“Nope,” I said. “Just a friend.”
“Hoi, this girl, beautiful, hot!” the man complimented with a thumbs-up. “Why she no you girlfriend? You, put, effort, man.”
Nathalie made a very proud face. She looked at me, waiting for me to respond to the man. She expected me to reply with something, but I didn’t know what. Maybe she wanted me to agree with him?
“Sadly, she has no dick,” I answered the man simply.
The man’s jaw dropped. Nathalie smacked my head from the back. I laughed.
We only headed back to Buvekeli when it was almost dusk. Nathalie had driven here, so instead of taking a bus like how I’d come here, she gave me a ride back.
I switched on my phone that I’d switched off last night. The moment the home screen turned up, it was flooded with notifications. I checked what they were. There were more than ten missed calls and texts. They were all from Liam.
Nathalie noticed my expression. “What’s wrong, Eth?”
“Liam called and texted me,” I answered.
“You’re not going to read them?”
I sighed and opened the app.
Hey, remember to take ur med, okay?
I’m at the convocation now.
Seriously, this is boring.
Wish u’re here, man.
Hey, how’s u n Mom? Probably busy since u haven’t been replying. Just remember ur meds, okay?
Good night.
Good morning, Eth.
Whr r u? Y didn’t u reply me?
U okay, Eth? I tried to call u, but it can’t get through. I’ve heard it from Sam.
Eth, if u’re there, please reply me. I’m worried sick!
Don’t do anything stupid, okay? It’s not the end of the world.
There were more texts, but I didn’t want to read on.
“What did he say?” Nathalie asked me.
“Not to do anything stupid,” I summarized. My phone rang. It was Liam. Speak of the devil.
“Pick it up,” Nathalie said. “Why aren’t you picking it up?”
“I want to move on, Nat.”
“But you can’t avoid him, Eth,” Nathalie said. “He’s still going to be in your class. You guys took the same course. And he’s your friend. You said you didn’t want to lose him as a friend. If you still want to keep him as your friend, there’s no way you can avoid him forever.” She sounded suddenly like my mom now.
I sighed and picked the call up.
“Eth, Eth!” Liam literally shouted over the phone. “Where are you?!” I couldn’t deny it. I missed his voice so much. I felt the resolution I had weaken in an instant.
“I’m fine, okay?” I said frustratingly.
He sighed in relief. “Okay. When are you coming back?”
“Soon.”
“Okay, I’ll wait for you in your room.”
“What?”
“I told Joanna I’m moving back here.”
“No. Don’t.” I lied. I wanted it so much. I would be damn happy if it wasn’t for what happened between me and my mom that made me decide to move on.
“Why?”
“What do you mean why?” I said. I waited for his reply but he didn’t said anything else. I heard his breathing over the phone, so I was sure he was still there. “Look, Liam. My stuff. It’s none of your business anymore, okay? I don’t need you to take care of me. I’m fine by myself. I can walk now. And I’m not your anyone, just your friend. I don’t have to tell you where I am, what I’m doing, why, and whenever.”
“Eth, is there something that I—”
The call was suddenly cut off. There had to be no network connection on the highway.
“Eth!” Nathalie stopped the car abruptly at the side of the highway. “What did you just—”
“Don’t meddle, Nat,” I said and put my seat back to lie down. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Nathalie sighed. She patted my lap before she turned her steering wheel to resume her driving.
That night, I didn’t go back to my own apartment. I decided to sleep at Nathalie’s place instead. She was okay with it since it was just her and Olivia at her place. Their place was slightly different from ours. It was made into a girl’s apartment and it was smaller. It only had two rooms; hers and Olivia’s. There was a floral smell in the living room, and plush toys were all over the couch.
“So,” Nathalie said. “You wanna sleep in the living room or with me?”
Olivia walked out of her room, stretching. She must have just woken up from her evening nap.
“Ethan?”
“He’s avoiding Liam,” Nathalie answered her frankly. “So he’s going to sleep here tonight.”
“What happened?” Olivia asked me.
“Don’t ask, Oli,” I sighed. “I’ll sleep with you, Nat.”
“Okay,” Olivia said. “But you’re still coming on Friday, right?”
I pressed my lips. Because I was thinking of not showing up on Friday if Liam was going to be there. But I didn’t have any other excuse to not go. I had no class or anything important that day.
“Stop.” Olivia held a hand up. She could tell I was trying to come up with an excuse. “You don’t have to say anything. I understand...” She dropped her hand and trudged back into her room.
“Oli… I’m sorry…”
“Come in, Eth.” Nathalie gestured me towards her room.
Her bed was queen-size like mine. After putting my bag and stuff down, I threw myself onto it. It was so comfy...
“Eh, Eth!” Nathalie crawled into the bed and pulled my ear so hard that it forced me to follow her pull, getting me off the bed. “Don’t you think of napping before you shower. You’ll dirty my bed!” she said and let go of my ear.
“Ow, okay, okay!” I scowled. “No wonder you’re still single,” I complained as I walked towards her bathroom.
Her foot came onto my butt, kicking me into the bathroom.
I didn’t manage to think about anything in the shower. Not even Liam or my parents. I was too drained. All I wanted was the bed, so I finished quickly. When I was done, it was Nathalie’s turn. I lay on her bed after I got dressed and reached for my phone on the night table.
There was no text. What are you thinking, Eth? I said to myself. You aren’t supposed to hope for a text from Liam. I opened Instagram instead. Why are you looking for Liam? Stupid Ethan. Okay, fine. Let us look for a job then. My pocket money was running out. I would have no money at all by the end of the month. I didn’t want to break open my piggy bank. And a job would be a great distraction too. I opened Facebook, which I rarely used, and searched for student-job postings.
Nathalie came out shortly after, only a towel over her breast like a dress. For a girl, she bathed pretty fast. “Eth,” she called.
“Yeah?” I looked at her.
“Ta-da!” She flashed open her towel to show me her boobs.
It scarred me for life. “Fuck, Nat, stop doing that!” I rolled to face the other side quickly.
Nathalie guffawed behind my back. “You’re so cute, Eth.” I heard her walking towards her dressing table. After a while, there was movement on the bed. I jumped when her wet, cold hand touched my shoulder. “What you doing, Eth?” she asked. I looked at her. She had a robe on and a facial mask on her face. She must have taken it out from the fridge when I was bathing.
“Looking for a job,” I answered her. I continued to scroll the posts. There were so many jobs that I was willing to do, but none of them were nearby.
“You’re serious about that?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I need money. I’m not going to beg my parents.”
“Don’t be silly, Eth.” Nathalie lay down on her bed. “It’ll affect your studies. You have grades to maintain.” She was talking about my scholarship. “And I’ve talked to my parents about it. They’re okay to cover your expenses.”
“You told them?” I rolled over to face her. “They know I’m gay?”
“Yeah,” Nathal
ie said. “C’mon, Eth, something as big as this… We’re family, Eth.”
“Thanks, Nat,” I smiled. It was so great to have a friend like her. I felt they were even better than my biological parents. “What about Theo?”
“You mean my brother’s sexuality?” she snorted. “Dad and Mom knew a long time ago. They’re cool with it. C’mon, it’s pretty obvious he’s gay. He isn’t straight acting like you.”
“I didn’t act straight,” I denied. “I’d never mentioned anything about liking boobs or vaginas, so that doesn’t count.”
And then Nathalie was grinning. Her hands were on her robe like she was preparing to flash her boobs at me again.
“Don’t even think about it.” I quickly turned over, facing my back at her again.
“Aw,” Nathalie laughed. “Someone’s shy.”
“Someone has no shame.” I continued to scroll through the job postings. “So, how are you and Jerry?”
“What do you mean by me and Jerry?” Nathalie asked.
“I thought you like him.”
“We’re talking, but we’ve just known each other for only a few days. What do you expect to happen?”
“Definitely not showing him your boobs like you do to me.”
“Aw, Eth-Eth.” She pawed me. I shivered in an instant. “You want to see, don’t you?”
“Fuck off.”
She laughed again. When she was done, when we were both quiet, she asked me, “Are you still at it?” She was talking about me looking at my phone. I could picture her leaning up trying to see what I was doing.
I turned only a little, to take a peek if she was planning to flash her boobs at me again. Nope, she lay facing the ceiling now, looking at her phone too. I turned more so that I faced the ceiling like her. “Yeah,” I answered and continued to look at my own phone. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to use your parents’ money.”
“Why are you so stubborn, Eth?!” She twisted my ear.
“Ow!” I complained. “Stop, stop!”
Nathalie stopped and sighed. “You sure you really want a job?”
“Yeah.” I was sure.
“I have one for you,” Nathalie said. “It’s just nearby. You can go there with your motorbike. They still need someone.”
“What shop is that?”
“Starbucks. You’ll be making coffees and serving pastries, in case you’re wondering.”
Straightaway, I locked my phone, got out of the bed and put my phone into my pocket. “Okay, Nat, let’s go.”
“Now?” Nathalie asked. I couldn’t read her expression because of her facial mask. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah,” I answered.
Nathalie rolled her eyes. “Okay, but you’re driving this time.”
“Okay,” I agreed.
It was indeed nearby. It only took us ten minutes to reach by motorbike conveniently. The Starbucks was located somewhere in the middle of the town, where most students of the University of Buvekeli would be familiar with. I’d never noticed this branch before, though, probably because I’d seldom looked for Starbucks since their drinks were usually bad for my abs. Or maybe it was a new branch. I parked in front of the cafe and saw the vacancy post that Nathalie had mentioned. I got down from the motorbike eagerly and walked in.
It was dinner time, so naturally the cafe was busy. I scanned the entire area, from the tables to the counters. It all looked so clean and neat. I took a deep breath. The aroma of coffee permeated the entire room. If I was to work for my living expenses for the rest of my university life, this could be a good place. I fell in love almost immediately except…
I saw Duncan making drinks behind the cashier.
“Nat!” I glared at her. How could she?
“Eth,” Nathalie gasped. “I swear I had no idea…”
I felt my temperature rising. My breathing getting uneven. I wasn’t sure if I was angry at her or at the person across the cafe. “I’m leaving.” I stormed out of the shop.
10
Friend or No Friend
(Ethan)
“E
th, Eth, Eth!” Duncan called. I pretended I didn’t hear him and continued to walk towards my motorbike.
“Dun, I don’t think you should—” Nathalie tried.
But Duncan ignored her. “Ethan!” He grabbed my wrist, stopping me right in time before I hopped onto my motorbike.
“What do you want?” I said to him. “You and I have nothing to talk about.” I looked at his hand grabbing my wrist. I jerked my hand away from him.
“Look,” he said and tried to take a step forward as though he wasn’t close enough. I shot a hostile look at him. He stopped. “I’m sorry, Eth. Okay? For what happened in the hospital. I was rash. I was stupid. It was my fault.”
I waited. To see what he wanted to say. I was still mad at him, especially for punching Liam. It wouldn’t be easy to forgive him.
“And I know I shouldn’t meddle with your affairs,” he continued. “I ain’t even actually your friend. I was being…” He shook his head and sighed. “I sincerely apologize to you and Liam. I promise I won’t ever say or do anything that’ll hurt you or him again, okay? I’m truly sorry.”
I looked at him for a while, to see if he was truly sincere. He looked like he was. But still, I couldn’t bring myself to calm down. I couldn’t forget how he’d hurt Liam.
“Can we just be friends?” he asked. “I’m not thinking of anything else,” he quickly added. “Just friends, okay? Normal friends.”
I actually gave it a thought. If we were really going to be just friends, then I wouldn’t mind. Perhaps, this would solve things. Things like I could apply for a job here and make Nathalie’s life easier because she was close to Duncan. “Not any other idea?” I asked, just to make sure.
Duncan raised his hands in surrender. “Nope. Just friends,” he repeated. He dropped his hands and held one out for a handshake. He smiled.
I looked at him again, trying to read him. He looked like he wasn’t lying. And he wasn’t the angry Duncan that I saw in the hospital. I guessed it would be fine. I shook his hand.
He assured me by letting go of my hand first. I didn’t know why, but I took it like a sign. Like he really had let go of me and moved on. I wondered if I could do the same to Liam, letting him go and moving on. I shook my head. I was thinking about him again. I shouldn’t.
“You okay?” Duncan asked me.
“Yeah,” I said.
Nathalie heaved a huge sigh of relief. She walked towards us from the Starbucks entrance—she had been standing there. “For a second, I thought you guys were gonna brawl.”
“C’mon, Nat, give me some credit,” Duncan said. “I’m a psychology student after all.”
“Yes,” Nathalie nodded. “With psychological issues.”
I laughed a little. They must have been really close for Nathalie to be as straightforward as that.
“By the way, I didn’t know you work here,” Nathalie said. “I thought you’re supposed to be working in the mall.”
“Yeah, but they’re short on people here, so I got transferred two days ago,” Duncan answered. “So what brings you two here? You two still coming in? Can I make you two a coffee?”
“Yeah, er...” I hesitated, scratching the back of my head. “Actually…”
Natalie and I told him what had happened to me briefly, and that I needed a job. He didn’t only make us coffees but he introduced us to the manager. The manager was a female and she seemed so young, like our age, and so nice. She accepted me immediately without suspicion, even though I still had all these bruises on my face and arms. She even asked if I would like to start immediately since they could really use an extra hand now. I said sure and totally forgot about dinner until Nathalie reminded me about it. The manager said I could simply fix myself a plate here and start working.
Nathalie was willing to wait for me in the cafe. She sat in a corner, reading a novel on her phone. After work, the three of us had supper toge
ther—because the food in Starbucks wasn’t enough for a big guy like me. I got to know more about Duncan, and he got to know more about me. We exchanged information, like where we were from, our hobbies, and stuff.
“I can tell,” Duncan said when I said I went to the gym often. “You’re really nicely built. Don’t get the wrong idea, but I’m just telling the truth. It attracts me. I think you’ve attracted the manager with that too.”
Nathalie chuckled. “Are you saying that she hired Ethan because of his good looks?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Duncan said. “He can attract more customers.”
Nathalie narrowed her eyes at him. “I believe you’re good looking too, Dun.”
Duncan puffed out his chest. He suddenly looked so proud and funny. “Of course I am.” And then he sighed, releasing all the air in his chest. “But I can only attract gay guys, which only makes up the three percent of the community.”
Nathalie chuckled again. “Well, I don’t think so,” she argued. “Do you know that this guy over here,” she said and pointed to me with a curled wrist, “thought that we’re a couple?”
“What?” Duncan looked at me and blinked twice. “Me? And Nat?” He laughed.
“Oh my god, Nat,” I grimaced. “Give me a break, please.”
We went back home after that. I felt like I could just fall asleep anytime, but Nathalie insisted that we should shower again after a long night out. Unwillingly, I did what she asked. Before we slept, we checked our own phones one last time—every student’s before-sleep habit. There was a text. It was from Liam.
Remember ur meds. Good night. He’d texted an hour ago.
Fuck. I’d really forgotten about them. I quickly went over to Nathalie’s dressing table, where I’d put my medicines, and took them.
I crawled up the bed. “Good night, Nat,” I wished her before I fell asleep in seconds.
That night, the nightmare came back despite my effort to not think about Liam. Our exchanges were more or less the same every time and the dream always began and ended the same way.
The dream began with both of us in the campus’s corridor. There was no one else. I was chasing after Liam. He was leaving the campus. And even though he wasn’t carrying anything, I knew he was about to leave. And it was for good. To leave me.
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