I Never Knew There Was a Word For It

by Adam Jacot De Boinod

  omphalomancy (1652) divination by counting the knots in the umbilical cord of her first born to predict the number of children a mother will have

  nom de womb (US slang 2005) a name used by an expectant parent to refer to their unborn child

  infanticipate (US 1934) to be expecting a child

  quob (b.1828) to move as the embryo does in the womb; as the heart does when throbbing

  pigeon pair (Wiltshire dialect) a boy and a girl (when a mother has only two children)

  PRIVATE VIEWS

  As soon as Baby appears, of course, there is much excitement. Relatives and friends crowd round to check out the new arrival, and any gossip about the timing of the pregnancy melts away:

  barley-child (Shropshire) a child born in wedlock, but which makes its advent within six months of marriage (alluding to the time which elapses between barley sowing and barley harvest)

  jonkin (Yorkshire) a tea-party given to celebrate a birth of a child

  crying-cheese (Scotland) a ritual where cheese was given to neighbours and visitors when a child was born

  FIRST STEPS

  Then there is the long, slow process of bringing up the little darling; beset with many dangers, but not, fortunately, as many as in the past …

  vagitus (Latin 17C) a new-born child’s cry

  marriage music (late 17C) the crying of children

  blow-blow (Jamaican English 1955) babbling baby-talk

  chrisom (c.1200) a child that dies within a month of its birth (so called from the chrisom-cloth, anointed with holy unguent, which the children wore until they were christened)

  quiddle (Midlands) to suck a thumb

  gangrel (1768) a child just beginning to walk

  dade (Shropshire) to lead children when learning to walk

  CHIPS OFF THE OLD BLOCK

  It’s an exhausting time, but hopefully rewarding, whatever the extra commitments:

  antipelargy (1656) the love of children for their parents

  philostorgy (1623) natural affection, such as that between parents and children

  butter-print (Tudor–Stuart) a child bearing the stamp of its parents’ likeness

  stand pad (Cockney) to beg in crowded streets with a written statement round one’s neck, such as ‘wife and five kids to support’

  sandwich generation (Canadian slang) those caring for young children and elderly parents at the same time (usually ‘baby boomers’ in their 40s or 50s)

  POPPING OFF

  Sadly, not all men seem able to stay the course:

  zoo daddy (US slang) a divorced father who rarely sees his child or children (he takes his kids to the zoo when exercising his visiting rights)

  baby fathers (Jamaican English 1932) males who abandon their partner and offspring

  goose father (US slang 2005) a father who lives alone having sent his spouse and children to a foreign country to learn English or do some other form of advanced study

  jacket (Jamaican English 2007) a man tested and proven not to be the father of the children said to be his

  EARLY PROMISE

  And what a course it can prove to be …

  glaikut (Aberdeenshire) of a child too fond of its mother and refusing to be parted from her at any time

  chippie-burdie (Scotland) a promise made to a child to pacify them

  killcrop (1652) a child who is perpetually hungry

  vuddle (Hampshire and Wiltshire) to spoil a child by injudicious petting

  ankle-sucker (Worcestershire) a child or person dependent on others

  COLTISH

  ot necessarily made any easier as the offspring grow older …

  dandiprat (1583) an urchin

  daddle (Suffolk) to walk like a young child trying to copy its father

  liggle (East Anglian) to carry something too heavy to be carried easily (e.g. of a child with a puppy)

  airling (1611) a person who is both young and thoughtless

  … though getting them outside in the fresh air is always a good plan …

  grush (Hiberno-English) of children, to scramble for coins and other small gifts thrown at them

  duck’s dive (Newfoundland) a boy’s pastime of throwing a stone into the water without making a splash

  poppinoddles (Cumberland 1885) a boyish term for a somersault

  triltigo (Derbyshire) a word used to start boys off in a race

  treer (c.1850) a boy who avoids organized sports, but plays a private game with one or two friends (by the trees at the side of the ground)

  ABC

  School can take some of the heat off the parents …

  abecedary (1440) a table or book containing the alphabet, a primer

  minerval (1603) a gift given in gratitude by a pupil to a teacher

  brosier (Eton College c.1830) a boy with no more pocket money

  nix! (1860) a warning especially among schoolboys and workmen of somebody’s approach

  MANNERS MAKYTH MAN

  At Winchester College, as elsewhere in times gone by, discipline was strictly maintained by corporal punishment. If it wasn’t from the authorities, you could count on the bullies for trouble:

  tin gloves (c.1840) a criss-cross of blisters methodically made by a bully on the back of a victim’s hand

  bibler (c.1830) six cuts on the back

  tund (1831) to flog a boy across the shoulders with a ground-ash

  rabbiter (1831) a blow on the back of their neck with the edge of the open palm

  to sport eyesight (1920) to deliver all the blows on the same spot in beating

  FIGHTING YOUR BATTELS

  Similar slang was adopted at many universities. At Oxford, your battels (Tudor–Stuart) were (and still are) your college bills; if you didn’t get to an exam you ploughed (1853) it; and academic nudity (b.1909) was appearing in public without a cap or gown. At Cambridge, in Victorian times, a brute (19C) was one who had not matriculated and a sophister (1574) was an undergraduate in his second or third year. In both places a whiffler (c.1785) was one who examined candidates for degrees, while at Dublin a sizar (1588) was one who got a college allowance. At Aberdeen, from the eighteenth century on, you were a bajan in your first year, a semi in your second, a tertian in your third, and a magistrand (1721) if staying for a fourth year to sit an MA.

  JUST MISSED A GEOFF

  Much more recently, a new slang has grown up to describe the various kinds of degrees that one may hope to get. The much-prized First has been known as a Geoff (Hurst), a Damien (Hirst) or a Patty (Hearst), a raging (thirst) or a James (the First). A 2:1 is known as an Attila (the Hun) or a Made-In (Taiwan). A 2:2 is known as a Desmond (Tutu) and a Third as a Douglas (Hurd), a Thora (Hird), or even a Gentleman’s Degree, though who would admit to having one of those these days?

  RETURN TO THE COOP

  Education over, for more than a few the appeal of moving back home can be strong, especially in these days of high rents and generous parental expectations:

  twixters (US slang) fully grown men and women who still live with their parents

  ant hill family (UK slang) the trend whereby children move back in with their parents so that all can work together towards group financial goals

  LIFE IS SHORT

  Life races on, and all too soon comes that point when some feel the need to start lying about their age …

  agerasia (1706) looking younger than one really is

  paracme (1656) the point at which one’s prime is past

  menoporsche (UK slang) the phenomenon of middle-aged men attempting to recapture their lost youth by buying an expensive sports car

  … a pointless activity, for your years will always catch up with you:

  prosopagnosia (1950) an inability to recognize familiar faces

  sew the button on (UK slang b.1898) to have to jot down at once what you wish to remember

  astereognosis (1900) the loss of the ability to recognize the shapes and spatial relationships of objects

  WORD JOURNEYS

&
nbsp; debonair (13C from Old French: de bonne aire) of good disposition or family

  puny (16C from Old French: puis né) born later, a junior; then inexperienced

  husband (Old English) master of a house; then (13C) husbandman: tiller of the soil (an extension of his duties); then (15C) housekeeper or steward; then (16C) a man who managed affairs generally

  OYSTER PARTS

  Culture

  Literature should be my staff

  but not my crutch

  (Scott: Lockhart’s Life 1830)

  here’s little doubt that as a culture we have a passion for a good story well told:

  anecdotard (1894) an old man given to telling stories

  ackamarackus (US slang 1934) a specious, characteristically involved tale that seeks to convince by bluff

  SHAZAM (1940) Solomon’s wisdom, Hercules’ strength, Atlas’s stamina, Zeus’s power, Achilles’ courage and Mercury’s speed (an acronymic magic word like ‘abracadabra’ used to introduce an extraordinary story)

  shark-jump (US media jargon 1997) instances that signal the imminent decline of a TV series by introducing plot twists inconsistent with the previous plot

  bridges, bridges! (c.1880) a cry to arrest a long-winded story

  THE BEST WORDS IN THE BEST ORDER

  Poetry too seems to be in the blood, and judging by the activity in pubs around the nation, in no danger of declining:

  genethliacon (1589) a poem written for someone’s birthday

  amphigory (1809) a poem that seems profound but is nonsense

  randle (b.1811) a set of nonsensical verses, repeated in Ireland by schoolboys and young people, who have been guilty of breaking wind backwards before their companions

  rhapsodomancy (1727) fortunetelling by picking a passage of poetry at random

  musophobist (Swinburne 1880) a person who regards poetry with suspicious dislike

  PENMEN

  Scribblers still throng a land where people have long been under the illusion that there is something glamorous about the business of writing:

  purlicue (1808) a dash or flourish at the end of a written word

  wegotism (1797) the excessive use of ‘we’ in writing (particularly in newspaper editorials)

  parisology (1846) the use of ambiguous language or evasive writing

  macaronic (1638) mixing words from different languages

  Patavinity (1607) the use of local slang or expressions when writing

  cloak-father (c.1639) a pretended author whose name is put forth to conceal the real author

  CRITICAL MASS

  The best advice for authors is Somerset Maugham’s: ‘Don’t read your reviews, dear boy. Measure them’ …

  Zoilist (1594) a critic, especially one who is unduly severe or who takes joy in faultfinding (after the fourth-century Greek critic)

  histriomastix (Tudor–Stuart) a severe critic of playwrights

  squabash (1818) to crush with criticism

  praise sandwich (US slang Houston 1987) criticism prefaced by and followed by compliments

  BOOKS DO FURNISH A ROOM

  here remains one important group that no one in the business can afford to take for granted – the dear old readers:

  enchiridion (Late Latin 1541) a book carried in the hand for reference

  thumbscall (Shropshire) a piece of paper or card inserted in a book to mark a page

  bibliotaph (1824) a person keeping his or her books secret or locked up

  grille-peerer (1940s) one of a group of clergymen who used to haunt the stacks of the London Library to look up the skirts of women browsing above

  to have a face-ticket (British Museum Reading Room 1909) to be so well known to the janitors that one is not asked to present one’s ticket

  ARE YOU WORKING?

  Sitting in a corner with a mere book has never been enough for another creative group who flourish in our supposedly inhibited culture:

  oyster part an actor who appears and speaks or acts only once (like an oyster he opens but once)

  nap-nix (c.1860) an amateur playing minor parts for experience

  crawk (1930s) a performer acting as an animal imitator

  cabotinage (1894) behaviour typical of a second-rate actor or strolling player, implying a tendency to play to the gallery or overact

  come back Tuesday pseudo-friendly advice from theatrical directors and management to hopefuls really meaning ‘go away!’

  flag-fallen (16C) unemployed (used first of actors: the playhouse flag was lowered where there was no performance)

  AGAIN FROM THE TOP

  Many are the tricks of the trade to be learnt in this most demanding of callings; and theatre has developed a fine jargon to describe it:

  swallow the cackle to learn a part

  ping to speak one’s lines softly, with no special emphasis

  pong to speak in blank verse after forgetting one’s lines

  stagger the first rehearsal without a script in one’s hands

  wing to fasten one’s script to one of the wing flats or some part of the scenery when one has failed to learn it properly and thus needs an occasional reference during the performance

  Mummerset (J. B. Priestley: Festival at Farbridge 1951) fake peasant accents adopted by actors to denote a supposed rural origin (from a mix of Somerset and mummer)

  SMOKE AND MIRRORS

  Normal costume apart, a range of cunning accessories assist the thespian’s art:

  heart the padding out of their tights by acrobats, actors etc. to prevent an otherwise painful fall

  wafters (Geordie) swords made with blunt edges for performers

  bronteon (Ancient Greek 1849) a device used in theatre or movies to create thunder

  scruto (1853) a spring trap-door, flush with the floor of a stage, for a ghost to rise through, for sudden falls and other effects

  pepper’s ghost a trick used to create a ‘ghost’ on stage by using an inclined sheet of plate glass onto which an actor can be projected as if ‘walking through air’

  bird’s nest crepe wool used to construct false beards

  LIGHTS UP

  But once you’re out there, darling, all you can do is stick to the script and hope for the best:

  ventilator a play so appallingly bad that the audience leaves well before the final curtain, and their seats are filled only with fresh air

  exsibilation (1640) the collective hisses of a disapproving audience

  handcuffed an actor’s description of an audience who will not applaud

  stiff (1930s) a terrible joke, rewarded only by silence

  soso (1930s) a joke rewarded by a smile, but not a laugh

  gravy easy laughs from a friendly audience

  crack the monica (music hall jargon c.1860) to ring the bell to summon a performer to reappear

  BUMS ON SEATS

  Though you may be deep into your role, you’ll still have one eye on the view beyond the footlights:

  plush family empty seats in the auditorium (i.e. the plush-covered seats that can be seen from the stage)

  paper the house to give away free theatre tickets in order to fill up an undersubscribed performance

  whiskey seats seats on the aisle (popular both with critics, who need to get out before the rush and phone in their reviews, and those who like to escape to the bar when the action palls)

  baskets are in a full house (from the one-time practice of leaving the prop baskets as security against the income of a touring company: if the house didn’t guarantee the payment of the theatre’s rent, the props were theoretically forfeit)

  MAGIC CIRCLE

  But let’s please never forget that the stage is not simply a venue for actors. Other fine artists offer equally enjoyable entertainment:

  burn (conjuring jargon) staring at the magician’s hands without averting your gaze, no matter what misdirection is thrown

  riffle (conjuring jargon) to let cards come out of the hand, creating a noise

  grimoire (French 1
849) a magician’s manual of black magic for invoking demons

  cultrivorous (1846) actual or illusory knife-swallowing

  drollic (1743) pertaining to a puppet show

  swazzle (1942) a mouthpiece used by a puppeteer to make the squeaking voice of Mr Punch

  MORE WHIFFLE

  Other performers don’t even need a stage. From break to Morris dance, a pavement or floor is more than enough:

  gaff a dancer’s belt, the protection under his tights for his genitals

  garlic (17C) a lively jig

  applejack (1980s) a basic move to challenge another breakdancer to a competition, squatting down, falling back onto your hands, and kicking one leg high in the air, then springing back onto both legs

  whiffler the man with the whip in Morris dancing

  CROONERS

  Singers, too, can operate anywhere:

  griddle (b.1851) to sing in the streets

  woodshedding (1976) spontaneous barbershop singing (originally meaning a place to rehearse music privately)

  barcarole (French 1779) a gondolier’s song

  rumbelow (1315) a meaningless song or refrain sung by sailors while rowing a boat (e.g. Heave Ho or Hey-Ho)

  aubade (Franco-Provençal 1678) a song at sunrise

  scolion (Ancient Greek 1603) a song sung in turn by the guests at a banquet