Her Online Addiction

by Ruby McQueen

  Also, in my office is Demon hell spawn, Loman Flemming, Ugh! Fuck-wit and boss greasing extraordinaire! He is 5’9” normal build, although not in great physical shape, not exactly overweight. He does some sports and seems particular about what he eats, but there is something fundamentally unattractive about him, more than skin deep! He is 27 and has curly red-brown hair, which is receding slightly, which we cannot mention, otherwise he gets upset! He is not fat but has no muscle to speak of. He turned his back on his so-called high school mates who gave him “Poof” as a nickname. We laughed so hard when we found out!

  Add to the mix that Loman as a child wore face braces for his teeth, imagine our astonishment! I thought it was only something you saw in the movies. Nope, actual face braces, one of those outside of your head numbers! He had to go home from school at lunch time to brush his teeth. Problem was, he would return to school with white toothpaste residue around his mouth from being too lazy to rinse, I guess. Apparently one of the kids accused him of eating bird shit, and bird-shit-lips also became a nickname. One we’ve capitalised on. But it gets worse! How you say? Well, he had to wear callipers on his legs to realign his knocked knees which would trip him up when he ran. Fucking hysterical! You just can imagine, can’t you? This poor knock-kneed- face brace- poof- ginger- falling over whenever he ran anywhere who also ate bird shit! How we ended up with this arrogant, self-righteous, insufferable master of fuck-wittery, I’ll never know! If not for that I guess I’d feel sorry for him.

  I’m positively certain he is in love with Aly-B, much to her disgust, there seem to be failed attempts at flirtation, which is somewhat tragic, as he is in an on again off again relationship with Evangeline. Apparently, he was a virgin until he was 22, not surprisingly. Spend a day with him, and you’ll soon get why. He is totally punching above his weight there, so he needs to propose to her and double-quick, since we don’t believe he will ever get a girl again. He once took 6 months to pluck up the courage to ask out a check-out-chick, who turned him down and so he then changed where he shopped! But he has been with Evangeline a while now, and constantly bitches up a storm about her at work. It gets old quick. And really most stories he tells, he seems the instigator of conflict anyway, you can’t tell him though or else you’re “picking on him”. The thing that really pissed me off was having to hear about what cruel things he did and said about her pet dog, whom he hates, I don’t care, to me if you hurt an animal out of jealousy, you are the worst type of scum! I hate his face and wish he would leave. He is caught between Evangeline’s supposed possessiveness and his work hours conflicting with his time with her. She apparently makes his life difficult and then he takes it out on us or tries to. He is even newer than me, and slightly incompetent at his job, he does the finance accounts for construction of new commercial buildings, for which are financed in stages. It’s his job to keep track of the builder’s invoices and costings on jobs we finance so that the next stage of build income is released.

  Dealing directly with the builders and investors can be painful but made more some by his lack of organisation skills and nasty ego issues. He makes my skin crawl, and we have exchanged words way more than once! He is constantly nose to Boss’ ass, trying to ensure a friendship to solidify his position in the company. Come on Eldon, wake up and smell the roses! Loman really has no friends; he is arrogant and rubs people the wrong way with his limited people skills. He is head barely above water with his work, so he is constantly stressed and snappy at us as he cracks under the pressure of Eldon, who has a notorious bad temper. His moods give us whiplash!

  Then we have Jocelyn Kane, total sweetie, a bit lacking in personality, but with so many strong personality types already in the mix, it’s probably just as well. She is Eldon’s personal assistant.

  She organises his paperwork and files, as well as manage his time and appointments. She has one foot in our office where her desk is, and one foot in the Dragons Den! Poor girl, but she seems to handle it well enough. She also has to go between Eldon and his Father in the Investment sector. Apparently, she has a good rapport with old Mr Finch which is probably just as well. He is old fashioned, and she seems sweet enough to do well in that situation. I really like her, but she is more of a colleague than outside of work friend.

  There are two other people who work closely with us, but who are technically under the Investments side. Levi Hetfield, total god! Aly-B and I drool our asses off whenever he has to come to our office. He smells the sexiest of any man I have ever been around. He could get you drunk from his scent and have you following him everywhere like he’s the pied piper of vagina. In fact, the smell alone was probably enough for any woman to wet her panties. And he ticks all my boxes. Deliciously tall, 6’4”, muscles chiselled out buy Zeus himself! It’s almost a shame to cover it up with his suits, but damn he’s gorgeous in a suit. Dark brown hair, long enough to be styled with gel, yet sleek, man I’ve had thoughts of digging my hands through that hair! He has piercing blue eyes; I would eagerly swim and get lost in.

  He is also intelligent and whity, has an edge of cheeky about him, and I’m sure he is able to get people to invest without breaking a sweat. He is uber cool under pressure, always in control always organised, the complete opposite to Loman. And doesn’t Loman know it. Don’t even bother whipping it out to enter a pissing contest little fella, you just aren’t worthy! Seeing the ugly green monster come sprinting across Loman’s face when he sees Levi approaching our office and chatting us girls up, Priceless! Hearing him complain about how we are pathetic while we bask in the afterglow of his visits and the lingering scent, satisfying! He tells us Levi wears perfume and is gay, that his odour makes him sick, whatever, we don’t care, both Aly-B and I would rock a fake cock to get a glimpse of that guy naked in the gym showers, oh you better believe it! Alyssa says she would leave her hubby for Levi, which I know she wouldn’t. She has only been married 12 months, and at only 23, she has been with Brian Brooks it seems like forever. They are a totally cute couple. Because of that, I jokingly have dibs on Levi. We are having an affair already; he just doesn’t know it yet!

  Then in Investments running front of house is Kamryn Alexander. Evil bitch troll. And totally goo-goo eyes for Levi, although in her defence, that is his effect on most women and probably men. She is seriously perusing him though, we all know, and she has been able to get a few dates with him to minor work events, though rumour has it she didn’t score, she likes to have us believe she did. She is delicate, curvy and petite at only 5’3” with striking, flowing, long dark red hair that is so long it’s almost to her ass. She has porcelain pale skin, and you can tell she is much more high maintenance most other women. She always looks impeccable in her dress suits. But for her amazing good looks, her polished style and warm amber eyes, she is unfriendly and a snob. And we haven’t decided yet who she loves more, Levi or her own reflection. It’s up for debate, anyway. She seems the type to chase money, I’m sure she would dump Levi in the dust if Bill Gates came along, she seems superficial, and we try to guess what plastic surgery we think she has had done.

  Also working for both companies is Paige Worthington, head of PR and Advertising. We don’t have that much to do with her, as her work is away from the office mostly, but she is nice enough, also pretty, almost my height, she is mid blonde with a high end bob and bangs, very sophisticated, has a slight British accent of some type, very plum-in-the-mouth, and Daddy sent her to all the best schools. Also, very petite for her height, no real curves. More understated than Kamryn, but no less attractive. She talks fast and comes across bossy at times, but in a non-offensive way.

  It’s a weird mix of personalities in some ways, and there are many other offices with Brokers around, but no one else we have to interact with in our immediate vicinity.

  Eldon and I got into a yelling match which he started, and in response I couldn’t contain my temper. It wasn’t good. I’ve never had any real issue with him before, and when I was hired, I was brutally honest about my temper
ament. Straight up, honest, won’t take any shit. Throw in thick-skinned and hardworking, pride in my work, an ideas person with creative solutions to problems. I remember him being happy I wasn’t thin-skinned and a sensitive break into tears type. I had been warned prior to working there he could be somewhat volatile at times and could swear with the best of them. Oh yes, even corporate types have pitfalls in personality behind closed doors.

  We are going through a lot of changes in internal structuring due to outgrowing our previous models with payroll, supers and policy and procedures which are all my areas. I’m the one drafting all the personnel manuals etc. Which I am well equipped to do but strike me down if Eldon doesn’t talk in circles sometimes when he’s stressed. His concentration and comprehension seem hindered after a certain amount of stress, and we all know to avoid him as much as we can. Thursday was one of those days. He had already been yelling at staff in his office, and we could all hear it. Loud! I had a poorly timed meeting in which I explained where I was up to in implementation of payroll changes. Everything was fine until and employee rang up and complained about the payroll structures. No problems, people often rang bitching at payroll about pays, they were almost always incorrect, I took great pride in my work, and the error was almost always theirs! The odd time I made a mistake I would see Eldon and immediately ‘fess. Then return to my office and sulk like a little child. Aly-B thought it was funny as shit, she would rib me over it and the fact I would be pouting. Bitch. I loved it though. Bitch in a good way. But this was a misunderstanding sparked by an employee not really comprehending the changes and going off half cocked.

  Eldon rings me up from his car on the way to a meeting saying I didn’t follow his directions on new payroll procedures. It was straight up bullshit, I got him to confirm it in writing, but because he was already stressed and flustered, a simple misunderstanding turned into him yelling and swearing down the phone. I presented options, he picked, and I followed his choice through. Boy I was pissed. I eventually scream down the phone “Stop fucking yelling, Eldon, you’ve got it all wrong! Just Listen, I’ll explain...” more than once before he slams the phone down and hangs up on me. For fuck sakes! I just yelled and swore at my boss.

  Next, I had Loman saying I should be sacked, and I was out of line for speaking to the boss that way. The office was silent, no doubt as people were trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Eldon yelling at Loman was a common occurrence, me? Never. The air was tense.

  “Mind your own fucking business, Loman! You’re flat out doing your own work let alone sticking your nose in mine! You didn’t hear but one side of that conversation, you don’t know shit!” I snap at him half yelling-half snarling, trying to calm myself down. I can’t cop to something I didn’t do.

  “You made it everyone’s business by screaming. You deserve the sack after that outburst. I would never speak to the boss that way,” Loman rebuffs smugly which makes my anger build again.

  I point my finger at him and in a glare through absolute hostility and warn him “Keep going you fucking nit-wit, cos I’m in just the right mood to rearrange your shit-eating grin free of charge, or staple it shut permanently which would infinitely improve our environmental odour one thousand-million percent!”

  “Scream at your boss, threaten your superior, I’ll be personally requesting that you are fired,” he wobbles out, just fuelling my rage further.

  “Superior?! That’s you getting your wet dreams mixed up with reality! I’m here on merit, you’re here thanks to ass licking abilities, you’re borderline incompetent, so back the fuck up mouth breather before I push to have you relocated,” I am almost shocked at how aggressive I sound, but I feel the adrenaline surging in my veins and hide my shaking hands, boy did that light my fuse fast as fuck! He glares at me for a moment before going back to his computer.

  “I’d shut up Bird-shit-lips, if you know what’s good for you,” Aly-B adds, trying to restrain her laughter. He snorts with disgust at the name, but he really does encroach on her personal space, tries to boss her and intimidate her with getting her sacked, not to mention he’s creepy, tells her how he has dreams about them being together, goes on about his sex life, ICK! I know she’s delighted I just roasted him. He says one more thing and I’ll be letting him know sexual harassment in the workplace is frowned upon.

  I sit back down behind my desk and open a spreadsheet on my computer and go back to my work. I can hear Alyssa giggling and trying hard to keep it under her breath still. That little effort might be the highlight of the week, and we would no doubt gossip about what a little bitch-boy he was later. He would normally run straight to Eldon and report us, so we try to not openly castrate him verbally. However, he is scared of Eldon’s temper antics, and cries when he gets his ass chewed. No way would he risk dobbing me in while the boss is in a bad mood.

  Seconds later my phone rings.

  “Good morning, Finch Finance, payroll, Trinity-” I get cut off.

  “Trinity, it's Eldon. Look, this is what we are going to do-” I can tell from how slowly he’s speaking, he’s making a monumental effort to sound calm and constrained; Trying not to wave the red flag in front of the bull.

  I mirror his control and calmly say, “No problems, I will have it ready for you to look at when you get back,” I can do this. I feel badly about our altercation now, although I maintain my innocence.

  Sometime later Eldon gets back into the office and pages me in. I give Aly-B a look of here goes, and she winks and gives me a good luck nod. I enter the Dragons Den, my head held high, unintimidated, ready to deal with what happened, we are adults after all, we can sort this out, I hope. He looks up at me and is trying to be soft and approachable. I think he feels sorry. We’ve never butt heads before this.

  “Look, Trinity, I am having a hard time adjusting to some of these changes. I’m not sleeping, and I’ve never had to deal with these issues before. I’m flat out and-” he says as a way of explanation. I hold my hand up to interrupt and say “Look, it's fine. I’m here to make your life easier, not harder. I will do whatever you want and whatever you need, you’re the boss man. But you need to be clear about what that is. If you don’t know, simply tell me, and we will go from there.” I reassure him, and I see him visibly relax. “Ok, so we can go ahead the way we discussed?” he asks me, and without him apologising, or me rebuffing an apology, the air has been cleared. I do like him mostly, he can be a dweeb at times, but who isn’t? I bring him in a Toblerone chocolate bar with curly string around it like it’s a present and leave it on his desk the next morning. My apology. He comes is with a happy expression asking if I left it for him, before splitting it with us. His favourite chocolate always tames the beast back a bit. I can forgive stressed and tired. He does have a good heart under it all. At any rate, I feel apprehension creep up into the pit of my stomach as I wonder what damage control I might have to do. I think I can safely kiss goodbye ever being transferred across to the investments branch of the company.

  The doors chime and open and I exit the elevator on the sixth floor. A massive frosted glass window stretches out the whole length of the hallway with Finch Financing Pty Ltd in bold Silver lettering adorns the glass. I swallow hard before entering.

  I pass through the waiting area, a cosy little pastel mint set of double couches that look very square and uncomfortable are set at right angles with a small white circular coffee table covered in finance magazines accompanied by large silver vase with pink rimmed white orchids sitting decoratively to the side. It is framed by a charcoal coloured wall with a very bright floral print set against a silver frame that is textured to appear distressed. We rarely get visitors here at head office, the brokers are on the next floor up and they more often than not go out to the client’s homes. There is another frosted floor to ceiling window stretching across three quarters of the space separating the waiting area from our desks, it also has lettering across it with our names and positions listed, with Eldon’s at the top. I make my way to my
desk passing by Alyssa-Brielle who is on the phone but looks at me like ‘thank god, I’m dying here’. I shoot my eyebrows up at her giving a silent reply by facial expression code of ‘I freaking know, right!’

  Loman is at his desk already, which is customary for the little kiss-ass who is often the first to arrive, he peers up at me, and I ignore him intentionally before putting my bag at my desk, I fire up my work computer and as soon as it starts I know Aly-B has sent me an e-message through our work network, I hear the ping before I sit down. I smile to myself, wow she’s onto me like a fly on a rash! I look over at her, she hangs up the phone and I greet her with “Good Morning, Butt-Plug,” in a chirpy, upbeat tone.

  “Morning Ball-Bag. Check your messages. That Italian lady rang,” she responds.

  That is code for I just sent you a private message, read it in Italian. That’s how we protect ourselves using Google translate, whatever person rang is the language we use that day. It keeps our bitching and gossip private as all e-messages can be monitored. We can’t openly discuss anything in front of Bird-Shit-Lips, so we do it all covert like. We don’t always get the translations 100% but it’s how we do things.

  I open my eMessage which reads:

  Alyssa Brooks: * Hey mangiatore anale. Perché non mi hai detto circa il vostro uomo nuovo? Ti ho visto scagliare la tua vagina su di lui! *

  Translation: Hey anal eater. Why do not you tell me about your new man? I saw you throw your vagina on him!

  I laugh and look over and she gives me a gesture with her finger like, get back to typing right now!