Falling to Pieces
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Falling to Pieces
Michelle Louise
Copyright 2015 © Michelle Louise
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except in the case of a reviewer, who may quote brief passages embodied in critical articles or in a review.
Trademarked names appear throughout this book. Rather than use a trademark symbol with every occurrence of a trademarked name, names are used in an editorial fashion, with no intention of infringement of the respective owner’s trademark.
This is a work of fiction. Names, character, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
Dedicated to all those who are afraid to love…
Table of Contents
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
PROLOGUE
THE PAST
Cynical? Maybe.
Heartless? Nah.
I have a heart and I care about a lot of things. But what I am not, is a hopeless romantic. I will go out of my way to avoid the lame, stereotypical, dates that involve couples at the theater, watching some cheesy love story while holding hands. Blah. Blah. Blah. Honestly, what’s the point? It all ends badly. I am definitely a cynic.
My best friend, Sawyer, on the other hand, is constantly trying her hardest to drag me out on double dates with her and her boyfriend, Austin. Sawyer and Austin are your average, disgustingly cute and completely in love couple that everyone admires. They have been together for as long as I can remember, and even I had to admit that they were perfect for each other. However, just because Sawyer chose that fairy tale lifestyle before she even knew better, doesn’t mean that it is the right choice for me. Just the thought of love freaks me out. Much less the thought of trusting another person with you heart. It literally gives me the hives.
My dad is a good man, but even he has made mistakes. The memories from my childhood start mostly with love and care within a tight knit family, but are soon faded into ones of tears and heartache. My dad spent most of his time at work and left my mom at home alone to raise me. She had finally begun to speak up for herself when he dropped the bomb that demolished my family. He had been unfaithful and had no good reason why.
The divorce that soon followed left me with a bag of emotions. I was sad that we would not be living together as a family, and also mad that my dad would leave my mom and me. It took a long time of weekend visits for him to get back on my good side. We had so much fun together and he never spoke ill of my mom, it just didn’t make any sense. Through all of this, it was at a young age that I promised myself to never fall in love.
Never falling in love and never having fun are two different promises. Do I believe every guy out there is just waiting around for the right moment to shatter some poor innocent girl’s heart? No, of course not. Personally, I just wasn’t willing to take the chance to find out. I would simply keep my heart at a safe distance, out of harm’s way.
NEVER get attached.
Always be the one less interested.
And for the love of all that’s Holy, NEVER fall in love.
By sticking to these three simple rules, my efforts thus far have been a success.
However, as I look down at the hand entwined in mine, in the middle of a cheesy movie about love, going against everything that I believe in, I am now questioning my theories.
Feeling the gentle squeeze of my hand, I gaze up into the kindest, emerald eyes that I have ever come across. With every rule in life, there is always an exception. And why should mine be any different. Sam Carter has been my one exception since the moment he appeared in my life earlier this year.
Straight from the beaches of California, he screams stereotype, embodying all the characteristics of a modern day surf god; amazingly bronzed body, naturally highlighted shaggy hair, and perfectly straight, brighter than white teeth.
Just thinking about his lean muscular body, shirtless riding the waves, had me squirming in my seat. We needed to get out of this stupid movie.
Leaning over, Sam pressed his lips to mine, lingering for a moment before pulling away. “Stop fidgeting little red. Movie is almost over, and then you will get your reward.”
Have I mentioned my hatred for lame pet names? I despise them, yet every time he calls me little red, my stomach does this weird flippy thing.
“I am not fidgeting. These seats are just uncomfortable.” I whisper. “Did you tell Austin we aren’t hanging out after to movie?”
Looking to my left, Sawyer and Austin are so deep in their little lover’s world, we could probably leave now and they would never know.
“Yeah, Austin has plans of his own to take Sawyer to the lake.”
“And what plans do you have?” I ask, moving closer until my lips are brushing against Sam’s ear. “I need to know more about my reward.”
Being promised certain ‘favors’ is what landed me right here in this very spot, suffering through this horrid movie.
“My mom is working the nightshift at the hospital, so we have the house to ourselves.” Turning the tables on me, Sam’s lips are now caressing my ear, as he whispers his plan, causing me to squirm even more in my seat. “First thing I want to do, is strip off every piece of clothing that is covering your sexy little body and lay you across my bed. Then, I plan on exploring every inch of you with my mouth, leaving nothing untouched. And just when you think you can’t take a second more without exploding, my tongue is going to dive right into your…”
“Okay, hotshot, I get the picture.” I say, squeezing my legs together, trying to mask the ache. “Keep talking like that and we will end up giving this audience a totally different show.”
I have always had a healthy appetite when it came to sex, but there is something about Sam that leaves me insatiable.
“I will follow through with all that, little red, and more if you will just tell me what I want to hear.”
Frustrated, I pull my hand free from his. “You know I can’t do that, Sam.”
Standing up, I squeeze past my best friend and her boyfriend; apologizing to the remaining people I had to interrupt to get the isle. Being of petite proportions, I was able to make a quick exit down our row. I could really use some fresh air.
The one thing Sam wanted more than anything was for me to agree to be exclusive and be his girlfriend. Obviously, I couldn’t do that; it scared me shitless. Granted, if I were to go temporarily insane, I could see him being the one I would commit to. With that being said, I wasn’t cut out for relationships and he knew this.
It was a known fact, and I made it clear with every guy I was involved with. No strings, no attachment, just fun. Sam was clear on this in the beginning. I’ve told him numerous times that I am damaged and unable to feel. And like most men, he doesn’t listen. My rules and guidelines are usually not a problem with high school boys. Who wouldn’t want a girl who liked to have fun, yet didn’t need the title or commitment
?
“Chey, wait up!” Sawyer called from behind me. “What happened? You ran out like a mad woman.”
Turning to see she is alone, I stop and take a deep breath. “He’s asking me again. I don’t know why he has to be so persistent. I’ve told him, Sawyer, from the beginning that I am not girlfriend material. He said that he was okay and that he would take what he could get. Now, all of a sudden, that’s not good enough. Now, he wants more. That’s not fair to me! I’ve already given him so much more than any other guy. I’m not made for this and I have no more to give.” I ramble, not noticing the hot tears running down my cheeks until Sawyer wipes one away and wraps her arms around me.
“Shhh… Listen; let’s get out of here. We will go back to my house and sneak some of Daddy’s homemade wine into my room and forget all about your worries.”
“No, you and Austin have plans. I am fine now, I promise. Just a minor meltdown, not a big deal.” I reassure Sawyer, not wanting to bring down her night or ruin her plans with Austin.
“Shut your mouth, Cheyenne Thomas! Austin will understand and you know it. Now pass me your keys and let’s get out of here before Sam realizes I’m not coming back with you.”
“I don’t know, Sawyer, I can’t just leave him here without a ride. His truck is still in the shop and I drove us.” I may be slightly annoyed with Sam, at the moment, but would never leave him stranded.
“Austin can take him home. I will text him from the car.”
Reluctantly, I hand Sawyer my keys. There is a knot in my stomach and I can’t help but think it is a warning sign and this is a mistake; I shouldn’t be walking away from Sam. I take one more glance at the door to the theater, then ignore the signs and jump in the passenger’s seat.
Just during the drive back to Sawyer’s house, Sam has already called me three times and sent five text messages. I ignored all the calls, but not wanting to be a complete bitch, I text back letting him know that I would talk to him tomorrow and just needed some time.
“You do realize that I know you better than anyone else, right friend?” Sawyer asks, as we sit on her bed passing the now half empty bottle back and forth.
“Yeah. What’s your point?” Putting the bottle to my lips I take a long draw, savoring the sweet strawberry flavor.
“It’s just that I couldn’t help but notice that in the last few months you haven’t been seen with anyone other than Sam. Just take a moment and think about it. When was the last time you hung out with another guy? Let alone, the last time you hooked up with someone else? And Sam either, he is crazy about you. Without even knowing it, you have been exclusive, there just hasn’t been a title on it.”
Taking another couple sips before handing her the bottle, I laid back on her collection of pillows thinking about what she just said. Focused on the ceiling fan, I begin to feel a little dizzy. Sawyer’s dad didn’t mess around when it came to his wine and I think I am done for tonight.
Sawyer made valid points, ones that I have been aware of for quite some time, but still chose to ignore. Before Sam, no guy could hold my attention for very long. In fact, it was rare to see me with the same guy on more than a couple occasions. It was always easy to find something about them that got on my nerves and I would be done.
It has never been that way with Sam. I find myself always wanting to hang out with him and the only time he annoys me is when he is trying to get me to confess my feelings. But even then, I’m still not done.
Why does it have to be so serious all the time? We are way too young and have such a full life ahead of us, filled with new experiences. How often do you find the love of your life at seventeen? If it is one in a million, I already know the one couple and they happen to be my best friends. The odds are against me and I don’t see the point in setting myself up for a heartache that is inevitable.
Sawyer grew up in an amazing family. Mama and Daddy Jameson have been together over two decades, and their love never fades for one another. It’s apparent in the way they look at each other and still flirt when they think no one is watching.
It wasn’t always a sad time growing up at my house without my dad. And things definitely improved when my mom met Bill. They fell hard for each other, but took time to grow their relationship before getting married. Like my mom, Bill had been married once before and also had a child. His son, Aaron was a couple years younger than me and still lived with his mom an hour away. Once Bill got settled after moving in, Aaron would stay with us on most weekends and holidays. I wasn’t super excited about having a younger brother at first, but I loved Bill and quickly grew to love his son as well. We had our own new little family.
“Quit ignoring me. You can’t avoid this conversation any longer.” Sawyer says, pulling me back to the present.
“I’m not ignoring you. I’m drunk and still thinking about what you said. Sam has always been different for me, but I am still not able to give him what he wants. End of story.”
“You cannot live your life in fear of getting hurt, Cheyenne. You are going to miss out on a guy who would do anything for you. Without a doubt, Sam cares about you, but he isn’t going to wait around forever.” Sitting the wine bottle on her nightstand, Sawyer lays down facing me in the bed, as I continue to stare at the ceiling.
“Sam isn’t your dad.” She says gently.
“I know he isn’t.” Rolling on my side, I turn to face her, tucking my hands under my head. “I’m just afraid, Sawyer. He is getting to the point where he wants all or nothing, and as much as I hate the idea of Sam not being in my life, I don’t think I am able to commit.”
“I know you want to protect your heart, friend.” She signs. “I get it, but by pushing Sam away, you are still going to end up hurt. Not to mention, you are also hurting Sam in the process. You need to decide what you want and let him know whether you are all in, or folding.”
A deep sign escapes my chest. “You’re right. I will let him know one way or another tomorrow night at Jeff’s party. I just need more time to decide.”
Feeling the full effect of the wine I close my eyes and sleep pulls me in. Tomorrow I would figure everything out.
Waking up with the sun in my face, I rolled over quickly and the rush of my hangover suddenly set in. I felt horrible, which seemed to last most of the day. Once I got back to my house from Sawyer’s, I did as promised and thought on my situation.
Sam has become such a fixture in my life the past few months and I don’t know if I can walk away. Losing him completely seems like more of a risk, than having him break my heart.
I know what I have to do. Sawyer was right. Without knowing it, we had become exclusive a long time ago. I now just need to steer my thoughts away from the negative and allow myself to feel.
Starting to feel less like a wine toad, I took a quick shower and got ready for the party. With my jeans, t-shirt and boots on, I applied a little make up and blew my hair dry. On my way to the car I sent Sam a text.
Hey, we need to talk. Are you going to Jeff’s?
Sam: Here now. Shots with JMan. Talk tmrw.
No. Talk tonight. It’s important. I will find you when I get there.
Getting into my car, I realize it is a little colder out than I expected so I reach into my back seat hoping to have a sweater of some sort. I see a gray hoodie on the seat and pull it up front to examine it. The front of it reads Redwood High Baseball. Sam must have left this in my car and it would be perfect for tonight. I pulled it over my head and put my car in gear reversing out of the driveway.
Jeff Mason’s family had a farm that was a few miles down the road from my house and we spent just about every weekend out here with kids from school. Like most families in Redwood, his owned a large amount of land and made it easy for us to get away with loud parties involving under age drinking.
Judging by the message from Sam, knowing he has been doing shots with Jeff, which are more than likely shots of moonshine, I can only assume he is already wasted. Considering Sam is usually the one who stay
s sober when we go out, it’s hard to believe he is already hitting the hard stuff when the sun just recently went down.
Knowing his state, I don’t want Sam to meet me at the fence as usual to walk me up, and decide to risk driving my car closer to the fire to park. Hopefully, ole’ Betsy won’t get stuck in the mud later. It is still fairly early and there aren’t too many vehicles parked around the fire. Austin’s truck isn’t even here yet, but he and Sawyer had to close up at her family’s feed store tonight. No telling when they would make it out here.
Shutting my car door, I make my over to where Jeff is sitting by the fire with some freshman girl on his lap. He is seriously the biggest man-whore I know. There is no doubt that he will be shacked up with a different girl before the night is over.
“Hey Jeff, where is Sam?” I ask, making it a point to ignore his guest. Most of the girls at school think I am bitch, so why not keep up with the reputation.
“I think he went to take a leak. Check over by his truck. But watch out, he might be a little drunk.” Jeff laughs, leaning back in his chair too far, causing them both to crash into the ground.
Laughing and shaking my head, I walk away looking for Sam’s truck. It didn’t take long before I spotted it down the line of vehicles. He must have gotten it back from the shop today. Approaching the green, Ford F150, I didn’t see him at the front and decide to continue my walk towards the back, as I hear a shuffling sound.
Stopping dead in my tracks, my hand flies to cover my mouth and drown out my gasp. Sam was sitting on his tailgate, but he wasn’t alone. Standing between his legs, with her hands running up the back of his shirt, and her tongue down his throat, is icky Vicky.
Victoria Williams. That bitch. For years now, she has felt as if we are in some sort of competition. It started the night I first went out with Brad, not knowing she was also interested in him. Ever since then, in her mind she has been trying to one-up me by going after all the guys I had hung out with, and was sleeping with them all. Little did she know, I had already grown tired of them and couldn’t care less. Except now.