“Liam, Liam!” I tried to stop him, grabbing his wrist.
He pulled his arm away. “Stop touching me!” He shoved me with both hands. I fell. “Stay away, Eth! I’m not gay! Stop sticking around me!” he shouted. “You disgust me!” He spat, right in my face.
“No, please… Liam!” I shouted as he began to walk away. “Please, don’t leave me!” I quickly got up and ran after him. I twisted my ankle and fell again. My chin hit the ground instead of my butt this time. Liam ran, and he was quickly out of sight. “Don’t leave me alone, Liam… Don’t…” I tried to reach for him. For the person I love to come back.
The night since my mom had come to Buvekeli to take care of me, the night when Liam was no longer sleeping beside me anymore after I’d returned from the hospital, the nightmare seemed to have extended. The nightmare had more scenes now compared to when I first had them.
Somehow, I managed to catch up with Liam. We reached a port and again, there was no one at all. Suddenly, he turned around and took out a knife from his back. “Don’t come near me, Ethan.”
It hurt me so much for him to call me by my first name, as in, in full. He never once had, even in the most desperate situation. Not even during formal occasions. But he was Liam. He was the person I liked. I loved. I wasn’t scared of him. And I wanted to prove to him that I was nothing to be afraid of.
“Liam,” I said and continued to approach him.
“Stop!” he said. “One more step…”
I didn’t care. I continued walking and opened my arms widely to wrap them around him.
“I lo—” I tried to confess but I lost my voice suddenly. There was a burn in my stomach. I looked down. He stabbed the knife into me.
My eyes flew wide open. I panted heavily, my whole body full of sweat. I closed my eyes and pressed my temples, trying to relieve the pain from my headache caused by the nightmare. Maybe this was why I wanted to avoid Liam. No. This was why I wanted to move on. I wanted to forget about him and truly, only think of him as a friend. I feared that we would end up like what I had dreamed. Him killing me.
I couldn’t get back to sleep. I checked my phone for the time. It was four in the morning. I sighed and decided to just go through my assignment with my phone.
Even though I might be forgetful at times, I did remember that in a few hours, I had Professor Mark’s assignment presentation. I didn’t plan to skip, especially now that my parents weren’t going to support me any longer. I really needed to get good marks, as much as possible, for every subject in order to maintain my grades for my scholarship.
Liam had done everything for me, both the report and slides. When I checked them, they were perfect, even for my part, as if he knew what I would be thinking when he wrote them. I read and practiced them in my head so that I would know how to present later.
When it was almost time for me to go to school, I shook Nathalie. She didn’t seem like she wanted to wake up. She muttered some words that I couldn’t catch clearly except for the word no. Maybe she tried to say that she had no morning class today. After I was done packing up, I took my stuff and went back to my own apartment to get my laptop. I hesitated by the door but figured that I had to face Liam later anyway, might as well as face him now if he was inside.
No one was home apparently. Maybe Jerry was, since his door was closed. I got into my room and quickly changed into my formal wear. There was a note on the night table.
Remember ur meds, Eth. Good night. Liam must have left it here in case I didn’t read his message.
I crushed the paper and threw it away.
I bought a few sandwiches at the shop downstairs and ate while riding to school. I was almost late. Because when I looked at the time, it was 8:59 a.m. A minute later and I would have been penalized. It wasn't that Professor Mark was being unreasonable. It was that he necessitated punctuality on the most formal occasions.
As I’d expected, Liam was in the class. He sat in the back row, in a corner of the classroom. The first group to present was already in front of the class. They were about to start.
“Morning, professor,” I greeted the professor.
“Morning,” the professor said and looked at his watch. “Have a seat. Group One, you may start.”
The first group began their presentation. I quickly moved to the back row but not Liam’s side. I sat in the other corner of the room.
Halfway when the first group was presenting, Liam suddenly moved and sat beside me. I was annoyed at once. He didn’t look at me, though. He’d just put his notebook on the table and began taking down notes from the presentation, acting like I wasn’t there and pretending to be paying attention.
When the second group was presenting, Liam pushed me a small piece of paper.
What did I do wrong? he wrote.
I didn’t write back to him. I pretended to not notice it and paid full attention to the presentation in front. When it was our turn, we didn’t talk to each other at all. I never gave him the chance. We already knew which part was each of ours and I already knew what to say. So I thought it was unnecessary. Before we started, I heard our classmates gossiping about something. Something about me, Liam and Samuel. I didn’t bother knowing what it was, though. I was here to finish my presentation and then leave.
Right after the presentation, I told the professor I wanted to be excused, telling him that I had an urgent matter to attend to. The professor allowed me. I’d already brought my bag with me to the front earlier when we were setting up for the presentation, so I could just leave the classroom without having to go to the back to collect my stuff. I’d planned this. I wasn’t going to give Liam any chance to talk to me.
After a few steps, before I managed to get out of the classroom, Liam managed to grab my arm. Fuck. I should have run.
Irresistibly, I turned my head to look at him.
“Hey…” he said, his eyes pleading for a response.
No. You can’t stay, Ethan. He wants a response? Then give him the right one. I gave it to him. I did what my mind told me to. I glowered at him and pulled my arm away from him. I continued to walk out of the room without a single word.
After lunch, I decided to hit the gym, skipping the rest of the classes. I didn’t have to worry because I had full attendance all the while. So even if I had to miss classes until finals, I would still not be barred from the exams.
I felt like I wouldn’t be myself anymore if I continued to skip my workouts. I wouldn’t be comfortable or at ease. I would be worried about losing my hard-earned gains for staying out of the gym for too long. Plus, I could really use some iron-therapy to put things out of my mind. I didn’t go heavy of course. I was still aware of my own condition. I finished quickly. And I was glad I did. Because by the time I finished showering in the gym and prepared for work, Liam and Joanna came in. I walked by them without sparing a glance, pretending like I did not know them.
The job at Starbucks was fun, really. My workmates were really nice people. I think it was the working environment that made them so outgoing and not shy. We always had to greet and talk to our customers enthusiastically whenever we were serving them. It was one of our unique selling points. Even though I was the only introvert here who couldn’t do the talking as well as they did, they didn’t mind. They would help me whenever I made a mistake and apologize to the customers on my behalf. They were also particularly interested in me too, especially the girls. Duncan helped me out with this one.
“Forget it,” Duncan told our female workmates during our short break for dinner. They asked me for my number. He put his arm around my shoulders. “He’s into cocks like me.”
“Damn,” one of them sighed. “All good looking guys have to be gay.”
Duncan and I laughed.
“So you two are a couple?” another girl asked.
“Nah,” Duncan said, removing his arm from me. “I’m not the lucky one. He already has someone.”
Time flew during work, and I had no regret taking up this job. Bec
ause when I was working, I didn’t have to think of anything else. I just didn’t have the time to. All the while, I only had to think about getting my job done properly, which was; making the drinks requested, serving pastries, and washing—they had a dishwasher, damn cool. Duncan was the main barista. I was basically the labor here, who was trying to help in every department, though the manager said she would eventually want to place me in drink-making too since I wasn’t comfortable talking to people. But she wanted me to be familiar with the cafe’s operation first, which was why she made me do a little bit of everything. While I was at it, I decided to stick with Duncan more, though, to learn more about drink-making.
Duncan taught me with all his heart. He never minded me even though I kept forgetting stuff that he’d just taught me minutes ago. He would repeat the steps patiently and reteach me everything again from A to Z.
“What type of guys do you like?” Duncan asked when he was making a Green Tea Frappuccino. It was a customer's order.
“Huh?” I was caught off-guard by his question. I was making a hot cocoa drink for another customer.
“You do have a type or two, right?” he asked.
“I don’t get what you mean,” I said.
“You gotta be joking,” Duncan said. “Don’t tell me you don’t know your type.”
I cocked my head slightly to the side, trying to process what he was trying to ask.
He sighed. “See this cute guy gets his coffee.” He had finished making his drink. He turned around and shouted, “Alex!”
A guy somewhere my weight came to take his Frappuccino. How could he call that cute?
“He’s not cute at all,” I said when Alex walked away after taking his drink.
“That’s because he’s not your type,” Duncan said and began working on another order. “And do you know you look almost like him?”
“I do not,” I said back in an instant, feeling offended. “Angela!” I shouted for the girl to get her drink. She came and took it. Like Duncan, I began to work on another order. Although what he’d said just now could be flirty, I decided to not take it that way. I chose to trust him when he said we would only be friends. “Why don’t you go approach him then?”
“I wish,” Duncan said. “But he’s straight. Look over there. Ten o’clock. That’s his girlfriend.”
I looked. Yup. The guy wasn’t cute to me at all. And the girl wasn’t pretty either. “Huh, you’re peeking at guys at work,” I said, teasing Duncan.
“Hey, don’t judge me, okay? I’m kinda dry.”
I grinned. “Want some relief?” I shook the bar shaker that I was using to make the cold drinks in front of my waist, suggesting something.
“No thanks,” Duncan sniggered. “Believe me. If you haven’t tried, Liam punches hard,” he said. “Johnson?” he called out for another customer.
I was quiet then. I’d never expected him to be able to bring Liam’s name up this casually. I knew it wasn’t his fault. Because he never knew what had happened between Liam and me. I forgot about it quickly, though. Making these drinks really needed my complete focus. After a few drinks, finally, I saw someone who I thought was cute walking in. I elbowed Duncan’s side lightly, the ticklish part.
“What, what?” Duncan said.
“This is what I call cute. Look at the front door,” I gestured in the direction of the entrance without looking. I began working on another drink again. I poured a scoop of cocoa powder into the bar shaker.
Duncan turned his head to check out the cafe’s entrance. He choked. “You always fall for your housemate, Eth?”
Huh? What was he talking about? I turned around to look. The cute guy wasn’t at the entrance anymore. It was now Nathalie and Jerry, entering the cafe.
“I had to warn you. Nathalie won’t only pinch your dick. She’ll chop it off even if you just fantasize about him,” Duncan whispered. “Nathalie can be very possessive.”
My jaw dropped. Jerry? Ew. “Not him.” I quickly looked around. Found it. He was walking up to the second floor, probably already had a friend here. “Him,” I gestured.
“Ah.” Duncan managed to see him before the cute guy went out of sight. “You like this kind of guys. He sure looks a lot like Liam.”
I was quiet again. I was hoping that he would figure out I didn’t like it whenever he mentioned Liam. But the silent method didn’t work well when Nathalie came and greeted us.
“Hello~” Nathalie greeted. “Buddy-buddy already,” she teased. “You guys look like you’re gossiping about something. What is it? Tell me.”
“Hi, Nat-Nat,” Duncan greeted. “Nothing. What brings you here, Nat? Me?” He pointed to himself. “Or him?” He pointed at me.
Nathalie sighed. “Olivia doesn’t want to come out. Samuel wants to rush his project, to make up the time for Olivia’s semi-final, he said. And my two best friends are here working,” she sighed again. “I’m lonely. Very lonely....” She shook her head.
She was wrong. She actually had another best friend, which was Liam. But I appreciated that she didn’t mention him.
“Lonely?” Jerry said, offended. “Then what am I here for?”
“Just kidding, Jer,” Nathalie grinned at Jerry, turning her body left and right with her shoulders up. I couldn’t help but notice her hands covering her vagina when she was doing that. “I’m just toying with my boys.” Her eyes sparkled as she talked to Jerry, her face turned a little red.
Both Duncan and I sniggered.
They waited for us until we finished work. When we were done closing the shop, we went to a bar nearby. I hadn’t been here before. Unlike the usual bar near Swan Hills, where I’d always played dart games, this place was darker and bluish.
“You don’t drink?” Jerry asked me when we were done ordering. I’d just asked for plain water.
“No,” Duncan answered for me before I could. And I didn’t like that. “The last time he did, he made a huge, terrible mistake.”
“Hey, I can answer for myself,” I said to him. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to drink. I had to save.
“Oops. Sorry, Eth,” Duncan apologized.
Nathalie looked troubled. She was quiet and had been pressing her phone since we left Starbucks.
“What’s up, Nat?” I asked. “Something’s bothering you?”
“What’s wrong, Nat?” Jerry nudged her arm with his elbow when Nathalie didn’t answer me. “Who’s that?”
“Huh?” Nathalie finally looked up from the phone. She looked at us one after another, totally lost. She sighed when she realized we were waiting for her to tell us what was bothering her. “It’s my brother, Theo...”
“Arguing with the doctor?” Duncan guessed.
“Trust me. The doctor is godlike. Only he has the patience to handle my brother,” Nathalie said. Then, she looked at me. “Eth, remember I said I told my parents about what happened between you and your parents?”
Jerry and Duncan turned their heads towards me. They had no clue of what she was talking about.
“Yeah,” I said. “What about it?”
“My parents went over to your parents’ place when we were in Starbucks earlier and they tried to talk to them about it.” She quickly raised her hands in surrender. “I didn’t ask them to, Eth. I had no idea. And I’ve never expected them to do that either.”
“Okay…” I swallowed, trying to keep calm. I decided to listen to the rest of the story first before I jumped to conclusions. “So?”
“So, when my parents told me and my brother through our family group on WhatsApp,” Nathalie continued, “Theo says he wants to go back now and give Ethan’s parents a scolding. He’s literally trying to get an Uber right now and I’m trying to stop him.”
I looked away. Why did Nathalie’s family care so much about my personal matter when I didn’t even care about it so much myself? I was glad, though. They must have really considered me as one of them. I was disappointed that my mom didn’t turn out to be like them. I sighed. “I’m sorry
, Nat. To put you guys to so much trouble.”
“It’s okay,” Nathalie said. “My parents love you,” she said and reached her hand across the table to hold mine. “I love you too,” she said and squeezed my hand once. It was warm and comforting. She pulled her hand back to continue texting. “But that doesn’t mean that they could simply go and meddle in your affairs. It’s between you and your parents.” She grunted.
Our drinks came. The waiter remembered whose was whose and distributed the drinks correctly. I took a huge sip of my water. Needed it to cool off a little. I took my phone out to text Nathalie’s parents. I decided to text her mom since she was the closest to me among the three.
Nathalie suddenly looked up from her phone. “Are you encouraging them, Eth?” She narrowed her eyes at me.
“What?” I said. “I just said thanks.” I showed her my phone.
Nathalie’s lips went to the side. Then, she was texting again.
We waited for her to finish her conversation with her family. I wondered what they were talking about for so long. I knew I should be the one talking to my parents, but I figured that it was better to do that later. I wanted to give both my parents and myself some time so that we could be calmer the next time we talked.
A message came in. Of course it was no one other than Liam. There were two texts. He had sent me one when I was working.
I don’t know what I did wrong. But I’m sorry. Just don’t shut me out, okay? Tell me… At least I can make it up for u...
I know u’re still mad at me. But remember ur meds, okay? Ur health comes first. Make sure u take them on time. Good night, Eth.
I stared at them, debating whether or not I should reply. If I did, then all my effort so far would be wasted. I didn’t want that. If I didn’t, I would be hurting him. Definitely.
My heart ached. His words were a torture. They were a torture in the sense that they made me happy, but at the same time, I couldn’t be. I shouldn’t be. I didn’t dare to be. Because it was wrong. Duncan was right back then—what he had told me in the hospital. It was wrong to fall for a straight guy. I did and I ended up hurting myself. It was this moment I decided to press block. To block Liam.
A Monster's Love Page 16