fear (Irish) man
he (Hebrew) she
mama (Hindi) uncle
self (Egyptian Arabic) brother-in-law
that (Vietnamese) wife
Stalker
Of course, in all societies there have always been determined suitors:
baling (Manobo, Philippines) the action of an unmarried woman who, when she wants to marry a certain man, goes to his house and refuses to leave until the marriage is agreed upon
nusukaaktuat (Iñupiat, Inuit) grabbing a wife, ensuring marriage by capturing her
Regular footing
There are all kinds of reasons why people want to tie the knot:
se ranger (French) to get married for domestic comfort and put life on a regular footing
ikabaebae (Gilbertese, Oceania) to be engaged from childhood
damoz (Amharic, Ethiopia) a temporary marriage arrangement, usually for pay, between a man who is away on his travels and a woman who is his companion or cook
casar(se) con hombre en base (Latin American Spanish) to get married when you’re already pregnant
Wedding lists
Female relatives of the Swahili groom perform a ritual called kupeka begi (send a bag) in which they bring to the bride gifts from her husband. In response, the bride’s female relations perform kupeka mswaki (bring the chewsticks), whereby they deliver to the groom a tray of toiletries. This is particularly important because the bride and groom are forbidden to meet before marriage.
The bride wore black
In the Tsonga language of South Africa qanda refers to the traditional bringing of an ox along with the bride as a symbol or guarantee of her future progeny. The ox is then eaten by her new husband’s family. She is not allowed to see any part of it; if she does she should say, ‘They killed my child.’ If language is our evidence, this is by no means the weirdest wedding event in the world:
trá-hôn (Vietnamese) to substitute another girl for the bride
faanifin maanoo (Mandinka, West Africa) a bride wearing black (signifying that she had sex with her future husband before the ceremony)
ii/fuya (Ndonga, Namibia) strips of meat from the wedding ox wound around the arm of the bridesmaid
infar-cake (Scots) a cake broken over the bride’s head as she crosses the threshold of her new home
Apron strings
Wives come in all styles:
ntshadi (Setswana, Botswana) a dear little wife
mon cinquante-pour-cent (French) wife (literally, my fifty per cent)
sokozuma (Japanese) a woman who settles for a so-so marriage just to get it out of the way
minekokon (Japanese) a woman who gives up a high-powered job in the city for a dull life in the country with a quiet husband
As do husbands:
mandilon (Mexican Spanish) a hen-pecked, oppressed husband (from mandil meaning apron)
stroin (Bengali) a married man who does everything and anything his wife says
tøffelhelt (Norwegian) someone who has nothing to say in a marriage or at home (literally, slipper hero)
mariteddu tamant’è un ditu Ièddu voli essa rivaritu (Corsican proverb) a husband must be respected, even if he’s very short
Green hat
We can only hope that neither of them has an urge to misbehave:
piniscar la uva (Chilean Spanish) to seduce a woman who’s already taken (literally, to grab the grape)
fanifikifihana (Malagasy, Madagascar) a charm for making another man’s wife disliked by her husband, or the husband by the wife
dài lümào (Chinese) implies that someone’s wife is unfaithful (literally, wearing a green hat)
kentenga (Tsonga, South Africa) to find oneself suddenly without some vital item (said of a man whose only wife has run away, or when the roof of a hut has blown off)
Recognized
Though sometimes such potentially destructive liaisons can be defused by being formalized:
kutua-na (Yamana, Chile) to give the second wife the place of the first in the wigwam
cicisbeo (Italian) an acknowledged lover of a married woman
chandek (Malay) a recognized concubine of a prince (as distinct from gundek, an inferior wife, or jamah-jamahan, a casual mistress)
antis (Manobo, Philippines) a father’s action, after his daughter’s adultery, when he gives his son-in-law another daughter as a second wife
Three’s a crowd
In some societies, of course, monogamy doesn’t even exist as an ideal, throwing up a whole new set of complications:
lefufa (Setswana, Botswana) the jealousy between the wives of one man
elungan (Manobo, Philippines) to divide one’s time equally between two wives who live in separate households
gintawan (Manobo, Philippines) the energy and industry of the first wife (when her husband takes an additional wife) as a result of the competition from the second wife
allupaareik (Iñupiat, Inuit) the return of a woman after a wife exchange
Hope springs eternal
In these days of rikonmiminenzo (Japanese), the divorce-promotion generation, things are never that simple in any case:
manàntom-bàdy (Malagasy, Madagascar) to put away a wife without divorcing her altogether
gila talak (Malay) a husband or wife who are divorced yet wishing very much to reunite
ebpamituanen (Maguindanaon, Philippines) a divorced person who keeps their figure in the hope of a future marriage
china buta (Malay) the intermediate husband a divorced Muslim woman must have before remarriage to her original husband
On reflection
Workbox or housewife
Various languages have words with surprising double meanings, creating some thought-provoking associations:
mjall (Swedish) dandruff or tender
varik (Buli, Ghana) castrated or huge and strong
váram (Tamil) friendship or a week
dánamu (Telugu, India) a gift or elephant semen
ola (Samoan) fishing basket or life
panjitkori (Korean) workbox or housewife
turba (Italian) crowd or trouble
toil (Mongolian) mirror or dictionary
rooie (Dutch) carrots or ginger
saje (Hausa, Nigeria) side whiskers or a sergeant
hege’ (Hebrew) steering wheel or murmur
Relative values
Let’s look on the bright side. Though often derided in our fickle age, family life can bring many and varied benefits:
agusto (Latin American Spanish) the cosiness felt when snuggling with a relative
onimagu (Yamana, Chile) to feel such pity as relatives do towards each other when hurt
ka-otaba (Gilbertese, Oceania) to preserve the beauty and freshness of a daughter-in-law
dyadya (Russian) a rich relative abroad, considered as a source of money (literally, an uncle)
bombela (Tsonga, South Africa) to make free with another’s belongings (especially with those of one’s maternal uncle)
Dirt on the nest
Although those who hold up the family as the answer to all things are probably sadly deluded:
butika roko (Gilbertese, Oceania) a brother-in-law coming around too often
kyodai-genka (Japanese) a fight or argument between siblings
mātrigaāmī (Hindi) one who commits incest with his mother
Nestbeschmutzer (German) someone ruining the reputation of the family or community (literally, someone who puts dirt on the nest)
rihorhabodo (Tsonga, South Africa) an irresponsible man who does not care for his family, but just roams around, generally in town
wićawokha (Dakota, USA) a man who lives with his wife’s relations (literally, a buried man)
bayram değil (seyran değil enişte beni niye öptü?) (Turkish proverb) there must be something behind this (literally, it’s not festival time, it’s not a pleasure trip, so why did my brother-in-law kiss me?)
Congo confusion
As every son-in-law knows,
you’ve got to be very careful what you say about one particular family member. In the Lokele language of the Congo there is only a tonal difference (shown by the capital letters) between aSOolaMBA boili, I’m watching the riverbank, and aSOoLAMBA boIli, I’m boiling my mother-in-law.
Auntie
In the Pakistani language of Urdu a woman is addressed in the following way:
apa (or baji) by her younger sisters or brothers
khala by her sister’s children
mani (or momani) by the children of her husband’s sisters
ch’ hachi by the children of her husband’s younger brothers
ta’i by the children of her husband’s elder brothers
p’ huppi by the children of her brother
bahu by her parents-in-law
nani by the children of her daughters
dadi by the children of her sons
bhabi by her sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law
patiji by her aunts and uncles
sas by her daughter-in-law
nand by her brother’s wife
sali by the husband of her sister
Prodigal son
In Fiji, they observe the custom of vasu which gives a son certain powers over his mother’s native place. He may take anything he covets from the houses, tear down the fruit trees, and generally behave in such a way that if he were a stranger he would be clubbed to death.
Family tree
Of course, however much you try to escape the familial bond, there’s really no getting away from who you are and where you’re from:
asal pagasal (Maguindanaon, Philippines) to trace family relationships among people newly acquainted with each other
anestolt (Norwegian) proud of one’s ancestors progonoplexia (Greek) bragging about one’s ancestors
kupu (Hawaiian) one whose ancestors were born where he himself was born
kacang lupakan kulit (Malay) a man who refuses to acknowledge his background and forgets his family or friends once he has made a fortune for himself
IDIOMS OF THE WORLD
Between the devil and the deep blue sea
telan mati emak, luah mati bapa (Malay) if you swallow it your mother will die, if you throw it up your father will die
estar entre a espada e a parede (Portuguese) to be between the sword and the wall
tussen twee vuren staan (Dutch) to be between two fires
byt mezhdu molotom i nakovalnyei (Russian) between hammer and anvil
wählen zwischen Hölle und Fegefeuer (German) to choose between hell and purgatory
se correr o bicho pega e se ficar o bicho (Portuguese) if you run, the animal will catch you, if you stay it will eat you
eddyr daa stoyl ta toyn er laare (Manx, Isle of Man) between two stools your arse is on the floor
8.
Kids
ogni scarafone è bello a mamma sua (Italian)
every mother likes her own beetle
Pragmatic future
When it comes to the prospect of having children, the Japanese have brought the vocabulary firmly into the twenty-first century:
kondoumukeikaku the way in which some women over thirty-five have unprotected sex with strangers to have children
nakayoshi ninpu (buddy pregnancy) describes the act of two women deliberately getting pregnant at the same time so that they can experience childbirth together (literally, pregnancy-now plan)
shoshika a future society without children
Warped
From the moment a woman conceives, a new life has begun – for the one in the womb, obviously, but also for the mother. French metaphors take particular notice of her difference in appearance: she has tombée sur un clou rouillé, fallen on a rusty nail, and thus swollen; or, to put it another way, she has begun gondoler sur la devanture, to warp from the display window:
ubháya-siras (Sanskrit) two-headed, a pregnant female
ajamonarse (Spanish) used to describe a pregnant woman’s increase in size (literally, to be like a ham)
proglotit’ arbouz (Russian) to become pregnant (literally, to swallow a watermelon)
Longings
She starts to feel differently too:
dohada (Sanskrit) the longing of a pregnant woman for particular objects
afa-dratsiaina (Malagasy, Madagascar) the condition of a pregnant woman who has eaten what she had a great longing for
A mark of frustration
When a Maltese pregnant woman has a wish, one should try to satisfy her, or else the baby will be born with a large mole on its face; this is known as it-tebgħa tax-xewqa, the wish mark.
Paternity leave
In some African tribes the men will take to their beds for the entire duration of their wife’s pregnancy, while the women continue to work as usual until a few hours before giving birth. This is called couvade (from the French word meaning, literally, brooding or hatching). The men believe that they are cleverer and stronger than women and so are better able to defend unborn children against evil spirits. Prone in his bed, the husband simulates the pains that the wife actually undergoes. Following the birth of the child, he keeps to his bed and receives all the attentions which in other societies are bestowed upon the mother. Variations of this behaviour have been seen in such diverse places as Papua New Guinea, Bolivia and the Basque districts of Northern Spain and South-West France.
Those who comes divided
The Fon people of Benin are particularly enthusiastic about twins. All twins are regarded as separate parts of a single being so their birth signals the arrival of mabassa, those who comes divided. They also believe that some babies may refuse to be born. Just before birth, the elder of a set of twins is said to peek out of the womb to survey the outside world. If it determines that the world is unsafe, it returns to the womb to report to its sibling. The twins may then refuse their delivery. If one twin dies, a small wooden image of the deceased must be carried by the mother and cared for at all times. All gifts to the survivor must be duplicated: one for the living twin and one for the dead.
kœmœ (Chewa, South East Africa) the firstborn twin
embangurane (Kiga Nkore, Niger-Congo) twins of different sex
Breast water
Caring for a helpless baby has inspired some charming words around the world:
komvya (Mambwe, Zambia) to feed a child with one’s finger
namaonga (Gilbertese, Oceania) to taste a little portion and chew it for a baby
ukkun (Sinhala, Sri Lanka) an expression of fondness used to infants when breastfeeding
anoka (Malagasy, Madagascar) the perfect contentment in sucking or drinking (used primarily of children or the young of animals at the breast)
ngibá (Tagalog, Philippines) a baby’s tendency to cry when held by a stranger
We will rock you
In Southern Africa they certainly have ways and means of keeping a baby quiet:
kolopeka (Mambwe, Zambia) to appease a child, stop him from crying by amusing him
vundzata (Tsonga, South Africa) to turn a child’s head sideways when on its mother’s back or when put to sleep
pakatika (Mambwe, Zambia) to place one’s own child on the lap of a companion
khan’wetela (Tsonga, South Africa) to rock a child to sleep on one’s back by nudging with the elbows
halalata (Tsonga, South Africa) to throw a baby up into the air, at a ceremony of the first new moon after its birth
wo-mba (Bakweri, Cameroon) the smiling in sleep by children
Babygrow
All too soon the little creature wants to go its own way:
abula (Setswana, Botswana) the attempt of a baby to move when lying on its belly
toto-toto (Setswana, Botswana) a term of endearment to encourage a baby to stand or walk
a’matiti (Rotuman, South Pacific) to accustom a baby to cooler temperatures by taking it on a walk in the early morning
dede (Swahili) to stand uncertainly, as a child just beginning to walk stands when not held
sparkedragt (Danish) a pair of rompers (literally, kicking suit)
kopisata (Yamana, Chile) to get thin, like a fat baby when it gets older
Draggling
Despite its best intentions, it’s still a long way from being independent:
ma-ma (Car, Nicobar Islands) ‘father’, ‘daddy’, the child’s cry for its father
po-po (Car, Nicobar Islands) ‘mother’, ‘mummy’, the child’s cry for its mother
upuss-eata (Yamana, Chile) to draggle after one, as a child, a long line or anything tied to a string
pobi (Buli, Ghana) to wrap or to tie a child on one’s back
n-velekula (Kerewe, Tanzania) to swing a child round from the back to hip, preparatory to putting it down or feeding it
A desk job
In Malta, the baby’s first year is regarded as dangerous, so the first birthday – Il-Quccija – is a happy event. On this day the child’s future is suggested when a tray of small objects is carried in and placed on the floor. The baby is then put down and allowed to crawl in any direction it wants. What it picks up from the tray signifies its future. The traditional objects include an egg (bajda) for an abundance of happiness, a pen (pinna) for a desk job, some coins (muniti) for wealth, a ball (ballun) for sport, rosary beads (kuruna) for the church, scissors (mqass) for tailoring, a book (ktieb) for a lawyer, a hammer (martell) for a carpenter, and these days other items such as a stethoscope (for a doctor) or a CD (for a disc jockey).
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