I Never Knew There Was a Word For It

by Adam Jacot De Boinod

  Losers

  However, even the most hardened practitioners know that in the long run the betting tables don’t pay. As the Germans say, ‘Young gamblers, old beggars’:

  borona (Malagasy, Madagascar) having nothing with which to pay money lost in betting

  biho (Maranao, Philippines) a bet, money asked for from winners by losers

  pelasada (Maranao, Philippines) the percentage taken from bets by the owner of a gambling place

  Tokyo tricks

  The Japanese have two words to describe what happens as the temptation to cheat gets stronger:

  dakko the flicking movement of the palm that will send goods up into the sleeve

  dosa a player with an exceptionally bad hand who will flick a compromising card up his sleeve and quickly substitute a more favourable one

  Retail therapy

  So what to do with it when you finally have it? Why, hit the streets, of course; and this is an occupation, if not an art, in itself:

  faire du lèche-vitrines (French) to go window-shopping (literally, to lick windows)

  chokuegambo (Japanese) the wish that there were more designer-brand shops on a given street; the desire to buy things at luxury brand shops

  arimuhunán (Tagalog, Philippines) something worth taking although not needed

  emax (Latin) fond of buying

  You’re safer with prison

  What a fine array of products the world has in its shop window:

  Atum Bom Portuguese tinned tuna

  Bimbo Mexican biscuits

  Kevin French aftershave

  Polio Czech detergent

  Vaccine Dutch aftershave

  Flirt Austrian cigarettes

  Meltykiss Japanese chocolate

  Climax Kenyan disinfectant

  Hot Piss Japanese antifreeze spray

  Naked New Zealand fruit and nut bar

  Noisy French butter

  Last Climax Japanese tissues

  Happy Swedish chocolate

  Prison Ugandan body spray

  IDIOMS OF THE WORLD

  As easy as falling off a log

  så let som at klø sig i nakken (Danish) as easy as scratching the back of your neck

  semudah membalikkan telapak tangan (Indonesian) as easy as turning your palm around

  facile come bere un bicchier d’acqua (Italian) as easy as drinking a glass of water

  asameshi mae (Japanese) before breakfast (something that’s so easy, you could finish it before breakfast)

  nuwoseo tdeokmeokki (Korean) lying on one’s back and eating rice cakes

  tereyağýndan kýl çeker gibi (Turkish) as if pulling a strand of hair from butter

  ežiku ponjatno (Russian) understandable to a hedgehog

  21.

  The Criminal Life

  le diable chie toujours au même endroit (French)

  the devil always shits in the same place

  Tea leaf

  Why work, or even gamble for that matter, when there are far easier ways of enriching yourself ?

  lipoushka (Russian) a stick with a gluey end for stealing money from a counter (literally, flypaper)

  butron (Spanish) a type of jacket with inner pockets worn by shoplifters

  levare le scarpe (Italian) to steal the tyres from a car (literally, to take someone else’s shoes off)

  rounstow (Scots) to cut off the ears of a sheep, and so obliterate its distinctive marks of ownership

  False friends

  bait (Arabic) incentive or motive

  egg (Norwegian, Swedish) knife edge

  gulp (Afrikaans) to slit, gush, spout

  guru (Japanese) a partner in crime

  plaster (Hebrew) deceitful or fraudulent

  roof (Dutch) robbery

  Gangland

  Although once you step over that line, who knows what company you may be forced to keep:

  ladenlichter (Dutch) a till-robber

  pisau cukur (Malay) a female hustler who cons men into giving her money

  harza-duzd (Persian) someone who steals something of no use to him or anyone else

  adukalipewo (Mandinka, West Africa) a highway robber (literally, give me the purse)

  belochnik (Russian) a thief specializing in stealing linen off clothes lines (this was very lucrative in the early 1980s)

  Scissorhand

  Considerable skill, experience and bravado may be required for success:

  forbice (Italian) pickpocketing by putting the index and middle fingers into the victim’s pocket (literally, scissors)

  cepat tangan (Malay) quick with the hands (in pickpocketing or shoplifting or hitting someone)

  poniwata (Korean) a victim who at first glance looks provincial and not worth robbing, but on closer scrutiny shows definite signs of hidden wealth

  komissar (Russian) a robber who impersonates a police officer

  And sometimes even magic:

  walala (Luvale, Zambia) a thieves’ fetish which is supposed to keep people asleep while the thief steals

  za-koosirik (Buli, Ghana) a person who transfers the plants of a neighbour’s field to his own by magic

  On reflection

  Lost in translation

  In their eagerness to move into and conquer new markets, many huge Western companies forgot to do their homework. When the name Microsoft was first translated into Chinese, they went for a literal translation of the two parts of the name which, unfortunately, meant ‘small and flaccid’.

  Pepsi’s famous slogan ‘Come Alive with Pepsi’ was dropped in China after it was translated as ‘Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave’.

  When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first-class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its ‘Fly in Leather’ campaign literally, but vuela en cuero meant ‘Fly Naked’ in Spanish.

  Colgate introduced in France a toothpaste called Cue, the name of a notorious pornographic magazine.

  Coca-Cola was horrified to discover that its name was first read by the Chinese as kekoukela, meaning either ‘bite the wax tadpole’ or ‘female horse stuffed with wax’, depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent – kokou kole – which translates as ‘happiness in the mouth’

  Kindling

  Their trains and tubes are punctual to the nearest second; equal efficiency seems to characterize those Japanese who take criminal advantage of such crowded environments:

  nakanuku, inside pull-out: to carefully slip one’s hand into a victim’s trouser pocket, draw out the wallet, flick it open, whip out cash and credit cards, close it and slip it back into the victim’s trouser pocket

  oitore, walking next to a well-dressed victim, plunging a razor-sharp instrument into his attaché case and cutting the side open

  okinagashi, put and flow: those who climb on a local train at one station, grab bags and coats, cameras and camcorders, and then jump off at the following station

  takudasu, kindle and pull out: to drop, as if by mistake, a lit cigarette into a victim’s jacket or open shirt, and then, while the victim is frantically trying to locate the burning butt, come to his aid, helping him unbutton and frisk through jacket, shirt and undershirt, taking the opportunity to lift wallets and other valuables out of pockets and bags

  Descending spiders

  Nor does this fine vocabulary dry up when describing the activity of Japanese burglars: maemakuri, lifting the skirt from the front, means they enter through the front gates; while shirimakuri, lifting the skirt from behind, describes entry through a gate or fence at the rear of the house. One obvious hazard is the gabinta, the dog, that starts barking or snarling at the intruders (the word literally means ‘this animal has no respect for its superiors’). There is only one way to deal with such an obstacle: inukoro o abuseru, the deadly pork chop, otherwise known as shū tome o kudoku, silencing one’s mother-in-law. Once at the door you confront the mimochi musume, the lock (literally, the pregnant daughter), who must be han
dled with the softest of touches, unless of course you are in possession of the nezumi, the mice (or master keys).

  As for the crooks themselves, they come in all varieties. There is the sagarigumo, or descending spider, the man or woman who braves the slippery tiles of the roof to reach their target; the denshinkasegi, the telegram breadwinners, who get there by shinning up telephone poles; the shinobikomi, thieves who enter crawling; the odorikomi, who enter ‘dancing’, i.e. brash criminals with guns; the mae, or fronts, debonair thieves who simply walk up to the main door; or the super-sly ninkātā , who leaves no trace: the master thief.

  There is the ichimaimono, the thief who works alone; and the hikiai, those who pull together, i.e. partners in crime. There are nitchū shi, broad-daylight specialists, and yonashi, night specialists; even miyashi, shrine specialists. There are akisunerai, empty-nest targeters, those who specialize in targeting unattended houses; neshi, sleep specialists, the men who target bedrooms after the loot has been assembled and packed; and even evil tsukeme, literally, touching eyes: thieves who barge into bedrooms to rape sleeping victims.

  Radish with glasses

  Not content with colourful descriptions of robbers, the Japanese have an extensive vocabulary for cops too: there are the gokiburi, the cockroaches, policemen on motorcycles, who can follow burglars over pavements and through parks; the kazaguruma, the windmill, an officer who circles the streets and alleys, getting closer and closer to the area where the criminals are working; the daikon megane, the radish with glasses, the naive young officer who’s not going to be a problem for the experienced crook; or the more problematic oji, the uncle, the dangerous middle-aged patrolman who knows all the members of the gang by name and is liable to blow the whistle first and ask questions later.

  As if that wasn’t enough, policemen on those overcrowded islands can also be described as aobuta (blue pigs), en (monkeys), etekō (apes), karasu (crows), aokarasu (blue crows), itachi (weasels), ahiru (ducks), hayabusa (falcons), ahō dori (idiotic birds, or albatrosses), kē (dogs), barori (Korean for pig), and koyani (cat, from the Korean koyangi). Officers even turn into insects such as hachi (bees), dani (ticks), kumo (spiders), mushi (bugs) and kejirami (pubic lice).

  When crimes go wrong

  ‘Punishment,’ say the Spanish, ‘is a cripple, but it arrives.’ Criminals may get away with it for a while, but in the end justice of some kind generally catches up with them:

  chacha (Korean) the disastrous act of each gang member dashing down a different alley

  afersata (Amharic, Ethiopia) the custom, when a crime is committed, of rounding up all local inhabitants in an enclosure until the guilty person is revealed

  andare a picco (Italian) to sink (to be wanted by the police)

  cizyatiko (Mambwe, Zambia) to make a man believe that he is safe so as to make time for others to arrest him

  panier à salade (French) a salad shaker (a police van)

  annussāveti (Pali, India) to proclaim aloud the guilt of a criminal

  Pig box

  All except the perpetrator are happy to see that anyone taking the immoral shortcut to personal enrichment ends up in a very bad place:

  obez’ yannik (Russian) a detention ward in a police station (literally, monkey house)

  butabako (Japanese) the cooler, clink (literally, pig box)

  bufala (Italian) a meat ration distributed in jail (literally, shebuffalo – so called because of its toughness)

  Into the pit

  And society may exact its just deserts:

  gbaa ose (Igbo, Nigeria) to rub in pepper by way of punishment or torture

  kitti (Tamil) a kind of torture in which the hands, ears or noses of culprits are pressed between two sticks

  dhautī (Sanskrit) a kind of penance (consisting of washing a strip of white cloth, swallowing it and then drawing it out of the mouth)

  ráhu-mukhaya (Sinhala, Sri Lanka) a punishment inflicted on criminals in which the tongue is forced out and wrapped in cloth soaked in oil and set on fire

  barathrum (Ancient Greek) a deep pit into which condemned criminals were thrown to die

  tu-tù (Vietnamese) a prisoner ready for the electric chair

  IDIOMS OF THE WORLD

  As thick as thieves

  aralarindan su sizmaz (Turkish) not even water can pass between them

  entendre comme cul et chemise (French) to get along like one’s buttocks and shirt

  uni comme les doigts de la main (French) tied like the fingers of a hand

  una y carne ser como (Spanish)/como una y mugre (Mexican Spanish) to be fingernail and flesh/like a fingernail and its dirt

  sange paye ghazwin (Persian) as thick as volcanic stone

  22.

  Realpolitik

  em rio que tem piranha, jacaré nada de costas (Brazilian Portuguese)

  in a piranha-infested river, alligators do backstroke

  Pipe and sunshade

  Once upon a time life was straightforward: the chief ran the show and everyone fell in behind:

  pfhatla-pfhatla (Tsonga, South Africa) to make a present to the chief to abate his anger

  tarriqu-zan (Persian) an officer who clears the road for a prince

  chātra (Pali, India) one who carries his master’s sunshade

  vwatika (Mambwe, Zambia) to place the pipe in the mouth of the chief

  kapita mwene (Mambwe, Zambia) the time of the stroll taken by the chief (between 9 and 10 p.m., when everyone had retired, the chief would go about quietly, eavesdropping to find out those talking about him)

  magani (Mindanao, Philippines) the custom of obtaining leadership and the right to wear red clothes through killing a certain number of people

  tirai (Tamil) a tribute paid by one king to another more powerful

  ramanga (Betsileo, Madagascar) a group of men whose business is to eat all the nail-parings and to lick up all the spilt blood of the nobles (literally, blue blood)

  mangkat (Indonesian) to die for one’s king or queen

  A gift

  Things weren’t so great for those at the bottom of the pile, however interesting their duties:

  ravey (Manobo, Philippines) to enslave someone because he didn’t obey a command

  dapa (Malay) a slave-messenger sent as a gift with a proposal of marriage

  dayo (Bikol, Philippines) a slave who stands guard over the grave of a leading member of the community so that the body will not be disinterred by sorcerers

  pachal (Malay) a slave of a slave

  golamkhana (Bengali) a factory for imbuing people with a slave mentality

  False friends

  tank (Tocharic, Turkey) to interfere

  tilts (Latvian) bridge

  Transparent (German) banner, placard

  bingo (Kapampangan, Philippines) chip in a blade

  doshman (Romani) enemy

  exito (Spanish) success

  Parole (German) motto, slogan

  Changing shirts

  Democracy freed us from the old hierarchies and gave us the power to choose our own destinies …

  valboskap (Swedish) ignorant voters (who vote as they are told)

  qualunquismo (Italian) an attitude of indifference to political and social issues

  apocheirotonesis (Ancient Greek) a rejection by a show of hands

  chaquetero (Central American Spanish) someone who changes political ideas as easily as changing shirts

  porros (Mexican Spanish) thugs who stand around polling stations and intimidate voters

  Full poodle

  … with leaders directly answerable to us and our interests:

  phak kanmuang (Thai) political parties that become active only during or prior to elections

  Politpopper (German) politically correct and correctly dressed (literally, a square politician)

  göra en hel Pudel (Swedish) a politician, or some other well-known person who has done something bad, publicly admitting being bad but promising not to do it again and humbly asking for forgiveness (liter
ally, do a full poodle)

  Muffled

  Perhaps we just have to accept that the political mindset is never going to change that radically:

  aincātānī (Hindi) the manipulation and manoeuvring, tugging and pulling, a struggle inspired by selfish motives

  ficcarsi (Italian) to get access to a group to gain advantages from them

  başina çorap örmek (Turkish) to plot against someone (literally, to knit a sock for the head)

  akal bulus (Indonesian) a cunning ploy (literally, a turtle’s trick)

  akarnok (Hungarian) someone with unscrupulous ambition

  Power corrupts

  It’s commonly accepted that there are all kinds of unofficial extra benefits to being in power. The phrase in the Sinhala language of Sri Lanka for a local member of parliament, dheshapaalana adhikaari, also means crook and someone born out of wedlock:

  sglaim (Gaelic) a great deal of the good things of life acquired in a questionable way

  dedocratico (Spanish) an undemocratic appointment to a governmental position

  zalatwic (Polish) using acquaintances to accomplish things unofficially

  bal tutan parmağini yalar (Turkish proverb) a person who holds the honey licks his finger (a person given a job involving valuables will gain some benefit for himself)

  kazyonnovo kozla za khvost poderzhat – mozhno shubu sshit’ (Russian proverb) just even from having once held a state goat’s tail one can make a fur coat (i.e. an official can make money by bribes)