Jennifer's Triad

by Laura Anne Turner

  “I was really impressed by your performance tonight, Sweetheart,” Emilia says after a moment. She stops to nibble at her sandwich daintily, before she goes on. “I have to admit Martin was right. It’s really amazing how well you fit in with ‘The Coldhearts’. I didn’t want to believe it, but it’s true. And I realized how good a songwriter you are. I mean I know the songs you wrote for Martin’s band, but your new song…and Bette’s an amazing singer. You know that I can sing, too, but the way she sang your lyrics about Sherinia. It gave me goose bumps.”

  Our gazes lock. “You knew the song’s about Sherinia?”

  Emi sets her sandwich down, and touches my hand. “Of course I knew who ‘Back from the Dead’ was about, Jenny. You didn’t speak much about your relationship with Sherinia, and I couldn’t know how badly she hurt you till I heard your song tonight.”

  I nod, and look at our entwined hands.

  “I think, somehow, Bette understood perfectly what the song was about…the way she sang it. There were so many hurt feelings in her voice…”

  Emilia’s grip on my hand tightens, and I look into her blue eyes. “I want you to know, Jenny,” she goes on, “even though I don’t always understand you, I do love you, and I will always love you!”

  Her loving words only increase my guilty feelings. But then Emilia puts one slender finger under my chin and tilts my head up. She finds my lips with her lips, the tip of her tongue caressing them, and then my own tongue meets her tongue. Within seconds her kisses become more passionate, more demanding.

  “Help me with my dress,” she says in a husky voice, breaking our kiss. I nod, breathlessly. She gets up, and so do I, and I find the zipper on the back of her dress. I kiss the tender skin of her neck, as I pull the blue mini dress over her pale shoulders, letting it slide down to the floor. I gasp when she turns to face me, because Emilia’s wearing no bra, but innocent white silk panties, and white thigh highs. I actually have to step back, taking in the sight of her. The only way she could look more like an angel is if she had wings.

  “Wow, you’re so beautiful, Emi,” is the only thing I manage to say.

  She smiles seductively. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

  I keep on staring at her, with my eyes wide, and my mouth hanging open, when a sudden thought occurs to me.

  “I should take a shower now, Emi,” I blurt out. “Before we, you know, continue? I’ve been sweating like a pig onstage, and probably smell like one.”

  Emilia grins at me, and nods. “I understand. We should shower together, Jenny.” She takes my hand, and leads me to the bathroom. She caresses, kisses, and strokes me as she undresses me. I watch as she takes off her thigh highs and panties, before we step into the shower stall. As the warm water flows over our bodies, we exchange more kisses and caresses. Emilia begins to soap my back, my buttocks, and my breasts and when our lips and tongues meet again, her exploring hand moves down between my thighs, to the place I need her most. She makes me tremble and cry out, and I get down on my knees, grasp her slender hips, and bury my face between Emi’s thighs. Soon my redheaded angel’s legs begin to shake, as she grabs my hair, and screams my name as she cums into my mouth.

  CHAPTER 10 – DIFFERENT KINDS OF CONVERSATIONS

  I don’t believe it’s mere coincidence ‘The Coldhearts’ wanted me to become their new bass player. It’s not coincidence either that I fit in perfectly with them. All of it looks like fate has pulled a few strings. But what I really wasn’t prepared for is the fact I fell in love with Nellie, and yet still love my girlfriend Emilia. I don’t tell Emilia about my dilemma the next two days. I’m too afraid she’d stop loving me if I told her about Nellie and me. I simply don’t have a blueprint how to deal with that issue. I can’t solve that problem alone. I need to talk to someone.

  I begin to torture my brain who to talk to. There aren’t too many people who’d be sympathetic, I knew. Martin, my oldest friend, is a friend of Emilia’s too, and he’d probably be shocked if I told him I cheated on Emi. Also, he’d probably blame it on ‘The Coldhearts’ being a bad influence on me, the way she would, too. I briefly consider talking to Lena and Paulina, my old high school crush and her girlfriend, who I ran into during the Christmas holiday. They seemed to be fond of me, and they didn’t know Emi. However, I don’t think they’d understand given how much they love one another. They’d probably just think I was crazy.

  I suppose I could have talked to my father, and his new wife Sabrina. My Dad loves me unconditionally, and I think Sabrina’s very fond of me, too. She even offered I could call her anytime. But I’m afraid they’d even have a harder time understanding me than Lena and Paulina would. That leaves me the only person I think I could talk to, someone who wouldn’t judge me, and who, I’m sure would understand me. That person is Bette. She’s seven years older than me, and therefore must have more experience. Still I’m reluctant to call her, because I found her…unnerving. But I have to get over my nervousness about the prospect of talking to her about this sensitive issue. And so, on Ash Wednesday morning I finally pick up my cell phone and dial Bette’s number.

  “Hi Jenny, what’s up?” Bette says as she takes the call.

  I take a deep breath, before I reply. “Hi Bette, I – uh, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” I stammer. “Could I come see you this afternoon?”

  “Of course you can, sweetie. We’re family, remember? Let me see…I’ve a project I need to finish today, but I can take an hour away from work for you. How about three o’clock? Will that work for you, Jen?”

  “Three o’clock will be great, Bette, thank you.”

  “Great! Oh, and by the way, Ina and Nellie won’t be around this afternoon, so we’ll have the place to ourselves. See you at three, Babe!”

  “See you, Bette.” I end our call, not quite sure whether I ought to feel relieved or more nervous than ever.

  +++

  I get off the bus at the first stop by the entrance to the little village near ‘The Coldhearts’ farmhouse. Sooner or later I have got to get a car, I say to myself. Leaving the village behind me, I walk down the dusty road that leads to the ‘Coldhearts’ home. The place looks deserted. The black van with the band’s logo in screaming pink stands in front of the barn, and only Bette’s silver-gray convertible is parked by the house. I follow Bette’s description and circle the huge farmhouse to the extension building where her home office is. I’ve never been in this part of the house before. Reading the nameplate next to the entrance door ‘Elisabeth Bruckmann, Graphics, Design, Creative Ideas’, it dawns on me that Bette’s real first name is Elisabeth. I discover that the door is ajar, so I push it all the way open, and enter a small hallway with a coat rack. At the end of it I see the open door to Bette’s home office.

  I knock tentatively on the door’s frame, and Bette looks up at me, smiling.

  “Hey, Baby Doll, come in! You can move that pile of stuff from the chair, and put it on my desk, and have a seat,” Bette says, gesturing me to come in. “I’ll be ready for you in a minute.”

  I do as I’m told and sit down, while Bette goes back to staring at the screen of her desktop. I can’t help looking her over while she works. Today she’s wearing jeans, and a dark blue sweatshirt, and her blonde hair is pushed up in a kind of high ponytail. She looks a little pale without all the makeup she usually wears, but she’s still beautiful.

  She seems to notice I’m watching her, and she looks up at me, and smiles again. “I’m working on a brochure for a biotechnology company,” she explains.

  “Oh, that sounds… interesting,” I reply. I hardly know what biotechnology is and wonder what a Biotech company might do.

  Bette seems to realize my confusion, and she looks at me fondly and shrugs. “Well, I get a lot of work from them, Jenny, and they pay me really well.” She smiles at me again, and after finishing saving the files she was working on she gets up from her desk chair, and says, “Sorry to have kept you waiting, Sweetheart, but I have a deadline.” />
  “That’s absolutely no problem, Bette,” I say as I get up from my own chair.

  Bette beckons me to follow her and I do, trotting after her like a puppy as she locks the door to her office, and walks down the little hallway to a door that opens to the long hallway of the main building.

  “You want some coffee, Jenny?” Bette asks. Not waiting for my answer she walks to the kitchen, and turns on the coffeemaker. While the room fills with a rich, homey aroma, Bette takes two mugs from out of one of the cabinets, sets one on the kitchen table in front of me, and another in the place across from me. I watch as she puts two dessert plates and two forks on the table, before she takes a covered dish from the fridge, and sets it on the table, too. It turns out to be a half of a crumb-covered coffeecake that makes my stomach growl. Obviously, I’m hungry, and I remember I didn’t have much for lunch since I was too nervous to eat.

  In the meantime the coffee is ready, and Bette fills our mugs with steaming coffee. She sits down while I add sugar and cream to my coffee, and tentatively take a sip of it. I sigh happily. A little smile plays about her lips as she takes a sip of her own coffee, which she obviously likes black.

  “Why don’t you try your cake first, before we start talking serious shit, Baby Doll?”

  Bette doesn’t have to tell me twice. Bringing a forkful to my mouth, I discover that it’s absolutely delicious, and I have some more, and I take another sip of my coffee. Bette watches me, while she begins to eat her own slice.

  “So, Jenny,” she says, “Before we start talking, I want you to know that everything we talk about remains between the two of us. I’m not going to talk about it to anybody, unless you tell me otherwise. I think it’s great you trust me enough to talk to me, but I should also say I might not be the best person to talk relationships.”

  This is why I was reluctant to talk to Bette. How could she know I was going to talk about relationships? It feels as if she could read my mind. But then she seems to know and understand everything so well it’s spooky.

  “I trust you, Bette, I know you’re a good person, and I have come to love you like a sister.”

  Bette smiles, and offers me another slice of cake. I accept her offer immediately, and she also refills my mug of coffee.

  “So, Jenny,” she says while watching me attentively, “You wanted to talk to me about your dilemma?”

  My eyes widen and my heart sinks. “How do you know? Did Nellie tell you about…the situation, Bette?”

  She nods. “Yeah, she did, and she confirmed everything I’d come to suspect by watching the two of you… and your redheaded girlfriend.”

  “So you know about…my dilemma?”

  Bette nods calmly. “Nellie told me all about what’s going on, Sweetheart, and she told me it was okay for me to tell you that she did.”

  My eyes become big. “Nellie talked to you – about me, and Emilia?”

  “Yes, of course, Jenny,” Bette says with a smile. “I told you we’re a family.” Her smile turns wry. “She also told me that she thought you’d be calling me to talk about it.”

  My eyebrows shoot up. “Oh? Really? Wow, Nellie’s a smart girl,” I say.

  Bette nods. “She is a smart girl. And she knows you quite well already, Jenny, doesn’t she?”

  I have to smile at that. “She’s a smart girl indeed.”

  “And she loves you, and she wants you to be happy.” Bette gives me a piercing look with her beautiful blue eyes, and my heart starts pounding again. “You do know that too, Jenny?”

  I nod, and smile. “Oh, yeah, I do know that, Bette.”

  Bette smiles cooly, and my heart sinks. “Did Nellie tell you that the two of us used to sleep together?”

  I nod, but even though Nellie told me about her affair with Bette, I feel a pang of jealousy.

  “But that’s over,” Bette continues wistfully. For a moment she seems to be lost in pleasant memories.

  “There are so many girls who are crazy about you, Bette,” I break the momentary silence.

  Bette shrugs. “Well, a lot of girls are crazy about the girl I become when I’m on stage, and a lot of girls want to fuck me, as you’ve noticed yourself. But that’s all. Not that I’m complaining, but those Crazy Bitches are not in love with me, Baby Doll.”

  I sigh. “I see what you mean.” I don’t have anything to offer for her, and I suddenly remember that I’m here to talk to Bette about my love life. I look at her entreatingly.

  “Bette, I don’t know what to do. I’m in love with Emilia, and I’m in love with Nellie, too, and I haven’t told Emi, because I’m too scared.”

  Bette nods, and reaches for the pack of cigarettes on the kitchen counter. She lights a cigarette, and inhales deeply. “I see. You’re afraid that Emi’s going to be angry with you? And that she’s going to demand that you dump Nellie for her?”

  I nod glumly in response. “Yes, and yes. But I can’t dump Nellie! I love her every bit as much as I love Emilia.”

  Bette smiles for a moment before her pretty face shows that touch of sorrow I have noticed a couple of times before. “You have no idea how lucky you are, Jen. Both, Emilia and Nellie are amazing girls, and from what I can see they both adore you.”

  “I know, but that’s exactly my dilemma. What can I do, Bette?”

  She inhales from her cigarette again and watches the curls of blue smoke when she exhales. “So, you have no intention of choosing between your two girlfriends, then?”

  My stomach is in knots at Bette’s questions. “I want them both, but I don’t know how that’s possible.” My own voice sounds strange to me.

  Bette nods. “I thought so. I know that Nellie will be okay if you’re not seeing her exclusively. She’s strong, and has experience with that kind of relationships.”

  “Yes, she told me as much.”

  Bette nods. “But you should know that Nellie isn’t one who takes things easy. She’s very thoughtful, and you can be very sure she knows what she does.” Bette continues. I watch her anxiously as she takes another sip of coffee.

  “Now, do you think you’re going to keep Emilia from finding out about Nellie and you?”

  I make a sour face and shake my head. “I’m scared of her reaction, Bette. I think she will be shocked, and terribly mad at me.”

  “Yes, that’s the likely reaction most people will show, and I understand that completely. Well, try to walk in her shoes for a moment, Sweetheart. How would you react if she asked you to accept she’s seeing someone else? Or just imagine she said yes, and will accept a love triangle with Nellie and you. How are you going to feel when Emilia and Nellie are having alone time together without you?”

  I shiver. I haven’t really thought about such a scenario. Bette gives me a look of deep compassion as she reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “You have to find out what you want for yourself, Sweetheart, you need to find out what makes you happy. Love is a fucking wonderful thing, but it’s also fucking terrifying, too, isn’t it?”

  “Oh, you’re so right, Bette. It fucking is. So what you’re saying is, I need to get over being scared, and tell Emilia about Nellie and me?”

  She smiles and nods, and squeezes my hand again. “Yeah, Baby Doll, that’s about it. Oh, and one more thing, Sweetheart. If Emilia turns out to be jealous, don’t be too hard. Try to be patient with her, and remember that you’re capable of being jealous yourself.”

  “I see that now. I understand why Nellie says I should follow my heart. Thank you for opening my eyes, Bette. ”

  “Not at all, Jenny. I love to help.”

  I smile at her. “At least now I’ve found love, and that’s more than I could ever hope for.”

  Bette looks at me with interest. “Why would you say that, Baby Doll?”

  I hesitate for a moment. “Well, when I was in high school, I…” I shake my head, not sure of what to say. “I was really horrible. I was always going after guys, who were dating other girls, and fucking them, and then dumping them the
very next day. I got a reputation for being a crazy slut and heartless bitch. And I earned my reputation.”

  Bette nods thoughtfully. “So, how did you get from where you were then to where you are now, Jenny?”

  I take a deep breath and slowly begin to tell my story. Bette listens attentively, asks a question here and there, and makes me laugh with one of her hilarious comments. The more I tell Bette about my past, the more I open up to her. And if feels good. I feel safe with her. I know she’s not going to judge me. At one point Bette opens a bottle of red wine, and we have a glass of wine together.

  “The important thing is that you not let your past define you, Jenny,” Bette says as I end my story. “That you change who you are if you’re not happy with who you are.”

  I smile. “You’re really wise, my big sister Bette,” I say.

  She smiles crookedly. “At least I can talk like it, Sweetheart. Excuse me for a moment.”

  She gets up and leaves the kitchen to go to the bathroom. While Bette is away, I let my eyes wander around, and something strikes my attention. It’s one of the photos on the pin board that’s fixed to the wall. I get up to take a closer look at it. It’s a black and white photo of ‘The Coldhearts’, taken in front of what looks like a garage. The four girls are standing next to each other, their arms around their shoulders. Ina and Caro are kissing, while Nellie smiles to the camera and looks as though she’s talking to whoever the photographer is. And Bette… she’s looking at Nellie, and there’s a hint of sadness in her eyes, the kind of sadness I’ve noticed sometimes when she doesn’t realize anyone’s watching her. I think of my own sadness I used to feel when overcome with loneliness and despair. And I wonder just how much Bette and I were alike?

  “Looking at old band photos?” Bette’s voice stirs me from my musing.

  “Yeah, it’s an interesting photo.”