Make-Believe Marriage

by Ferreira, Dill

  – We're going to have to move on to the next level because he doesn’t stop looking at us. -Antônio spoke in hushed tones so as not to spoil that moment that was pleasing him so much and that asked for much, much more. He would need to contain himself not to get where his thoughts insisted on taking him. After a little control, Antônio kissed Amanda’s ear lightly and got away to search for her lips. The kiss started slow. Amanda looked surprised and embarrassed, but since she did any reject it, he deepened the touch. She half-opened her mouth to receive him and that had been the last barrier for Antonio to savor the sweet honey from the mouth he so much desired. Antonio's kiss was so hot, sweet and domineering as she'd never experienced before; it made her unresponsive, because her body was asking and her reasoning no longer had the domain she cultivated in that long time by herself. The kiss, even though it was tender, had been full of seduction and pleasure. The synchronized movements of the lips. The tongues involving each other in the hot and sensual touch. All that fled from what they were trying to represent, but none of them were prepared to see and maybe wouldn’t ever be. With the explosion back to normal Antônio reduced the intensity of the kiss not to scare Amanda away and she took the opportunity to pull herself together and moved away quietly.

  -You didn't have to be so convincing. -She said still gasping.

  -You agreed to let me make the decisions. -Antônio recalled smiling fondly.

  All right! I will try not to forget this – she answered yet unsure if she had made the right choice. As the magic was over, the two continued to dance until Amanda asked to leave, because she was tired and with a thousand thoughts in her head. They went again by Breno's table but he did not seem so courteous this time, as before. Amanda could guess the reason.

  When they were going home Amanda looked furtively to the driver. Antônio was very seductive that night. Although they had been friends for a long time they hardly ever had moments of very intimate contact, except for a kiss on the cheek when he arrived at her store. This could be the reason for her to be feeling bad about that sudden closeness between them. Upon arrival, Antônio was going to get out of the car to open the door for her when Amanda stopped him.

  - Don't bother, Antônio, I’ll do it myself — she mentioned by pressing the button. – Thank you for a lovely evening, we did a great job, worthy of professional actors. -She had hated herself for saying such words, but knew she would not think of something better after everything that had happened.

  -You’re welcome. - it was the only word he said in a low tone before she left and closed the door behind her giving him a slight bye.

  Amanda disappeared through the door. Antônio stood for a moment staring in the direction she had gone and his thoughts took him to Amanda’s apartment. He wondered how she would be reacting to that situation. He convinced himself that he was nothing more than a guarantee to achieve her freedom, or she, just like him, felt confused and eager to go a little further? Antônio wouldn't know the answer, not now. Starting the car he took leave of that magical moment and fled full of internal conflicts.

  Amanda opened the door of her apartment automatically. Her brain worked tirelessly seeking for response to what had happened earlier between her and Antonio. Those caresses that seemed necessary to his purposes were misaligning her mind. It wouldn't be easy to fake a relationship the way she was doing. The proximity was too much for her. The touches did not go unnoticed even if she wanted to. She would have to try harder to fulfill their agreement without creating any kind of carnal illusion with Antônio. Whenever possible she would need to remind her body that that man was not hers and never could relieve her anxiety and stress between four walls with him.

  Absentminded, she took long to realize that someone was knocking on her door. Believing it to be Antônio, who had forgotten to say something, Amanda opened without being sure of whom it was.

  – Breno! -She said surprised. She had seen him at the restaurant before they left and seemed willing to turn the night there. -What brings you here at this hour? she wanted to know.

  -I want to talk to you – he said getting in and closing the door. Breno seemed upset about something, but his pride was so huge that he attempted to disguise it at all cost, keeping his structure almost as impenetrable ice.

  -Couldn’t we talk in the morning? – She asked realizing he was more agitated than she had imagined.

  -What do you think you're doing? – Breno said roughly. -You're taking this game very seriously, don't you think? “What gives him the right to interfere in her life with such authority, as if she were his property”, Amanda thought in silence, observing Breno’s sullen face.

  -Of which joke are you talking about Breno? I don't know what you mean. -Amanda didn't understand what all the fuss was about. But she imagined the reason.

  -That little scene in the restaurant just a while back. – He explained without diverting his eyes from her.

  -I didn't see anything out of the ordinary there. I'm a single woman and I'm going to marry that man you saw today – she answered drily, because she had nothing to tell him.

  -You know that I want you back and that's why you're playing this little game with me. Want to get back at me for cheating on you. “Innocent”, she thought. “The only thing that she wanted in doing such an agreement was to get rid of that man who once had been her husband and that now meant nothing more to her.”, Amanda completed to herself listening to Breno’s drama.

  - I don’t know where you got this idea that I am playing games and that I intend to get even with you. She said. I have no time to lose with ungrounded stuff and I am surprised to see that you really don’t believe that I grant you such an importance. Amanda’s voice was so calm and sure that not even she could believe the sound she heard. Her wish was to expel him out the door along with his huge self-sufficiency and that superiority air that she once admired, to think it was something positive.

  – You know that I am sorry, that I won’t live without you. – “Even making such a statement, his voice was harsh and cold like ice. How could she not have seen this before?” she asked herself, looking at that man who looked increasingly strange to her.

  - Our story ended years ago Breno; there is no way for us to get back together; time heals almost everything, but it does not delete memories. – And she knew that these memories were quite alive in her mind, all the pains he had caused her, but this no longer mattered; she had left everything behind, including him.

  – I don’t believe in anything you say! – he exclaimed confident. – How do you expect me to believe you will get married if a few days ago you did not even have a boy friend? – Amanda was surprised, but already expected he had news from her; after all, there were relatives of his in town. – During all this time, you had nobody and now that I am back you kiss and make up with a guy anywhere. You have never been a flirt to me as you were to him today. – Amanda was agape hearing him say that. She would have acted as he said or was Breno only creating this in his sick mind?

  - Feel free to think what you want - said Amanda upset by having to live with that annoying situation of having an ex-husband bothering you all the time.

  - If you had been that way with me when we were together, maybe I would have never betrayed you. That woman I saw today exuding sensuality was not you, it was an actress trying to please her audience. - He joked. - Well, you managed to convince me, now I'm even more interested in taking back what belongs to me. - Amanda laughed a laugh worthy of charging for her performance. This is because in reality she did not feel like it.

  - I had no intention to please you – she added with a slight smile on her lips - I was there to please my escort and it was not you - she explained.

  - I know you well and you have never allowed yourself to be kissed like that in public. Am I wrong? - He asked.

  - The problem was not the place or me, it was you who generalized all and any act of affection - Amanda replied. - You never knew how to share a feeling without making it dirty let
alone learned to treat me with the respect with which I was treated today by Antônio.

  - Respect! - he mocked. - The guy stroked your neck and kissed you like a whore! You still want to put him at a higher level than mine, let’s face it Amanda! You must be out of your mind. "Who was he to talk about reasoning," she thought.

  - I do not think that our conversation will be useful to either one of us. - She completed, tired.

  - I say all this because I want you to see how foolish you have been acting. You do not have to behave this way to draw my attention my dear, I'm back. - "It is even impossible not to be angry and at the same time sorry for this man," concluded Amanda in her mind.

  - I do not know where you took all that from, but believe me Breno, I do not give a damn what you think. I have not been interested in you for quite some time and you need to realize that or you are the one who will start acting like a fool if you do not change your attitudes and accept that our marriage ended since that day I saw you with another at your parents’ home. - She said calmly, because she would not end her night as he had wanted to see her, bitterly.

  – Really? - He kept the same countenance. - We shall see, because I know in the end you will be mine again or lose our son - saying that he kissed her on the lips and left.

  Amanda leaned back on the couch and thought about the kiss she had exchanged with Antônio. It was not so ordinary a kiss as she preferred to believe, there was desire and it was not just on her part; he had also reciprocated. Antônio was a handsome man and since she had never seen him with a woman, like her, maybe he needed affection, which made them equal to react that way to a kiss exchanged and it would certainly not have that intensity if they are less needy. Certain of this conclusion, Amanda went to her room for some rest. All that would go away once they got used to perform in front of people.

  On Sunday, Amanda stayed home all day. She had given up going out with Antônio, she did need some rest and to review all about that arranged marriage, which, although it helped her a lot could also be a big problem for one of the parties or even both.

  At the end of the afternoon, Amanda had called her son to talk a little bit with him, but she mentioned nothing about his father and the child did not either, which made her feel relieved, since she did not want to sound hurt in her voice while talking about him to her son. And it would be hard to avoid that feeling toward Breno. So Lucas not mentioning his father was perfect for the moment; she thus protected her son from future heartaches. Because she was certain it had been difficult for the child when his father had abandoned him for months, as if he were not important in his life.

  Chapter VI

  – I don’t believe he said that! – snapped Carol when Amanda told her what had happened.

  - Breno believes I'm making him jealous and that sooner or later I’ll go back to him or have to live without my son - said Amanda as upset as at the time her ex-husband had given her the news.

  - Poor fellow! I feel sorry for men who use this type of despicable behavior to win a woman. That guy is really a jerk. - The girl seemed as upset as Amanda was. - When he knows that this relationship can gear up and turn into a beautiful wedding, he’ll have a surprise. - Carol said vindictively.

  - What? - Amanda asked raising her eyebrow. Then, after a little smile she chose to ignore her employee. It would be better that way! – I don’t know if I should do that – unburdened Amanda. – And if one of us fell in love during this scheme, what will happen? – she asked herself, undecided.

  – I think you should take that chance. – “Her assistant seemed crazier each day”, thought Amanda looking at the girl’s pretty face. And it won’t do you any good keep looking at me that way. – said Carol noticing that Amanda criticized her with her eyes.

  – I am not ready to surrender to a man. Although my body complains, my minds tells me to wait longer.

  – Amanda, no one has the right to stop her life on account an ill-fated relationship. You don’t deserve it; your life has been at a standstill for months - insisted Carol.

  – I haven’t had time to think about my love life. – She complained fearing to even think about it.

  – Of course you do. You have just made up that excuse and will take it to the last consequences - scolded Carol.

  – You are being cruel to me – complained Amanda.

  – A friend is never cruel if she means to take the friend from the bottom of a hole. – Those words did not agree with the girl Amanda new. – Sometimes we need to bury someone’s head, not to hurt her, as many might think, but rather to help this person build a ramp or a hill so that she can climb out of the hole where she is. – Amanda noticed her friend’s tenderness while she spoke. Carol looked at her very fondly.

  – Do you think I am in a hole? – asked Amanda touched by that revelation.

  – You are not in a hole, dear, but you have started building one for quite some time now. - Amanda knew that Carol was sincere, so she asked the question that she herself could answer.

  – Day before yesterday, I felt weird when he touched me. Even knowing that it was an act, I didn’t know what to think. You know I have not been with a man for some time now. – She let out absorbing everything she had heard.

  - So enjoy all you can and live a little, so you end with that abstinence and stop looking at this relationship only as a temporary game – said Carol softly, as she had been hard enough. - Believe Amanda! This physical frailty will only be in the way of your story. If you cure the hunger of your body, your reasoning will work better and may not create illusions where there are none - once again advised her confidant and employee.

  - I cannot do this with Antônio, Carol! He's a great friend and I love him that way - she emphasized. - She had always loved Antonio as a friend, but she was also aware that her needs would make her an easy prey for a man, especially being loving and good as she was.

  - There are many friends who have had an emotional involvement and now get along very well. You are not the exception if you make an attempt. In addition, if it fails, you can remain friends as usual - explained the girl determined to convince Amanda.

  - I would not know how to look at him the same way as before if we had a more intimate relationship – Amanda said to her friend.

  - Nonsense! This is more normal than you might think. People need to take chances, we sometimes think that love is far away and we puzzle over temporary affairs without realizing that love is right there - said Carol pointing at the street. - Other couples in turn realize the chemistry in time and begin a relationship that can work for the rest of their lives, and if it is not what they thought, they can still remain friends as before or perhaps even closer, because they know the weaknesses, qualities and faults of each other from a greater angle. - The girl was determined to help her friend see beyond her fear.

  - Let's leave it at that. - Amanda said. - We see ourselves as friends and so we will be until the end of this circus. - The assistant lowered her guard discouraged.

  - You do not know what you're missing! An experience doesn’t hurt anyone - concluded Carol going back to organizing a few pieces that she had shown to a client minutes before starting the conversation. Amanda watched her return to her activities and did the same. She needed to busy her mind with something or would go crazy enough to throw herself in Antônio's arms or give up everything and take the chance of losing her son, and still have to endure her ex-husband even closer.

  Days went by like the wind. Amanda and Antônio went out together often to make people believe their union. Breno sometimes showed up, but did not disturb her very much. On several occasions when Amanda and Antônio went out together they met friends that saluted them with joy and some even came to say that they had already expected for the wedding, because they were a cute couple, though they continued to insist that they were just friends. Upon hearing the comments, Amanda wondered where they got those ideas, what they did to lead people think that they could have a man and wife relationship. They saw s
omething that did not exist, or both were blinded by friendship and never realized the possibility of having a relationship beyond the brother-and-sister one? The lie they had come up with became increasingly complicated.

  It was on a cloudy night that Amanda got really worried about the direction that their relationship took. They were invited to go to a party thrown by some friends and at the insistence of Antônio she decided to go. The occasion was better than she could imagine. They made jokes with disputes between couples and Amanda found herself competing with all her strength on her victory and Antônio’s. Were it not for the great friendship they had, they could certainly try a more intimate relationship. But there was no room for that radical change in their lives. They would need to accept what had been donated by destiny and go on the best possible way.

  On certain occasions Antônio held her with possession when they talked with others. They exchanged caresses involuntarily as if those attitudes were constant in their relationship. They were playing the game and Amanda began to be more at ease to the point of feeling good with all that closeness they were having.

  It was late when they started to play slow songs and all couples, without exception, went to the dance floor. Amanda was already well acquainted with those people and did not care to go up to Antônio, who was across the room talking to a co-worker, to invite him to dance. When he saw her approaching, beautiful and unsure, Antônio felt his heart accelerate and had to be very careful because the end of that night could be memorable but destructive for them. When she touched his arm he stopped breathing for a moment that seemed like hours. Amanda smiled at him sweetly and they went together to the dance floor.