superfecta a bet that forecasts in correct order the first four horses in a given race
WORD JOURNEYS
jockeys (16C) horse traders (once called Jocks: men of the people)
allure (15C from Old French) to bait: a device in falconry used by hunters to call back their hawks
relay (15C from Old French) to loose the hounds; a pack of fresh hounds held in reserve to relieve a previous pack
croupier (18C from French) a pillion rider, a rider on the croup of a horse; then someone who stood behind a gambler and gave advice
MADHOUSE
Indoor games and hobbies
Cards and dice … the devil’s books
and the devil’s bones
(1676)
There’s no shortage of enjoyable activities for those who would rather not brave our famously awful weather. Even the simplest-seeming have a complex terminology worth getting to know:
murgatroyd a badly manufactured tiddlywink, flat on both sides
squopped of a free tiddlywink that lands on another wink
blitz an attempt to pot all six winks of your own colour early in the game
crud a forceful shot whose purpose is to destroy a pile of winks completely
lunch to pot a squopped wink (usually belonging to an opponent)
boondock to send an opponent’s tiddlywink a long way away, preferably off the table
LOW ROLLERS
The number of nicknames for marbles indicates what a popular game this is too (and still so in the age of the Game Boy® and the computer). In the dialect of the north-east of England, for example, marbles have been known as alleys, boodies, glassies, liggies, marvels, muggles, penkers, parpers and scudders. That’s just the start of it:
flirt (Yorkshire) to flick a marble with finger and thumb
fullock (Shropshire) to shoot a marble in an irregular way by jerking the fist forward instead of hitting it off by the force of the thumb only
deegle (Cheshire) a stolen marble
neggy-lag (Yorkshire) the penultimate shot
hawk (Newfoundland) to win all an opponent’s marbles
smuggings! (UK teen slang mid 19C) mine! (the exclamation used at the end of a game of marbles or spinning tops when the child who shouted first was allowed to keep the toy in question)
DICEMAN
When you get a little older, it becomes more interesting to throw objects with a more challenging set of possibilities:
snake eyes (North American slang 1929) getting double ones, the lowest score (supposedly resembling a snake’s stare)
box cars (underworld slang 1937) double 6 (from their similarity to the wheels of freight cars)
gate to stop the dice moving before they have actually come to rest
ARRERS
Many grown-up indoor games are found in that fine old British institution, the pub. One pastime in particular speaks of generations of players with fine imaginations and plenty of time on their hands:
monger a person who deliberately scores many more points than needed to win the game
Robin Hood when a dart sticks into a previous dart
married man’s side the left-hand side of a dart board (numbers 12, 9, 14, 11, 8 and 16) that would get a reasonable score (the rationale being a married man should always play safe)
right church, wrong pew hitting a double but the wrong number
slop darts that score, but not where you wanted them
masonry darts darts thrown so that they miss the board entirely and hit the wall instead
spray ’n’ pray darts thrown by an irate and less talented player, rather quickly
bunting the art of throwing while on your knees
FEVVERS
And that’s just a fraction of the jargon. All the scores in darts have their own names too. Remember, when playing darts you’re counting down, not up, starting from a set 301 or 501 and trying to end up with exactly zero, a process which is known as doubling out:
madhouse double 1 (i.e. what you’re left in until you finish the game by achieving it)
fevvers a score of 33 (from the 19C Cockney tongue twister: ‘thirty-three feathers on a thrush’s throat’)
scroat a dart that is aimed for treble 20, but ends up in double 20
fish and globe a score of 45 (when competing on a fairground darts stall, 45 was a score that traditionally would win the customer a small paper bag of peanuts which later became the offer of a jar (globe) and a goldfish)
Lord Nelson a score of III (as he had one eye, one arm, one leg)
POKER FACE
A cool head and an expressionless face will serve you well in a game that otherwise relies on luck – unless of course you have other tricks up your sleeve:
runt a poker hand worth less than a pair
motown a poker hand consisting of ‘jacks-on-fives’
vole the winning by one player of all the tricks of a deal; a grand-slam
pone the player who cuts the cards
hop a secret move made after the cut which puts the cards back in the original position and negates that cut for the cheat’s benefit
crimp to bend one or more cards so that a cheat will be able to cut the deck as he wishes, or to know that an innocent player will be cutting the deck at that same desired card
there’s work down the announcement by one player that someone somehow is cheating
BIDDING WAR
The king of card games requires not just luck, but skill of the highest level:
chicane (1886) the condition in a game of bridge of holding no trumps
bumble-puppy (1936) a game played at random (of people who play no conventions)
yarborough (19C) a bridge or whist hand with no card higher than a 9 (from a certain Earl of Yarborough who used to bet 1000 to 1 against the occurrence of such a hand; the actual odds are 1827 to 1)
flag-flying (1917) to make an overbid that will almost inevitably fail, just to liven up the game
huddle (US 1934) a period of thought in which a player considers his next move
FULL HOUSE
For those habitués of the pack, there’s a fine range of nicknames for individual cards:
devil’s bed-post (c.1835) the four of clubs, held to be unlucky
grace-card (Irish mid 19C) the six of hearts in cards
curse of Scotland (early 18C) the nine of diamonds (diamonds imply royalty and traditionally every ninth king of Scotland has been considered a tyrant and a curse to that country)
blankets (1915) the tens in a pack of cards (from the rolling of blankets in the military in tens for the convenience of transport)
noddy (Gloucestershire) the knave
suicide king the king of hearts (as the fifteenth-century French picture shows him about to impale himself on his sword)
the boy with the boots (Anglo-Irish late 19C) the joker in the pack of cards
HIGH STAKES
When you start to bring money into the picture, of course, both dice and cards can easily lose their innocence:
shill a decoy player, allied to the promoters of the game, who pretends to bet, and is allowed to ‘win’ in street games of three-card monte; his successes are intended to lure the public into laying down their money
tattogey (underworld slang 1753) one who uses loaded dice to cheat
langret (mid 16C) a die so loaded that it shows 3 or 4 more often than any other number
DESPERATE BIDS
For some unfortunates, the impulse to win can stop being a game and become more a part of their lives. As the Aussies say, there are some people who would bet on two flies walking up the wall:
martingale to continue doubling one’s stake after losing in the hope of eventual recovery
ring in one’s nose to be losing and betting heavily and impetuously in an attempt to get even (like a bull)
fishing remaining in a card game in the hope of a vital card
bird dog a small time or novice gambler who hangs around experienced pr
ofessional gamblers to pick up tips
nut the living expenses and other overheads that a gambler must meet from his winnings
MONTE CARLO OR BUST
For people like this, home games are soon no longer enough; a professional arena for their habit beckons; and there, of course, under the patina of respectability, pretty much anything goes:
ladder man a casino employee who sits on a high chair and watches for any errors or cheating by players or croupiers
booster a bit player in a casino who entices genuine players to bet (and usually lose) their money
top-hatting in roulette, the surreptitious placing of more casino chips on top of existing ones after the outcome has been decided
BINGO LINGO
Better to switch to a sociable game often favoured by the older woman, which comes with its own inimitable terminology. Two fat ladies (88) and legs eleven are well-known but there are many other traditional coinages:
1 buttered scone
6 Tom Mix (more modern: chopsticks)
7 Gawd’s in ’eaven
12 monkey’s cousin (from rhyming slang for dozen)
23 a duck and a flea (from the shape of the figures)
50 half-way house (1940s) (since there are 100 numbers available to the caller)
76 was she worf it? (from 7/6d, the old price of a marriage licence)
77 two little crutches (from the shape of the figures)
80 Gandhi’s breakfast (as he ‘ate nothing’)
ANORAKS
Or else give it up entirely and settle on a worthwhile and productive hobby:
notaphily (1970) the collecting of paper currency as a hobby
deltiologist (1959) a collector of picture postcards
cartophily (1936) the hobby of collecting cigarette cards
arctophile (1970s) a person who loves or collects teddy bears
cruciverbalist (US slang 1970s) a crossword puzzle addict
bowerbird (Australian slang) a person who collects an astonishing array of sometimes useless objects
WORD JOURNEYS
hazard (13C) a game of dice
forfeit (13C from Latin via Old French) ‘done beyond the bounds of’ the law, a crime
depart (13C from Latin via Old French) to divide into parts, distribute
MUSH FAKERS AND
APPLESQUIRES
The world of work
He that hopes to thrive must rise at five;
he that has thriven, may lie till seven;
but he that will never thrive
may lie till eleven
(1640)
Even in these days of welfare, or national handbag as Polari slang (see page 157) evocatively has it, most of us have to work at something to make ends meet. However specialized or odd our occupation may be, we can take comfort from the fact that in harsher times, jobs came in all shapes and sizes:
legger (Yorkshire) a man employed to move canal boats through tunnels by walking on the roof or sides of the tunnel
fottie (Scottish) a female wool-gatherer
murenger (Cheshire 1706) an officer appointed to keep the walls of a city in repair
sewer (Tudor–Stuart) an attendant at a meal who superintended the seating of the guests and the tasting and the serving of the dishes
shore-man (Cockney) one who searches sewers for rats
pure-finder (c.1850) a street collector of dogs’ dung
applesquire (late 16C) the male servant of a prostitute
gong-farmer (1596) a person who cleaned out privies at night and sold the waste as a fertilizer
screever (1851) a professional writer of begging letters
glutman (1796) a temporary customs officer (hired because of his ability to be numerate)
lodger-remover (underworld slang 1889) a seller of fine-toothed haircombs
mush faker (1821) an umbrella repairer (‘mushroom-faker’)
resurrection doctor (1800s) a doctor who buys corpses which are stolen from graves, or has people murdered and delivered to him
whiffler (1539) an officer armed with a weapon who clears the way for a procession
COLOUR CODED
Nowadays many jobs can be seen as either white or blue collar, where the former are those who wear a suit and work in offices, and the latter those getting their hands dirty in a boilersuit. The designation white came first, in 1921, and blue followed in 1950. Since then imaginative business writers and others have added yet more categories:
pink (1975) secretaries and other clerical staff
steel (1980) robots
grey (1981) skilled technicians; employees whose job descriptions combine some white- and some blue-collar duties
green (1984) environmentalists
gold (1985) professionals or those with in-demand skills; employees over 55
black (1998) miners (especially coal miners) and oil workers
scarlet (2000) female pornographic shop operators
ELBOW GREASE
But whatever your job, whether it be typing at a word-processor or hauling coal, there is one element in common: at some point you have to get stuck in to doing the work:
swallow the frog to tackle the hardest task possible
knife-and-fork it to deal with it bit by bit
antisocordist (1680) an opponent of laziness or idiocy
fluttergrub (Sussex) a man who takes a delight in working about in the dirt, and getting into every possible mess
work for Jesus (US industrial relations) to put in extra work without asking for extra pay
JOBSWORTH
Of course there are always those who manage to slow productivity in some way or other. As the Australians say, they’re as useless as an ashtray on a motorbike:
chair plug (2006) someone who sits in a meeting but contributes nothing
boondoggle (1935) to carry out valueless or extremely trivial work in order to convey the impression that one is busy
to be on the shockell (Warwickshire) to neglect one’s work through beer
headless nail (1950s) a worker who, once he got into a job, was impossible to get out, even if unsuitable
sunlighting (US 1980s) doing a quite different job on one day of the working week
BRAINSTORMING
Ideas, as they say, are two a penny. But a sudden brainwave can be worth a month of pointless toil:
quaesitum (1748) the answer to a problem
just-add-water (UK current office jargon) an idea that is so brilliantly simple yet effective that it requires little by way of preparation
limbeck (1599) to rack or fatigue the brain in an effort to have a new idea
NO-DAY
However hard we try not to, we all have those days where our hard work seems to come to nought:
blue duck (New Zealand 1890) something unprofitable
windmill-tilt (US jargon 2006) a fruitless and frustrating venture: attacking imaginary enemies or fighting otherwise-unwinnable battles
salmon day (1990s) the entire day spent swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end
PUSHING THE ENVELOPE
The jargon of contemporary corporate life may seem absurd to the outsider, rich as it is in the most colourful of metaphors. But it’s certainly guaranteed to brighten up even the dullest day:
takeaway nuggets insights or information resulting from a meeting or interaction
sunset clauses stipulations that a contract or regulation will lapse unless renewed
to wash its own face to justify or pay for itself
push the peanut to progress an arduous and delicate task forward
ketchup-bottle a long period of inertia followed by a burst of exaggerated activity; the unplanned release of pent-up forces
swallow your own smoke to take responsibility for and/or suffer the consequences of your mistakes
MANAGERIE
Why are things so often discussed in animal terms? Is it because of a desperate subliminal desire to get out of the office?
sh
oot the puppy to dare to do the unthinkable
prairie dogging popping one’s head above an office cubicle out of curiosity or to spy on colleagues
lipstick on a pig an attempt to put a favourite spin on a negative situation
a pig in a python a surge in a statistic measured over time
boiling frog syndrome a company which fails to recognize gradual market change (as a slowly boiled frog may not detect a slow temperature increase)
moose on the table an issue which everyone in a business meeting knows is a problem but which no one wants to address
seagull manager a manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits all over everything, and then leaves
THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY – OFFICE ACRONYMS
SWOT Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats (a favourite of consultants)
PICNIC Problem In Chair, Not In Computer
WOMBAT Waste Of Money, Brains And Time
POET’S day Piss Off Early Tomorrow’s Saturday (refers to Friday)
BULLS AND BEARS
In good times and bad, the highly paid practitioners of both the City London and Wall Street have couched their dubious activities in their specialized jargon:
J-Lo (Wall Street) the rounding bottom in a stock’s price chart (after the curvaceous Jennifer Lopez)
Bo Derek (Wall Street) the perfect stock (after her famous film 10)
I Never Knew There Was a Word For It Page 33