by Renea Porter
“I’m exactly where I want to be, with my angel.” He lifts my chin and kisses me. I rest my head on his shoulder once he straightens out and pulls me into him.
“Just promise me you won’t stop racing. It’s your passion, and you should never lose that,” I whisper. I watch as he swallows hard. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.
“I promise,” he says.
We lie in silence for a long time, before he finally falls asleep and I just stare at him. I want to burn his image in my brain. I never want to lose this moment. He looks so peaceful. I think I loved him way before I even realized it.
*****
It’s been two weeks since my birthday and my body is changing. It’s starting to fight against me, and I don’t like it one bit. If I would have known love would come knocking, maybe things would be different, maybe I would have given it one last go. Layne has slept with me just about every night and refuses to leave my side. Right now, he is asleep next to me, and I don’t want to move. The girls and I made a plan to go shopping today while the boys fend for themselves, so I try to get up and my legs almost give out on me. I sit back down on the edge of the bed, and I start to cry, I can’t help it. This disease is doing a number on me. Layne jumps up in an instant. “What’s wrong?” He comes over and crouches down with his hands on my knees.
“I don’t think I can go shopping with the girls today. My legs won’t be able to take the walk,” I say, while tears stream down my face.
“Hold on one sec.” He motions with his finger and disappears.
I swipe the tears from my cheeks, because damn it, I’m going to give this disease a fight. I’m not ready; he isn’t ready. He reappears with a wheel chair a man after my heart, for sure.
“Will this work? Your Dad said we can use his truck, and Dylan can drive his car, too.”
“Oh my god, I forgot that we had that. You’re a fucking genius.”
“Layne to the rescue! Don’t even try to get up. I’ll help you,” he says, coming over to help me in the chair.
“I need to shower, so let me see if I can manage that.” I spin myself toward the bathroom. I slowly get in the standup shower and take my time washing up. I throw my hair in a messy bun so I wouldn’t have to mess with it. Slowly, I step out of the shower and wrap the towel around me before sitting back in the chair. Layne watches as I make my way to the dresser and I grab a summer dress, because it’s easy to slip on. In front of the mirror, I brush my hair and put it in a neat ponytail. “I don’t want anyone making a fuss over me if we’re going out,” I firmly tell him.
He throws his hands up.. “I’ll just help you get in it and out of it. If anyone even looks at you crooked, I will throat punch them,” he says, showing a big fist and making me laugh.
“I don’t think we need to go to extremes killer,” I say, sliding on my flip flops.
Chapter Twenty Six
A few hours of shopping exhausts me, and we head home. I’m glad no one made a fuss over me. Except, I did get a few looks from the locals and I had to pry Layne away from threatening to punch them. It was kinda comical, though. I got to spend some quality time with the girls, helping them pick out clothes and makeup. It was fun girl time while the boys went on their own for a little bit, but Layne couldn’t stay away. Layne and I rode in Dad’s truck, while Renee and Sarah rode with Dylan in his car.
Layne pulls into the driveway and helps me get to the front porch, and I sit in a rocking chair. “I have a surprise for you. I’ll be back,” he says as he walks back to the truck, pulling the wheel chair out. He sets the wheel chair on the porch and disappears with Dylan.
“What is he up to?” I look at both Sarah and Renee, but they just shrug their shoulders at me. “He is up to something,” I say, obviously.
“Did you girls have fun?” Mom steps out onto the porch asking, as she is wiping her hands on a dish towel.
“Yes, we did,” I say. “But Layne done left me, because he has a surprise,” I say nonchalantly. She turns, walking back in the house.
I watch as the girls go through their shopping bags, and promise to do a fashion show later. We are slumming it in my room tonight, no boys allowed. We will see how long that lasts. Finally, Layne opens the wheel chair and helps me off the porch to it. “I’ll have her back in time for your girls’ night,” he says, smiling at Renee and Sarah.
“Where are we going? Is this going to be a bumpy ride?” I ask as he pushes the wheel chair over the gravel and toward the barn.
“It’s gonna be a little bumpy, but worth it, I promise,” he says.
The sky is turning dark, and the mosquitos are going to eat me alive, especially out here in the boondocks. Once we get through the barn I know exactly where he is taking me. To the lake. Once we get there, my heart completely melts because he has strung up white Christmas lights hanging from the trees and it looks beautiful glowing over the lake.
“You’re right; the bumpy ride was worth it. This is beautiful,” I say as we sit along the water’s edge, looking over the lake.
He crouches next to me and we sit in silence for a few minutes. “Here, I got you something,” he pulls a small box out of his pocket and hands it to me.
I open the small box, and there is an angel wing charm inside. “For my angel. You can add it to your bracelet, if you want. I know Chase got you that and I wanted you to have something from me as well, seeing how you never take that thing off.”
“It’s beautiful, thank you. Can you add it on for me?” I ask sliding the bracelet off and handing it to him. He hooks the charm on and slides it back on my wrist.
“There, now it’s perfect,” he says. “I just wanted to steal you away for a few moments before your girls’ night. Do you think you could stand for a few minutes?”
“Maybe, why?” I ask.
He helps lift me up from the chair and pulls me into him. “Stand on my toes, he says taking my hand into his. I lift each foot, putting it on his, and we start to dance, slowly, even though there is no music playing. He holds me up, and I lean my head on his shoulders. “I don’t know what it is that you do to me, but I’ve never been like this or felt this with any other girl, ever. I just love you so damn much.” I pull my head up and look into his eyes. “You have my heart, Amber Jean Locks. You’ve had it since the first day we met. I knew we would be together,” he continues.
“Layne, meeting you has changed me, for the good. You made me feel love. I got to feel it, taste, and touch it, and it has never been more glorious. Thank you. I’ve never felt more alive than I do right this moment, with you. You made me feel,” I whisper.
He kisses me as we look over the water for a little longer before he takes me back to the house. He drops me off in my room, where Sarah and Renee are already waiting on me with their pajamas on. “Thanks for bringing our girl back. Now you can go,” Sarah says, shooing him away. He is supposed to bunk with Dylan tonight while the girls hang out.
“I see you two are already ready. Let me get changed real quick so I can join you,” I say heading to my dresser and grab a night gown. In the bathroom, I slowly stand and throw the gown over my head, smoothing it down my body. Back in my room, the girls have a big bowl of popcorn already made, and the DVD popped in the TV.
“Mom made brownies while we were gone, so we can get into those if we need, too,” Sarah says.
I put the wheel chair next to my bed and slowly climb the bed. Renee presses play on the remote, and instantly I know we are watching The Notebook. I smile, because it’s my favorite movie ever. She turns out the light and we all get comfortable. Renee and Sarah are one side of the bed with their sleeping bags spread out. We pass the popcorn around to each other as the movie plays. The door bursts open and our little slumber party is invaded by the boys as they slide into the room with sunglasses on and singing Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani, using toothbrushes as microphones, and it is quite hilarious. We are laughing so hard we are crying. They are even doing some dance moves that is just too f
unny. They are singing like they are in a boy band. They run out as quick as they came in and we girls’ have quite the laugh. I haven’t laughed like that in a really, really long time. It felt good.
We shake our heads and play the rest of the movie and Sarah is out like a light. Renee sits next to me on the bed. “What am I gonna do without my best friend next year? I really wish you would have told me.” She wraps an arm around my shoulder and leans her head against mine.
“Renee, I just wanted to be normal for once. And you’ll be fine,” I choke on those words and we have a good cry. I love her like a sister and we’ve had some good times together. “Just promise me you will get some help with your issue? I’m not as stupid as you think. I know exactly what you are doing, and you need to stop it,” I tell her.
“I know. I have issues and I need to get better. But right now I am here for you; I can worry about me later,” she says, kissing the side of my head.
“You know I love you, right? Like a sister. And I will come back from the dead and kick your ass if you don’t. I’m worried about you is all.”
“Get some sleep,” she says, sliding onto the floor into her sleeping bag.
“Goodnight,” I say, sliding under the blankets.
*****
Another week of summer has passed, and my body is getting weaker. I’m in the wheel chair on an almost a permanent basis. “Why don’t you guys take the horses out for a little horseback riding?” I tell them just as we finish breakfast. “Sarah, I’m sure you could ride with Layne if you kept your hands to yourself.” I wink at her.
“I don’t know about all that,” Layne says, looking nervous.
“Come on. I can watch you guys from the porch, and they haven’t been ridden in a few weeks.”
“Alright, I guess we could. You guys up for it?” He looks over at Renee and Dylan.
“Sure,” she says, eagerly shrugging her shoulders.
We move out onto the porch. “Just be careful with Billy, he is a little wild. Sarah, you and Layne should ride him,” I say with a slight giggle.
My mom comes out onto the porch, and sits in one of the wooden rocking chairs. “Do you want to get in one of these chairs?” she asks.
“No, I’m fine for now.”
I watch as they walk toward the barn, and I hope that they can at least have some fun without me dragging behind them. Besides, a little one on one time with my mom is what I need.
“How are you holding up, kiddo?” she asks.
“As best as I can right now. I’m worried about everyone, but I’m trying to remain positive. The question is, how are you holding up?” I look at her.
“I’m okay, love. Of course, no one wants to lose you. But this was your decision and we made peace with it. I’m so thankful your sister came to her senses and got help. And she may even relapse a time or two before she becomes better, but I’ll be damned if I lose another daughter,” she says with worry in her eyes.
“Sarah is strong willed; when she puts her mind to something she will do it. I’m confident that she will remain clean.”
“I really hope you are right. Enrolling in night classes will definitely keep her busy, though, so she won’t have a lot of down time on her hands. I like Layne. He is such a nice guy, and he is really sweet with you,” she says, quickly changing the subject.
“I know. He is good. I got to meet his family during the spring and I loved them. He is such a good race car driver, too. I was worried what you would think because of his tattoos,” I tell her.
“Oh, tattoos are so common these days, it doesn’t really bother me. However, when you got yours I was a little shocked, but it’s really lovely and tasteful.” She smiles. “It makes me happy that your friends came here to spend the summer with you. You’ve had an impact on their lives, and they think the world of you,” she says with a twinkle in her eyes. “I’m gonna go grab us some sweet tea.”
On the porch, I can hear their laughter in the distance and I can hear the horses trotting. I imagine Billy is showing off, and it brings a smile to my face. For some odd reason, I picture Sarah falling in love one day, and I hope she can feel a fraction of what I feel for Layne.
Mom brings a whole pitcher of tea with several glasses. She pours us each a glass. There is nothing better than having sweet tea on a hot summer day. About a half hour later, the clan comes back from horseback riding and Mom pours them some tea.
“Did you guys have fun?” I ask.
“Oh yeah, that Billy horse is quite the show off,” Layne says. “He was trotting like he was the man.” He laughs.
“I’m glad you guys had fun. Sorry I couldn’t go along,” I tell them as they all sit in chairs.
“Well, I’ll go make some sandwiches for lunch,” Mom says, standing up and walking back in the house.
“Are you feeling okay? You are looking pale,” Sarah asks.
“I’m fine,” I wave her off, trying to get her not to make a fuss. “I think I’ll go lie down for a bit,” I say, heading back inside.
“Do mind if I come with?” Layne asks shyly.
“No; I’d like that.”
Chapter Twenty Seven
Layne and I lie in bed, and he wraps his strong arms around me and it’s the only place I feel safe. This world is cruel and can take you down some dark places. My family has been through so much these last few years, and I thank god that it’s somewhat back on track, except for my illness. We’ve been to hell and back on numerous occasions, especially with my illness, so lying in Layne’s arms is where everything is good in the world.
“I love you,” he whispers, adding a kiss to the side of my head.
“I love you, too.”
A half hour passes and I can’t fall asleep. I guess I wasn’t as tired as I thought. I listen to Layne’s breathing and I hear him talking in his sleep, which I have never noticed before. A few hours pass before I wake up, realizing I must have eventually fallen asleep. I look to my left and see that Layne is gone. I pull the wheelchair over to the bed and slowly lower myself in it. I wheel myself out to the living room and see my mom sharing pictures of me and my sister so embarrassing.
“Oh, she’s alive!” my dad jokes.
“Funny,” I say with sarcasm.
“Hey Hon, you mind if I borrow the girls for a bit?” he asks Mom.
“Oh no, go on ahead. I’ll keep them busy looking at pictures,” she says about Layne, Renee, and Dylan.
Out on the porch, I stand so dad can take my chair and Sarah helps me to the truck, even though it’s hard getting in it now. I sit in between Dad and Sarah. “Where are we going?” I ask curiously.
“You’ll see,” Dad says, patting my knee.
I watch the scenery pass by quickly as we drive down the road and all the colors mesh together like a kaleidoscope. Once he pulls into the parking lot, the place becomes familiar. “Ice cream!” I say with excitement.
“You can stay in the truck if you want; I know what you like,” he says, opening the driver’s door, and then he turns to grin at me.
I watch as he and my sister go up to the window. He orders a vanilla cone for him and my sister gets a dipped cone, and he has a chocolate milkshake for me. Getting back into the truck, he hands mine over to me.
“Thanks,” I say with a smile and suck on the straw. I can’t believe how long it’s been since I last had a milkshake probably not since last summer. “So good,” I say.
We sit in the truck for a little while and I watch as the patrons go to the window and order their ice cream. “You girls used to love coming here when you were little. It’s the best around,” Dad says proudly.
“I remember. We used to sit at one of the picnic tables, or you and Mom would take us to the park,” I tell him, reminiscing.
He tips his head back and laughs at the memory. “They’re missing out, back at the house,” Sarah says.
“It’ll be our little secret,” Dad whispers holding a finger to his lips.
“Thanks, Dad.”
“I’ve missed you, too, but you promised you’d stay away,” I say, sitting in the wheelchair as he holds it in place. “I didn’t want you seeing me like this,” I tell him.
“I take it the whole gang is here,” he says, pointing to the cars.
“They are, and I’m not sure how Layne’s going to react seeing you. But I am glad to see you again,” I tell him, outstretching my arms for him to hug me again.
“He’ll get over it,” he says about Layne.
And speaking of the devil, Layne comes out onto the porch after he realizes we are home. “What the fuck is he doing here?” he asks, turning to me.
“I came on my own accord; she didn’t know. It was a surprise,” he says.
I watch Sarah pull Layne aside to whisper something to him.
“Well, whatever. I’ll be nice since you are friends and the last thing Amber needs is us fighting,” Layne spouts.
“Thank you,” I say to Layne. “It would mean a lot if you got along,” I say to them both. “I think I need to go lie down,” I say, suddenly not feeling well. I leave them on the porch to work it out themselves and I pass my mom on the way to my room.
“Can I get you anything?”
“I’m just not feeling well; just need to lie down,” I tell her.
Mom follows me to the bedroom and helps me in bed. She feels my forehead. “Maybe I should ask the doctor to make a house call. You are looking rather pale, Honey,” she says, worried.
I don’t even argue with her, because normally I hate the doctors poking and prodding me with stuff, but I’m too weak to care. My sister comes in and gets on the bed to cuddle with me; she wraps one arm around my shoulder so my head is resting on her arm.