Heartbeat

by Ellis, Tara

  I would like to think it was the liquor mixed with Lake’s pills that made me look up into his beautiful hazel-green eyes and say, “What if I don’t wanna go home?”

  He wrapped his arm around my waist and we walked toward the exit of the club. Before we walked out he made sure he was looking me directly in my eyes. “You sure about that, Charlie?”

  I nodded my head. There was no turning back now. Not that I wanted to turn back. At that very moment, there was nothing I wanted more.

  After saying goodbye to most of his friends, we hopped inside of his Buick and headed to his place. He placed his hand on my thigh and kept one hand on the steering wheel as he navigated his car on the highway at a high speed. He kept glancing over at me like he expected me to disappear into thin air and I kept looking over at him unable to believe I was really going home with this fine specimen of a man.

  When we pulled up in front of a gated apartment complex, the nerves finally hit me. Time seemed to move slower than a sloth as he drove inside of the complex. My palms went sweaty and my throat got so dry I thought I wouldn’t be able to open my mouth again. Amir pulled his car under a carport, gave me a look that I wished I could capture with a camera, and then shut his engine off. I gave myself a quick pep talk and got out of the car. I followed him to a first floor apartment.

  We stepped inside of the dark apartment and he flipped the light on and I looked around the minimally decorated apartment. There was a black recliner and a matching black sofa with a small glass coffee table in the center of the room. A magazine was being used as a coaster on top of the coffee table. I didn’t even want to guess what was in the glass because it looked like it had been sitting on the table for a while. And just like any bachelor pad, he had an oversized flat screen on the wall across from the sofa.

  He dropped his car keys on the glass coffee table and I jumped at the sound the impact made. My nerves were all over the place.

  “You want something to drink?” Amir asked.

  The last thing I needed was some more alcohol because the last shot I took, hit me heavy on the ride here. “I’ll take some water,” I managed to say although my throat felt like sandpaper.

  He returned with a bottle of water and said, “You look outta’ there.”

  I quickly drank the water and was thankful that it was so cold. As soon as my thirst was quenched I looked at him and said, “I’m not here because I’m drunk. I’m here because I want to be.”

  But part of that was a lie. Yes, I wanted to be here but if it wasn’t for the courage that the liquor provided, I wasn’t sure I would be sitting on his couch.

  He gave me half of a smile and sat on the recliner across from me. “You can have the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”

  “I don’t want to put you out like that.”

  “It’s cool.” He grabbed the remote from the coffee table and flipped the television on. But I couldn’t pull my eyes from him to be interested in anything that was showing on the TV.

  “Does your husband know you’re not coming home tonight?” Amir asked with a smirk on his face.

  I finished the water before answering, “We’re getting a divorce.”

  Amir’s face didn’t register the shock that I thought it would. He was looking at the television but I could tell he wasn’t really watching it. He shook his head and said, “So what you trying to do tonight?”

  He got up and sat next to me on the sofa and as soon as he did, I felt like my body was on fire and the only thing that could put it out was him. He didn’t say anything to me, but I could feel his body next to me and the intoxicating smell of his cologne penetrated my nose and made me feel like I was floating. All I wanted at that moment was to bury my face in his chest. I didn’t want to think about Rick, I didn’t want to think about being married on my way to divorce court. I didn’t even want to think about how all my life, I was the good girl. The good girlfriend, the good fucking wife. For once in my life, I wanted to not give a fuck. And that’s exactly what I was going to do, starting tonight,

  “I want to forget about my bleeding heart. At least, for tonight.”

  Amir looked at me and his face was barely four inches from mine so I kissed him. Just like I’d kissed him at the club except this time he didn’t hesitate to kiss me back. But he did pull away and ask me, “And how you gon’ do that?”

  I grabbed his hand and placed it over my heart. “Can you make it feel better?” Under any other circumstance, I would have never been so brazen. Under any other circumstance, I would have never been in this apartment with this man. But here I was and there was something about Amir that I just had to have. I hadn’t been with a man other than Rick in ten years. Only God knew how many women he’d been with. So tonight I was gonna be bad.

  It took a minute before Amir answered me. He just sat there looking at me like he was waiting on me to retract what I’d just said. I stared at him daring him to turn my offer down. His eyes went from my pretty pedicured toes, back up to my eyes, then he licked his lips as if that was a stamp of approval. I mirrored the smile he’d been giving me since the day I met him.

  “Ok.” Was all he said before he turned the TV off and stood over me with his hand extended. I placed my hand inside of his and he lifted me from the couch. I hated how loud and hard my heart was beating as he led the way to his bedroom.

  Thump, thump, thump.

  There were so many thoughts racing one another in my head but I forced them all to the back of my mind. When we entered his bedroom I noticed the king sized leather bed in the middle of a nice sized bedroom. Across from the bed was a tall brown dresser and a TV mounted on the wall. There was very minimal furniture and decorations so I knew he lived here alone. Every part of his apartment was missing a woman’s touch.

  He didn’t release my hand until I’d sat on the bed and he stood over me. Since he didn’t have any curtains over his windows there was a slimmer of street light poking in from the faux wood blinds. For that I was thankful because I was able to drink in every ounce of beautiful perfection his body offered as he took off his shirt and undershirt. I ran my fingers across his six pack abs. He grabbed my hand and brought it up to his lips. When he kissed my fingers I was embarrassed that a moan escaped my lips. I bit my bottom lip and cursed myself for being so anxious to feel this man.

  He picked me up and placed me further back on the bed and when his lips met mine, I reactively wrapped my legs around his waist. I kissed him back with a hunger I never knew I had. There was something about Amir’s lips that made me want to kiss him all night. We didn’t have to do anything more than what we were doing now, and I would have been satisfied.

  He pulled away from my lips and began kissing my neck. I bit my bottom lip to keep another moan from escaping them. I shut my eyes, but it wasn’t that easy to shut out my thoughts. Though I didn’t want to I couldn’t help but compare Amir to Rick. The way Amir took his time and kissed every crevice of my neck reminded me how Rick had always been a wham-bam-thank-ya-ma’am.

  Amir began tugging at the zipper on the back of my dress. I lifted up slightly and allowed him to unzip me. I didn’t move as he took the dress off me completely. I laid on his bed wishing there was more light peeking in from his window so he could savor my body. I knew I was sexy whether Rick appreciated it or not. By the way Amir was looking at me, I knew he appreciated it.

  He shook his head, “You’re fine as hell, Charlie.”

  I smiled. Compliments always turned me on.

  He began kissing my collarbone and then he went right above my left breast where my heart was beating so hard through my chest. “Does it hurt right here?”

  It took a second before I was able to understand what he meant but when I did I nodded my head and whimpered a yes.

  He moved down slightly and in a husky voice said, “Show me where else it hurts.”

  My heart had been ripped and shredded. If he planned to kiss my pain away, he’d be kissing my heart all night so I pulled him up w
here our lips locked again. His lips welcomed me, and then he returned to my neck, then my collarbone, then to my breasts. I gasped in the pleasure as his kisses left my breasts then went to my navel. I slightly lifted my body up in anticipation of where his lips were going next but instead of going further he came back up to my lips. I didn’t have time to sit in the disappointment because his lips were such perfection on top of mine.

  As we kissed, I felt him reach to the side of me and heard him fiddling inside of the nightstand to my left. I knew exactly what he was reaching for and the expectation of what was about to happen had my heart beating faster than ever. Sweat was forming all over my body. I was a nervous wreck. I tried not to think that I was no better than Rick, as I was here about to commit adultery, just as he had. The thought of it all was sobering me up quicker than I wanted to be. Then all of a sudden, the room started spinning. I shut my eyes to block it out but it was too late. I was already nauseous and pushing Amir off me as I ran to what I assumed to be his bathroom.

  If I would have made it to the toilet three seconds later, I would have vomited all over his black bath mat. How embarrassing was this? I was hovering over his toilet puking up everything in my stomach. Even though I was in my black lacy bra and underwear, I was sure I was anything but sexy at this moment. The room was still spinning and just when I thought I had puked everything left in my stomach, more threatened to come up.

  I didn’t even notice Amir standing behind me until he handed me a cold towel. I couldn’t look him in his face, I was so humiliated. Anything I had planned on doing tonight definitely wasn’t going to happen anymore.

  I sat in the bathroom for what felt like hours. Every now and then, Amir would peek inside of the bathroom and ask how I was doing. I wanted to flush myself down the toilet along with all the stupid alcohol I’d drank.

  Finally, my stomach settled and I washed my mouth out with the off brand mouthwash he had on top of his bathroom sink. I walked into his bedroom where he was sleep. I rolled my eyes and cursed under my breath. I had half the nerve to call Kesha and make her come pick me up, but instead I crawled into bed next to this man praying I didn’t wake him. Of course as soon as I got into the bed, his eyes opened.

  “You straight, ma?”

  I nodded my head.

  He lifted the cover and I crawled under them. He wrapped his body around mine and dropped the cover on top of us. And all mortification I felt earlier disappeared as soon as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. I fell asleep thinking this wasn’t so bad after all.

  Amir

  She looked so peaceful while she slept. Not to mention she was so got-damn beautiful. I didn’t want to wake her since she had a rough night last night, so I just kept looking over at her. She had the most beautiful, perfect set of lips I’d ever seen on a woman. I had to force myself out of the bed to keep from kissing them and finishing what we started last night.

  I managed to get out of the bed without waking her, so I took a shower expecting for her to be awake by the time I got out. But she was still in my bed sleeping like she hadn’t slept in months.

  Everything about this girl was perfect and I knew I was getting myself into a dangerous situation messing with her. I didn’t want to get caught up with no woman, especially not a married woman. She turned over in the bed and the sheet curved to her body. I remembered how sexy she looked last night when I had her almost naked. She was so sexy, she was a ten, and her man was a got-damn fool. I’d had my share of women and broke plenty of hearts, but Charlie was the type of woman you wifed, and never messed around on.

  The first night I saw her she was wilding but she was still fine as hell. When I pulled her away from that fight, all I wanted to do was take her home. I never thought I’d see her again but when I found her shoe, I felt like I was on some Cinderella type shit and somehow I just knew we’d run into each other again. So, when I saw her in that salon I knew I had to have her. But I wasn’t supposed to be having anyone. I didn’t come back to Dallas to get involved with a woman. I had one mission, and one mission only, but looking over at my bed with Charlie laying in it, I knew my plans were about to get a lot more complicated.

  I wanted to let her sleep but she had a beauty salon to run. That shit was so sexy to me. I’d never messed with a woman of Charlie’s caliber before. She was a business woman and more than likely had more money than me but that didn’t intimidate me; that only made me want her more.

  “Rise and grind, mama,” I finally said.

  Damn, I hated to wake her up.

  When she opened her eyes I could tell it took her a minute or two to remember what all went down last night. I hoped she didn’t regret coming home with me. When she smiled at me, I knew everything was straight. I looked away from her because if I stared in those pretty eyes too long I was going to climb back in that bed.

  “Well, good morning to you, too,” she said. She rolled over in the bed. That damned sheet was clinging to her body like it was painted on. I got a good look last night and baby girl’s body was something out of a men’s magazine. Now, I wanted to see it without the lacy bra and panties.

  I cleared my throat and thought of basketball, soccer, football, something, anything to prevent my dick from getting hard. I turned and walked in the bathroom to calm my nerves before she could see what she was doing to me.

  “How did you sleep?”

  “Better than I have in weeks,” She said with a smile that covered her entire face.

  I smiled back at her and asked, “You hung over?”

  “Ugh! No, thank God.” She placed one of my pillows over her head and laughed. “I am never drinking again!”

  I lost count of all the drinks she’d had after the fourth shot and the third lemon martini. “You was hitting it hard last night.” As soon as I said it, I thought about how I wished I could have been doing the same thing to her.

  She groaned as she stretched and the sheet fell just below her lacy bra. “Don’t remind me.”

  Her breasts were full and if I had to guess, she was a C cup. They sat perky in the black bra. I wasn’t even a breast man but I couldn’t pull my eyes away from them.

  She continued, “If I had the slightest inkling that I would end up kissing your toilet most of the night, I would have said no to at least half of the drinks I had last night.”

  “Yeah, you was on one.” I started brushing my teeth and when I glanced in my room, she was still lying in my bed, staring at me.

  “What time is it?”

  “Five minutes to nine.” I finished brushing my teeth and sat at the edge of my bed. I knew she probably had to get to work but I wanted to spend more time with her.

  She yawned again. “Damn, I got to be at the shop in less than an hour. Can you drop me off at my house?”

  Even though I knew she had to be at the salon, I couldn’t stop my shoulders from dropping in disappointment. I wanted to spend more time with her to see what she was about. I liked that she was a business woman so I had to respect that she was about her business.

  “Yeah, I’ll drop you off,” I said even though it was the complete opposite of what I wanted to do. “What time do you think you’ll be outta’ the shop today?” I tried not to sound desperate or overly eager but I had to see this girl again.

  She looked like she was running her schedule through her head before saying, “I’ll probably close up around eight, why?”

  “Maybe I can pick you up and take you to dinner tonight or something?”

  She smiled and it felt like the wind got knocked out of my chest. This woman was gorgeous. Like, the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen, let alone have in my bed. “Dinner?” She got out of my bed and I turned around instantly to face the wall.

  “That sounds good,” she said.

  All I wanted to do was turn back around and get another look at her in that sexy ass bra and panties but I wanted to be respectful. Turning around and staring at the white wall instead of her beautiful ass was the
hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.

  “Can you help me with this?” She stood in front of me so I could zip up the back of her dress. I couldn’t help but remember how I was peeling her out of it last night. Damn, here I go again. I was glad she wasn’t facing me so she wouldn’t be able to see how my dick was rising in my basketball shorts.

  ESPN, golf, Grandma Betty’s pecan pie, I had to think about anything other than how soft her skin felt. This girl turned me on like no other chick ever had. I had to stop this shit or she would think I was a straight up creep. After I’d zipped up her dress, she turned around, looked me dead in my eyes and smiled at me like she knew exactly what she was doing. Damn.

  “Thank you,” she said. Her voice was low and soft. As soft as her skin. “So dinner tonight?”

  I nodded. “What kinda food you like?”

  “Everything,” she said with a laugh. “But Mexican and Italian are my favorites.”

  I clasped my hands together and stood. “That’s a bet. I know this nice little Mexican joint downtown we can go to.” I walked over to her and lifted her chin with my finger.

  When she was looking directly at me I leaned down and kissed her lips. I know the kiss took her by surprise just like she had done me last night. Now she was sober and I wanted to make sure this was what she really wanted.

  When she looked up at me, there was no mistaking the smile on her face.

  We headed to my car. Once she’d put her seatbelt on I asked, “So, what part of town you stay in?”

  “Frisco.”

  I should have known. She owned a super successful salon, drove a car that was more than most people’s yearly salary, it was only right that she lived in expensive ass Frisco. “Cool,” I said. I didn’t know why I felt intimidated, but I did. I wanted to ask what her husband did for a living but seeing as though she was through with that nigga, it didn’t matter. Besides, financially, I knew I probably couldn’t compete with that nigga at all. Obviously, Charlie was used to the finer things in life and I wasn’t going to be able to treat her to those things. The move back to Dallas didn’t help my already struggling contractor company. What little clients I did have, I had to leave in Houston when I moved back to Dallas. I shook my head and tried to get my mind off my finances. That shit would have a nigga depressed for the rest of the day. It wasn’t like I didn’t already have enough shit on my plate to be stressed about.