Tattoos: A Novel

by Denise Mathew

  The house was empty. Harold was at work and Mom was off at one of her ladies functions. She’d reduced the amount of things she attended when I’d first gotten home, but having her around all the time was weird. I practically begged her to start back up with her groups. She did put up a little fight, but I knew by the look on her face that she was more than happy to oblige.

  I went up to my room and sprawled on the bed. I gazed at my prom dress, hanging on the closet door. Jax and I had been together for a while and we had so many plans for the future, that I wondered if maybe it was all getting too serious for him. He wasn’t that old, maybe he still wanted to date other people.

  I sighed, rolling onto my back. I focused on the ceiling, searching my memories for a sensible reason for him to avoid me. In my heart I knew he wasn’t just busy, he was evading me.

  Nothing came. Other than asking him point blank, there was no way I was going to find out what was going on. I’d just have to wait until I saw him on prom night, and gauge what was up then.

  The next day I was so busy helping set up for prom, that I hadn’t thought about Jax as much as I normally would have. But every time I did think about him, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was planning to break up with me. A part of me even worried about if he was going to make it to prom. He hadn’t said anything that indicated he was going to bail on me, but that didn’t mean much because he’d become unpredictable.

  A few times I’d thought about dropping into Vinyl or the hospital when he was working. I’d always managed to talk myself out of it before I did. I didn’t want to come off like a stalker. I had to appreciate that he needed space no matter how much I hated it.

  I left school early on the day of the prom. I had a hair appointment then a manicure. The teachers didn’t seem to mind, seniors got away with a lot when it was so close to graduation. I guess they figured that you were in the homestretch and that soon you’d be released into the real world with real problems. Though for me going to college didn’t seem scary at all. I reasoned that if I could get through cancer then the rest was gravy. Jax hadn’t texted me all that day. A feeling of dread started to form as soon as I was back from my hair appointment. Unable to leave things swinging in the wind, I punched in Jax’s number.

  “Hello,” he said. His voice was groggy. I was sure he’d been asleep, which was odd since it was the middle of the day.

  “Hi Jax, just making sure that we’re on for tonight,” I said, trying to keep the panic that was simmering in my chest, out of my voice.

  “Oh yeah, everything is on.”

  There was a rustling sound and I was sure I heard a girl’s voice in the background then the phone was muffled. I was positive that Jax had put his hand over the receiver.

  “So I’ll be there around seven,” he said a moment later.

  “Yeah that’s good,” I tried to sound nonchalant, as if I wasn’t on the verge of tears. “Remember, I’ve got the limo since you got it last time,” I said.

  “Yeah, fine, see you then,” he said.

  “Bye,” I said, and hit the end button. I felt tears well up in my eyes, but I didn’t let myself cry. Jax was still going to the prom with me like he’d promised. That was something to be happy about, but somehow the feeling of foreboding that had lingered all week got a little worse. I wondered if tonight would be the end of us as a couple.

  “Oh Marilee you look so beautiful,” Mom said, pressing the palms of her hands together. She dabbed a sky blue tissue to her eyes. Her mascara was already smudged and her nose was a little red. I knew that the tears she was shedding right then were genuine, not fake on cue like they’d once been. I couldn’t forget that it had been a long road for her too. It felt good to finally have some normalcy in our lives.

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror, pleased with what I saw. I wasn’t being narcissistic, far from it. Being sick had stripped me to the bone, shown me that no matter what I looked like someone could still find me attractive. That didn’t mean I couldn’t appreciate when I actually looked good.

  My hair had grown long enough that the hairdresser had been able to give me hair extensions that went to the middle of my back. After he’d put them in he’d styled my hair in an up do, weaving tiny white babies breath flowers in the strands. Tendrils of soft curls framed my face. When I looked at myself in the mirror I felt a little like Cinderella, minus the evil stepsisters of course.

  Mom positioned the tiara on top of my head. I hadn’t known that she’d had it custom made for me until I’d dusted it off a few days back. Unlike most tiara’s that were costume jewelry this had real diamonds adorning it. The diamonds caught the light like only they could; the effect was stunning.

  “Here,” Mom said, passing me a small black velvet box.

  I took it from her and opened it. A pair of diamond stud earrings set in yellow gold sat in the box. I plucked one out and slipped it through my ear hole. The earrings were petite, the diamonds probably the smallest I’d ever seen in Mom’s collection. To me they seemed perfect.

  “They were mine when I was about your age. I saved all the money I could, to get them,” she said. A wistful expression crossed her face and it made me wonder what Mom had been like before she’d become the socialite, Luanne Lawrence.

  “They’re beautiful,” I said, putting the second earring on. I glanced into the mirror and smiled. I turned to Mom, wrapping my arms around her waist. I felt her arms encircle me, lingering there a little longer than normal. It felt good.

  “Thanks Mom,” I said, releasing my hold on her.

  Mom stepped back and shook her head. “I love you so much Marilee. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s too bad it took all these years for me to realize it.”

  “At least you finally did,” I said. I swallowed a few times, trying to ignore the tears that threatened to ruin my makeup, and the fact that she’d called me Marilee not Marilyn.

  “Jax is here,” Harold hollered from downstairs.

  My stomach did a few revolutions of excitement. Though he’d told me he was coming, there was still a part of me that didn’t expect him to show up.

  “Have the best time of your life,” Mom said. She stepped back, motioning for me to lead. I was surprised at how nervous I felt.

  I stepped out of my room and descended the stairs. I spotted Jax before he saw me. He was deep in conversation with Harold. I almost laughed at their contrasting physiques. Harold’s miniature frame made Jax appear to tower over him, like a father and his son. I covered my mouth to keep from releasing a giggle.

  The closer I got to Jax the more I took in. I hadn’t expected him to show up in a tuxedo since it was so far from his style. He hadn’t disappointed me. He wore sleek black leather pants that accentuated the lean muscles of his thighs. Beneath a black single breasted suit coat, he wore a white v-neck t-shirt. A maroon tie hung carelessly around his neck. Diamond studs, much like mine, sparkled in his ears. A tiny gold ball nose stud glimmered in his nose. His hair was perfectly windswept in a sexy way that would look messy on most guys. He’d let a light shadow of stubble remain on his face and it only added to his already edgy look. If I was being honest I didn’t really want to take him out in public. I knew that girls and guys alike would absolutely go crazy over him like I was.

  Just before I reached the bottom of the stairs he glanced up at me. His eyes seemed a deeper shade of blue and the exquisite bones of his face were more pronounced. I actually released a little gasp in response to the weight of his stare. I couldn’t help but question how I’d ever managed to get a boyfriend who looked like he did. Even more amazing though, was that unlike most gorgeous guys who were all up in themselves, Jax was modest. It was even more appealing to know that he was the kind of person who was as good on the inside as he looked on the exterior.

  Jax’s gaze seemed to sear into my soul. His expression said one thing; he liked what he saw. He shot me a sweet grin, as if nothing was weird. Like there had been no reason to stress all week, wo
ndering if he was going to kick me to the curb. And just like that, all my worries evaporated. I was determined to make it the best night of my life.

  “I think you’re about the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Jax said as soon as I’d reached the foyer. He took a step toward me, tenderly placing his hands at my waist. He leaned in and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. The scent of him washed over me. Musky and clean, with a hint of citrus, he smelled good enough to bite. Thankfully I controlled my urge. I didn’t think that Harold and Mom would have appreciated if I had nibbled on Jax’s neck right then. Later however would be a different story.

  “The limo is already out there,” Harold said.

  I nodded then linked my arm through Jax’s. I let my hand rest on the top of his, enjoying the feel of flesh on flesh.

  Jax reached into his pocket then turned toward me. He passed me a clear plastic box that contained nothing like I would have expected. Most people gave roses, or carnations sometimes even lilies. I’d never seen anything like what was in the box. Jax removed the top of the box, fishing out the delicate corsage that was made up of a tiny bunch of pea-sized cornflower blue blossoms with yellow centers. The bundle was tied with a pink ribbon that matched my dress perfectly. Attached to the base was a pink ribbon cuff. I extended my wrist to Jax, taken by the simple beauty of the arrangement. His fingers seemed too large for the delicate corsage, still he managed to get it fastened to my wrist without too much trouble.

  “It’s beautiful,” I whispered.

  For some reason looking at the corsage made me both happy and sad at the same time. I shook off the feelings and took the boutonniere from the steps where I’d laid it. The single red rose I’d picked for him wasn’t nearly as inspired as his corsage, but it managed to tie in perfectly with his dark suit and maroon tie.

  “This is a first,” he said with a shy grin. I smiled back unable to comprehend how perfect everything was. It wasn’t long ago that I hadn’t known Jax existed, now I didn’t think I could exist without him.

  “Don’t wait up,” I said, taking Jax’s hand in mine. He gave my fingers a light squeeze. The move was so natural that it made all the doubts I’d had just minutes before seem stupid.

  As Harold had said the limo was waiting for us. Jax opened the door for me even before the driver had a chance to. I smiled at the expression of shock the driver threw Jax’s way. When we were inside I snuggled into the crook of Jax’s arm, laying my head against his chest. I fingered the silver medal around his neck, then touched his exposed flesh at his jawline. He shivered in response. I brought my lips to the place where my fingers had just been.

  “If you keep that up we may never make it out of the limo,” Jax chided.

  I laughed. “Maybe that’s not such a bad idea.”

  He shook his head. “No Marilee, this is your night. I want it to be perfect, something you’ll never forget.”

  “To be honest just being with you is enough,” I murmured against his chest.

  His fingers grazed the bare skin of my shoulders. I trembled with longing. I could never get enough of Jax’s hands on my body. Much too soon we arrived at the school. The place was lit up like a football stadium. There were so many limo’s arriving that we had to cue up and wait our turn to get to the curb that led to the front entrance. I used the extra time to gather as many kisses from Jax as I could; he was only too happy to oblige.

  When we finally got our chance to get out, I knew my lipstick was smudged and my hair a little tousled, yet none of that mattered with Jax by my side. If he was nervous about going to a foreign place with a bunch of strangers it didn’t show. He strode forward as if he’d owned the place. I didn’t see any of my friends as we stepped through the front door, but I hadn’t really expected to see them until later anyway. I’d been invited to a pre-prom party at Courtney’s place but had refused, unwilling to share a moment of being with Jax with anyone else.

  “So this is your school,” Jax said as we walked down the corridor, lined with lockers and doors that led to classrooms.

  “Not for much longer,” I said.

  “It’s a lot different from the high school I went to,” he said, studying the oversized glassed-in trophy case. “A lot newer and bigger.”

  I didn’t know what to say in response. I knew that Jax had gone to school in the Strip. I shuddered to imagine how horrible it must have been for him, where metal detectors were positioned at every school entrance, and a police officer sat in their cruiser in front of the school all day. Rather than offer a flip response I diverted Jax’s attention, pointing at the massive wooden snowflake archway where a photographer was taking pictures.

  “Let’s get our picture done,” I said.

  “Sure.”

  Since quite a few people still hadn’t arrived there was no line up for the prom pictures. The photographer directed us to stand beneath the archway. Jax’s head just cleared the arch. In a move that I hadn’t expected, he scooped me up into his arms. He stared over at the photographer who seemed curious, but also game for what Jax was planning.

  “Can you take a picture when I kiss her?” Jax asked.

  The photographer shrugged and nodded. Moments later Jax kissed me deeply. Back before I’d gotten sick I would have been embarrassed at this very public display of affection, now I welcomed it. I didn’t know how long we stood there, locked in a kiss. We only stopped when someone behind us got our attention my clearing their throat, so loudly that it sounded like a motor idling.

  Jax put me down. We broke into laughter, then moved arm in arm into the gym. I gasped and Jax whistled as we took in the decorations. Despite it being June, the school gym had been transformed into a winter scene. Literally thousands of glittering snowflakes and dagger shaped icicles hung from the ceiling. I didn’t even want to think about how many hours it had taken to get them up there, or how many more it would take to get them back down.

  Round tables with silvery-white sparkling tablecloths were set up in the middle of the gym. Each table sat ten people, and had clear cylinder shaped vases filled with white birch twigs that had been sprayed with glitter. Huge murals of snow covered evergreens on a starry night, lined all the walls and gave the illusion of being surrounded by a forest. Artificial ficus trees that had been painted white were wrapped in strings of clear lights, and were positioned in a square around the dance floor. Within the tree perimeter, a live string quartet, all dressed in white suits, played soft and melodic music that was perfect for waltzing to. I knew that the quartet would later be replaced by a top forty band that had been booked long before. If not I might have pressed them to hire Jax’s band for the night.

  “They sure don’t go low key, do they?” Jax said, smirking.

  I shrugged. “What can I say, people take their prom’s seriously.

  “Why don’t we get a table?” I said.

  Jax nodded and we made our way to a table that was as far removed from the others as was possible. I knew that there would be other people joining us there, but for the time being I wanted to have Jax all to myself. It had seemed a lifetime since we’d been together even though it had only been a few days.

  My wish to be alone with Jax lasted all of thirty minutes before an entourage of my friends descended on us. I couldn’t help but see the envy in the eyes of a few of my friends, who had more times than I wanted to hear, told me that Jax was the best eye candy they’d ever seen. Not a few of them shamelessly goggled him, laughing a little louder than was necessary and flicking their hair in such an exaggerated way, that it was laughable.

  Jax seemed to take it all in stride. He kept my fingers tight in his grip. He even managed to get the guys to like him, despite the fact that all their dates, and my supposed girlfriends, were fawning over him like groupies. I couldn’t help but be ticked off at them for being such idiots. Jax must have noticed that I was less than impressed because just when I opened my mouth to tell Courtney off, he whisked me away to the dance floor.

  If I’d ever
worried that they wouldn’t have accepted him because he was from the Strip I was wrong. Jax was the perceived bad guy that most girls found irresistible. They’d all judged him by his edgy look, but nobody really had any idea who he was. Not like I did.

  With so many people in the gym it didn’t take long for the space to heat up. I was glad that my dress was strapless. Jax peeled off his jacket and as soon as he did my eyes went to his tattoos. I grazed my fingers across his arms, remembering every brush stroke I’d used to re-create his tattoos on canvases.

  “What are those from?” I asked, touching a Band Aid on the inside of his elbow. He had a matching strip on the opposite arm.

  “Nothing, just scratches,” he said with a wave of his hand as if it didn’t matter. I tried to say something else, but he grabbed my arm and guided me to the dance floor before I could. The music cued up and was too loud to talk over. When it slowed down to a waltz Jax wrapped me in his embrace. I all but forgot about his Band Aids.

  As we danced to the song Stay by Rihanna, Jax kept his hands at my waist, drawing me in so close that it took my breath away. He leaned in and planted a kiss just below my ear, then moved to the bare skin of my shoulder.

  “I love you more than anything in the world Marilee,” he murmured against my shoulder. It sent tingles through my whole body. Hearing Jax declare his love for me never failed to make me go weak in the knees, but this time it did something else too. It made the already uncertainty I’d tried to push away, grow. It didn’t help that there was a note of desperation in his tone, something I’d never heard in his voice before.

  “I love you too Jax. You’re the best part of everything in my life.”

  Jax drew in a long inhalation. He pressed his lips to my temple, remaining there for longer than normal. As much as he was trying to make everything seem casual, it didn’t quite ring true. I knew him well enough to sense that no matter how perfect the night felt, something was wrong.