” It was a strange thing to consider, how different my life might be had my parents decided to procreate a little more. “I mean, no. I'm used to it.”

  “So weird.” He coughed. “I can't imagine not having Rocco or Phoebe around.”

  “I like the alone time.”

  We never talked about what we were doing, as in, what we were. I didn't really want to know. It was so formless, like it would float away if I tried to hold onto it too tight.

  I guess when it came down to it, having it felt more important than naming it.

  Miracles happen every day. Getting through class the first day back after break (and actually understanding what was going on), even with nonstop Skyler traffic running through my brain, was an absolute miracle.

  By lunch, I hadn't seen or heard from Teigan all day, so when she pulled herself to the lunch table and collapsed into a chair we all sort of gaped at her. Her long, loose blonde waves were stuffed into a sloppy ponytail and she was wearing shorts and an oversize hoodie, which for Teigan was seriously bumming it.

  "What happened to you?" I asked, nudging her with a carrot stick.

  "Rocco happened."

  Niki and I exchanged glances. "What do you mean 'Rocco happened'?" I asked. "Did you guys do it last night?"

  "You are so obsessed with doing it," she said, settling back in her chair. Her cheeks were rosy though, and she was utterly failing at not smiling.

  "Oh, like you're not," I said, smirking.

  Niki eyed her speculatively. "Did you?"

  "No."

  "Then what did you do?"

  Teigan smirked, leaning closer. "We hung out at the apartment. Above the garage."

  I nodded impatiently. There was no other apartment.

  "And...we fooled around. More than usual."

  "You mean you sucked his dick," Niki murmured, ripping open a bag of Fritos.

  I swallowed my j
uice before it ended up spraying everyone at our table. "For real?"

  Teigan smiled. "After he went down on me."

  I sat back in my seat. "Wow."

  "Wow is right."

  Not really that surprising, though; Teigan always was the most forward out of us.

  "Did you like it?"

  She shrugged. "When he did it? Hell, yeah. When I did it to him...I don't know. It was okay. Kinda sexy I guess."

  "Did you spit or swallow?" Niki whispered.

  "Ni-ki," I said, flicking her arm. "What is this? You reading Cosmo again?"

  She shoved me off, grinning. "Go on, Teig."

  "I spat."

  "I think I would too," I said. Some girls said they liked it, but that sounded like bull to me.

  Niki nodded. "Me too.”

  "Maybe one day I won't, but...I mean, I almost gagged," Teigan said, going pink again.

  "He probably didn't even care," I said. Rocco seemed so chill about everything.

  "He didn't," she agreed. "He was just happy to get off."

  Niki crumpled up her trash. "When are you seeing him again?"

  "Tonight, probably."

  I envied her. Rocco was a couple of years older, but it seemed like enough of a difference that he took her more seriously. It was subtle, but I could see it. We all could.

  When the final bell rang, I tossed what I needed into my backpack and left the rest in my locker.

  It was super sunny out, but there was a sharp nip to the air. Everyone outside was in hoodies; this was about as close to winter as we were gonna get.

  Martin County got out fifteen minutes before our school did, so I wasn't all that surprised to see Skyler and Rocco parked next to Kai in the corner of the lot, where they always were. My steps faltered, but I kept going, like I couldn't stop even if I wanted to. I wondered what things would be like between us, now that school had started up again.

  "You gonna talk to him?" asked Niki, who'd apparently been eavesdropping on my thoughts.

  I nodded, swinging my bag around so I could retrieve a piece of gum from the front pocket. I couldn't not talk to him. If anyone was going to drop the ball, it wasn't going to be me.

  There were girls talking to them, as per usual. Sean was flirting with Bianca Butterface Russo, which slightly turned my stomach. Skyler was talking to Kai, though. He looked up and saw me, smiling a little. Kai glanced over his shoulder and waved, moving to talk to someone else.

  So, this was it. Moment of truth. The wind picked up, blowing my hair around my face. Liking Skyler from afar had been safe, protected. But now the buffer of distance was gone; we had something. And I had a lot more to lose.

  He didn't look away and so I didn't look away, even when the staring got a little awkward.

  "Hi," I said, coming to a stop a couple of feet away.

  He moved away from his car and opened the passenger side. "Hey. I was just heading out... do you want a ride?"

  I looked to Niki, but she was already kissing my cheek. "My mom's here anyway. Go. Call me later."

  Teigan had already abandoned ship, gravitating toward Rocco.

  I got into the car, hugging my backpack to my chest. Skyler slid in beside me, immediately changing the song on his phone. I wondered if he was changing the music because of me, like maybe I'd hate on what he was listening to. Didn't matter though; I liked what he was playing now, a synthy, dreamy electro-pop, the kind of stuff we usually listened to late at night, driving along a star-studded coast.

  Glancing out the window, I waved to Teigan, who blew me a kiss before returning to Rocco. An unfortunate memory of our conversation at lunch tickled through my mind. I swallowed a smile, turning to buckle my seat belt.

  Bianca Russo gave me the death glare as we left. I could've ignored her...but it felt really good to just smile instead.

  Skyler pulled into the McDonald's drive through, procuring a wad of cash from his back pocket. “What do you want?”

  “Oh. I...” Shaking my head, I scanned the menu even though I'd been scanning it for fifteen years and it rarely changed. “Actually, I'm okay.”

  "You sure?"

  I nodded.

  "You're not saying you're fine, but you're really starving, right?”

  "No!" I laughed.

  He gazed back, drumming his fingers along to the music.

  "Fine. A large fries. And a Coke."

  He ordered and we idled in the line, waiting to pull up to the window.

  "So, are you trying out for baseball next week?"

  He shrugged. We'd been talking about it the night before. "Maybe. I don't know yet. My Dad wants me to... thinks it'll keep me out of trouble."

  Nothing would keep Skyler Nolan out of trouble, but I kept that to myself. "What do you want to do?"

  "I like baseball, but it doesn't really make a difference. I'll probably do it just to do something." He paid the girl in the window, dangling his arm out as he waited for change. “You're not trying out for anything?”

  "Nah...I'm not too sporty," I said, offering my lap as a resting place for the food. "Not my thing."

  He pulled out of the drive-thru with practiced feistiness, glancing at me. "What is your thing?"

  "I like writing. I keep journals and stuff...creative writing." I frowned, nibbling the crispy edges of a french fry. That had probably made me sound desperately nerdy.

  But Skyler just nodded. “Maybe I'll read one of your books one day."

  The thought made me smile. And then panic. Because it was one thing to write, quite another to have people read what you wrote. But then he shoved half of a burger into his mouth and winked at me and it didn't matter anyway.

  To my relief, my parents weren't home yet. Well, my dad probably wouldn't be for a while, but Mom usually beat me to it.

  I curled my fingers around the car door handle. "You coming in?"

  Skyler nodded, shutting the car off. He followed me inside, looking around while I locked the door again.

  "So...this is my house.” I looked around, trying to see it the way he might: dusty beams of light sliding between curtains. An abundance of mismatched picture frames, elderly couches cozy with afghans, plants, and a tiny terrarium. “In the day time.” Hiding my smile, I turned toward the hall.

  "In the day time...and through the front door,” he said, footsteps right behind mine.

  I glance back just in time to catch a smug little smirk.

  Skyler had been in my room before, but it'd been under the quiet, dark cloak of late night. And, to be honest, he hadn't been there to look at my stuff. In the daylight, though, things felt different. I dropped my backpack to the ground and observed nervously, glad there were no shrines to his gorgeousness or notebooks with his initials. I'd left that stuff in junior high.

  The object of my affections wandered over to my dresser, opening a bottle of lotion and sniffing it. I was about to ask what he was doing when he turned around, holding it up. "This is the stuff you wear."

  My heart skipped a beat. "Yeah, usually. It's my favorite."

  He nodded. "Mine too."

  I grinned, looking down as I sat on the bed.

  He dropped next to me, bouncing the mattress. "So, listen. A bunch of us are going to Universal in a couple of weeks for Kai's birthday. You should come."

  I bit my lip, considering. "When, exactly?"

  "First weekend in February."

  "I'd love to go, but ...I doubt I'll be able to. Who's driving?"

  “Not really sure yet. Kai's mom drove with Nova and Nara last year, but Kai came with Rocco and me. I forget who else...”

  “Oh, so his mom's going?”

  "Probably.” He runs his hands through his hair. “We had a pretty big group last year, stayed two nights."

  "I probably won't be allowed to." I sighed. "I can't see my mom letting me go to Orlando overnight unless she knows who I'm going with."

  "Can't you say it's like... a school thing?"

  "No way. My mom's a teacher—she's way o
n top of stuff like that."

  "So figure it out. Tell her you're going camping or something."

  "Camping in Orlando?" I snorted in amusement, flopping onto my back.

  "I don't know," he said, laughing. "I mean, Universal Studios? What would go wrong?”

  “My dad's paranoid. In his mind, it's more like what wouldn't happen."

  "That sucks."

  Well of course now I wanted to go, but I didn't see it happening. Even if my mother somehow agreed to it, my dad would more than likely put his foot down and that would be the end of it. Times like this I wish I had parents like Teigan. Her mom and step-dad were so laid back it was ridiculous.

  "I'll ask," I said finally, my stomach already twisting into knots. "Where are you guys staying?"

  He shrugged. “Someplace close to the park.”

  "How many people are going?"

  He paused, counting silently. "Seven for sure. Nine... ten if you and your friends go."

  The front door opened and closed.

  "My mom's home," I said, jumping up all guilty as if we'd been doing something. Skyler got to his feet, collecting his phone from the bedspread.

  But my mother walked in before we had the chance to walk out. Damn.

  "I was wondering whose car was parked outside.” She paused in the doorway, eyes flickering over Skyler. She'd had Lasik the year before, and sometimes I still expected to see her with glasses.

  "Hey, Mom.” I gestured vaguely to the boy behind me. “This is Skyler...he gave me a ride home."

  Skyler stood up and walked over to my mother, shaking her hand. "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Shepherd."

  He was so polished and polite, I almost laughed.

  "Nice to meet you, too." It was obvious she was appraising him. Ugh. Mom.

  I tried to give her the eye, hoping she'd get the hint, but she moved along on her own, mumbling something about grading papers.

  Skyler turned to me, keys in hand. "I should get going anyway."

  "Okay." I walked him out to the porch, leaning on the rail as he jogged down the steps. "Thanks for the ride."

  "No problem."

  After homework but before dinner, I texted Niki to confer. She called back. She'd landed funny at dance and was icing her ankle in bed.