Starry Eyed Inside

by Rochelle Allison

  What he was doing felt good, so good. I moved with him, putting my mouth to his ear. "I want you inside me."

  "I want to be inside you," he said, peeling off my panties. Tossing them aside, he got rid of his dress pants—I'd miss those; they fit him like a dream—and his underwear. He got a condom from the nightstand and rolled it on, stroking himself as he got back on top.

  I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him close, but he was in charge now, kissing my face and my neck, my breasts and my stomach. He kissed his way between my legs and went down on me until I shook.

  And then he was inside. "Finally," he whispered, so quietly I nearly missed it.

  I gasped, closing my eyes. "Don't go slow," I said, pulling him in deeper with my heels.

  Skyler picked up the pace, his hips hitting the inside of my thighs with every thrust. Our eyes met. After all this time we were finally here, together the way we'd always wanted. It was almost surreal.

  "I love you," I said, overwhelmed.

  “Me too. Rory...” His eyes closed, and he buried his face in my neck, slowing his movements, hitting it so deep. “Me too.”

  There was only the sound of our breathing, the sheets rustling and tangled beneath us. This was our first time, but I knew Skyler, and I knew he was about to come. His breathing quickened, and he thrust so hard we moved up the bed, knocking a pillow to the floor.

  I wrapped myself around him, needing him close, but he resisted, kissing my nose. "I gotta take care of this real quick."

  He pulled out and got up, leaving me shaky and completely blissed out. My legs collapsed flat. Skyler came out of the bathroom and got back on the bed, resting his head on my chest. "I'm addicted to you now."

  "Good," I said, pushing my fingers through his sweaty, messy hair. "It's mutual."

  "I'm gonna need it all the time."

  "Maybe I'll need it all the time, too," I said.

  He scooted up so that we were sharing a pillow. Looking in to his eyes after we'd been so physically close was something new. Maybe it wouldn't have changed things for other people, but it changed them for me. Skyler had already claimed a huge part of me, and now I felt like there was no turning back. Melodramatic, maybe, but it was how I felt.

  "I've wanted to make love to you for so long," I admitted, feeling my already flushed skin go scarlet. “I used to dream about what it would be like.”

  He touched my face, no doubt chasing the blush on my cheeks. "Is that what we were doing?"

  "Yes," I said, trying to contain my smile.

  "Felt kind of hardcore," he teased, trailing his hand down to my breast. "You wanted me to pound you."

  "Shut up." I laughed, batting his hand away. "You wanted it..."

  "Yeah, I did," he said, his eyes shining. "I'll always want it. I'll always want you." He put his hand flat on my chest, like he was looking for my heartbeat.

  My heart did that squeezy thing it tended to do when Skyler got romantic. "I'm glad," I said quietly, touching his chest the way he was touching mine.

  "Best birthday present ever, by the way.”

  Midnight in a Perfect World

  “Are you awake?”

  “I am now.”

  “Can I come get you?”

  I smiled, rubbing my eyes. Early morning light glowed gently through the slats in my blinds. “When?”

  “Soon.”

  We hadn't been able to get away from our families on Christmas Day and now, after having been teased with a taste, we were all about making the most of winter break.

  “How soon?”

  “Now...”

  An hour later I was in the boy's bed, wrapped gloriously up in the boy. I didn't want to stop; he'd said after our first time he was addicted, and I was addicted now too. Constellations of freckles dotted his neck and chest and, like the lovesick girl I was, I adored even them. I couldn't wait for summer, for the sun to make our skin and hair gold, to give me freckles that would match his. I couldn't wait to love him outside, maybe on top of his precious car, and definitely inside of it. Maybe we could christen our favorite beaches.

  Skyler Nolan had always had the prettiest eyes. Looking into them when we were joined like this was intense...it made me feel vulnerable. I thought he felt it, too, because when I finally let myself make eye contact with him, he blinked and pulled me down to kiss me.

  His playlist ended and started over. He eased me off him and rolled us over so that he was on top again. "Ready?"

  "For what?" I wrapped my arms around him.

  "For more," he said, pushing his way in. "For me."

  I was a little sore, but I didn't want him to stop. It was the kind of sore that felt fantastic while doing it and then hurt later, like his body was leaving a calling card. There were already twin bruises on my inner thighs from Christmas Eve, from his hips.

  "Hold still," he panted, putting his palm on my abdomen to stop my hips from undulating. Our eyes met. He sucked his lower lip in to his mouth and started moving again, slowly this time. "I almost came."

  "So?" Clasping his face between my palms, I slid my tongue into his mouth.

  He kissed me back, just as deep and messy-good. "So I wanted to hold off.”

  "Okay." I brought him in for another kiss; gentler this time, sweeter.

  Olivia had homemade apple cider. I hadn't had that in forever, and when Skyler told me she'd bought actual cinnamon sticks, too, I begged him for some.

  “You're not having any?” I asked, savoring the fragrance as steam rose from my mug.

  “I'm all cider-ed out,” he said, grabbing a strawberry Fanta from the fridge instead.

  Ah, Fanta: the sugary sweet incarnation of Skyler's seduction. I'd never be able to drink the stuff again without having a physiological reaction to it, thanks to him.

  The Nolans had taken Phoebe down south to visit friends, but Olivia had left a note on the counter saying there were plenty of leftovers in the fridge. I blushed, realizing she knew I'd been in the apartment with Skyler. It didn't matter how old we got, things like that were always a little embarrassing.

  "So why don't you have food in your fridge?" I asked, swinging my legs from atop my bar stool. “In the apartment?”

  Skyler shrugged, holding up two types of bread. I pointed to the rye. "I was running out anyway, but then Christmas came, and it's been nonstop feeding over here ever since."

  "Nonstop feeding?" I giggled. "That makes you sound like an animal in the Serengeti."

  He smiled at my teasing, cutting slices of meat from the Christmas ham.

  "I'm surprised none of your family came down for the holidays this year," I said, hopping down to get a bag of chips I'd spied in the pantry.

  "Yeah, I know. Usually they would've, but things were kind of hectic. I saw 'em all last year, though."

  "In New York," I said, nodding.

  "Yeah, my grandma lives about forty minutes away from Uncle Aiden, so we did both Thanksgiving and Christmas at her place. I saw people I hadn't seen in years."

  "Do you have a big family?" I asked.

  "Huge. And that's the New York Irish side...so you can imagine how rowdy it gets." He chuckled, capping the mayo and mustard.

  "That's awesome," I said.

  He looked so at peace, talking about his family. I was glad he'd had that while being away; he hadn't completely been disconnected from what mattered. It made me wistful, though, too, because I'd missed those years.

  Skyler put a sandwich in front of me, and I poured chips on to both of our plates.

  "Do you ever miss it?" I asked.

  "What, New York?"

  I nodded, taking a bite.

  "Not really. I mean, by the time I left it felt like home but... not like Jensen Beach. I miss my uncle, though. He wants me to come up for Spring Break."

  My heart skipped, and not in a good way. The thought of him leaving—especially for New York—was unsettling, even if it was only temporary. "Are you gonna go?"

  He shrugged, swallowing. "
I was going to ask if you wanted to come with."

  My heart skipped again, but in the good way this time. "Depends," I said.

  "On what?"

  "Cash flow, my parents...you know my Dad. He's still pretty protective."

  "Yeah, but you're eighteen. He can't exactly stop you."

  "I know." I nodded, wiping my mouth with a napkin. "But I don't I want to throw it in his face, either."

  Skyler smirked. "So what's he going to do when you go to college?"

  "Ha! Good question." My parents hadn't been too clingy yet, but I had a feeling that might change as my move-out date drew nearer. And even then, I could totally see my dad insisting on routine check-ups or something after the fact.

  Oh, jeez. I hoped it wouldn't come to that.

  "So if your parents were cool with it, and the ticket wasn't a problem, you'd go?"

  "Of course I'd go. I'd love to see where you were all that time,” I said. "Would we go see your school, too?"

  He nodded. "And listen—I can help you with your ticket, since I'm inviting you."

  I blinked in surprise. “You don't...”

  “I know I don't.” He stuffed the rest of his sandwich into his mouth. “But I want to.”

  Skyler dropped me home around 9:00. I'd never spent so much time with him, except maybe the time we all went to Orlando back in the day. It was easy to be with him, even with the constant crackle of sexual tension. Maybe especially because of it.

  The light was on in the kitchen, and for a moment I wondered if my parents were mad at me for staying out all day with Skyler. Hesitantly, I made my way toward the quiet hum of voices.

  "Aurora?" My father leaned back in his chair, peering at me as I walked in. He looked upset.

  "Hey," I said, pausing in the doorway. "Sorry I didn't call—"

  "Have a seat, honey," Mom said, giving me a reassuring smile.

  “Is everything okay?” Heart pounding, I sat down, wondering what on earth was going on. "You're freaking me out," I said, not bothering to control the wobble in my voice.

  "Grandma Peg had a heart attack," Dad said. "We got a call from your Aunt Shelley a little while ago."

  Stunned, I sat back in my chair. I'd been checking my phone all day; they hadn't even called to tell me. "I would've come home earlier..."

  Mom shook her head slightly. "We just found out."

  I couldn't believe it; we'd just seen my grandmother at Thanksgiving. "Is she...?"

  "She's stable, but she'll be in the hospital for a few days. Mom and I are flying out, and we think you should come. Just in case.”

  I stared at the table, not wanting to imagine what that might mean. Mom touched my hand. “We don't know how bad things are, or how...if..."

  I nodded numbly. "Of course. When do we leave?"

  My mom pointed to her laptop. I hadn't even noticed it.

  "Probably tomorrow; I'm looking at fares now. It won't be a long trip. Daddy can't get too much time off work."

  That sucked. I couldn't imagine her or Dad being sick and me being too tethered to a job to be able to stay with them. But that was life, I supposed. Suddenly a wave of anguish washed over me, and I rested my head on my hands.

  I knew my grandparents were old, but it had always been sort of an abstract thing. My mother's father had died when I was little, but other than that I was lucky enough to have three living grandparents. Grandma Peg was the one I was closest to.

  Something broke in my chest and the tears came.

  I texted Skyler as soon as I got in to my room. His response came through before I'd even put my phone down.

  You ok? Want me to come?

  No, I'll be ok. We're probably flying out tomorrow.

  Call me before you go.

  I texted Niki and Teigan next. I hadn't seen them since Christmas, and now it would be another few days before we could hang out. Teigan didn't get back to me, but Niki did. She called a second later, and we spoke in hushed whispers for a while.

  When we got off the phone I turned the light off and lay awake, staring at the fading glow of my ceiling stars. Life was so this way, bubbly and wonderful one second, sobering the next.

  A text came through while I was falling asleep; I almost didn't check it, but I was so glad when I did. It was Skyler.

  It's going to be ok. I'll be here when you get back.

  We ended up flying out early in the morning. I barely made it onto the plane and once I was buckled in, I promptly fell asleep. The next three days were a complete whirlwind.

  For one thing, I hadn't been to Nevada since I was thirteen. Whereas my mother came from a big, rambling family in Florida, Dad's family was a lot smaller and very tight knit. Aunt Shelley met us at the Reno-Tahoe airport, and we made the drive to the South Shore neighborhood where my grandparents had lived for over sixty years.

  Grandma was still at the hospital when we arrived, so after dropping our luggage at Shelley's we went to see her. I'd tried to prepare myself for what I might see, but seeing my grandmother so pale and small freaked me out. She napped a good bit, and when she was awake, what little she managed to say was slower and so quiet we could barely hear her.

  But the doctors explained that while Grandma Peg's heart attack had been moderate, they were optimistic she'd heal well. This would take time, obviously, but it gave us hope. At least, it gave me hope. I did my best to maintain outwardly, but on the inside I was panicking. I couldn't even imagine how my father felt, and I kept glancing at him, looking for clues on how to act and feel.

  Grandpa Patrick seemed stoic about things, but every now and then I caught him grabbing Grandma's hand, like he was begging her without words. That was the kind of thing that ripped me apart inside. I could see a lot of my father in Grandpa.

  Eventually hunger, and exhaustion, set in. Mom and I left to get something to eat, leaving Dad and Aunt Shelley in the hospital. We'd left so early I hadn't gotten a chance to call Skyler like I'd promised. We were several hours behind Florida now.

  Pausing outside the restaurant Mom had gone into, I called him.

  "Rory, hey."

  "Hey."

  "How's it going? How is she?"

  I sighed, slumping into an empty bench. "She's out of it. But the doctors are saying in time she'll be able to go on normally, like before. It's just...I don't know. Seeing her like this sucks. She's always seemed so healthy."

  "Shit."

  "I know."

  "She'll be okay, though?" His voice was soft, tender. It made me wish he were with me.

  "That's what they're saying."

  "Well, that's something. How's your dad?"

  I yawned, rubbing my eyes. "He's the same as usual. I mean, he's definitely worried, but he's okay. I think he feels better now that we're actually here and he can see what's going on himself."

  "That makes sense."

  We talked until Mom came out with two bags of food. “Ready?” she mouthed.

  I nodded, standing up. "I gotta go," I told Skyler, missing him already.

  “All right. When do you come back?"

  "The thirty first. I think we land around 7:00."

  “P.M.?”

  “Yeah.”

  "I'll be around, if you need me."

  "I'll need you.”

  "Then I'll be there. Bye, Rory."

  "Bye.” I followed my mother across the street, but I couldn't shake the cloud, the disjointed, empty feeling. I sent Skyler a text.

  Wish you were here.

  By the time we left Tahoe, I was emotionally drained. We all were.

  It had been good to see family, just sad that it had been under such crappy circumstances. Grandma Peg was showing progress, which was a blessing, but still hooked up to so many tubes. She still didn't talk much, though many times I saw her eyes following us as we conversed and moved around her. It was hard to think of how peppy she'd been at Thanksgiving, and I had to accept this might mean certain lifestyle changes for her.

  It was New Year's Eve when our
plane touched down in West Palm Beach, but I wasn't in the mood to party. I was in the mood to see my friends, though, and Skyler especially. I'd texted him during our layover in Phoenix to make sure that I could.

  My parents weren't too thrilled that I was leaving for the evening, but they were too tired to put up much of a fight. I didn't care, anyway. They had each other to lean on, and I wanted to find comfort with the person I loved. I took a shower and packed an overnight bag, making sure to leave a note on the kitchen table. Hopefully my parents would understand my need for respite, even if just for an evening. Besides, I'd stayed out to watch the sunrise on New Year's past, so my being out all night wasn't too strange.

  I met Skyler on my front porch, sinking in to him with a weariness I hadn't known in a long time.

  “I'm really glad you're here,” I said, wrapping my arms around him tight.

  "Nowhere else I'd rather be," he said. “You gonna be okay?”

  His concern put a lump in my throat and for a moment I stood still, letting myself be held. “I will be.”

  "And your Grandma?" he asked, even though we'd discussed possibilities and probabilities over the phone.

  "In time, I think," I said, walking down the steps with him.

  In the car, he turned to me. "So, I almost got you flowers, but that seemed kind of cheesy so I got you these instead." He dropped something in to my hands.

  Sparklers. I grinned and held them to my chest, glad for the lightness of the moment.

  "Phoebe loves those," he said, smiling. "There are supposed to be fireworks over the water tonight, but we can stay in if you're not in the mood."

  He was being so kind, so accommodating, that I melted for him all over again. "I want to see them," I said, resting my hand on his arm. "It sounds perfect."

  "Good. I got champagne, too."

  "Okay, that might be a little cheesy.”

  He raised an eyebrow. "You like champagne."

  "I love champagne."

  "I know."

  I'd already texted Niki and Teig. I'd missed them, and I needed them. Being away, far from home—especially under the circumstances—had been even more difficult than I'd anticipated. I'd known the trip would be rough, though; it wasn't like I was going on vacation with my parents.