Journey to Water's Heart

by Lea Ben Shlomo

  “Let me talk to her,” Tanti said.

  “You heard me,” Nikon said. “The queen has shut herself in her room since last night and refuses to open the door.”

  Halior put her hand on his arm and whispered something in his ear.

  Nikon bowed his head. “At your command,” he said and spread his hands, clearing the way for Tanti. “You may try. We’ve despaired.”

  Tanti went to the door.

  “Queen Laorin, I am Tanti Marin from Izmeran. If I’m not mistaken, you wanted to tell me something before I left.”

  On the other side of the door, a faint rustling was heard, which echoed in the silence in the foyer. People held their breaths. The door opened slightly, just a crack. Tanti came closer.

  “You have something that is very precious to me.” Tanti continued. “I can leave it here, or take it with me. I need your permission.” The crack widened a bit more. Now, he could see part of her arm. He came a bit closer, and the door opened to accommodate him. He saw that as an invitation to enter. The door locked behind him.

  ***

  She stood with her back to him, slender and straight, her light hair resting on her back, curling at the ends.

  “Queen Laorin,” Tanti whispered, unable to believe that he was here, and she was here, right in front of him.

  “Speak, I’m listening.”

  “Your people are waiting for you outside.”

  “What is your request? I will do whatever I can to remunerate you for the damage I caused.”

  “You opened the door. That’s enough for me.”

  She turned to answer him. Her lips drooped, her face bore her sadness, and her eyes were moist. She noticed his gaze.

  “I know I don’t look like a queen right now. I’m no longer a queen. I’ve failed, Tanti. Go out and tell them. The queen no longer sees herself as worthy of her position. She behaved foolishly and blindly.”

  She went to a window and stared at the garden. She wanted to tell him to leave. Revealing her misery pained her. She wanted him to stay, and couldn’t stand the duality of her feelings. She knew that if she said one more word, she’d lose control completely.

  Tanti came closer and said quietly, “I wanted to see you again, Queen. Very much so. Perhaps not like this.”

  “I wanted to see you as well, Tanti Marin. Perhaps not like this.” Tears fell from her eyes, and she was powerless to stop them.

  “A wise man once told me that tears purify the heart. They carry with them salty pain, and rage and shouldn’t be stemmed and shouldn’t be steered off course. Dear Queen.” Her shoulders shook. Tanti stood next to her, his shoulder barely brushing hers.

  “What will I do now? What will I do? I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

  “You have.”

  “You’re mocking me.”

  “Certainly not. I’m listening.”

  “You agree with me too easily.”

  “I promise to protest next time.”

  “Be careful, Tanti. You dare tease a queen.”

  “A minute ago, you said you were a queen no more.”

  “Half a minute ago, you promised not to agree with what I say.”

  “Apologies. I forgot.”

  Laorin could no longer help herself. She burst into laughter and wiped her eyes.

  Tanti smiled. They stood for some time and looked at each other. Tanti had already noticed the topaz drop hanging from her neck. The queen rested her hand on the jewel to hide it without realizing she was doing so.

  “I don’t understand why I let you in and not my sister, who’s so close and devoted to me.”

  “Perhaps because I’m not White?”

  “No. You’re not White. You’re excessively colorful. You are a man of puzzles, Tanti. A man of surprises. I don’t know what brought you to my country in the first place, and how or why you appeared at the courtroom. You’re going to tell me your story from start to finish.”

  “Now?”

  “No. Not now. I’m still confused. I wish I were like my sister, Halior, who always knows what to do. She just does the right thing at the right time, and the rest is unimportant. I’m always full of doubts. I always think there are other things I should’ve done.” Her face fell again. “I don’t know what to do, Tanti Marin. I’m ashamed of myself for making such a mistake. So many families are mired in a sorrow much deeper than mine, after losing their sons. Farms have been destroyed, and people have become destitute. The army is confused and disgraced now that their commander is imprisoned and accused of heinous crimes. No one knows who lost and who won.”

  “Your Majesty, you already know what to do,” Tanti said.

  “Meaning?”

  Tanti didn’t answer.

  “I can’t.”

  Tanti remained silent.

  “Just because there’s no one else to do the job, it doesn’t mean that I must carry the burden.”

  She walked away and sat before the window. He wondered if he should leave and let her be. Wearing her heavy, stiff dress, the queen looked like a lost little girl.

  He said quietly, “The soldiers will return from battle, and there will be no one to greet them, no one to honor them for their loyalty, their courage, and sacrifice. They didn’t know what they fought for. They’ll want to hear their beloved queen thank them for their heroism and for their willingness to fight for their country. A queen who will give each soldier a badge of honor for his participation.” Laorin raised her head and turned to listen to him. “King Dark Blue is eager to finish his business here and hurry back to his palace, to see his newborn son.”

  She perked up. “The Blue king has a son? He didn’t tell me.”

  “He will, if you’ll let him.”

  “When you speak, you infuse things both close and far with life, while I’ve been ignoring what’s on the other side of the door. You entered, and the world entered the room with you. I can close my eyes and ears, and the problems will remain here, with me. I can order you to leave—”

  “No, please don’t do that.”

  “No. No, I won’t. Your presence instills in me a new life. I think I just have to start somewhere. I must do as my sister does.”

  Tanti smiled. “And all the rest is unimportant.”

  “And all the rest… Yes.” The queen smiled as well. “I know what I must do. Oh, yes. I’m going to be very busy in the next few days.”

  “Well then, I won’t take up any more of your time.”

  “Tanti…”

  “Yes?”

  “What I told you, I mean, I spoke honestly with you…”

  “I won’t say a word.”

  “How can I thank you for everything you’ve done for me?”

  He smiled. “I’d like your permission to visit Gayalo, my horse.”

  “Of course. He’s yours. What else do you wish?”

  “I’ve seen your smile. I’ve seen your tears. I’ve seen the topaz teardrop on your neck. I want nothing more beyond that.”

  Once again, Laorin turned her back to him, so he wouldn’t see her blushing cheeks. “I’ll go out to them,” she finally said, without turning around. “Go call my ladies-in-waiting. They will come in alone. I must take care of my appearance, before I go out and deliver my orders.”

  “Yes, Your Majesty,” he said, relieved now that he saw she had regained her confidence.

  “You understand, in Anura, I’ll be forgiven for my most terrible actions, but not for the fact that I’ve shown my tears.”

  “Of course, Queen. Clearly, that would be an unroyal act.” His heart rejoiced. He felt as though the room and his body were filling with light.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

  “Yes, Queen.”

  Tanti left. The Whites greeted him with an excitement and expectation that their reserved movem
ents couldn’t conceal. He relayed the queen’s orders. The girls quickly pushed into the room. Halior entered with them, even though her sister hadn’t called her. It was entirely unacceptable that the queen’s ladies-in-waiting would enter and the princess would stay behind.

  “Halior always knows what to do, and the rest is unimportant,” Tanti said to himself. “How simple.”

  Nikon came up to him and shook his hand. “I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to thank you, Tanti Marin.”

  Tanti distractedly rested his hand on his chest, where the precious pouch was hidden. He, too, had to return to his country. “Perhaps I may need your help soon,” he said.

  “Don’t hesitate to come to me,” Nikon said.

  Tanti turned to leave. Afleck and Dome, the White servant, joined him and escorted him to his new room.

  ***

  The room was large and spacious. Lavish, almost like the room of a king. The Whites wished to express their appreciation.

  Tanti was delighted to fall into the soft, smooth silk bedclothes. He squirmed where he lay, his thoughts circling around his meeting with the queen. Sleep was the last thing on his mind. He remembered what he’d said and what she’d said. He remembered the king’s trial, Galrock and his elongated limbs, his rolling eyes, and the madness that overcame him. Aklivor was right when he had warned him to keep his quest a secret. And so were the confidants who had destroyed the mushroom. He’d witnessed its destructive power and the extent of its influence. He’d witnessed its pure sources, which could’ve built a wonderful and matching world. Did he, Tanti, know how to maintain the delicate balance by using its powers without causing damage? What had protected him from it, that hadn’t protected Galrock, the gardener, Zeek, and perhaps even Dionun?

  He lay with open eyes and waited for morning to come.

  When dawn broke, he got up, bathed, and got dressed. He left silently, without waking the servants, and strolled in the palace garden by himself, trying to calm himself by looking at the beautiful, precise sights of the towers, whose proud appearance conveyed stability, despite their towering height, long windows, and the pointiness of their turrets, which strived to reach the sky. The palace and garden looked melancholy and gray in the pale light. The rising sun was still concealed behind a veil of clouds, and the air was moist and foggy. He shivered from the cold and hastened his step in order to warm up. When he had put some distance between the slumbering palace and himself, he saw before him the stables, and next to them, the grooms’ lodgings. No one stopped him from entering the stables. He whistled softly. A familiar whinny answered, and Tanti hurried toward it.

  Gayalo stood in a large, clean stall that led out to a wide yard. The trough was full of food. A fancy saddle hung from the wall. He went to the horse, who started to snort and huff into his palms. Tanti hugged his horse’s head and kissed his forehead, laughing and mumbling fondly. “You look so good, so well cared for.” He took a little step back and looked at him. Gayalo shoved his head under his arm and wouldn’t let him step away.

  “I’m back, Gayalo. I’m back. I had to go. If you knew what happened to my other horse, you’d be glad you stayed here.”

  Gayalo pushed Tanti back. Tanti lost his balance and fell on his behind.

  Laughter sounded behind him. Tanti leaped to his feet and looked toward the stable’s entrance. She stood there in her white, light dress, her golden hair half gathered, without a crown, without a cape. A groom came running and bowed before her. He asked her if she wanted to ride. She shook her head and sent him away, walking inside.

  “Never mention a woman before another woman,” she said. “And never mention another horse before your horse.”

  “I seem to have learned that lesson just now,” Tanti said, rubbing his aching butt. “Good morning to you, Queen.”

  She didn’t answer. Gayalo had already shoved his head into her chest, rubbing against her and demanding she pet him.

  “What a jealous, possessive horse you are, Gayalo. And traitorous, as well.”

  “And you, Tanti Marin? Are you jealous of me for gaining his love?”

  “Yes, I’m aflame with envy. But not of you, Queen, but of the horse. He’s the real winner here.”

  She looked at him, and for a minute, Tanti was scared of his bold words. The queen stood close to him, with only Gayalo’s head between them. Their eyes met. There was no anger in her eyes, which were full of a soft and bright light. They remained standing like that for a long time.

  “I didn’t believe I’d see you again,” she said quietly. “But I kept your colorful tassels in my drawer.”

  “As well as the jewel on your neck.”

  “The jewel too.”

  “I carried your image with me on the road, at night and in my dreams; you were with me during my most difficult moments and most beautiful ones.”

  “And now you’re here.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Yes. That is good. And not so good.”

  “Why?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

  “I’m the queen of Anura, and you’re a foreigner. You’re receiving great honor and gratitude now. But if you’re too close to the queen, even slightly more than is acceptable, it will bring upon you hostility like you’ve never known before.”

  “I wanted to forget that, at least while we spend this beautiful hour together.”

  “We don’t have an hour, only minutes. I must return to my royal duties and start my work today, which will be even harder and greater than ever.”

  “I’m sure you’ll see the fruits of your labor and many people will be rewarded by your actions.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

  “With all my heart.”

  “Well then, that’s what will happen!”

  “Well said.”

  He bowed deeply.

  “Queen, I have to return to my country soon,” he said.

  “I know. I wanted to forget that, at least while we spend this beautiful hour here.”

  They both smiled sadly. “Please stay in Anura a bit more. I assume I’ll be able to see you in the evening.”

  Tanti sighed. “Aklivor will forgive me. Izmeran will forgive me. I’ll stay for a while. And maybe a bit more.”

  “Who is Aklivor?” The queen petted Gayalo one more time and started walking toward the entrance. Tanti walked next to her, his heart heavy.

  “He’s the wise man I mentioned last night. He sent me here.”

  “Bless Aklivor,” Laorin said and clutched his hand. “What would that wise man say if he saw this unacceptable duality of feelings versus duty, of desire versus threat, of simultaneous joy and pain, in the same person, in the same heart?”

  “I remember one thing Aklivor told me when I was confused. ‘Remember, pain and truth are intertwined. Don’t try to escape the darkness. Choose your directions according to the guidance of your heart.’ At the time, I didn’t understand what he meant. Now, I think I’m starting to.”

  “It’s hard to choose a direction,” the queen said. “But even harder not to choose. I choose, Tanti.”

  “I choose…”

  She looked at him one last time and left. Tanti continued standing there for some time. When the groom came in and asked him if he needed something, he asked to ride Gayalo after breakfast.

  “Gayalo is the queen’s favorite. Perhaps you can choose another horse?”

  Tanti shook his head. “He’s the only horse I want.”

  “I need the permission of the stable manager,” the groom said.

  “Of course. Do that,” Tanti said and left. “And you can put my old saddle on him,” he said as he walked away.

  “Your saddle? Is he your horse?” But Tanti was already on the way to his room.

  Chapter 50

  Queen
Laorin Is Busy

  The morning meeting went on for hours. First, they discussed their agenda and the list of participants in the different meetings.

  They had to decide on a new captain of the guard at once. They needed an experienced military man, who wasn’t one of Galrock’s loyal followers. Nikon wanted to investigate the behavior of high-ranking officers during the war, and even before it, in order to choose one of them. It was decided that Nikon would serve as temporary captain of the guard, until they found one who fit their demands. Nikon’s first orders were to bring the troops back to the army bases, declare that the war had ended, disband the recruited soldiers, and send them home. When Galrock was mentioned, Queen Laorin refused to discuss his fate. “There are more urgent things to discuss right now. For example, how to repair the injustices he committed and that we allowed him to commit in the past years,” she said. “In the meantime, let him sit in his prison cell and think of his sins. Let’s discuss now the Bonook, the Swamp Dwellers.”

  “Galrock promised the Bonook territories in the Boresh region in exchange for their participation in the war. Do we have to keep his promises to them?”

  “Absolutely not!” Laorin said. “White citizens of Anura live in the Boresh region. We can’t let Mabul Otonto rule them.”

  “I’ve heard difficult things about his cruel behavior toward his people,” one of the ministers said.

  “Nevertheless, gentlemen, we must compensate him for his part in the war, and also for deciding the battle in our favor. Galrock represented Anura in his eyes. We mustn’t leave a ruler bitter and deprived, for he won’t rest until he gets what he wants.”

  “Also, he still has those monsters, the Hayatulaum,” Nikon said.

  “Bring the map,” Halior said. “And we’ll see what we can give him without harming our people.”

  “We’ll also have to compensate him with money and fertile land for agriculture,” Laorin said. “As long as he’s rotting in the swamp, he’ll continue plotting and posing a threat.”

  They appointed functionaries who would accompany Nikon in his negotiations with the king of the Bonook. Now it was time to meet with the Blue king.