Shades of Atlantis

by Carol Oates

  But you were hunted, I murmured. I didn’t intend to say it out loud; it was a thought. Seth glowered at me.

  Your kind are nothing more than a distraction to us — playthings. My heartbeat grew louder, and I clenched Caleb’s shirt in my fist tighter.

  Was I just a plaything to him, a distraction? No, I couldn’t believe that.

  Sensing my anguish, he reached his hand behind his back so fast I almost didn’t see, and he touched mine reassuringly.

  I warned Caleb to stay away from you, but he couldn’t. He loves you more than his own life.

  My heart gave an inappropriate flutter at this declaration confirming Caleb’s feelings toward me.

  And you love him. It’s the prophecy — soul mates. The room began to spin and darken; the pain was spreading waves of agony. My body felt as though I was being ripped apart. Seth relaxed his stance, turning his back to look out of window, observing the motion of the water.

  So, one of you must die. Caleb has already bartered his life to be with you. The conviction in his tone was unwavering. Triona, would you give yours for him, to save him from his fate? His voice was so smooth and enticing, it struck fear into me. I shivered.

  Seth, you have been like a brother to me, Caleb said in a dangerous voice, but I will kill you to protect her. He was still crouched, ready to pounce in my defense.

  It was hard to focus with the room swimming around me. Seth was insane. I wasn’t a warrior about to unleash destruction on the planet I couldn’t be but Caleb was here, ready to die for me — ready to kill for me. It made sense now: the things he’d told me, his fear that I wouldn’t understand, the secret meetings. He’d known all along someone would come to take him from me. Simply because we were different from each other, not meant to be. Because he loved me, and because I loved him. My hand released its grasp and fell to my side lifelessly. My eyelids grew heavy and started to close.

  With my last ounce of strength, I shouted defiantly, Yes. I will die for him.

  Excruciating pain ripped through my body as I heard another crunch from inside, and my own screams echoed in my ears. I glimpsed a flash of light, and then Caleb and Seth were in the air. They sprang at each other like wild animals, colliding in midair with a thunderous roar and crashing back to the ground. The room trembled. Then there was a wave of heat, but I was in blackness, trapped inside my useless body. I heard the crackle of a fire, and the sound of glass smashing.

  Suddenly there were hands on me, gently lifting. I cried out in agony as a breeze passed over me, and then I could feel the cool earth underneath my body. I forced my mind to clear as I blinked and opened my eyes. My lungs throbbed as though knives were cutting through me with every breath.

  Caleb was leaning over me, his face so strained and beautiful. Descended from gods. I reached out to caress his perfect features. Of course. The torture swept through me again. The crackle continued close by, and darkness descended on me like a heavy black cloak.

  Take care of her, he commanded.

  My head fell to the side, and I saw the flames in the distance licking at the sides of the small wooden entrance hall. I saw Caleb speeding toward it and then nothing.

  My eyelids flickered, unable to open. There was no pain, but my limbs were leaden, and my breathing was shallow. A familiar scent perfumed the air around me, and I attempted to breathe deeply, but my lungs didn’t seem to function. Caleb’s voice was a whisper next to my ear.

  Love of my life. My soul mate. I will always be with you. The fire. Seth. Horror struck me, and my eyes blinked open. Caleb’s face was over mine, almost touching me. Relief washed over me when I felt his breath on my skin. He removed something covering my face, and his scent was overpowering. Inside my head I told him I loved him. His lips brushed past mine, and his hand rested carefully at the side of my face.

  His breath grazed my ear.

  I love you, Triona. Please forgive me.

  I struggled to stay with him, fighting unconsciousness, but darkness quickly engulfed me.

  My eyes lids fluttered open. It took a moment to register that I was in a hospital bed. My face felt constricted by something hard, and I groped groggily to reach it, but my arm was heavy, and it ached. At once two soft hands were gently on top of mine.

  Sweetheart — Carmel’s voice broke.

  Everything was hazy. I felt her remove the oxygen mask from my face.

  She gently lifted it over my head with one hand while supporting my head in the other. A nurse ushered her out of the way to finish the task and then pressed two fingers to my wrist, checking my pulse. I blinked again, adjusting my sight to the bright sterile light. Lewis stepped nearer, holding Carmel’s arm underneath her elbow while she clutched her free hand tightly to her chest. I couldn’t be sure the expressions I was reading on their faces were accurate, there were too many and everything was confusing, but I guessed at pain, pity, maybe fear? But I dismissed them because right now all it could be was a guess, there was still too much chaos in my mind to be sure. My initial reaction was that I must be horribly injured to be lying in hospital like this.

  I racked my brain to retrieve any details. There was nothing apart from being at Caleb’s house, a fire, and Caleb here with me in the hospital. Carmel’s eyes were red rimmed, and both she and Lewis stared at me. They should have been happy that Caleb pulled me from the fire. My heart began to thud with panic. The nurse checked the chart at the end of my bed and then headed to the door. I allowed my eyes to follow her, not meeting Lewis’s or Carmel’s gaze.

  Where’s Caleb? Is he here? What’s going on? My throat was raw.

  It seemed the only noise in the room was the sound of my own thundering heartbeat. Lewis placed a restraining hand firmly over my arm, now lying limply by my side. What was going on? His hand pressed securely down on mine. He moved closer.

  Honey. His voice was calm and soothing. There was a fire. Apparently Caleb got you out.

  With Lewis nearer to me, I saw Ben standing behind the glass wall by the door, his eyes full of sorrow and pity. Just for an instant, he seemed to glow.

  A flash of color surrounded him, dark blue and specks of red, and then it was gone. I tried to listen to Lewis’s voice while not taking my eyes from Ben.

  He went back in after Seth.

  Seth — I couldn’t remember —

  There was no one, only me — I trailed off. Something was trying to break through.

  My heart was about to explode; I felt it about to break my ribs and burst through my chest. Lewis’s hand pressed firmer. I struggled to drag words from my brain.

  Where’s Caleb?

  He didn’t make it out, honey. I’m so sorry. My eyes never left Ben; the palm of his hand pressed against the glass, white from the pressure.

  No, I whimpered. He was here, he was here — I struggled against Lewis. Why would he go back in? No. He was here in the hospital — no! I screamed, terror overcoming me. I continued to struggle against Lewis; his hands were holding me down to the bed. My shoulder burned in pain.

  Carmel stepped forward, strain etched across her forehead, and I heard the nurse’s shoes shuffle across the floor again.

  I’m so sorry, baby. He’s gone, she whispered. Her voice was trembling.

  I stopped struggling and scrutinized their expressions. Lewis’s hands still had me pinned. My eyes flashed to Ben, his hand still pressed against the glass.

  Ben — Ben? I called out pathetically. His eyes lowered, confirming the truth. Caleb was dead.

  It felt like a burning knife tore through my heart. My body shook, and the blood drained from my face, rushing through my heart, which seemed as if it was about to split wide-open. There was a strange sound in the room, loud and growing louder, piercing and agonized. I could hear the terrifying wail deafening in my ears, the horror of it only matched by the horror in my heart. The sound seemed so far away. The thundering of my heart was still so loud and keeping it in the distance, attempting in vain to block it out. But the sound continued to gr
ow, and my lungs burned more with each passing second. The barrier my mind tried to create went down, and the sound broke through. The anguished cries were coming from me. The terrible sound of my heart shattering to pieces. I wanted to curl into a ball and protect myself from it. I wanted it to wrap around me and consume me so I couldn’t feel what I was feeling. I wanted to escape and disappear where it couldn’t find me. I wanted it to swallow me whole and rip my crushed heart from my chest.

  Everything went black.

  Chapter 11

  London

  Fluffy clouds filled the summer sky. I squinted upward before I slipped on my sunglasses. The door behind me suddenly opened, and Amanda bolted out, simultaneously stuffing a piece of toast into her mouth and pulling on a light shirt over a tank top she hadn’t yet tucked into her jeans.

  Have to run. I’m late, and I swear this tube thing is killing me. She paused and sighed. I miss my car. She tilted her head sideways and remi-nisced for a second or two about the antiquated car she’d bought shortly after we left school, then took off hurriedly.

  I told you I’d give you a ride, I called out to her, adjusting my bag to my shoulder and shaking my keys at the same time.

  She didn’t stop as she flung a dismissive arm in the direction of the traffic. Thanks, but I’d like to get there before next Tuesday. I grimaced, my eyes following Amanda’s gesture toward the cars that moved astoundingly slowly at the end of the side street in Clerkenwell, London, where we had been living for three weeks. I took a deep breath, allowing the warm air to fill my lungs. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, sighing as I exhaled. I pursed my lips in consideration, as my eyes traveled from my leased silver Peugeot parked across the street to the traffic and back. In the distance I heard a crumpled bang followed by a short screech of tires. That’s a lovely way for someone to start the day, I thought to myself.

  I left the car behind and made my way to a small coffee shop nearby that I had taken to visiting each morning. Sleep wasn’t coming easy, and at night my mind whirled with activity, mostly dreams of Caleb. I dreamed of him holding me and the last time we were together before the fire, but they always ended with him dashing off in the direction of the house and the flames.

  Stupidly, I had thought that being away from Camden and so many reminders of him, some peace would return to my subconscious, but often, even since we’d been here, I’d wake exhausted, with his powerful scent filling my head and my heart aching almost as if he was with me like he promised would be. I kept the dreams to myself, but I suspected from Amanda’s questions each morning that she heard me tossing and turning.

  During the day I felt more in control; it was at night alone in bed that my grief still consumed me.

  The sun came out from behind the clouds, and my head began to throb.

  I’d had regular migraines since the fire a year ago, a side effect from a bang on my head, the doctors said, but that was just a guess. The fact that Ben started to suffer similar pain a few weeks later put their theory to rest. They seemed to be caused by the light, which I also presumed was the cause of the flash of colors I saw around Ben in the hospital that day. Sometimes everything around me seemed so bright it was as if my eyes saw too much, like my vision was too sharp, and my brain couldn’t figure out what to do with the information. I never told anyone about the colors I was afraid they would think I was losing it.

  For Lewis’s and Carmel’s sake, I had postponed my travel plans after the accident. They handled me as if I was made from glass. My physical injuries healed very quickly, quicker than anyone expected. Once I showed signs of improvement, Lewis and Carmel insisted I be released from the hospital so they could nurse me at home. I had several broken bones my collarbone in two places, pelvis, wrist, and several ribs. A long, deep laceration across my cheek left no mark, nor did any of the other cuts. The doctors told my family that my injuries were probably caused by falling down a stairway. I didn’t know if that was the case or not because I had almost no memories of that night at all. The hospital suggested that I should have some professional help to deal with everything that had happened; they said I was blocking memories that were too difficult to deal with. I wasn’t blocking anything; I simply couldn’t remember.

  Lewis and Carmel wouldn’t push it with me, but they worried when I took the photos and other mementos from my relationship with Caleb along with the envelope he’d given me two days before he died, still unopened, and placed them in a box, refusing even to look at them again. I managed to convince them, and most everyone else, that I would be okay. The truth was I didn’t want to share my pain or any of my memories of Caleb with anyone. I was afraid they would diminish over time, and it would be like losing him all over again. So I kept them locked away in my heart.

  Amanda and Ben showed endless patience and sat with me for hours every day in silence. After a while, they began coaxing and prodding me, bringing me back to life. Eventually they wore me down, so I did make an effort. I became an expert in the pretense of normality, appearing to the outside world to be a perfectly happy young woman.

  I never saw Joshua again, since I’d still been unconscious when he left.

  I tried to contact him, but it was as if he’d dropped off the face of the earth.

  I guessed maybe he didn’t want to be found, or maybe he blamed me in some way for Caleb’s and Seth’s deaths. The restaurant closed, and what remained of Caleb’s house was torn away from the hillside, leaving a gaping hole in the landscape. I talked Ben into borrowing a boat one Saturday in late summer and taking me out on the lake so I could see it for myself. The reality of it crushed me, but I refused to let it show; I didn’t want Ben to feel bad for taking me there. Jonathan and Jen went off to Boston in the fall as they’d planned. I thought I’d miss them more than I did.

  Eventually, I had to get away. I felt conflicted about leaving Camden in the end. It was the only home I’d known since I was a small child, but it was haunted for me now. Carmel and Lewis reluctantly understood; Ben sulked for a week. I promised to e-mail and phone so much he would be sick of hearing from me, and of course he could visit. I could fly him over now that money was no longer an issue for me. Caleb thought ahead and left me well provided for in a will he had drawn up days before he died, almost like he knew something was coming.

  I still wasn’t sure what I was going to do here. Amanda had studied design for a year already and was planning to finish her course work through night classes in a college here. She managed to get a job her first day. Our split-level apartment was bright and airy with high ceilings and a modern kitchen, and though it came ready-decorated, she wanted to add some of her own touches. The owner of the interior design accessory shop we visited was a tall elegant woman with immaculate hair and nails, and she was so impressed with the way Amanda effortlessly threw items together, along with her infectious enthusiasm for design, that she gave her a job on the spot. It paid off Amanda had already set up four new clients. They seemed impressed with her work despite her consistently disheveled appearance and tardiness.

  The coffee shop was busy, but I managed to grab a seat in the corner next to the window. One of the waitresses brought over an iced lattÈ and placed it in front of me. I kept my glasses on and dug around in my bag to retrieve a tourist guide before I commenced flicking through it. Two hours later I was still nursing my second lattÈ. I rubbed my temples, massaging the ache; it was improving.

  When I glanced around the coffee shop, my eyes stopped abruptly on a young man shuffling a newspaper. He was looking toward me coyly but shifted his eyes back to the newspaper when I caught his eye. I blushed; I had seen him there other days but had never noticed him noticing me. I sensed him looking again as soon as my eyes were turned away and spontaneously smiled to myself before returning my focus to the street outside.

  I hadn’t dated anyone since Caleb died. I didn’t know if I would ever want to. Anyway, even before Caleb, flirtatious situations mortified me, and from the color rising in my face, I did
n’t think that was going to change today.

  I was still thinking about Caleb when my heart began to pound uncontrollably. My hand instinctively flew to my chest. My eyes darted around, searching before I even knew why, landing on the figure of a man across the street. He was standing behind a Land Rover parked along the curb.

  I couldn’t make out his face, he wore dark glasses and a baseball cap, but there was something familiar in the way he moved, the way he rested his elbow on the front of the jeep. He was almost obscured from my view by the now-opened driver’s door. Something about his body — my eyes widened, and I tore the glasses from my face, flinging them to the table. Missing it completely, they landed with a clatter on the floor. He was getting in the driver’s seat.

  The businessman with the newspaper was suddenly beside me, bending to pick up my discarded glasses from the floor. My breathing was coming in quick gasps. I stood and brusquely pushed him out of the way.

  Hey, your things! he shouted after me, but I was already out the door.

  I only managed to get as far as the near side of the street on the crowded pavement before I stood, breathless, and watched the jeep pull away.

  A hand touched my shoulder, and I turned quickly to see a pair of bewildered brown eyes staring at me in dismay.

  You ran out and left your things.

  I couldn’t answer.

  His forehead furrowed. Are you okay?

  Yes — yeah, I finally replied, accepting my belongings from him.

  Are you sure? He studied my face, trying to work out my expression.

  I smiled at him, not sure if it seemed sincere. Yes, really, thanks. Very stupid really. I just thought I saw someone I know, but it couldn’t have been — The truth of my words hit me like a punch in the stomach.

  You’re American. He smiled brightly.

  I started digging through my bag again, this time looking for my phone.

  Eh, yeah.