The Arrangement

by Hilary Hamblin

  No, she told herself. That’s why he should never have taken the money. Evie, keep reminding yourself that money was always more important to him. He can’t lead you on and then drop you when a paycheck comes his way.

  Only a few other cars passed her on the road into town. She lifted up a tense but thankful prayer for one less stress. In her anger, she had not thought much about exactly what she was going to say when she saw Ben. She wasn’t sure she would be able to do anything besides spit on him.

  “But that’s not my way, either,” a voice inside her spoke. She tried to shake off the feeling. After two weeks of studying God’s Word, she knew he cared about her everyday actions. But she didn’t want to think about doing the right thing at this moment. She wanted to light into the man who pretended to love her, who broke her heart and left her for a stack of cash.

  “So what do I do, Lord? Turn the other cheek?” She spoke loudly and rashly.

  “You got it.” His answer filled her heart.

  “But I want to hurt him like he hurt me.” Her argument sounded weak. She knew she had not heard any audible voice of God, but his words from the Bible echoed in her soul. She wanted to stir up her anger again. She wanted to throw all the stuff he’d ever given her onto his lawn and then call the campus police to give him a ticket for littering. She didn’t want to be a fool. She didn’t want people to talk about how Ben pulled one over on her.

  “Don’t think about them. Think about me.”

  Her emotions continued to battle the echoes of God’s Word until she pulled into the driveway of Ben’s apartment. Her knees wobbled as she stepped from her car into the cool fall air. Uncertain of what she would say or do, she rang the bell.

  “What are you doing here?” asked Ben’s disheveled roommate who answered the door.

  “I’m here to see Ben,” she announced as she pushed past him and stomped into the living room, careful not to step on his bare toes. She stopped at the doorway. Ben jumped up from the couch where a woman with long dark hair attempted to straighten the wrinkles out of her sundress. Both wore a horrible shade of coral lipstick.

  “Evie, what are you doing here?” Ben’s eyes narrowed. He moved toward her to grab her elbow.

  Evie jumped from his reach and shoved a pillow from a nearby chair into his chest. “Who is she?” she demanded as she lifted her chin in the direction of the sundress-girl on the couch.

  “Does it matter? We broke up, remember?”

  “No, Ben, we didn’t break up. I told my parents all about our little plan this morning. And do you know what they told me?”

  “You did what?” he hissed.

  “They told me about the money.” She answered her own question, ignoring the alarm in Ben’s voice and raising her voice to make sure everyone in the apartment heard what she said.

  “Evie, don’t you know they just said that to convince you to really break up with me? Do you really think I’d take money in exchange for leaving you?” His eyes softened, and he tried again to reach out to her.

  “I didn’t tell you why they said they gave you the money,” she answered. His roommates were behind her, listening to their now public break-up. On the couch the unnamed girl shifted. Evie scanned the large bachelor pad. “You didn’t even have the good sense to spend their money on your education, did you?”

  Ben stared at her, refusing to break eye-contact.

  “You just paid for a bigger, nicer apartment. And then you bought that brand-new truck. You threw it away, like you threw me away. Well, you know what, Ben? We are over.”

  His roommates moved quickly out of her way as she turned on her heel and walked back through the door, not bothering to close it behind her. She laughed sarcastically as she walked past his new truck to her car and drove away. She never considered looking back. She had done what she needed to do and had no regrets. But the thoughts of how she had trusted Ben haunted her.

  Without thinking, she drove to the campus library. What would she say to Brooke? Would she know just by looking that Evie needed a friend? Lord, I need to talk to her. Please let her be here. Evie breathed the prayer as she opened the heavy glass door. She heard the whirr of the copy machine and the clicking of typing as she approached the reference desk.

  “Is Brooke working today?” she whispered.

  “I think she’s in the magazines,” a woman with mousy brown hair and large glasses directed her.

  “Thanks,” she tossed over her shoulder. As she walked down the first aisle she caught sight of a slender, dark-haired woman straightening the boxes of old publications. “Brooke?” Evie’s voice faltered.

  “Evie, what’s going on?” she asked before straightening one more box and turning to give Evie her full attention.

  “I wasn’t sure where else to go. I was hoping you would be here.”

  “I’m guessing that means you thought about our talk.”

  Evie nodded.

  Brooke checked her watch. “I’m due a break. Let me go clock out, and I’ll meet you in the coffee shop.”

  “Thanks.” Evie walked to the coffee shop at the back of the library and ordered an iced coffee. Last weekend students and alumni had packed the small coffee shop as they relived the game’s highlights hours after the final touchdown. On a weekday, students could be seen studying at the large tables and filtering in and out through the library as they picked up reference books. But today the emptiness echoed the feeling inside her.

  She did not even notice when Brooke arrived until she sat down across the table from Evie with her drink. Evie wondered why she felt so inclined to share everything with Brooke. Something about her old friend invited confidence.

  “I told my parents about Ben,” she stated simply as though that was all the conversation involved. She swallowed a lump in her throat and waited for Brooke’s reaction.

  “What did they say?”

  “They told me they paid him not to see me again several months ago.” The statement still shocked Evie just to say it. She sipped her drink without tasting any of it.

  Brooke blinked several times before speaking. “Wow. I…I don’t know what to say. What did you do?”

  “I packed my stuff and drove straight to Ben’s apartment.”

  “What did he say?”

  “Well, when he finished making out with the girl-of-the-week, he denied taking any money.” The returning anger caused her hands to shake slightly. She almost wished she had felt that angry when she was at Ben’s apartment. Maybe then she would have been able to do something besides walk away.

  “He had another girl over? When he’s supposed to still be dating you?” Brooke waited for Evie to nod. “I hope you really broke it off this time. You deserve someone who will treat you better than that.”

  “He acted like the girl was only part of the act to convince people we were broken up.” She shook her head in disbelief. “I told him it was really over this time and walked away.” She paused. “I didn’t know where else to go,” she pleaded.

  “Do you really believe your parents paid him to dump you?” Brooke asked quietly.

  Evie snorted. “He moved to a larger, nicer apartment with a much higher rent, and he bought a new truck. You tell me.” She picked up a napkin and dabbed at the condensation on the outside of her cup.

  “So what now?”

  Evie looked back at Brooke. “I don’t know. I had dinner with Eli last night, but he seems to think I’m going to need some time to deal with breaking up with Ben before we start dating. I think he was a little upset that I hadn’t actually broken up with Ben yet.”

  “You know, he’s probably right to be a little upset. You should have broken up with Ben first. I mean, how would you feel if someone invited you to dinner, only to tell you he still had a girlfriend?”

  “Point taken,” she mumbled. “He said to call him a day or so after I actually broke up with Ben, and we could talk about how I feel. I’m beginning to think maybe he doesn’t
want to date me.”

  “Does that really matter?” Brooke asked.

  “Of course it matters. I like him. I’ve never dated anyone as long as I dated Ben, and I broke up with him for Eli.” She plopped the now soggy napkin back onto the table.

  “So you wouldn’t have broken up with Ben—the guy who took money from your parents not to see you again and then didn’t tell you about it—anyway? Funny, I thought maybe you broke up with him because you knew he wasn’t God’s best for you,” Brooke mused.

  “Yeah, yeah.” Evie waved her hand. This whole trusting God and following him was turning out to be harder than she thought. What if Eli hadn’t been around? Would she have broken up with Ben anyway? Once she found out her parents paid him, yes. And she knew eventually that truth would have surfaced. So where would she be in that scenario? Alone? Trying to figure out where in the world to go from here?

  “Evie,” Brooke said gently, “figuring out what God wants for us isn’t always easy. We all struggle with that question over and over again. About the time we think we are on the right path, something will happen to make us question that path. Sometimes God wants to know we trust him. Give this some time. Keep praying and studying his Word. He’s given you direction to be a Christian in politics, so follow that and see where else He leads you.”

  “I just wish he would write out the plan and give it to me. I’m not very good at taking things day by day. I really like knowing what’s coming.”

  “I know.” Brooke smiled at Evie. “Me, too. But that’s what faith means.” She took a long sip of her drink. “I joined a new Bible study at the Christian center here on campus at the beginning of the semester. Why don’t you come with me Thursday night? Maybe being around other women who struggle with these same questions and studying the Bible together will give you a little encouragement.”

  “I don’t know, maybe.” Evie drank the last of her coffee as her stomach growled. “Thanks for letting me talk, Brooke. I needed it. Now I think I need some lunch.”

  Brooke looked at her watch. “Well, my break is over and I must get back to those magazines. You know, they don’t shelve themselves.” She snickered at her own joke.

  Evie smiled and shook her head. They both chunked their cups in a nearby trash can. “Think about the Bible study. I really think it might help.”

  “I will,” Evie promised.

  They walked back through the library and said good-bye. As she walked back to her car, she heard a few cars in the distance and the rustling of a nearby tree, but no other sounds penetrated the deserted campus. She felt numb.

  For the next hour Evie drove aimlessly around town. She tried to avert her eyes whenever she passed a place where she and Ben often studied or ate together. But when she passed the intramural softball field, where they shared their first kiss, the empty feeling stirred again.

  Not willing to relive any more memories like that one, she chose the shortest path back to the sorority house. Skipping the customary greetings, she rushed up the stairs and into her room. For hours she lay on her bed, staring into nothingness.

  Sometime midafternoon she drifted into a restless sleep.

  10

  )

  E

  vie pulled her hand away each time it touched the cool metal of her phone. For twenty minutes she willed the cell to ring. But she knew Eli would not call. He had specifically said she should call him, and they would talk about where to go next. She wanted to call him the night before, when she woke up from a two-hour nap and realized how her world had changed so completely in just one day. But Eli had asked her to wait until the day after she and Ben broke up to call.

  Evie flopped backward onto her bed with a groan. A solid wood frame on her nightstand caught her eye. With a shaky hand, she pulled the photo closer and traced around Ben’s face with her finger. One of her sorority sisters had taken the photo at homecoming last year. She hugged the frame to her body and allowed sorrowful tears to flow quietly down her cheeks. She felt no shaking sobs or uncontrolled screaming in her grief, only a silent ache for what might have been.

  Maybe she always knew she and Ben would never work out. He was so different from her family, or at least she thought he had been. But just because he did not come from a family with money did not mean money was not the focus of almost everything he did. He at least had that in common with her parents. She thought about what Eli had said about grieving the lost relationship with Ben and even the lost friendship with his family. Maybe she did need a little time.

  She got out of bed, then dug through mounds of dirty clothes in her closet to find the cardboard box from her new printer. She carefully placed the picture and frame into the box. Evie looked at herself in the chest mirror and pulled a necklace from where she had tucked it under her shirt. The heart-shaped pendant glittered with tiny diamonds.

  “I don’t have a fraternity pin to give you,” Ben had said the night he dropped the thin gold chain around her neck, “but you can wear this to show people you are mine.”

  The words sounded so sweet that day. She knew he had spent any extra money he had on what many of her friends would consider an inexpensive piece of jewelry, but that made it all the more special. She had worn it every day. Even when they had pretended to break up, she’d worn it under her clothes.

  “When did it become not enough to just have us?” she wondered aloud as she fingered the delicate chain. She removed it from her neck and gingerly placed it in the box as well.

  Next she collected the photos stuck in the mirror of her chest. One featured Evie and Ben dressed as Wilma and Fred Flintstone, including a bright red wig and a foam club. They had won the award for the best couple at the sorority’s annual spring costume contest. Wilma and Fred fluttered to the bottom of the box.

  Evie tossed more photos on top of the first one without pausing to remember the details of those dates. On the bed behind her lay her still silent phone. Her finger itched to dial the number she had now memorized, but her heart resisted the temptation. She wanted to have a clear head for her talk with Eli, and maybe, just maybe, she needed an excuse to give herself more time to work up the courage to call him.

  When she finished discarding all the photos on her dresser, she moved to her bookcase, where she removed a photo album documenting her relationship with Ben. The photo on the first page caught the couple hugging after her sorority’s intramural softball game. She could see the photo without ever opening the page. She closed her eyes and allowed the other images she knew the book contained to flow through her mind.

  Finally she set the now heavy box on the floor and tossed in several stuffed animals. Luckily Ben didn’t have an obsession with filling her room with teddy bears, but he did send her home with one from the county fair they attended one year. He’d won it after spending nearly twenty dollars playing fair games. And he made one especially for her to celebrate their first Valentine’s Day together.

  The phone jumped as Evie fell forward onto the mattress beside it. She wiped her palms on the spread before picking up the phone. Flexing her fingers, she began to dial. She barely heard the ring over the thump, thump, thump of her pulse in her ears.

  “Hello?” Eli’s voice rumbled an instant later.

  “Hi, Eli.”

  “Evie, how’d everything go?”

  “You would not believe it.” She rolled over onto her back and propped herself up with a couple of pillows. “When I told Mom and Dad about Ben, they told me that he accepted money from them months ago not to see me anymore.”

  “You’re kidding,” he replied.

  “I wish,” she muttered. “I kind of stormed out of the house and drove straight over to Ben’s.”

  “Made you pretty mad, huh?”

  “Are you kidding? I think God let there be some distance between us because he knew I’d kill Ben if I could get my hands on him right away.” Evie leaned up from her pillow prop and picked at a snag in the comforter.

&nb
sp; “Glad I wasn’t the one at the end of that drive. Do you want to talk about how all that went?”

  “Oh, it got better.” She paused for dramatic effect. “He was all hugged up on the couch with someone else.”

  “Oh…,” is all Eli said.

  Evie couldn’t tell if he didn’t know what else to say or he was merely playing it safe.

  “I told him it was over. He tried to tell me my parents made it up, but then I started thinking about some things that have happened over the last several months. Like Ben and his roommates moved into a really nice, much larger apartment. He doesn’t have the money for that. And a week or so ago, he bought a new truck.”

  “When you say he took money from them, you mean he took money from them,” Eli interpreted.

  “Yeah.” Evie snorted with disdain.

  What’s he thinking? she wondered as silence consumed the connection. What if he asks how I feel about this whole thing? She grinned and rolled her eyes. He’s a guy. He’s not going to ask how I feel. But how do I feel?

  She’d spent most of the day avoiding answering that question for herself. She and Ben had spent a lot of time apart the last several weeks, and she’d missed him less and less. She also knew he wasn’t the person with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life.

  But was Eli that person? She still had no answer for that question, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to find out.

  “Evie, you there?”

  Eli’s voice brought Evie back into the present. “Yeah, I’m here.”

  “You okay?” he asked gently.

  “I guess. It just didn’t go the way I thought it would.”

  “What did you expect to happen? Did you think he would chase you or call you and beg you to forget what happened?”