Heartbeat

by Ellis, Tara

  Lake’s hair was still looking good and I was grateful for that. Ever since she had Destiny, it was like she let herself go. I know she was under a lot of stress because of Greg’s no good ass, but she could at least still keep herself up. Hell, I was going through a lot too, but I still managed to keep my appearance in check. Tonight, she was wearing a plain black dress that did nothing for her shape. She’d gained a few pounds during her pregnancy but most of it went to all the right places. She now had hips and a little booty, that if I were her, I’d be trying to flaunt. She was wearing the Charlotte Olympia Dolly Island pumps I’d bought her for her birthday. I often bought Lake expensive things because I knew she couldn’t afford them. She was the shampoo girl and braider at the salon. I paid her more than I should, but she still seemed to be just scraping to get by. I knew it had to make her feel some type of way that Kesha and I wore all this expensive shit and she couldn’t, so I always made sure my girl had something designer in her closet.

  “Lake, please tell me you ain’t wearing that,” Kesha said.

  Lake looked at herself. “What’s wrong with what I have on?”

  “We’re going to a club and you’re dressed like…” Kesha looked at me like I was supposed to help her think of an adjective.

  “Like what?” Lake’s voice was rising which meant she was getting offended. That’d been happening a lot with her lately. I thought it was the pregnancy hormones but now I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with her.

  “You know what, Lake? I bought this dress last weekend that I couldn’t fit. You wanna try it on and see if it fits you?” I said. I gave Kesha a look and she shrugged.

  Lake wasn’t stupid, she knew what I was doing but she also wasn’t stupid enough to turn down free clothes. She followed me to my closet where I pulled out a black and gold dress that would go perfect with her shoes. I’d worn the dress once or twice but I wouldn’t miss it. I handed it to Lake and her eyes lit up.

  “You can’t fit this?” She looked at the size tag inside of the dress and then looked back up at me. “It’s your size though.”

  “Naw, it doesn’t fit, plus I don’t like it that much,” I lied. “Just try it on and see if you like it enough to wear it tonight.”

  Lake’s eyes dropped. I hoped I didn’t hurt her feelings. “Thanks, Charlie.” She took the dress and walked into my bathroom.

  But the look in her eyes stuck with me. I hadn’t seen that look since we were seniors in high school. Lake had gotten into a big fight at school over some guy and gotten into serious trouble with her parents because of it. They shipped her ass away and she didn’t return to school until the next year. Rumors surrounded Lake’s missing year at school. Some kids said she was pregnant so her parents sent her away to have the baby. Some kids said she’d beaten the girl’s ass so bad that she pressed charges and Lake had went to jail. No one could verify it because the girl and her family moved out of Texas immediately following the fight and Lake’s parents wouldn’t even let me talk to her.

  When she came back to school our senior year, she’d had this look in her eye that made me feel so bad for her. Similar to the look she’d just given me. I’d tried to ask where her parents had sent her, but she said she never wanted to talk about it so I never brought it up again. I never forgot the look in her eyes that day.

  I returned to the kitchen where Kesha was still trying to decide which bottle of wine to open.

  “What’s wrong with you?” I whispered. “Why did you say anything about her clothes?”

  “Why didn’t you?” Kesha shrugged. “I don’t want her going anywhere with me looking like that. Lake needs to pull herself together.”

  I shook my head, “She’s going through a hard time and she doesn’t need us coming at her like that right now.”

  Kesha nodded, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But I don’t think I can get used to this sensitive ass Lake. When are those damn pregnancy hormones going to wear off?”

  We laughed and Lake walked into the living room wearing the dress. It was a little tight around the mid-section, but other than that it looked great on her.

  “Damn, Lake! You just might take somebody home tonight, looking like that,” Kesha said.

  I pulled out a bottle of wine I’d been saving for Rick and my 11th anniversary. I handed the bottle to Kesha because now I couldn’t wait to pop the cork without him. Kesha poured three glasses of wine and I blamed my nerves for the reason I took my glass straight to the head.

  Lake gulped her glass down just as fast as I did. Then she pulled a pill bottle out of her clutch and quickly popped a pill. I was used to seeing Lake pop pills, but it never occurred to me that she might actually have a problem. Now that Destiny was here, I’d noticed she was beginning to pop more than usual. I never questioned Lake about the medications she took because I knew she had a problem with anxiety and assumed the pills were all prescribed.

  Tonight, I was having my own issue with anxiety so I asked her, “Can I have one?”

  She looked at me like I was crazy before she popped the top on the pill bottle and dropped a small pill in my open palm. I looked at the pill for half of a second before I swallowed it and chased it with some wine

  Kesha shook her head, “Ya’ll gon be extra fucked up tonight. I guess I’m the designated driver.”

  Lake laughed and poured herself another glass of the wine. “Charlie, that was some of my good shit so don’t say I ain’t never gave you nothing.” She downed that glass of wine just as quickly as she’d done the first. “Let’s get out of here. I just called my girl, Denise, and she’s going to meet us there.”

  “Who the hell is Denise?” I asked.

  “I told ya’ll about Denise, my neighbor,” Lake said as if I was supposed to remember some random chick she may or may not have mentioned before.

  “Oh yea, I remember. The one who knows everybody’s business in your apartment complex,” Kesha said.

  I was mad that I didn’t remember ever hearing her talk about this Denise chick. And I wasn’t so sure I wanted her tagging along tonight. “When did you and Denise become close enough for you to invite her out with us?”

  Lake shrugged, “She’s been helping me a lot with Destiny since Greg has been a no show.”

  For some reason, I felt bad. Was I too absorbed in my own issues that I was being a shitty godmother?

  I poured myself another glass of wine and headed for the door. I locked up and we all got inside of Kesha’s car and headed downtown. When we pulled up in front of the club, valet took Kesha’s car. We gave our names to the burly bouncer and entered the dark club.

  The loud blaring of hip hop music struck me from all sides and the stench of cigarette smoke reminded me why I wasn’t a smoker and would never date one. Kesha led the way to the VIP section of the club as if she was the one invited to the birthday celebration. The way she walked through the crowded club was like she owned the place and was looking for someone to kick out.

  Lake and I followed her up the stairs where a bald headed white bouncer checked our wristbands before letting us behind the VIP purple velvet rope. As soon as I stepped my right foot into the VIP section, my eyes locked on Amir. I felt something inside of my heart jump at the eye contact.

  Lake leaned in close to my ear and said, “Go ahead and point him out.”

  I didn’t have to, because Amir walked straight up to us and introduced himself. When he looked at me everything inside of my body felt as if it were scorching. I couldn’t have paid for the relief I felt when he finally pulled his eyes away from me and looked at Kesha and Lake. “Hello ladies, I’m Amir. Thanks for coming through.”

  I’d known Kesha and Lake way too long not to be able to read them and when Lake took his hand to shake it, I could tell she approved. Who wouldn’t approve of Amir? He was perfection.

  “I’m Lake. Thanks for inviting us.” She smiled at him and the smile lingered long after he’d shook and dropped her hand.

  Kesha gawked at me and then
returned her attention to Amir. “I’m Kesha,” she shook his hand and then looked back at me. She gave me a look and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  When he turned his attention back to me, my breath got caught in my throat. He stood in front of me with his face only a few inches from mine. Everyone and everything around me disappeared and I could only see him. He stood over me, looking down at me. The scent of his cologne was so intoxicating, I felt as though I’d had several drinks already. I grabbed his chain and twiddled it around my fingers, trying to pretend as though I was intrigued by it. I looked back up at him and felt myself go lightheaded. Although he didn’t say a word to me, his eyes were saying everything to me.

  “Ya’ll popping bottles up in here or what?” Lake said breaking my trance.

  “Oh, yeah. They doing it big tonight. Let me introduce ya’ll to the birthday boy,” Amir said. When he walked in the direction of a dark skinned guy sitting at a round table, he grabbed my hand. It felt awkward holding his hand but at the same time I liked it.

  “Marcus, this is the girl I was telling you about,” he looked back at me with a smile in his eyes, “This is Charlie.”

  The girl he was telling him about? Marcus stood and he had a friendly smile that nearly took up his entire face. Marcus was a tall, heavyset, guy with almond shaped dark eyes under a set of extra thick eyebrows. He took both of my hands in one of his chunky hands and gave them a quick squeeze. There was something warm about this guy’s eyes. Something that let me know he was a good guy. I wondered if his boy was a good guy as well.

  “Happy birthday,” I yelled over the loud club music.

  “Thank you and it’s nice to meet you, Charlie.” He winked in Amir’s direction and said, “My boy here is gonna take good care of you.”

  I wanted to ask what he meant by that but Amir was already introducing him to Kesha and Lake and by the way Marcus’ eyes were salivating at them, he was no longer interested in anything I had to say.

  A waitress wearing tiny black shorts over black fishnet stockings walked over to Marcus and took his drink order while another waitress wearing an identical outfit came in holding a tray of various bottles and multi colored sparklers. They were indeed doing it big for Marcus’ birthday.

  Amir leaned in so close to me his lips grazed the lobe of my ear and asked, “What do you want to drink?”

  “Lemon drop martini,” I said, trying to recover from the chills his simple touch had generated throughout my body.

  Amir motioned for one of the waitresses.

  Kesha took this opportunity to whisper in my ear, “He is fine as hell. Got- damn!”

  “I told you.”

  “I see why you came to this club now. If he isn’t the perfect rebound guy I don’t know what is.”

  I frowned at Kesha’s choice of words. It reminded me that I was on the rebound from Rick and at the thought of Rick, made my stomach turned upside down.

  A few other people in the VIP section pulled Amir away. He said he’d be right back and I watched as he interacted with everyone. He was damn near perfect. He was wearing grey-black jeans that fell low on his waist although a black Gucci belt was supposed to be holding them up. He had on a simple black, long sleeve shirt that was accentuated by the thick chain around his neck that was bright enough to light up the entire VIP section. I was intrigued by his every move and how everyone seemed to be bidding for his attention, particularly a short girl with an auburn pixie haircut. While he shook hands, and hugged people, she seemed to be on his heel with every step he took.

  “He’s Mr. Popular, huh?” Lake said, reading my mind.

  “I guess so.” I tried to swallow the rising jealousy. I’d only come out to this club tonight because Amir invited me. Although I didn’t expect to get his undivided attention, that didn’t stop me from wanting it.

  I turned away from watching him and walked over to the tall glass windows that looked over the entire club. It was packed down there tonight and I was glad to be in the VIP area. One of the main reasons I hated going out to clubs was because there was hardly ever any breathing room. Plus, Club Aqua was one of the hottest clubs in Dallas.

  Kesha walked over to me and looked down over the club. “Everybody and their mama in here tonight.” I nodded my head in agreement and to the beat of the music. “His boy, Marcus, is trying to get at Lake,” she said. “He’s cute though.”

  I looked back at the biggest table in the VIP area where Marcus was seated. He was being greeted by a scantily clad woman with a long ombre weave but his attention was on Lake. He was definitely Lake’s type but she couldn’t see anyone but Greg. She stood by Marcus’ side and gave us a look that said “rescue me”.

  “Girl, Lake don’t know what to do with that man,” I laughed.

  Finally, the waitress returned with the drinks and Amir walked back over to Kesha and me with drinks in hand. As soon as I got mine, I took it straight to the head knowing that was a bad idea seeing as though I hadn’t eaten anything other than a bag of potato chips earlier today. Not to mention, I was drinking heavy liquor on top of the pill I’d gotten from Lake. That had to be a no-no. But I didn’t care about any of that. Not tonight, at least. I was going to let my hair down and do all the things I never did when I was someone’s wife.

  Amir quickly signaled for the waitress to bring another round of drinks and Kesha left the VIP section for the dance floor downstairs once one of her favorite songs came on.

  Once she was gone, Amir took her place next to me. He leaned in close and said, “Sorry about that. I haven’t seen a lot of these people in years. I just moved back here from the H.”

  I nodded my head and felt foolish for feeling jealous earlier. “Well, everyone seems happy to see you.”

  He shrugged, sipped his beer, and looked me up and down, “I’m happy to see you.”

  “Well, thanks for inviting me.”

  “You look beautiful,” he said.

  I could feel my cheeks go hot. “Thank you.”

  He shook his head and chuckled but didn’t say anything else.

  “What?” I had to know what was so funny.

  He looked like he was about to say something but the waitress returned with another round of drinks. A second waitress stood behind her with a tray full of shots ordered by Marcus. After I drank the second drink and the shot, I felt like I was floating.

  Lake walked up to us with two shots in her hand.

  “Marcus is cool,” she said to Amir.

  “He likes you,” Amir said with half of a smile.

  Even though the club was dark, I could tell that Lake’s cheeks were flushed. She took her shot and then looked at me, “Where’s Kesha?”

  I nudged my head in the direction of the dance floor.

  Lake pulled out her cell phone and frowned, “I’m going to try to find Denise. I think she’s having trouble finding the place.”

  I nodded as she walked off leaving Amir and me alone again. A song I never heard before played and everyone in the club erupted. Amir came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I gasped in response to his strong arms around me. I didn’t know if I should blame it on the liquor, or the unprescribed medication, but I turned around and kissed him on the lips. His startled lips took a few seconds to respond but when he did, everything inside of me felt like I’d just been lit on fire by a match.

  When I pulled away from him, I burst into embarrassed laughter except I wasn’t embarrassed enough to regret the kiss. I hadn’t kissed a man other than Rick like that since I was 18, and I never felt so alive in my life. His lips tasted like Dos Equis, but at the moment it was the sweetest taste I’d ever been lucky enough to get a sample of. I stood on my tippy toes in the six inch spiked shoes and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him again. This time I wanted him to feel my passion.

  It was his turn to pull away from the kiss. He looked at me with confusion embedded in his beautiful face and said, “What was that all about? You drunk, Ma?”

  I was.
In fact, I was very drunk, or high. Or both. I didn’t know or care. All I knew was I felt like I was floating and I loved the way his lips tasted. I smiled at him hoping the smile didn’t look as goofy as it felt. I shook my head no although that was a complete lie.

  He offered me half of a smile in response and said, “You sure about that?”

  “I like you, Amir,” I blurted out with no regard. “And I want you.” Even in my drunken state, I knew I’d regret saying that in the morning. But I didn’t care about any of that because I did want this beautiful man. Badly.

  He gave me a look that I couldn’t describe. He draped his arm around my shoulder and rocked his head to the beat of the song playing. I had to admit the beat was infectious and before I realized it, I’d grabbed Amir’s hand and began walking downstairs onto the dance floor. At first he was hesitant, but once we were on the dance floor he gave in and I was grinding on him like I’d known him longer than I really had. I inhaled the sweet yet manly, smell of his cologne and thought how I hadn’t smelled anything so sexy before in my life. The intoxicating smell of his cologne made my head swirl. For a split second, my mind went to Rick and what he was doing but then I looked back at the gorgeous, tall, green eyed, man I was dancing with and the thought of Rick evaporated.

  When 2am hit and the lights came on inside of the club, I had to fight to keep my eyelids up. I looked around for Kesha and Lake but hadn’t seen either of them since they’d left the VIP section hours ago.

  Amir seemed to read my mind when he said, “Where’s your homegirls?”

  I shrugged my shoulders and dug inside my clutch for my cell phone. As soon as I unlocked it I saw a text from Kesha, I had to take Lake’s drunk ass home, she got sick. Sorry! But I’m sure that fine ass Amir would LOVE to take you home. ☺

  “They left,” I mumbled.

  “They left you?” Amir’s facial expression matched how I felt. He pulled my body close to him and it made my legs turn to jelly. “How far do you live from here? I’ll take you to ya’ crib.”