ShouldveKnownBetter

by Cassandra Carr

  February was fast approaching, and with it, Valentine’s Day. Sebastian wanted so badly to take Sarah out for a nice dinner and show her off. They’d been able to go out with Rob a few times, as long as they stuck to places they weren’t likely to be seen, but Sarah would never agree to a romantic dinner.

  A couple of weeks beforehand he decided to bring the subject up to her anyway. Sneaking around had long since lost its appeal. He wanted everyone to know Sarah was his. They were snuggling on her couch after watching a movie when Sebastian extracted himself from Sarah’s hold and moved into the recliner.

  She blinked sleepy eyes. “What’re you doing?”

  “We need to talk.”

  Sarah struggled upright, stretching her arms overhead. His greedy eyes watched as her shirt tightened over her breasts and his groin stirred, but he forced himself to ignore his rapidly burgeoning erection so he could concentrate. This was important.

  “What’s up?”

  “I want to take you out for Valentine’s Day.” Her expression darkened and he sighed.

  “Seb—”

  “Don’t. Just don’t.” Sebastian rose, dangerously close to losing control. The last time he’d done that was when his teammate had been killed in the car wreck in juniors. He’d punched a hole in the wall then and paid for it dearly, breaking a knuckle, which had caused him to miss significant playing time.

  “Please, hon-”

  With his NHL career just starting, he couldn’t afford to do something stupid. “Screw this. I tell you I want to take you out on Valentine’s Day, a day reserved for people to show their love to each other, and all you can think about is your job. What about me? Am I not as important as your job?”

  “Of course, but—”

  “There is no ‘but’ to that statement, Sarah, and since you’ve said it all along, I already know the answer to my question. Your job is more important. I want you, Sarah. I love you. Yes, I said it. I love you. I waited four freaking months for you to be ready to even date me, but I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” His voice cracked and he cursed his own weakness. “I just don’t know.”

  That got her attention. Sebastian would’ve laughed at the comical expression on her face if he wasn’t so close to crying.

  “What are you saying?”

  “Let’s not make any final decisions right now, but I think I need some time to figure out if being with you in secret is better than being without you. Right now, I’m not sure. I’m losing myself and that hurts a lot.”

  She pleaded with him with her eyes, and rose to come to him, but he put up a hand and she stopped. “Please, Sebastian, this isn’t—”

  “Easy for you, I know. Believe me, I know.” He paced away a few steps and then pivoted. “I’ve got the charity auction in a few days. We can talk after that. I do love you, never doubt that.” Without allowing her another word, he stuffed his feet into his boots, grabbed his winter coat, and flew out of her house.

  Once in his car he started the engine and drove several houses away so Sarah wouldn’t see him, parked again, and succumbed to his tears. Finally, his eyes grainy and his head pounding, he went back to his place, hoping Rob would be gone. But when he opened the door, his roommate was watching television.

  “Hey, bud. I—” Rob shot off the couch. “What’s going on, man? Did something happen?”

  “I think I just broke up with Sarah.”

  “You think?”

  Sebastian shrugged, trying like hell to hold off a fresh onslaught of tears. The last thing he wanted to do was blubber in front of his teammate. “We didn’t really come out and say it, but yeah, I think we did. Oh, and I also told her I loved her for the first time. I’m such an idiot.”

  “Come on over and sit.” Rob led him to the couch and briefly left the room. He returned with a tumbler containing an amber liquid. “I know you don’t drink much hard liquor, but I think it’ll help.”

  Sebastian accepted the glass and wrapped his shaking hands around it. With deceptive calm, he relayed the last few conversations he’d had with Sarah, including the one that evening. When he was done, he asked, “So what do I do now?”

  “You go to the bachelor auction and you let her fend for herself. I like Sarah, dude, but this whole thing is messed up. A woman should be proud to be with you. You’re a great guy.”

  Sebastian chuckled, but there was no humor in it. “That’s what everybody keeps telling me.”

  “Because it’s true. If she can’t see that or she’s ashamed of you, you’re better off without her. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s what you need to hear.”

  “I know.” Setting the glass down, Sebastian rubbed his temples with the pads of his fingers. “I just can’t figure out a way to change her mind.”

  “You might not be able to, and you have to accept that.”

  Reaching for his drink again, Sebastian took a swallow and perversely rejoiced at the burn of the liquor as it warmed his chest and belly. After taking another drink, he set the glass down once more. “Drinking won’t make it go away.”

  “But it might make it easier to sleep. Trust me on this. Finish it.”

  With a brief glare in his friend’s direction, Sebastian downed the last of the whiskey in one big gulp, coughing as it worked its way into his system. “I’m going to bed.”

  Rob approached him and squeezed his shoulder. “Don’t obsess over this. It’ll only make things worse.”

  “I know. I’ll try.”

  “I’m here if you need anything. You know that, right?”

  Sebastian paused at the threshold of the living room. “I do. And thanks.”

  “Anytime.”

  Sebastian slunk off to bed with a heavy heart. Sarah was everything he’d never even known he’d wanted in a woman, except for the one thing that had torn them apart. As he crawled underneath his covers, he wondered if he’d ever really get over her or if he’d spend the rest of his life with this chunk taken out of his heart. He wasn’t looking forward to finding out.

  By some small miracle, the bachelor auction came and went without incident. Sebastian had had to parade in front of those women like some prize stallion, but at least it was over quickly. He trudged home, armed with the information about the “date” who’d purchased him. He was thankful the charity had done all the work arranging the date itself. Now all he had to do was show up and try not to appear too miserable.

  He snorted as it occurred to him that in many ways Sarah hadn’t treated him as much more than a prized stallion either. After everything they’d gone through to be together he’d expected more from her. But like the sentimental idiot he was, he still loved her.

  He was aware some of his teammates had noticed his mood, but he ignored their curious looks and skirted around the truth whenever someone asked him a direct question. Knowing he wasn’t alone in his melancholy was the only reason life at the rink was more tolerable. Sarah was walking around like a zombie, but she still hadn’t approached him.

  He’d be damned if he was going to make the first move this time. He’d made the first move, and the second move, and the third, fourth and fifth moves before she’d given in. If she wanted him back, she knew where to find him.

  The charity date was pleasant, but all Sebastian could think about was how much he wished Sarah was with him rather than this woman. His “date” was probably around his age, and totally not his type, not that it would’ve mattered. He and Sarah might be broken up, but that didn’t mean he was going to jump into some other woman’s arms.

  When they were on their way out of the restaurant, a couple of her friends approached them from the bar. Practically strutting like a peacock, his “date” relayed that they were together for the night.

  Sebastian winced. Then her friends all squealed and his ears rang. This was turning into a colossal pain in the ass. Freaking puck bunnies. Would they catch him if he ran now? The fact he was seriously considering it didn’t bode well for the rest of the evening.
Did they expect him to entertain them all? Sebastian shuddered at the image.

  The woman offered to let her friends ride with them in the limo and he sighed inwardly. Not letting his discomfort show, he escorted the women out to the limo and climbed in after them. One of them offered him a drink, and after considering it might help him deal with the women’s loud laughter, he accepted it.

  Even though he was full from dinner, it went down easy and he began to relax. Maybe the night wouldn’t be too bad. That was his last coherent thought before the world went black.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sarah steadfastly denied, even to herself, that she’d pored over the local newspaper’s article about the bachelor auction. She also didn’t admit she knew exactly when the dates would take place. Despite knowing how much it would hurt, on the fateful night some other woman was having a great time with Sebastian, Sarah found herself flipping on the evening news, berating herself all the while for being a glutton for punishment.

  She didn’t have to wait long to hear about how the dates went. The top story was how one of the dates had gone very wrong. Sarah gasped and flew out of her chair to get a closer look at the television. Sebastian was on camera, being hauled into the city police station in handcuffs. A low buzzing in her ears drowned out everything else, but she got herself under control enough to hear the female anchor say, “The Storm had no immediate comment.”

  Reaching back to the coffee table for her remote, she rewound, saying a quick prayer of thanks for the technology to be able to do so. As the female anchor spoke, Sarah gasped again, her hand covering her mouth.

  Sebastian had apparently been arrested for trespassing at a local landmark. He and several “unnamed women” had apparently been drinking, and someone had called the cops. When the police arrived, they found Sebastian highly intoxicated, and the women weren’t much better. Sebastian was only partially clothed. Stone-cold dread stole over Sarah. What had been going on?

  Before she even realized what she was doing, she had her phone out and had dialed Rob. He answered on the second ring, sounding harried. “Rob, what the hell is going on? I saw—”

  “Sarah, I’m pulling into the police station. I’ll call you back as soon as I can. He’s okay.” He hung up and Sarah stared at the phone.

  What the hell did Rob mean, Sebastian was okay? Plastered, half-naked and arrested was sure as shit not okay.

  She grabbed her coat and purse and was halfway to the police station before she considered the ramifications. She doubted her presence would be welcome there. Swallowing thickly, she carried on. There was no way in hell, despite everything that had gone on between them, that Sarah wouldn’t be there for Sebastian. Obviously he was in trouble, and she needed to put aside everything else and help if she could.

  When she walked into the station, Jon, Keith, and Rob all looked up and she swore softly. Of course the head coach and general manager would be at the police station in a situation like this. Keith’s eyebrows furrowed. “Sarah, what are you doing here?”

  She glanced at Rob, who gave a helpless shrug. Taking a deep breath, she said, “Sebastian and I are dating.”

  Now Keith’s eyebrows shot up and Jon turned his back, uttering a litany of swear words. “The two of you are together?” Keith asked, his voice dangerously soft.

  Swallowing again, Sarah tried to calm her heart as it pounded within her chest. “Yes.”

  “What the fuck were you thinking?” Jon roared, rounding on her.

  Rob placed a hand on her arm, but she didn’t spare him a glance.

  “And if you’re—” Jon motioned toward her. “—dating, or whatever, why the hell was he even involved in this bachelor auction? This shitstream just keeps getting wider.”

  Keith’s mouth was compressed in a hard line. “We’ll talk more about this later. Right now Sebastian is our priority. If you want to stay, that’s fine, but don’t get in the way. Our lawyer should be here soon, and with any luck, he’ll be able to convince the judge to let Sebastian off with a warning. He’ll be suspended, probably both by the team and by the league. As for you…”

  Sarah bit the inside of her cheek so she could focus on something other than her world falling apart around her. “I understand.” She sank onto a metal bench in front of the desk sergeant.

  Rob followed. “You okay? You’re pretty pale.”

  “I couldn’t let him go through this without me. It’s my fault he was there in the first place.”

  “Sebastian deserves some of the blame for this too. He’s an adult. I have no idea why he was drinking so heavily, but I guess we’ll find out soon enough.”

  “Why were all those women with him?” What the hell happened at that auction?

  “I don’t know that either. For now, just let Jon and Keith and the lawyer deal with it, and when Sebastian’s able to go home, we’ll try to figure out what the hell went on tonight. He’s going to be feeling pretty low, both from the hangover he’s sure to have and from the shame of what he did. He’ll need a friend.” Rob’s eyes were more serious than Sarah had ever seen them. “Can you be that for him?”

  She nodded, too choked up to speak. He patted her knee and then sat back with her to wait.

  ****

  Sebastian really wanted to tell the marching band to keep it down. He needed to sleep, but something hard and cold beneath him edged into his consciousness. That’s not my bed. Struggling to consciousness, one question formed in his mind—Where am I?

  Forcing one eye open, he assessed the setting. A wall of bars was directly in front of him, and the only items in the room were a cot and toilet. Jail? He was in jail!

  In seconds he was lurching for the toilet in the corner. It didn’t take long for everything in his stomach to come up. Afterward, he pulled himself back to the bench he’d been sleeping on and groaned. His head hurt, he was still nauseous, and he wanted to sleep until next year. But why was he in jail? He couldn’t remember anything.

  He’d fallen asleep again, but someone came in and he wrenched his eyes open. A police officer frowned. “Your lawyer believes you were drugged, so I’m sending someone in to take a sample of your blood in a few minutes. Do you consent to a test?”

  “Drugged? That would explain a lot. What lawyer?”

  “You don’t remember talking to him?”

  “No.”

  “Do you consent to the test?”

  “Yeah. If I was given something I wanna know about it.”

  “Okay, sit tight for now.”

  He left and Sebastian groaned. Surely someone had run him over several times. Even when he’d had mono at fifteen he’d hadn’t been this sick.

  Sebastian put his head in his hands. Did Sarah know what was happening? If so, how was she reacting? The worry, coupled with the exhaustion blanketing his body, overwhelmed him and he succumbed to sleep once more.

  The next time Sebastian woke, a lawyer was being escorted into the cell. He helped Sebastian sit up. “I’m Timothy Ducane, counsel for the Storm. I’ve spoken to the police at length, and as you probably already know, I urged them to do a drug test. That test just came back. It appears you were drugged with GHB, which is more commonly known as the date rape drug.”

  Date rape. His mind flashed briefly to Sarah, but he couldn’t focus on anything, so he asked the most obvious question. “Why?”

  “That we don’t know, but the women you were with at the time of arrest are being questioned. You have an arraignment in a few hours and I expect the judge will dismiss your charges once he sees the test results.” He put a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about anything for now. We’ll get you out of this.”

  Sebastian’s eyes closed yet again, and despite his efforts to fight it, sleep claimed him.

  ****

  Sarah watched helplessly as Timothy came out to speak with Jon and Keith, and it became apparent the waiting was getting to Rob, because he jumped up and stalked over to the men. “Can you at least tell us how he is?”
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br />   The lawyer glanced over. “Pretty messed up, to be honest. I got them to agree to take a blood sample to have it analyzed. Based on the symptoms he was exhibiting, there was a possibility he was drugged with GHB, and I’m sorry to say I was correct.”

  The mention of the popular date rape drug doubled Sarah over, and Rob flew back to her side. Her vision clouded and nausea rose.

  “Sarah? Sarah?” He forced her to look at him. “Sarah? Stay with me, honey.”

  She rocked back and forth, her arms wrapped around her stomach, unable to stave off the shudder working its way over her skin.

  Jon, Keith, and the lawyer were all staring. “Can I tell them?” Rob asked.

  She nodded, unable to speak past the lump in her throat.

  Rob regarded the men and, his voice grave, said, “She was attacked at Cornell. A friend raped her.”

  Keith approached, squatting next to Sarah. Speaking softly, he crooned, “It’s okay. He’s okay.”

  Sarah prayed Sebastian wasn’t going through the same hell she had. Never landing on one emotion or the other for more than a few seconds, she was alternately enraged and despondent that someone would hurt her sweet, loving man that way. “Was he…” Her stomach pitched. She couldn’t force the words out, but the lawyer seemed to understand what she wanted to know.

  “From what it appears, the police got there before anything could happen. Sebastian doesn’t remember anything. The limo that brought him and his date to dinner was nowhere to be found, and the car was supposed to stay with them all night. They’re going through the limo company to locate the driver to find out if he took them to the observation tower.”

  Sarah hugged herself, unable to believe this had happened to Sebastian. He was such a gentle soul. He didn’t deserve this.

  No one deserves this. And if I hadn’t rejected him, he never would’ve been in this situation in the first place. The guilt threatened to steal the breath from her lungs.