Starry Eyed Inside

by Rochelle Allison

  He didn't follow me outside, but my phone rang right as I turned down my street.

  "You tell me things like this and run away?"

  “I wasn't running away.” I let myself into the house and slipped into my room. "I just wanted you to read it without any distractions."

  "You're always going to distract me. On paper or in person."

  Why did he have to stay stuff like that? It turned my brain to mush. I dropped my bag on the ground and lay down, phone to my ear.

  "Rory?"

  "Hmm?" What more did he want me to say?

  “Thanks.”

  I smiled, closing my eyes. “You're welcome.”

  "I kind of figured, but it's nice to know."

  "I wanted you to know," I said, rolling onto my side. I imagined him back in his apartment, sitting on the new couch with my letter beside him. "Anyway, go back to your spaghetti."

  “Night, Rory.”

  "Night, Skyler.”

  The Friday before Thanksgiving break found me in the guidance counselor's office, fine-tuning details for my college applications. I was applying to five schools, all of them in central or northern Florida. USF was the one I was hoping for, but, like most of my peers, I just wanted someone to deem me worthy of acceptance.

  The bell rang. Mrs. Cooper smiled, handing me my pile of envelopes. "Well, you're all set to send these off. We'll probably start hearing back from these sometime in the spring."

  “Thanks, Mrs. Cooper. Have a good Thanksgiving,” I said, carefully tucking the paperwork into my backpack.

  "You too, Aurora."

  The hallway was jam-packed. I joined the sea of students flowing out the double doors, looking for Niki or Teigan. They found me first, falling into step by the flag pole.

  "What time are you coming?" Teigan asked. She was squinting at her phone, probably reading a text.

  "I brought my bag; I can come now," I said. "You riding with me, Niki?"

  She nodded, patting a bag of her own. "Claro.”

  Teigan waved absently, still glued to her phone. It was a wonder she didn't run into something. “Mkay, good. I'll meet you guys there."

  "Rocco must be home already," I mused, turning my attention to Niki. “And Finn?”

  “He's driving up.” Her smirk bloomed into a beatific smile. "He's...great. So great."

  "Aw." I grinned, unlocking the Explorer. "I love it. No one else makes you smile like that."

  Niki was engaging in a classic rite of passage later on. Her mom thought she was staying overnight with Teigan, but really she and Finn had gotten a hotel room. I didn't blame Niki—Luz had always been a little over-the-top when it came to boys and dating. She loved Finn, and he'd spent a ton of time at their apartment over the years, but Mama Luz still had a ton of rules.

  Teigan and I didn't have plans other than lazing around and watching movies, but I suspected that by the end of the night she'd be screwing Rocco somewhere, somehow.

  "Speaking of which..." Niki buckled her seat belt as I twisted around to reverse. “What's up with Skyler?”

  Although I'd been tight-lipped at first, I did end up telling Niki about Skyler and the things he'd said to me. I'd been prepared to defend the situation, to explain that I felt Skyler was being sincere, and that I was going to move slowly anyway, but there was no need. Niki seemed to think that if we'd been brought back together, then it was for a reason.

  I eased into the line crawling out of the parking lot. "He's good."

  "Just good? You guys talk almost every night."

  After giving Skyler the letter, I didn't hear from him for a couple of nights. He didn't come by the bookstore or text, leaving me to wonder if I'd weirded him out.

  And then, late one night, he called. I was reading in bed, fighting sleep, but I answered.

  Of course I answered.

  We didn't really talk about anything of consequence. He told me about his day, I told him about mine, and things went from there. When he texted a couple of nights later, I teased him that we were regressing, going back to the days when we'd message for hours.

  Still, we didn't talk every night. I sensed he meant to give me space, perhaps feeling he could afford to now that he knew my heart. I didn't always want space, but I accepted it for the both of us. I wasn't the only part of Jensen Beach he'd left behind—Kai attended college locally, so they hung out all the time, too. Sometimes Skyler had dinner with his parents. Whereas before he'd seemed to tolerate Ian, Olivia, and their parental overtures, now he genuinely wanted to spend time with them.

  "I have to say, I'm impressed," said Niki.

  I pulled up to Teigan's and parked. "Why? Because I haven't jumped his bones yet?"

  "Yeah."

  “Gee, thanks.” I reached into the backseat for my bag.

  "Please, nena. You've been lusting after Skyler Nolan for like half your life,” she said. “You guys would've done it long ago if he hadn't left.”

  “Probably.”

  "So, I'm surprised he hasn't worked his voodoo over you yet."

  "He has," I admitted. "But I think I have my own voodoo now.”

  She grinned at that, raising her hand for a high-five.

  “The thing is, I don't just want to hook up with him. I mean, I do, but...”

  "Riiight."

  "Ni-ki," I moaned, letting us in through the front door with the key Teigan had given me. "What I'm trying to say is I care for him, a lot, but I don't want to rush into things. I'm barely over Tristan, you know? I don't know if I can handle more drama like that. Not now."

  "I think that's smart. I have a good feeling about Skyler, though." She laughed. "Oddly enough."

  "Yeah, well, stranger things have happened."

  "Are you seeing him later?"

  "I don't know." But I suspected I would, and the thought gave me butterflies.

  Teigan strolled in about five minutes later. We hung around her room until Finn picked Niki up, whisking her off to their love shack.

  “Teigan,” cooed Elodie, floating into the bedroom on a cloud of perfume. “We're going now.”

  “Have fun. You guys are going to that French place, right?” Teigan said, weaving her hair into two braids.

  “Oui.” Her mother winked at me. “I will not forget your almond clafoutis.”

  “Bring extra, for Rory! Please.”

  “Of course!” Elodie kissed her daughter's cheeks, and then mine, before leaving.

  Teigan's eyes met mine in the mirror. “We have until midnight, at least. Pistache is in West Palm and Jonathan drives like un escargot.”

  So we made ourselves a couple of rum n' cokes and went swimming. The night had cooled, but the pool's heater—and our rum—kept things toasty. Teigan's phone rang. I could tell by her hushed tones that it was Rocco, and I hoped with a kind of tight anxiety that Skyler was with him.

  "They're outside," she said as she climbed out. "Shit, it's cold."

  "They?"

  "Rocco and Skyler." She wrapped herself in a towel and hurried over to the gate. "Be right back."

  I took a swig of my drink, trying to sufficiently numb my mind before Skyler came and scrambled it. The gate squeaked, and Teigan returned with the boys.

  "Hey, Rory," Rocco said, ridding himself of his clothes immediately.

  Skyler kicked his shoes off but hesitated, hanging back. Despite the fact we'd been keeping in touch, we hadn't seen each other since the night I gave him the letter. "Hey," he said, squatting down. "You getting out?"

  "No," I said, swimming over to him. "You should come in."

  Just then Rocco cannon-balled into the pool. In his boxers. “I don't know,” Skyler said, cracking a smile.

  "You have changed.” I flicked water at him. “You used to love swimming in your underwear.”

  He stood slowly, smirking as he took off his t-shirt and jeans.

  "You can keep your socks on," I teased, but he peeled those off, easing into the water. We smiled at each other like two nerdy kids on a first da
te.

  "So, how was work?" I asked, floating slowly backwards.

  He made a face. "Really? Work?"

  "What? You always tell me about your day."

  "Today was like every day. I busted my ass and went home." He paused, floating toward me. "How was school?"

  "The same, minus physical labor,” I said. “Got all my college applications filled out and sent off, so that's a relief."

  “Sweet.” We'd been talking about it a couple of nights prior. Skyler had applied to schools all over Florida, including the University of Tampa—a private school downtown. I hoped we'd both end up in Tampa, even at different schools, but I didn't want to get my hopes up.

  "No big plans tonight?" I asked.

  "I could ask you the same thing.”

  I hit the other end of the pool, realizing I'd been retreating the whole time he'd been advancing. Sort of like our relationship in general lately. "I'm in chill mode these days. What could be better than this?” I joked, dragging my fingertips across the surface of the water.

  "This is nice,” he agreed, stopping a couple of feet away. “Anyway, Rocco wanted to come, and I was with him so...here we are." That deflated me a little, but then he swam closer. "Besides, Teigan said you were here."

  A small splash at the shallow end gave me an excuse to look away. Teigan was wrapped around Rocco. They'd probably be sneaking off in a minute.

  Skyler moved to my side, leaning against the wall. His arm touched mine, and coupled with the night chill, gave me goose bumps. Our eyes met. Intimacy glimmered between us, brought on by memories of other nights in pools, of whispering and kissing and touching.

  "Remember Teigan's party? A long time ago?" I asked, gazing into the electric blue. "You guys were all here."

  I saw him nod in my peripheral.

  "This is the first place you ever talked to me," I said.

  "I remember. You were out here by yourself."

  "I had such a crush on you."

  I sensed, rather than saw, him smile.

  "Rory!” Teigan climbed out of the pool, tossing her boy a towel. "We're gonna make a few more drinks. You want another one? Skyler?"

  “Does Jonathan have any more of that mango rum?”

  “Yeah, you want it?”

  “Please!”

  "I'll have mine non-mango," said Skyler. “Thanks.”

  They half-ran inside, shivering and dripping everywhere.

  "I missed him while I was gone," Skyler said, resting his elbows on the side of the pool. "A lot. He was pretty pissed off at me when I got in trouble, but after a while, he was the only one I could really talk to.”

  It was difficult to imagine Rocco as anything but jovial, but that had been a dark time for the Nolan family. “I love Rocco.”

  “You have no idea,” he said. “He's the reason my parents and I have any sort of relationship at all right now."

  "How'd he manage that?"

  "He just...kept us civil. And then he got us talking." He ran wet hands through his still-dry hair. "Rocco's always been like that."

  "What ever happened to Sean? I noticed he sort of disappeared after you got in trouble."

  "Not sort of. He did disappear. My mom called his mom, can you believe that?"

  Olivia was a badass. I laughed incredulously. "Where'd he go?"

  "Hell if I know. To live with other family members, I guess."

  So many lives had been affected by their bad choices. It could have been a lot worse, too, had Skyler been busted by the cops instead of his mother.

  We quieted. The water stilled, almost glassy from our lack of movement.

  "It's hard knowing how you feel and not being able to touch you."

  I wished I could tell him he could, but touching would probably lead to touching. I knew what those hands felt like and what they could do. They'd be my undoing.

  "We could go inside," I offered.

  He splashed me. "I don't want to go inside."

  “Me neither.” I splashed back.

  Rocco and Teigan returned, drinks in hand. They'd made the second batch pretty strong, and it wasn't long before the mood turned feisty. Teig found a playlist—Hip Hop Through the Decades!—and we played it, bass heavy and loud, dancing around the patio. After a somewhat pathetic game of Marco Polo, we took turns racing down the yellow slide, toppling into the water in a tangle of arms and legs.

  On our fourth...fifth...time down the slide, Skyler and I went careening into the water at a funky angle. He grabbed me before I hit the wall, yanking me away from it. Intoxicated, heart racing in exhilaration, I wrapped my arms around him, bringing us close together. He pressed me against the wall, running his hands over my thighs, and I shuddered, my breath coming out in a wet, raspy gasp.

  Skyler released me, gently prying me off as I pushed away from him.

  I literally throbbed for him. I was drunk and horny and with someone who wanted me, someone I cared about so deeply it hurt. Why was I waiting again?

  "Sorry," he said, but he didn't look sorry.

  "Don't be," I said, shaking my head. "Let's go watch a movie or something."

  And when Rocco and Teigan disappeared up to her room and started blasting music to mask the sounds of their playtime, we just made popcorn and watched a cheesy slasher movie on cable.

  Being with Skyler felt good. We were closer now than we'd been in a long time, and it felt like something clicking into place, a sense of rightness. We talked until we could barely keep our eyes open, and then he fell asleep with his head in my lap.

  Niki was right: I loved him.

  I Want You

  My grandparents flew out from the West Coast to join us for Thanksgiving. It had been a while, so this was a big deal. There had been a time when they'd traveled all the time, visiting during summers and holidays, but they'd mellowed out. Not that I blamed Grandma Peg and Grandpa Patrick—if I lived in a place as pristine as Lake Tahoe, I wouldn't want to leave, either.

  But seeing them was a real treat, even if they did always take over my bedroom. I slept on the couch in the living room, which pulled out in to a nice, lumpy bed. It reminded me of middle school, when all I'd had was a single bed in my room. Niki and I had spent many nights on the pull-out bed, eating junk and smothering our giggles as we watched questionable things on late night TV.

  I was older now, and so was the couch. It killed my back, but that didn't stop me from lounging on it all day after the big feast, flipping through the TV channels. Cable was one of the few things my father didn't mind splurging on, and the sheer amount of crap to choose from was mind-boggling.

  Grandma Peg joined me, patting my knee as she sat. We were still in our jammies.

  "Now," she began, settling in. "Tell me about the boys."

  I smiled, used to this. Every family has at least one member who loves romantic gossip; in ours, it was undoubtedly Peg. "No one really," I said casually, hoping she'd leave it alone.

  "I thought your mother mentioned something about a boy..."

  I glanced sideways at her, catching the tail end of a smug grin turned innocent. "Well, I don't know what she possibly could have told you," I said, shaking my head. "But I did break up with my boyfriend of two years, recently."

  "Ah, that's a shame." She patted my knee again. "Is he the one I met? The year before last?"

  "Tristan, yes." Thinking about him still hurt a bit.

  She nodded. "You're young."

  "That's what Mom says." I smiled, giving up my search for something watch-able. Gran liked cooking shows, so I left it on the Food Network.

  "So there's no one else?" she prodded.

  Damn, she was insistent. It was like she could see right through me. I chewed the inside of my cheek, debating on whether or not I even wanted to get into it. "There is... someone," I hedged.

  "Mm?"

  "His name is Skyler," I said.

  "That's a lovely name," Gran said, her eyes twinkling. "Is he handsome?"

  "Very.”

  �
�Does he attend your school?”

  "No.” I paused. “He's, uh, graduated.”

  The doorbell rang. Probably a delivery; Mom did tons of shopping online. Jumping up, I peeked out the window to see Skyler standing on my porch with a container of some sort in his hands.

  "Crap," I whispered. I looked like a bum. Ratty pajamas aside, I hadn't brushed my hair all day. Had he texted? Where was my phone?

  "Who is it, dear?" Grandma Peg asked. Mom appeared in the doorway, wiping her hands on a dish towel.

  "Oddly enough, it's Skyler," I mumbled, sweeping my hair into a messy knot.

  Mom kept her face somewhat neutral, but she didn't move or return to the kitchen.

  I opened the door and smiled at my unexpected guest. "Hey, you."

  He smiled back. "Hey...Happy Thanksgiving."

  "Happy Thanksgiving," I echoed, although we'd spoken on the phone the day before, when it actually was Thanksgiving. "What's up?"

  "Just wanted to bring some of my mom's garlic mashed potatoes," he said. "Since you haven't had them yet."

  Standing aside to let him in, I took the container. It was ceramic or something, heavy. "Thanks! I can't wait to try this."

  "Aurora?"

  "Oh gosh, I'm sorry, Grandma,” I said, flustered. “Skyler, meet my grandmother, Peg. She and my grandpa are here from Lake Tahoe."

  They shook hands. Grandma Peg looked tiny next to Skyler. "It's so nice to meet you, dear," she said, blue eyes crinkling as she smiled up at him. "Aurora was just talking about you."

  Skyler smirked at me. "Oh yeah?"

  I rolled my eyes. "Get over it.”

  "Hi, Mrs. Shepherd," he said suddenly, waving to my mom. She was still standing there, a small, unreadable smile on her face. I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

  "Hello, Skyler. Long time, no see."

  He nodded. "Yeah, it's been awhile."

  I gave Mom the potatoes. "Olivia sent this over."

  "Oh, thank you!" she said. "I wish I had something to send back."

  "It's fine,” said Skyler. "We had a lot of food, you know?"

  “I do.” She turned to go. “It's good to see you, honey. Welcome home.”

  My heart melted. I could've hugged her.