For All Time

by Angela Benson

  “Don’t I know it. When Elliot was first out of work, I kept trying to fix things, to make them better. I finally realized there was nothing I could fix. Life didn’t stop. I had to go on.” Gloria thought about her promotion. “That’s so easy to say. How do you do it? How do you share your professional accomplishments with him without making him feel bad about his situation?”

  “I learned the hard way. I can’t make Elliot feel bad. That’s something only he can do. I finally stopped caring for his feelings and started caring for my own. And guess what? It didn’t kill him.”

  “Then why does it feel like it will?”

  “It’s us. We have to take care of everybody’s feelings at the expense of our own. That doesn’t help the marriage. I found myself resenting Elliot and hating the sacrifices I was making.”

  Gloria nodded. She understood very well the things Marilyn was saying. “I got a promotion last week and I didn’t tell Josh.” The words surprised Gloria. She hadn’t planned to tell Marilyn.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Josh asked. He and Elliot stood in the doorway.

  Seven

  Josh closed the door behind Elliot and Marilyn. He didn’t know how he had made it through the evening. He couldn’t believe it. Gloria hadn’t told him about her promotion. What was happening to them? God, things were getting out of hand.

  “We need to talk,” Gloria said, interrupting his thoughts. She walked hesitantly toward the couch. “Shall we do it down here?”

  Now she wants to talk. “What’s there to talk about? Everything has already been said.” He knew he was being a bastard, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Congratulations again on your promotion. You deserved it.”

  Gloria sat on the couch, looking at her hands. “I wanted to tell you.” She looked up at him. “I tried to tell you.”

  Josh didn’t want to hear her excuses now. He wanted to get out of this room, out of her presence. Instead, he walked over and sat next to her on the couch. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He saw the tears forming in her eyes when she looked up at him. “I didn’t know how you’d take it,” she said.

  He looked away, not wanting to see her tears, wanting to hold on to his anger. “What’s that supposed to mean? You didn’t think I’d be happy for you?”

  “I had my doubts,” Gloria whispered.

  He jumped up from the couch and began pacing in front of her, careful not to look directly at her. “Doubts? You had doubts? Why didn’t you tell me how you were feeling? You’re a good actress. I thought things were good between us.”

  “They are.”

  He stopped pacing for a moment and stared at her. “The hell they are.” He shook his head and resumed pacing. “My wife gets a promotion and how do I find out about it? An overheard conversation with people we barely know. Things are definitely not good between us. What the hell is going on here, Gloria?”

  “Nothing is going on. I only found out about the promotion last week. I didn’t want to give you the news on the same day that you went to the unemployment office, so I put it off. And I kept putting it off. No time seemed like the right time. Portia kept after me to tell you and—”

  “Hold on a minute,” Josh interrupted. “Portia had to convince you to tell me? I don’t believe what I’m hearing.”

  “Listen to me, Josh,” Gloria pleaded. “I had planned to tell you the day I found out, but you were so happy about meeting Elliot. We were having such a good time. I didn’t want to risk bringing you down. My actions may have been wrong, but my intentions were sincere.”

  Josh never thought Gloria would ever deliberately do anything to hurt him, but she had hurt him tonight. It wasn’t only that she had kept the news of her promotion secret. It was the way he had found out. He had felt like a fool. Elliot probably thought him a fool.

  “Aren’t you going to say something?” Gloria asked when he didn’t respond.

  “I’ve said congratulations. What more do you want?”

  “I want to know how you feel. Talk to me.”

  Josh shook his head. “There’s nothing to talk about. I’m okay.” Josh stopped pacing and walked toward the kitchen, effectively ending the discussion. “I’d better do the dishes.”

  Gloria got up from the couch. “I’ll help.”

  Josh lifted a hand in her direction to stay her. He didn’t want her company right now. “There’s no need. I can do it. Why don’t you go to bed?”

  ***

  Gloria looked at the clock. Two o’clock and Josh still hadn’t come to bed. She had known he was angry, but she hadn’t known how angry. A part of her wanted to go down and talk to him, but another part, a larger part, saw no reason to beg for his forgiveness. She had apologized. He’d have to get over it. She was getting tired of Josh and his feelings. She had feelings too.

  She looked at the clock again. Two-oh-two. When was he coming up to bed? What was he doing? She was tempted to tiptoe downstairs and see. Maybe he was sleeping on the couch or in a guest room. She turned over on her stomach.

  ***

  Josh drank his second beer. He wasn’t going to get drunk, but he needed to relax. These incidents, fights, were happening on a regular basis. When will the arguing stop? he wondered. Will things ever get back to normal?

  Josh took the last swig of beer, crushing the can before throwing it into the garbage. He walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs. As he got closer to the bedroom door, he softened his steps. The door was open and he saw Gloria lying on her stomach. If she got any closer to the edge of the bed, she’d fall out, he thought. Even in her sleep, she pulls away from me. The hell with it. He took one last look at her and walked past the open door to one of the guest rooms.

  ***

  Gloria heard the water running in the shower. Not their shower, but the shower down the hall. At least he had spent the night at home. Not much, but these days she was thankful for anything she could get. Well, Josh might put it off, but he’d have to face her before he went to work. All his clothes were in their bedroom closet. Gloria shook her head at the direction her thoughts were taking. Would she ever get used to it? Josh wasn’t going to work today. She had no idea what he planned to do. She hoped he’d look for work. She hoped he’d find another job. A good job. They needed some good news.

  She heard the water go off in the shower. A little while later, she heard the sound of Josh’s footsteps coming down the hall. When he walked through the bedroom door, she was amazed at her reaction to him. God, her husband was an attractive man. The towel he wore this morning showed off his narrow waist and broad shoulders. His legs, strong like a swimmer’s legs, weren’t bad either. No, Josh Martin was an excellent physical specimen.

  Josh lifted a brow in her direction and she knew he knew where her thoughts were. Their physical attraction to each other was never something they denied. Far from it. They celebrated it. Often. The physical side of their marriage was strong. Or it had been. Even though she hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it, even that had changed. They still aroused each other, but their lovemaking had taken on a desperate tone as if it were the only thing that held them together. Yet it wasn’t working. Instead of bringing them closer, it amplified their distance. She wondered if Josh felt it too. Now was not the time to ask, though. She wondered how to play the morning—should she bring up last night or wait for him to make a move?

  “I’m going to visit Walter,” he said. Turning to look at her, he added, “We can use some time apart.”

  Maybe he was right. “So you’re running away. We need to talk. Your leaving won’t help.”

  “It’ll help me. I’m going because I need to go. Seeing Walter will do me good.” He pulled a suitcase from the closet. “He may even be able to help me with a job.”

  She couldn’t believe it. “In California? A job in California? I thought we decided you’d limit your search to the Atlanta area.”

  He began pulling clothes from the closet. “Not we. Yo
u. I knew I had to keep my options open. I’ve looked. There’s nothing for me here in Atlanta. I’m reduced to unemployment. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?”

  Before she could answer, he continued. “I need to feel like a man again, Gloria. I’m losing my edge. I’ve got to get it back before it’s too late. For us. For me.”

  “California isn’t the answer. Don’t give up yet.”

  With the suitcase packed, Josh dropped the towel he was wearing and began to get dressed. “My flight leaves at ten.”

  She recognized that tone. There was nothing she could say to change his mind. “Does Walter even know you’re coming?”

  “I called him last night.”

  She should have known Walter would welcome Josh on a moment’s notice. He would love for Josh to move back out there. “How long will you be gone?”

  “At least a week.”

  She was surprised at the length of the trip, though she shouldn’t have been, given the amount of clothing he had packed. “Does Walter already have an interview lined up for you?”

  Josh looked at her from the mirror as he straightened his tie. “A couple.”

  “You’ve already decided, haven’t you, Josh? If they make you an offer, you’re going to take the job.”

  “I don’t see that I have any choice. Unless you know something that I don’t.”

  “What about me, Josh? I just got promoted.”

  “They have banks in San Francisco. You could find something.”

  Something. Sure she could find something. But she didn’t want something. She wanted what she had. “That’s your answer—I’ll find something?”

  He turned to look directly at her for the first time since he had heard about the promotion. “I don’t want to fight about this. I’m going to California to see Walter and to check out some job possibilities. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  ***

  “You’re coming, aren’t you?”

  Gloria opened her eyes. The sauna was so relaxing that she had almost fallen asleep. “I’m sorry, Portia, I was a million miles away. What were you saying?”

  “The party next weekend. You and Josh are coming, right?”

  Gloria didn’t feel like a party right now and she had no idea what Josh would think. “I’ll have to see what Josh says.”

  “Well, I’m not taking no for an answer. We deserve a celebration for our promotions and we’re going to have it.”

  “I don’t even know if Josh will be back by next week,” Gloria said. “He may decide to stay longer in California.”

  Portia would not be put off. “You’ll just have to call him and tell him to get his butt back here. I’m not kidding, Gloria. You have to be there. This party is for you, too.”

  Gloria looked at her friend in the multicolored, striped towel and smiled. Portia had done it again. She’d made Gloria feel good about herself. “We’ll be there.”

  “That’s more like it. This party might light a fire under Josh. Remind him what a treasure you are.”

  Gloria laughed outright then. “And just how are you going to do that?”

  “I won’t have to do anything. Foster will do it all by himself.” Portia nodded. “That should knock some sense into Josh.”

  Gloria knew Foster would attend the party. And she knew that he would flirt with her. “There was never anything between Foster and me and Josh knows that.”

  “Yeah, he may know it, but when he sees Foster mooning after you like some star-struck teenager, he’ll wise up. Nothing like a little territorial struggle to get a man back in line.”

  Gloria wasn’t too sure she agreed with Portia’s thinking, but she didn’t feel up to debating. Portia was giving a party, and if her other parties were any indication, it would be great. “Do you need me to do something for the party?”

  “Do?” Portia laughed as if that was an outrageous idea. “I’ve already called the caterers and everything is taken care of. The only thing you have to do is find a dress that’ll knock both Foster and Josh off their feet.” With a twinkle in her eye, she added, “I have a new outfit myself and I can’t wait to see what you think of it.”

  ***

  Josh’s flight didn’t get in until two hours before the party. He rushed home from the airport and dressed quickly. Gloria took his breath away when he saw her in the black thing. He wasn’t sure he should call it a dress. There didn’t seem to be that much to it. It was cut square across the top of her breasts, just high enough to make you wonder if you would get a glimpse of heaven if you looked down at her. It hugged her body from her breasts to just above her knees, showing off every perfect curve. Then there was the back, or where the back was supposed to be. The spaghetti straps led to a balloon-looking drape that fell in swirls at her waist. No way was she wearing a bra with that dress.

  Not that she needed one. No, Gloria had firm, round breasts. They jiggled when she walked and her nipples jutted out when she was aroused. God, Josh was aroused just watching her put the finishing touches on her make-up.

  She turned around to face him. “Are you ready? We’re running . . . ah . . . late.”

  He knew she saw his arousal as her own arousal shone in her eyes. “We could be later,” he said, with a casualness he didn’t feel.

  Gloria couldn’t seem to pull her eyes away from him. Her tongue slipped out to moisten her lips, damaging the lipstick line that she had so patiently constructed.

  He walked over to her and bent his head to kiss her. “Since you started it, I’ll finish it.” At her puzzled look, he added, “Your lipstick. You started removing it. I’ll take the rest of it off and then you can reapply it.”

  Josh kissed her then and he felt some of the tension between them fall away. He hadn’t told her about his trip to California and he knew she was worried, though he couldn’t tell it by her kiss. She had given him what he wanted in that kiss.

  Her eyes were glazed when he pulled away from her. In them, he saw desire and love. That made him happy. “Let’s talk when we get back tonight. We have a lot to talk about.”

  ***

  Gloria didn’t know what had happened in California, but the trip had done Josh a world of good. She liked him like this, but she didn’t want to think what a job in California would mean. Somehow they’d work it out, but not now. Now she just wanted to enjoy the evening. She looked around for Portia, who was conspicuous by her absence. It wasn’t like her to be out of the action. She was a world-class hostess and saw to each of her guests, but Gloria hadn’t seen her tonight. She had asked Dexter about her, but he had only said she was “around somewhere.”

  Gloria turned and finally saw the face she had been looking for. Portia was coming through the patio doors. She looked different somehow. What was it? she wondered. Her dress. That’s it. Why was Portia wearing that shapeless dress? It wasn’t her style at all. Typically, Portia’s dress made Gloria’s look like schoolmarm attire. Gloria remembered Josh’s reaction to her dress and smiled. He certainly hadn’t been thinking “school- marm.”

  Portia walked up to Gloria and took her arm, but before Gloria could say anything to her, Dexter swished Portia away and moved to the center of the crowd. He tapped fork to glass to get everyone’s attention. “Tonight we’re celebrating Gloria’s and Portia’s promotions. So let’s drink to the ladies of the night.” Gloria saw Foster Dixon lift a glass in her direction and wink, all the while wearing the biggest grin.

  “That guy needs to get his own woman. He’s been making eyes at you all night.”

  Gloria hadn’t known Josh was nearby until he spoke. His words sent a shiver down her spine. “Jealous?”

  Josh placed a possessive arm around her waist and lifted his glass to her. They drank together, never losing eye contact, thinking of the way this night would end.

  They were brought back to the present when Dexter spoke again. “We have a second item to celebrate tonight.” He hugged Portia to him. “We’re pregn
ant.”

  Everyone in the room seemed to flock to Dexter and Portia. Everyone but Gloria and Josh. Gloria felt Josh’s arm drop from her waist and she knew he was thinking what she was thinking— if things had worked according to their plan, she’d be pregnant now, too.

  Realizing she hadn’t congratulated her best friend, Gloria walked away from Josh and moved through the crowd to get to Portia.

  She had tears in her eyes but she was genuinely happy for her friend. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Portia had tears now. “Dexter made me promise that I wouldn’t. He wanted to make the announcement. We only found out two weeks ago. I’m three months along.” Portia pulled back from Gloria and turned around slowly, holding out the flared skirt of her dress. “How do you like it?”

  Gloria laughed. “Oh, Portia. That’s it. You’re wearing a maternity dress. It’s beautiful.”

  Portia lifted a questioning brow. “Not exactly my style, though, is it?”

  “It’s not that bad.”

  “I don’t know, girl. I may have to start my own line. But I couldn’t resist wearing it tonight. I’m not showing or anything but I had to wear this dress.”

  Gloria knew exactly what Portia meant. Wearing that dress made her pregnancy real and announced it to the world. Portia was having a baby.

  ***

  “How was the trip?” Gloria asked, after a quiet ride home. It seemed Portia and Dexter’s announcement had taken the shine off her and Josh’s evening.

  “I didn’t turn up anything concrete, but I did get some leads.”

  “That’s good,” Gloria answered as she slipped off her dress.

  Josh wondered if she’d even heard what he’d said. From the lazy way she was undressing, he knew her thoughts were far away. He had a good idea where her thoughts were. She was thinking about the baby. Not Dexter’s and Portia’s baby. No, Gloria was thinking about their baby. The baby they didn’t have. More than anything, that showed how much his job loss had changed the course of their lives. He might as well bring it up. “That’s good news for Portia and Dexter, isn’t it?”