Heartbeat

by Ellis, Tara

  I walked out of the police station feeling like everything was going to be alright. Yeah, my daughter was going to have to grow up without her father, although it was the very last thing I’d ever wanted for her. When I really thought about it, if we hadn’t killed Greg’s wife, she was going to have to live without him anyhow. He had a whole other family and he didn’t really give a fuck about Destiny…or me.

  I didn’t feel the least bit remorseful for what was going to happen to Greg. In fact, his wife should have been glad she no longer had to deal with his lying, cheating ass. I hoped in my car and headed toward the salon. I’d been cooped up in my apartment for too long and now I was ready to see my girls. I’d been avoiding their asses since they came to my place the other day. Now that I knew I had nothing to worry about, I was ready to get back to my regular life.

  I was at a red light when a familiar ringtone made me suck in my breath. I hadn’t heard the ringtone in so long I’d almost forgot what it sounded like. It was the ringtone I’d set for Greg. I stared at my phone until it stopped ringing. Someone landed on their car horn behind me, alerting that I was at a stand-still at a now green light. I hopped on my gas and sped down the street faster than I had too.

  I was on edge now. Why was Greg calling me? Had the detectives contacted him that soon? They must have because he hadn’t reached out to me since his wife approached me at the gas station that day. I was curious as to what he wanted to say but scared as hell at the same time.

  When my phone started ringing again, I shrieked. I was jumpy as hell and hated that just moments ago I didn’t have a care in the world, now I felt like I was on the brink of an anxiety attack.

  I pulled my car over, glanced in the backseat at Destiny, and then answered Greg’s call.

  “Hello?”

  “Lake?”

  “Yes?”

  He paused and it seemed like forever before he finally spoke again. “It’s not true what they saying on the news.”

  I didn’t know how to play it. I could pretend that I had no idea what he was talking about but surely he’d be able to see right through that. So I just said, “Oh.”

  “I didn’t kill my wife.”

  I knew that, dumb ass. I decided to ignore that and ask what I really wanted to know, “Why didn’t you tell me you were married, Greg?”

  He sighed and I could have sworn I heard him sniffle. Was he crying?

  “I was wrong for stepping out on her. I was wrong as hell. I wasn’t planning on getting involved seriously with nobody else. But you and me kinda’ vibed on some shit I never had wit’ no otha’ bitch.”

  I wanted to say something about him calling me out my name but decided to let him finish.

  “I loved her, Lake. I loved my wife. Yeah, I fucked up on her, but I would have never killed her, Lake!”

  I looked in the backseat again as Destiny cooed in her sleep. It’d never been as obvious as it was now that he didn’t give a fuck about neither one of us.

  “These fuckin’ cops man! They stay interrogating me. They think I killed my wife, Lake. You know me, I could never kill anybody!” He paused and sniffled again and it was clear that he was indeed crying. I wondered if he ever cried over me. “I was the one who found her, Lake.”

  I sat upright in my seat when he said that. I always wondered who had been the one to find the body.

  “I came home and found my fuckin’ wife dead lying in her own blood. I can’t get the image out of my fuckin’ head. No matter what I do, every time I close my eyes, I see her lying there on the floor bleeding to death. Oh God!” He cried out and a part of me felt bad for him.

  “My kids…oh God, Lake, my kids!” He was breaking down hard now and it made me uncomfortable hearing his raw emotion. He didn’t even care that he was telling on himself. I wasn’t supposed to know he had children other than Destiny, but here he was, sobbing on my phone about his kids and he hadn’t asked once about his daughter he had with me. I gritted my teeth and took two deep breaths to keep me from cussing him completely out.

  “My kids saw their mama like that. They saw her like that! I don’t want them to be fucked up in the head, Lake.”

  “You have kids?” I asked. I didn’t want my voice to sound as angry as it did, but I couldn’t help it.

  “Yeah, and they saw their mama dead on the fuckin’ floor of our home,” he said. “I haven’t been back to that house since. I can’t make myself go back there.”

  I sighed. I was tired of talking to him. This wasn’t the conversation I’d expected at all. “You’re in deep shit, Greg. The cops think you did it.”

  “I know they do! That’s why I need you to go down there and tell them what kind of person I am. That’s why I need you to tell them I could never hurt nobody, Lake. You know me. I couldn’t kill a person. I couldn’t kill my own wife!”

  “Tell them what kinda’ person you are?” I huffed. “I don’t even know you, Greg! I didn’t know I was laying with a married man, I didn’t know Destiny had brothers and sisters!”

  He sniffled and cleared his throat. “I know, Lake. But none of that fuckin’ matters anymore. I could go down for this. The cops are so hell bent on charging my ass that they ain’t out there looking for the real fuckin’ killer! Somebody killed my wife, Lake and they might get away with it cause the cops too busy focusing on me! That’s why I need you to go down there and—”

  “I already been to the police station, Greg!” I heard the shock in his voice when he gasped. “Yeah, that’s right. I already been down there to tell them you had a whole ‘notha family and I had no idea you even had a wife. And you know what they said, Greg? They said that was probably the motive, the reason you killed yo’ wife. What was it, Greg? She found out about us? Said she was leaving you? Cause I know damn well you ain’t killed her to be with me!”

  I hung up before he could respond. He called me right back but I rejected the call and then blocked his number on my cell. I screamed at the top of my lungs which must have scared the shit out of Destiny, because she started bawling her eyes out. I glared in the backseat at her and for the first time since I gave birth to her, I regretted her. I wished I could have just wished her away. I didn’t need the daily reminder of her father. Plus I was so tired of her always crying.

  There wasn’t shit I could do about it now. She was here and she wasn’t going nowhere. I turned the radio up as loud as I could and drove off.

  Kesha

  I couldn’t tell day from night in this abandoned house. The windows were boarded up and I gave up the notion that someone was actually going to come looking for me in a condemned house. My neck was cramped from sitting upright for so long and my legs had been asleep for so long that I never thought I’d regain feeling in them again.

  Most of the time Darnel left me alone. I was forced to go to the bathroom in the red bucket in the corner of the cage so now the entire room smelled like piss and shit. Darnel returned to the house about six times a day. Most of the time he only stayed a few minutes and paced back and forth saying he didn’t know what he was going to do with me. My fear subsided a bit because it seemed like he was now struggling with the idea of killing me. But I didn’t allow myself to relax in those thoughts because Darnel was so unpredictable.

  I didn’t know how long I’d been here but it felt like weeks. I was so thirsty and hungry that I barely had the strength to open my eyes.

  I heard footsteps walking toward me so I knew it was Darnel coming to check on me again. More importantly, this time I smelled food. My stomach howled at the smell. At that moment I would have done anything for a bite of whatever he had. It took all the energy I could muster to just open my eyes and lift my head to look at him.

  “You hungry?” He asked me.

  I licked my chapped lips. “Yes.”

  He gave me a smile that scared me. He pulled a chair up and sat directly across from me. He had a white takeout container in his hands and when he opened it the aroma of spices hit all of my senses, and made
my mouth water with anticipation.

  “I bet you thirsty too, huh?”

  I looked at him with pleading eyes.

  He picked up a piece of chicken from the container and bit into it. “Jerk chicken s your favorite, isn’t it?”

  My stomach growled in response.

  He licked his lips as the juices of the chicken fell onto them. “This some good ass chicken. You want a piece?”

  “Yes, Darnel,” I managed to say although my throat felt like sandpaper.

  He ripped off a tiny piece of the chicken and placed it close to my face although it was too far for me to bite. But my nose was able to smell every single spice and seasoning on the chicken. I would have burst into tears from wanting that chicken so bad if I wasn’t so dehydrated.

  “You haven’t eaten anything in two days, huh?”

  Two days? I’d been here for two days! The sound of his voice on top of the smell of the food irritated me beyond words.

  Finally he placed the piece of chicken to my lips. I ravenously took the meat into my mouth and swallowed it without even attempting to chew it.

  He broke off another piece, this one much larger, and placed it into my mouth. It was the best piece of chicken, I’d ever eaten and all I could do was look up at him expectantly waiting for the next piece. I could tell he was enjoying the pleading look in my eyes and I hated how bad I needed something to eat.

  “Your little boyfriend been blowing your phone up,” he said

  “Here.” He handed me the takeout container and I began eating the chicken, rice and peas with my bare, dirty, hands.

  “Take your time eating that cause that’s all your ass gon get to eat today.”

  I slowed down my pace of eating as soon as he’d said that. And once the aching in my stomach subsided, I was able to concentrate on what he’d just said about Harris. I’d missed our dinner date, so I knew it wouldn’t be long before Harris became suspicious. I was sure he’d been by my condo by now. Then, he’d go by my job and once he saw my car sitting in the parking lot abandoned, I was sure he’d suspect foul play.

  Darnel opened a bottle of water and reached it out to me. But when I tried to take the bottle of water from him, he yanked it away.

  “You love that nigga?” His eyes were menacing and his voice was hostile.

  I shook my head.

  “Don’t lie to me, Kesha!”

  “I don’t! I barely know him. I just met him and went on a few dates. He’s not my type, Darnel. You should know me better than that.”

  He seemed to like my answer as the anger in his eyes disappeared. “I thought I knew you. But the Kesha I knew wouldn’t give no bitch ass cop no play.”

  He handed the water to me and this time he let me take it. I drank it so fast that water began falling down my mouth and chin.

  “His punk ass called you so many times I started to answer it and cuss his ass out.” Darnel glared at me. “I texted his ass and let him know what was up, though.”

  My eyes shot up at him.

  “Told him you wanted to break up and to stop calling you.” Darnel looked like he was proud of himself. “I told him you needed some time and when you were ready to talk you’d hit him back. Don’t that sound like something you’d say?”

  I felt all hope and optimism fall to the bottom of my feet.

  “He hasn’t called yo’ ass since!” Darnel laughed. “So if you was expecting him to be out there worried about you, you can gon’ and forget that!”

  I dropped his eye contact because his voice was taunting enough. The only thing I could think of was as how I hoped he’d forget to lock the cage when he left this time. It was the same thing I prayed every time he left, but he never forgot. Maybe, just maybe, this time he would.

  “So, it’s just you and me, babe.” He took the empty food container from my lap and tossed the empty bottle of water across the room. “Like it always should have been.”

  I wouldn’t allow myself to give up. I wouldn’t let my mind think no one was concerned with me. Even if Darnel had somehow made Harris think I wanted nothing to do with him, I still had Charlie. I still had Lake.

  He forcefully pulled me from the floor and I thought I would fall back down because my legs felt like jelly. He held on to me and I hated how his arms felt around my body. Everything about him repulsed me and I couldn’t believe this was someone I once loved.

  He tossed me to the filthy, twin sized mattress that lay in the corner of the cage.

  I didn’t have time to react because before I knew it, he was on top of me pressing my face into the musky smelling mattress.

  “Darnel! What the fuck!” I tried to push him off me, but I was weak with exhaustion.

  “I know you gave that nigga some pussy. Even if you don’t love him, I know you gave him some of my pussy.”

  I didn’t bother protesting because Darnel had his mind made up. He wasn’t going to believe anything I said. And the funny thing about it was I hadn’t slept with Harris.

  He stopped pressing my head into the mattress so that he could unbutton my tan slacks. So this was it. I’d been expecting this. Every time he came back to check on me, I tried to mentally prepare myself for the time he would sexually violate me. Every time he unlocked the cage and walked inside, leering at me, I told myself this was the time. But he hadn’t and I’d allowed myself to think he wasn’t going to rape me after all. But now that he’d damn near ripped my slacks off me and yanked my panties to my knees, I felt stupid for ever thinking he’d have mercy on me.

  Darnel was yelling obscenities and cussing me out as he forced himself inside of me. I cried out in the pain that was physical and emotional. If I did survive this, I knew I would never be the same again. I tried to block out what he was doing, I tried to take my mind somewhere else, but no matter how hard I tried to focus on the wall in the back of the room, I couldn’t ignore the ripping feeling in between my legs.

  “Darnel, please…”

  “This is my pussy and you gave it to another nigga,” he said. “I can’t forgive you for that, Kesha.”

  I closed my eyes and was surprised when tears did not come.

  It felt like forever before he finally climbed off my back. He kicked me in my side and yelled, “Get yo ass up.”

  I didn’t bother moving. If he was going to kill me, he might as well get it over with, because I wasn’t moving from the floor.

  He kicked me again but I didn’t feel the pain. I’d gone numb as my will to live slowly diminished.

  “Fine, keep your funky ass on the floor.” I felt him pulling my panties and pants back up, but I didn’t bother opening my eyes until I heard him walk out of the cage and lock me inside once again.

  Charlie

  “What kind of cancer?” I finally allowed myself to ask.

  After Cher’s bombshell, I politely excused myself and walked out of the house to my car. Of course, Amir followed me but I couldn’t even look at him. I couldn’t get a grasp on all the emotions that were running through me. I fumbled inside of my purse for my car keys, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

  “Say, Charlie, don’t leave,” he’d said. His voice was flat and desperate but I didn’t look at him. I wouldn’t allow myself to.

  I finally found my car keys and jumped in my car. I stomped on the gas and was on the freeway in less than five minutes. As soon as I was on the tollway, I burst into tears. I cried for Amir, he didn’t deserve cancer. Hell, no one deserved cancer, but especially not Amir. I’d never known a man so kind, so loving, and so gentle. He deserved the world, because he’d brought color back into mine. But now, everything was turning black again. Black with despair and hopelessness.

  I’d made it home and climbed into my bed. I turned my phone off and cried myself to sleep. I hadn’t been able to sleep long because there was a thunderous knocking on my door. I knew it was Amir before I went to answer it. As soon as I did, he took one look at my puffy eyes and took me in his arms. He wiped the running mascara from m
y cheeks and kissed me with apologetic lips.

  Now here we were sitting in my living room, wrapped up in one another, staring at each other.

  “What kind of cancer?” I asked again.

  “Prostate.”

  “Prostate! How is that possible? You’re only thirty!”

  He sighed. “You tellin’ me. The odds are crazy for someone my age to have it, but it happens.”

  I swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry, Amir.”

  He chuckled, “What you sorry for? You didn’t give it to me.”

  I smiled at his humor but the smile didn’t help the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  “I’m good though. My doctor handling it. I mean, he a G when it come to this cancer shit. He got me on this treatment that has killed most of the cancer cells.”

  I felt something inside of my heart skip. I looked at him with widened eyes, “Really?”

  He smiled and rubbed my chin. “Yeah. But you didn’t give me a chance to tell you all that before you ran up outta’ my peoples’ house.”

  I dropped my eyes. I was embarrassed for my dramatic reaction, but when Cher dropped the cancer word, all I could think about was the patients Rick had lost. The patients he devoted his life to curing. He’d come home devastated when cancer claimed one of his patients’ lives and though I had empathy, I’d never grieved the way he had. Now, I understood. And with that understanding came an agony beyond words.

  I briefly ran what Amir had said about his doctor again in my mind. He sounded optimistic about the oncologist he now had, but I knew Rick was the best at what he did. If anyone could give Amir a fighting chance, it would be Rick.

  “You say you have a good oncologist?” I asked. I braced myself for what I was about to suggest.

  “Yeah, Charlie, he’s good. My whole family met em’ and they all say he gonna get me through this, cancer free. Mama said God brought him into my life.”

  I looked at him and there was so much faith in his eyes that I couldn’t doubt his doctor now. Maybe Miss Rosie was right, and who was I to suggest otherwise? So I swallowed the recommendation of Rick, and smiled back at him.