Taking a Knee

by Sean Ashcroft

  It seemed more important than ever to win this game, though. That would almost certainly help Jace’s mood.

  “So what do they call you? Out there, I mean?” Jace nodded in the direction of the stadium.

  “Destructo Joe.” Joe grinned. “You’ll see why.”

  “Get dressed.” Noah instructed, pointing to Joe. “I have to give a pep talk.”

  Noah climbed onto one of the benches in the middle of the room and whistled loudly to get everyone’s attention. Most people at least nodded in acknowledgement, which he knew was as good as he was going to get.

  Team captain he might have been, but he’d lost a lot of support over the last few weeks because of all the crap that had gone on. He needed that back if they were going to come out on top this season.

  “Okay, so, you all did great last week, but you know that with the new points system we need to win by a bigger margin this week if we’re going to be invited to the national competition. This is game seven of eight, so make it count. I know we’ve had a few setbacks, but we’re weathering them now. Just this once, we’re borrowing Joe from the Philly Brollers.” He paused to nod to Joe, who raised a hand so everyone could see him. “And we’re gonna go out there and kick ass.”

  A ripple of agreement and nodding ran through the locker room. Noah figured that was good enough, and got off the bench to put the rest of his gear on.

  Everyone else followed his lead, and soon enough, they were skating out to the bench to take a few last-minute instructions from Coach Williams.

  While he was listening, Noah spotted a sign someone in the bleachers was holding up.

  Nyquil + Noah Way, it said, and there was a big, red heart drawn around the words.

  The fans, obviously, didn’t remember the game as the near-disaster it was. They remembered that Noah and Jace were cute together. They remembered the teamwork, and they probably remembered Jace carrying Noah off the track, too.

  Noah remembered being sore the next day, and Jace putting cream on his bruise. The thought, combined with the sign, gave him butterflies. Jace cared about him.

  Caring should have been enough. Noah was just being greedy by wanting anything more than that. He had a lot more than most people ever got right now.

  It was hard not to compare Jace to Joe, though. Joe was the kind of man people dreamed about meeting—gorgeous, confident, conventionally successful and a constant source of fun. They’d never been on a boring date, and the sex had been great. Joe was a generous, practiced lover whose technique was, in Noah’s experience, unsurpassed.

  And then there was sweet, kind Jace, who didn’t fly all over the world for business meetings, had never taken Noah on a date, and had almost certainly not made a point of studying sex.

  He didn’t have time to think too deeply about the contrast or what it meant before the game started, which was just as well. The last thing he needed was to be analyzing his love life while he was supposed to be playing.

  With Joe playing pivot, the game started strong. He took out the other team’s jammer maybe ten seconds into the first jam, letting Noah take the lead, score a lap’s worth of points, and then call it off before the other guy could get around Joe at all.

  Rafe had been good, but he hadn’t been that good. This was how derby was supposed to be played. It was hard, fast, and a little dirty. Joe had told him that when they’d first met.

  Joe high-fived him as they skated next to each other. It was much better than the elbow to the chest he’d taken last game. Noah had an idea, fueled by their current success and the other team scrambling to adjust to the strategy.

  “Star pass,” he said to Joe. Joe’s eyes lit up, and he grinned like a little boy.

  A star pass was a rare maneuver, because it required good timing, good skating, and a pivot who could also play in the jammer position. It allowed for the jammer and the pivot to switch roles, by switching the covers on their helmets—the jammer’s star with the pivot’s stripe.

  A pivot was more or less a fancy blocker, so a lot of teams just picked a big guy who could get in the way of the opposing jammer and left it at that, never taking advantage of the special rules that applied to them. Joe’s specialty was that he could do both. His jamming technique was how he’d earned his derby name.

  The star pass practically never happened, so people never expected it. Some of them even forgot it was possible. It was the perfect way to get ahead.

  He nodded to Joe, holding out his hand to count down on his fingers. Three, two, one.

  Noah whipped his helmet cover off and passed it over, taking Joe’s with his other hand. He was a terrible blocker, too small to be much of a deterrent to the other guy, but Joe, well… the move’s success depended entirely on Joe.

  Noah watched him dash forward, heading straight for the opposing team’s pack of blockers. They scattered like bowling pins as he rolled through them, using his height and grace to his advantage. Some of them hit the track as he shoved his way past.

  Joe had perfected picking up three minor fouls per jam, one for each scoring pass. That was fifteen points in total. It was enough to give them a serious lead, instead of the safe nickel-and-diming play technique Noah was used to executing, only taking chances when he saw an opening.

  They switched covers back before Joe went to pick up his fourth minor foul so that if they wanted to do it again, he’d be ready to go next time. Minor fouls cleared once they hit four and the player did their time in the penalty box, so all they had to do was stall play until they were back. In derby, that was easy.

  The team seemed happy. The crowd were cheering. Noah had gotten it right.

  All they had to do now was win the game.

  Noah glanced over at Jace to see him looking distracted, and his heart sank. He’d hoped getting an early lead would make Jace feel better, but it clearly wasn’t working yet.

  “He’s good,” Jace said as Noah skated closer. “I see why you like him.”

  Noah shrugged. “I didn’t bring him here for his stunning good looks, y’know? I want to win this. I owe you that much.”

  “You don’t owe me anything,” Jace said. “I just want you to be happy.”

  “I am happy.” Noah patted Jace’s shoulder. “We’re gonna win this.”

  Jace didn’t seem so sure, but he’d feel better once they’d gotten a few more points behind them. He had to. What was the point of derby if not to enjoy it?

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jace had been waiting for Brian to be sitting out at the same time as he was all game, and now that he had the chance, he wasn’t sure how to start. He needed to talk to someone, and Brian was, for this particular conversation, the most qualified person he knew.

  If Jace didn’t take the opportunity now, he might never take it. Just the thought of asking the question on his mind was terrifying, though. Once he said it, it was out there. It wasn’t a secret anymore.

  Even if only one person knew, that kind of made it true.

  How the hell did people deal with this all the time? How did teenagers deal with this? Jace suddenly had a whole lot more respect for some of the kids he’d met.

  “I can hear you thinking at me, so you might as well come out with it,” Brian said. Jace sighed. He wasn’t the subtlest person in the world. He’d probably taken a breath to speak half a dozen times without even realizing.

  “Can you be bi if you’re only attracted to one guy?”

  His stomach twisted as he got the words out. What if Brian laughed at him? What if he told him no? Where the hell did he go from here if that wasn’t the answer?

  Brian chuckled. “This doesn’t sound hypothetical,” he said.

  “It’s not.” Jace looked down at the floor. “It’s really not, and I’m man enough to tell you that I’ve never been so confused in my life.”

  “Well, you can identify whatever way you want, and I’m not an authority here, but I’d say you definitely qualify as bisexual even if you’re just now figuring out that bo
ys are hot, too. I’m pretty sure I’ve already congratulated you on coming out, but I’m guessing this is the real thing this time, so congrats again.”

  “Thanks,” Jace said. It was a relief, but it seemed too easy considering how worried he’d been about asking. He’d expected Brian to question him, drill him about how many times he’d found another guy attractive—which, on reflection, Jace had realized was more than once. He’d ignored it before, because it had always been a passing thought, and irrelevant to him. Noah was different. It was way more intense, way more urgent than it had ever been. Plus, they were married.

  “So one guy is enough?” he asked. “I mean, is it enough to just be attracted to him? I’ve never… I kissed him once.”

  Brian laughed again. “For the record, this is very cute. But Jace, let me point something out to you. You married the guy. Straight up, no questions about whether that was weird. You offered to marry him because you didn’t want him to leave. You gave him some bullshit about the team, and Noah’s good and everything, but we would’ve been fine without him. If you ask me, you already kinda knew. You just hadn’t figured out what you knew.”

  “So you heard us talking, too?”

  “Yep.”

  “And you didn’t say anything?” Jace asked.

  “Nope. Because I’ve seen the way you look at Noah. And I don’t think he’s noticed, don’t worry. You can still be cool about making your approach. But make it soon, because his ex is hot.”

  Jace looked out at the track, where Joe and Noah were grinning at each other again. It was good that they were getting along, and great that they were pushing the team toward a landslide victory.

  Despite Joe’s many virtues, Jace hated him. That should have been enough of a clue. He was jealous, and he hated it, because Noah was allowed to have friends. Just not this one particular friend, who he used to date and played really well with.

  “I realize it’s a lot to take in,” Brian said.

  “Yeah, no, I just… that would explain why I haven’t been on a date in two years.” It was a lot to take in, but it made a weird kind of sense.

  Brian laughed. “It would, yeah.”

  “I’m twenty-nine years old,” Jace said. “I should have had my shit figured out by now.”

  “Why? There’s no time limit on sexuality.” Brian shrugged. “I mean, do a lot of people figure it out as teenagers? Sure. But plenty of people take longer. Especially bi people, ‘cause it’s really easy to assume that everyone occasionally thinks about how nice it would be to kiss a boy as long as you also want to kiss girls. Or in your case, almost exclusively want to kiss girls. This is not weird at all, though I get how it would feel that way.”

  “You oughta take up psychiatry,” Jace said. “We could start calling you Dr. Lecter instead.”

  “I don’t think I have either the charm or the sophistication for that,” Brian said. “Also, my patients are great. I don’t need to murder them.”

  Jace laughed. “Yeah, I don’t really get bad patients. I mean, I do, but it’s ‘cause they’re scared. It’s hard to get mad at kids.”

  “I couldn’t do pediatrics. I think what you do is amazing.” Brian leaned back, looking up at the game. “Noah does, too. He thinks you’re amazing. He’s into you.”

  “How the hell do you know all this?” Jace asked. He wanted to believe that every word Brian was saying was true, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

  It was all too straightforward. Too easy. Jace wasn’t used to landing on his feet like this, and he couldn’t trust that the ground wasn’t about to collapse under him.

  “I pay attention.” Brian shrugged. “You don’t have to believe anything I’m saying, but why do you think everyone who knows you just went along with you two being suddenly married? You’re so obvious it hurts. I was about to start taking bets on when you’d finally get your act together.”

  Jace looked over at Noah, watching him duck and weave his way past the opposing blockers.

  He loved Noah. Of course he did. That was why the thought of him leaving had been unbearable, that was why he’d been so relieved when Noah had agreed to marry him after all. He couldn’t face the idea of a life without him.

  Jace’s stomach turned as he watched Noah share another knowing grin with Joe. Trust him to realize his feelings just as Noah’s hot, successful ex came back on the scene.

  The deep-down cave man part of him wanted to go and drag Noah away from anyone else who might have their eye on him, but he knew he couldn’t do that. Noah had to choose him of his own free will. It wouldn’t mean anything if it was forced, or if Jace dangled their sham marriage over his head. That would make him as bad as Rafe.

  Telling Noah how he felt seemed impossible, but he was going to have to.

  “So how do I tell him?” Jace asked.

  Brian shrugged. “There’s no secret bisexual way of telling someone you’re into them. You just do it like you normally would. And prepare to have to explain yourself a little, because Noah probably believes you’re straight.”

  Jace snorted. He’d believed he was straight, too, so he couldn’t really fault Noah for that. If he was lucky, Noah would just accept it. Or already know, like Brian had. That was the ideal solution.

  He could do this. He could talk to Noah. After they’d won the game.

  Chapter Seventeen

  With his second beer for the evening in hand and Jace sitting quietly beside him, Noah couldn't have been in a better mood. The game had been tough, but they’d won by more than enough to ensure that they had a shot at qualifying for the national competition this year. With just one more game to go for the season, it was starting to look like Jace might not have married him for nothing.

  Noah let his head fall against Jace’s shoulder, sighing happily. He pulled out his phone, too tired to engage in any serious conversation, and scrolled through the posts on the team’s Facebook page about the match.

  His stomach flipped as he saw a comment from Rafe on a picture of the sign he’d seen at the game.

  They’re not really together. It’s an immigration scam.

  He passed the phone to Jace without a word. He couldn’t have explained even if he’d wanted to, fear making his throat feel tight and his words fail him.

  “What am I looking at?” Jace asked.

  “Read the comments.” Noah sat up, swallowing. “I knew we hadn’t heard the last from him.”

  “Well, this is easy to fix,” Jace tapped on the screen. Noah snatched the phone back, his heart hammering in his chest. They didn’t need to make it worse.

  “No. Nuh-uh. Do not respond to that comment,” he said, holding the phone out of Jace’s reach. “You know better than that. If we get all defensive about it, it gives him power.”

  “So you wanna ignore him?”

  “People have already seen the comment. The post has been up for hours. And he’ll keep making them, and if we delete it then he’ll start mentioning that they’re being deleted, and then it makes it sound like we’ve got something to hide. Trust me. I know this game. It’s how I ended up having to come out to my parents.”

  “Wow.” Jace blinked at him. “I am so sorry.”

  Noah shrugged. “They were cool about it. But this is… this isn’t that kind of fight. There’s no good outcome except for it blowing over, here. And there’s no way for us to prove that we’re not faking, short of producing a sex tape.”

  “Or we could start with a kiss,” Jace said.

  Noah stared at him for several seconds, processing what he was saying. “I don’t follow.”

  “Diego said to me that we should start collecting evidence, just in case. A sex tape is a step too far, but…”

  “But you want to kiss me, take a photo, and then post it on the internet. That’s what you’re saying?” Noah couldn’t believe what he was hearing. On the one hand, he desperately wanted to kiss Jace. Seeing Joe again had confirmed for him that Jace was what he wanted. He wanted kind, funny, and stable. He w
anted someone who tried to play clean, as opposed to deliberately collecting fouls. He wanted Jace.

  Short of being able to have him, getting to kiss him sounded great. Except he didn’t want to deal with Jace’s reaction. He didn’t need to see Jace wiping his mouth or being distant for days after, even if he thought he was an enlightened straight guy.

  Noah had met his share of enlightened straight guys who wanted to experiment. It never ended well.

  “Well, when you put it like that… yeah, basically. Which I get sounds dumb, but what if this escalates? We’ve gotta have something to point at and show that our marriage is legit.”

  “I hate it when you’re right.” Noah sighed. He couldn’t say no, even if he’d really wanted to. This put them in an awkward position, and Jace’s suggestion was really their best response. They definitely had to respond, even if it wasn’t directly.

  “The lighting in here is terrible, but that’s going to work to your advantage,” Noah said, unable to resist teasing Jace even now. He flicked to his camera app and held up the phone.

  He paused for a moment, wanting to take this excuse to kiss Jace again. It had been on his mind since the wedding ceremony. It had been so natural to kiss Jace, so comforting, as though Noah was doing exactly the thing he was meant to do with his life.

  His stomach clenched as he leaned in. Everything could go wrong with this. He wanted it, but the risk of ruining their friendship by giving too much away was so high.

  At the last second, Noah redirected and kissed Jace on the cheek instead.

  That was the best possible compromise. They were still showing affection, but it wasn’t remotely sexual. It was also all over in seconds, so neither of them had time to worry. Noah was grateful for that. He couldn’t have brought himself to kiss Jace on the lips, knowing he might never get to do it again. The thought alone made his heart hurt.

  He checked the photo. Jace looked surprised, but that worked just fine. It was blurry, but that was also fine. It didn’t look staged. It looked like a captured moment. Authentic. Like they really were just documenting their life as it happened.