The Daughter He Wanted

by Kristina Knight

  “It’s okay,” she said, reassuring him.

  The three of them floated for a few minutes, meandering around the shallow end. Kaylie soon became interested in the little boats and returned to the steps to sit in the water and play. Alex took Paige’s hand.

  “I wasn’t paying attention, not to what was going on. How did I not see how frustrated and tired she was?”

  Paige squeezed his hand in hers. “She doesn’t let on when she’s tired. But in the end, nothing terrible happened. We took a break and we’ll try again another day. It isn’t a big deal.”

  “I won’t be one of those parents.” He said the words fiercely and steely determination glinted in his gaze. “I won’t be the dad who relives his own athletic achievements through his child. You have to check me on that.” He shook his head. “No, that isn’t fair, either. I’ll check myself. Check my expectations at the door and focus on encouraging her. Like you.”

  “That isn’t what she needs, though. I could probably stand a little of your intensity. You could use a little of my laid-back approach.” Paige looked to the shallow end and, seeing Kaylie was still occupied with her boats, kicked her feet to float on her back. She reached a noodle and flipped over, still floating but using the noodle to hold her weight. “We don’t have to mirror one another’s strengths. We have to be what she needs, and the kid has a talent for swimming.”

  Paige realized the words weren’t just a comfort for Alex, who kept a watchful eye on Kaylie and her toys. He thought not only that he’d overstepped, but that he might have put Kaylie in danger. He hadn’t. He wouldn’t. Paige didn’t need a crystal ball to tell her that; she only had to watch him with the little girl. Wearing Paige’s apron, playing silly breakfast games. Showing her over and over, patiently for the most part, how to use her hands to swim better. Alex would never put Kaylie in danger, not on purpose.

  He took another noodle and together they watched Kaylie in the shallow end, their legs tangling beneath the water from time to time. “I was thinking,” he said after a few minutes, “that you’re right about the barbecue. I’m not sure my in-laws are completely ready for this, but I think the sooner we all start interacting the better. If you still think it’s a good idea?”

  A shot of victory poured into Paige’s heart. Another step forward; just one step, but it seemed like a leap forward. She nodded. “I think it’s a great idea.”

  Alex spent the rest of day with them, treating them to hamburgers for lunch and helping Paige grill chicken for dinner. He didn’t try to kiss her again. Didn’t tease or taunt her the way he’d done in the pool, but that didn’t ease the tension Paige felt every time his hand brushed hers or she caught him watching her.

  Because he would kiss her. She would kiss him back. It was the best tension she had felt in a long, long time.

  * * *

  “CAN ALEX SLEEP over sometime? Like Auntie Alison does at Thanksgiving before we shop?” Kaylie asked when Paige pulled the covers over her at bedtime. “We could camp in the backyard. He has a tent,” she said hopefully.

  “Maybe.” If she couldn’t slow things down, Paige had a feeling he’d be sleeping over before Kaylie knew the truth about him. She might have promised to have an open and honest relationship with her daughter, but Paige wasn’t ready to let her know that Alex had come over to do more than just camp out in the backyard. “Sleep, sweetpea, we have a big day tomorrow.”

  Kaylie’s eyes drifted closed as she said her prayers, and when Paige turned out the light she turned onto her side, snuggling her favorite yellow bear to her.

  Alex sat on the sofa in the family room when she returned downstairs. He’d paused an old sitcom episode and patted the cushion beside him. Paige pulled two bottles of beer from the fridge, offered him one and then joined him.

  “Today was a fun day,” she said.

  “One of the best Saturdays I’ve spent in a long time.” He took a long pull from the beer but didn’t restart the show. “I’m sorry for overstepping at the pool.”

  Paige held up her hand. “We talked about this. Kaylie was fine—”

  “Not about her,” he interrupted, “about kissing you. I wanted to, but you were right. We have to be careful about what she sees for a while longer. She might not understand.”

  “It isn’t like I don’t want to kiss you,” Paige began. “It was more that I don’t know how to explain it all. Not you being her father. Not what it means when you kiss me. This is total uncharted territory for me because since she was born I’ve been on exactly two dates and both were friendly kinds of things.”

  “If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t been on a date in eight years. Not since before I was married.” His voice was quiet in the room and Paige caught another flash of emotion she couldn’t define on his handsome face.

  She turned her body so she could rest her elbow against the sofa back. Then tilted her head against her fist. “None?” She couldn’t imagine a man as good-looking as Alex had a hard time attracting women. Even if he wasn’t interested, wouldn’t they have tracked him?

  “There was one, but it wasn’t a date so much as an...an incident.”

  Paige’s eyes went wide. “You had a one-night stand.”

  Alex shifted uncomfortably. “After one of the rec leagues. She wanted to, and I didn’t not want to. But it wasn’t a date, and I never saw her after that.”

  “Are you apologizing to me for something you did before you ever met me?”

  “Not apologizing. Explaining, maybe. This is weird, talking about a one-night stand and not dating and my former wife with the woman I’m dating now.”

  Paige’s heart glowed at the words. “We’re dating?”

  “Yeah.” He raised his startled gaze to hers. “Aren’t we?”

  Smiling, Paige nodded. “I didn’t think we were defining it.”

  “I definitely think we should.” He leaned closer, until his words were a whisper against her cheek. Paige swayed forward.

  “And what is your definition?” she asked as his lips descended on hers.

  His mouth was hungry against hers, as if he might devour her. Which wasn’t far from the truth. The more he was around, the more Paige felt Alex destroyed all reasons to keep her distance. Right now, on the sofa with his lips on hers, with their knees touching through denim and his hands pressing on either side of her thighs, she didn’t care about their destination.

  She only cared about following the trail of his lips as they nibbled along hers, tasting and then following her jaw until he reached the sensitive spot behind her ear.

  Paige’s head fell back, and Alex pressed forward, his hands spanning her waist and his thumbs playing with the strip of skin between her jeans and tee. He shifted again and canned laughter poured into the room. Paige stiffened as Alex drew back. He breathed hard, just as she did. The look in his eyes was dangerous, as if by muting the television he might strike down the laughing viewers. Paige giggled. Alex hit the button to do so, then dropped the remote onto the coffee table and sighed.

  “I think I’m a little rusty at this.”

  “I think we’re both doing just fine,” she said. He put his arm around her shoulders and they were quiet for a moment. She couldn’t stop her next words. “What kind of dates did you go on with Deanna?”

  “Dinner, movies. A couple of random frat parties. The usual. We were married right after college, so I don’t have a lot of non-school-dating experience.”

  Paige needed more. Not blow-by-blow accounts of his life, and she didn’t want him to relive any of the horror that had to come with cancer treatments. But there had to be more between them if he’d been with exactly one woman since his wife’s death. “What kinds of movies did you like?”

  His hazel eyes shuttered and though he didn’t move away, she felt a chill in the room.

  “Oscar winners, mostly. I should get going,” he said. “We have a busy day tomorrow. Your parents, my in-laws.” He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead and slipped out the
back door.

  Paige watched the door for a long time, hoping he would come back so she could apologize. Alex had practically beat himself up with his apologies for pushing Kaylie too hard in the pool. It was her turn. A man didn’t kiss the way he did if he wasn’t interested, but obviously his feelings for his former wife were...still near the surface. She swallowed hard.

  He’d spent the entire day with them, dropping whatever plans he’d had for a Saturday to go swimming and have hamburgers. Not wanting to talk about the details of his life with his former wife didn’t mean anything.

  It was silly, worrying about his memories as if they were a human being he could touch.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  PAIGE WAS TOO busy Sunday morning to worry too much about her attraction to Alex and what it meant that he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—talk to her about his late wife. At the last minute, Alex had decided to invite his in-laws to the barbecue and they would arrive at noon.

  A weird, unsettled feeling had kept her up most of the night after he left so abruptly. Worry that he would change his mind or find that Paige was lacking compared to his wife made her so jittery she couldn’t paint.

  During their weekly phone call she thought briefly about telling her mother the whole truth about Alex, but Dot was on a tangent about a new curator at a minor gallery in St. Louis. This was not the time to mention Alex’s paternity, their developing romance or his steady relationship with Kaylie. Now she was glad she hadn’t talked about the date with Alex. One big change at a time, and finding out Kaylie had a father was a big enough change.

  Kaylie was in a mood and Alex would be here any second. The dress she’d worn the night of their first date caught her eye and for a second Paige considered wearing it. She liked the way the silk felt against her skin, how the color seemed to make her skin glow.

  A dress.

  To a family barbecue.

  She was losing it.

  Paige pushed the dress to the back of her closet before grabbing her favorite jeans and a pair of ballet flats, along with a side-tie blouse with pretty flowers along the hem.

  It was a family dinner. Not a big deal. Things like this happened every day. She would be thirty in less than two weeks, damn it. What was the big deal?

  Paige caught her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes a little too wide, her smile a little too dreamy. Her skin slightly pale because she hadn’t slept soundly in more than twenty-four hours.

  Alex was the big deal. They talked on the phone every night, he’d been on Skype with Kaylie on Friday and text-flirted with her through the week. She’d learned he loved sushi and Mexican food, professional baseball but not basketball and that he was slightly obsessed with Downton Abbey. Which seemed odd until she remembered how good he looked in her apron and wearing Kaylie’s hot-pink umbrella. Obviously Alex was a renaissance man.

  They had similar taste in music and movies and he’d teased her unmercifully when he learned she was the fan club president of a boy band in junior high. Paige had teased him about working out to a mix of Lady Gaga, Kid Rock and Van Halen, even though she found his taste in music endearing.

  Then there were those hot moments in the pool yesterday. That kiss on the sofa last night and his abrupt departure when she pushed him about the past.

  She poked her head into Kaylie’s room to find the little girl lying on her stomach on the floor with a mountain of Lalaloopsy dolls beside her. Nightgown flung across the bed, the clothes Paige had laid out still on the dresser, and she was wearing only her undies. She’s only four, Paige. She’s distracted by her dolls, not willfully disobeying you.

  Paige mentally repeated the phrase again as she reached for the little girl’s jeans and tee. Kaylie raised her hands over her head but fiddled with putting her arms through the armholes. She lost focus entirely when Paige handed her the jeans.

  “Kaylie, we have to get dressed. Alex will be here soon, and then everyone will be here for lunch.” Kaylie held the jeans by the cuffs as if she’d never seen a pair before and, exasperated, Paige grabbed the dolls from the little girl and tossed them across the room into the toy box. “No more dolls until you have your clothes on. Now get dressed and then come into the bathroom to brush your teeth.”

  Paige finished brushing her own teeth and ran a brush through her hair. “How’s it coming, Kaylie?”

  “They don’t fit!” Kaylie wailed, and then Paige heard tiny feet banging against the hardwood. She hurried down the hall to find Kaylie sitting on the floor, the legs of the jeans pulled to her knees while the waist puddled at her feet. Paige wanted to bang her head against the wall but she didn’t have time for a migraine, not today.

  Paige sat on the bed, pulled the upside-down jeans from her daughter’s chubby legs and held them the right way. “Step in, remember?”

  Kaylie smacked her forehead with her hand. “Silly Kaylie,” she said.

  “Yeah, goofy sweetpea. Come on, we’re going to be late to our own party.”

  The doorbell rang. Paige reminded Kaylie to brush her teeth and started downstairs. Alex stood at the door, wearing an athletic polo and jeans. Looking like he should be modeling for a sports gear magazine.

  “Hey, we’re running late,” she managed with just the tiniest catch in her throat.

  “You look beautiful,” Alex said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His hand lingered near her jaw before dropping back to his side. “About last night—”

  Paige waved a hand and talked over him, not wanting to hear whatever explanation he had about his past. It didn’t matter. Today was about Kaylie, about introducing both sets of grandparents. They could deal with the rest later.

  “Thank you. I couldn’t decide what to wear and then just grabbed the first things I could reach.” She couldn’t think of anything else to say and so just stood in the doorway as they both sized each other up.

  “Can I come in?” Alex finally asked.

  Paige’s brain finally kicked into gear. “Jeez, sorry, yes, yes. Come in.” She ushered him into the living room, where the painting of Kaylie’s daisy was almost finished. He stood before the easel, tracing his hands over the paint, lingering on the delicate brushstrokes of the flower. She’d added shadow to the painting and one night this week she planned to stretch it onto a nice frame and wrap it up. “Do you want a bottle of water? Some tea?”

  “I’m fine. This is really good, Paige.”

  She blushed beside him. “Thank you.” She thought so, too, but it pleased her that he liked the piece. She couldn’t wait to hang it in Kaylie’s room. Alex’s arm snaked over her shoulders and he squeezed her to his side. Paige rested her head against his shoulder for a moment, enjoying the sandalwood scent of him, the weight of his arm across her shoulders.

  The fact was he was in her house again and now she didn’t care that they were running behind. Because Alex was here.

  Which was silly. They’d had a single date, shared a few kisses.

  This wasn’t love. It was chemistry and attraction but—

  She barely knew the man. It wasn’t love.

  Still, she couldn’t bring herself to step away from him. She thought about him all the time, and not just in the daddy way. He brightened her day just by showing up. He was falling in love with her daughter.

  God, she loved him. God, what was going to happen?

  His lips brushed over the crown of her head and the glow within her intensified, coupled with a sinking feeling in her stomach. She loved him and he couldn’t tell her about his past.

  “Would you consider contributing a painting to one of the parks?”

  His words came out of nowhere and Paige blinked. She stepped away from him, automatically ready to tell him no. She didn’t need another person in her life pushing her into...

  Alex held up his hands. “The department is adding a couple of indoor nature areas, for school trips and things. I just thought one of your paintings might fit well in the entry area. You know, local places like the old barn or eve
n a lakeshore. I could give you the email address of the corporal who’s heading up the project, if you’re interested.”

  “Oh.” It wasn’t what she’d thought. He wasn’t pushing her work on other people. It wasn’t like with Dot, who used her money and contacts to try to get Paige’s art in major galleries. It sounded fun. Her fingers had itched to paint that old barn since Alex had sent her the photo. “I’d like that. Thank you.”

  “Alex!” Kaylie hopped off the bottom stair step and into the living room. “You know what?” She didn’t wait for him to guess, just plowed on ahead. “I forgot to tell you yesterday, at my lesson I swimmed across the pool and then turned around and came back. That’s a whole lap. I’ll swim it for you next time we go. And I’ll raise my arms up high.”

  “Cool, Kay,” he said, kneeling before the little girl and offering a high five. “Don’t worry about making them stiff and straight, just keep your hands in the right position, okay? If it’s okay with your mom, maybe I’ll come to your lesson this week and you can show me.” He shot Paige a glance and she nodded her assent.

  It was okay. It would be okay. She could handle being in love with Alex, could handle her daughter falling in love with him, too. She could share her parenting role and everything would be okay.

  It had to be okay.

  “Guess what?” Alex waited a beat and Kaylie’s eyes grew round like quarters. “One of the horses got skunked this week and we had to buy five hundred tomatoes to get him cleaned up.”

  “Ewww.” Kaylie wrinkled her nose. “Skunks are stinky. Why didn’t you use soap?”

  “Well, because soap only works a little bit, but the acid in tomatoes cuts through the smell.”

  Paige felt that odd tug in her chest again as she watched father and daughter talk about the cleaning benefits of tomatoes versus soap. She had a feeling Kaylie would ask for a tomato bath that night and mentally went through the contents of the crisper drawer in the fridge.

  Alex ruffled his hand over Kaylie’s hair and she took his hand, pulling him into the family room where her tablet lay on the sofa. Paige glanced at her watch. They could take a few minutes to play while she finished prepping the kabobs.