Her Online Addiction

by Ruby McQueen

  Trinity Carmichael: *Beh, che direora?*

  Translation: Well, How bout now?

  Alyssa Brooks: * Stai Accidenti momento asino cappello! Devo sapere immediatamente cagna, così vuotare il sacco!*

  Translation: You're damn right now ass hat! I need to know immediately bitch, so spill the beans!

  Trinity Carmichael: * Prostituta, cazzo calmati! L'ho incontrato in linea. Gli ho aggiunto come amico. Abbiamo messaggio vicenda. Poi le cose sono tutte chiacchiere cornea. Poi ha voluto le immagini..*

  Translation: Hooker, fucking calm down! I met him online. I added as a friend. We message each other. Then things are all horny chat. Then he wanted the pictures.

  Alyssa Brooks: * Sei una sporca, umida, diavolo cornea! Quando avevi intenzione di dirmi? Lo hai cazzo?*

  Translation: You're a dirty, wet, horny devil! When you are going to tell me? Did you fuck?

  That makes me laugh out loud. Loman stops typing and looks at me from over his computer. Then he looks at Aly-B who doesn’t lift her head, he looks back at me and I pull a face like ‘what?’ and return to my e-message.

  Trinity Carmichael: * È appena successo. Ho pensato che fosse una sciocchezza stupido che stava andando da nessuna parte. Non pensavo che avrei mai vederlo di nuovo!*

  Translation: It just happened. I thought it was a stupid nonsense that was going nowhere. I did not think I would ever see him again!

  Alyssa Brooks: * È dovuto dirmelo, cacca pepita! Non posso credere che tu non mi hai detto questo! State comprando il pranzo nella casella noodle pazza. Poi mi dirai su di esso.*

  Translation: You should have told me, poop nugget! I can not believe you did not tell me that! You are buying lunch in the crazy noodle box. Then you tell me about it.

  Trinity Carmichael: * Nessun problema pene respiro. Vi dirò tutti i dettagli piccanti durante il pranzo. Torniamo al lavoro.*

  Translation: No problem penis breath. I will tell you all the juicy details during lunch. Back to work.

  I look over to Aly-B’s desk and she looks up at me and we both burst out into laughter simultaneously. Loman looks up in disgust at us like we are immature half-wits and clears his throat and resumes work. I gesture to my throat grabbing it the way he did as he cleared it and point at Loman and mouth the word ‘come’ to which we kick up the laughter a few notches into hysterics! Aly-B nods and pokes her tongue into her cheek. I can’t catch my breath and tears stream over my cheeks. We piss ourselves laughing for a few minutes before Loman pipes up and states in frustration “People are trying to work here.”

  Aly-B gathers herself momentarily and adds straight faced, “How much shit could a dip shit dip, if a dip shit could dip shit?” which starts us off in more fits of laughter much to Loman’s irritation.

  “How fucking mature of you, Alyssa,” he snorts.

  After a bit we calm down and get on with all the boring menial stuff, trying hard to behave. Every once in a while, I look over and smile at Aly-B, she makes working here much easier, I’d die without her. Her potty-mouth and wicked sense of humour is an exact match to mine. While I desperately want to make the leap into investment broking, leaving her behind will be the impossible task! I don’t really have a family, so my group of friends mean the world to me! I’m not always the easiest person to get close to, oh I’m friendly in spades, but becoming close to me has to be an instant ‘click’ or a labour of love.

  “Come on, Feltcher, you’re buying my lunch, time to go,” Aly-B interrupts my thoughts as she approaches my desk.

  “Damn! Is it that time already?” I respond surprised.

  “Yep, no time to waste, I’m starving.”

  “Where are you guys going?” Loman adds in a quiet mousey tone.

  “Fuck off, Douche Canoe, get your own food today!” Aly-B snaps mercilessly towards his direction.

  “I never asked you to get me anything,” he shoots back sounding wounded and defensive. Aly-B can’t stand him and gives him grief, but usually doesn’t go for a direct blow like that. She is in a hurry to get gossip and he was a victim of circumstance, standing in the way of precious time for juicy details.

  “I don’t have time for your crap, Loman,” he doesn’t respond he just stares without blinking unsure of what he has done or how to respond. She grabs my arm, hauling me out of my desk. I grab for my bag and shoot Loman an expression of smug satisfaction, before we disappear around the desks. Perhaps ordinarily, I might have felt mean about it, but after last week, he can eat it!

  “Come on, you’re walking too slowly,” she is still tugging the sleeve on my work shirt and hurrying us both along. The elevators ping as we approach, and we slip inside by ourselves.

  “Right, tell me everything! When did you meet, how did you meet?” she has been thinking about this since the weekend, you can tell she has almost got brain fry from over thinking it. I beam at her; I can’t hold it back. Ahhhh Derek...I sigh.

  “Met who?” I tease.

  “I will fucking cut you, swear to god!”

  “Ok,-ok,” I put my arms up in mock defeat, “Well, I added him as a friend on PlayStation-”

  “I fucking know that! Details! How did you start all the flirting stuff?” she impatiently chimes in.

  “Well, you know how I abuse Winkie faces in my text messages?”

  “Yes...”

  “Well, I must have sent a few too many, and he messaged me back saying stop winking at him all the time and he called me a pervert.”

  “Shut-up!” she says the words in staccato, “And?”

  “And I couldn’t believe it, naturally-”

  “No waffling, details!” she snaps her fingers at me impatiently a couple of times, before the doors of the elevator ping again and it opens.

  “Good afternoon ladies.” A sharply dressed broker type waits with his hand extended to gesture we exit, ‘ladies first’ before he will enter. Very polite, and we do like men in suits usually, but Aly-B is on a mission and time is against us, so she yanks my arm again and mutters ‘Hi’ not giving him but a fraction of her attention.

  Feeling bad I perk up and respond, “Good afternoon and thank you very much.” While smiling warmly at him. He’s attractive and I think my enthusiasm to overcompensate for Aly-B’s flat and less than lukewarm response may have over done it and he smiles at me and winks. My eyes widen a little in astonishment. Oh shit!

  We head towards the turnstile doors in a flurry with me being gripped tighter than an errant child dawdling behind and impatient mother, spilling onto the street; we make a left to our favourite lunch time hangout ‘The Crazy Noodle Box’. We enter and I am ushered towards the back end of the chain of tables.

  “Hi Tan, we’ll be down the back.” Aly-B puts on a smile of requirement; it is on her face, but only skin deep.

  “Hi Ladies, it will be ready in two minutes. Take a seat, I will bring it over,” Tan is a little man, Vietnamese I’m pretty sure, I’m not sure if Tan is short for something else, but he makes a mean chicken, red Thai curry. Nice and spicy. I wave to him as I pass chasing it up with a smile. We come to the end of seating booths and both sit down, I drop my bag down beside me and Alyssa is glaring at me impatiently.

  “Alright, I’ll tell you. Sheesh!” I answer the question written all over her face.

  “You have an hour, get talking,” so bossy!

  “So, he called me a pervert, right? I dunno, usually guys are all onto me, sexy this and cutie that, but him flipping the table, I dunno? So, I told him I’m crazy, Kinky and a little wild, or something like that anyway, but never been called a pervert before...”

  “Soooo, you’re a pervert, ok. We know you’re a horn bag. But how did it go from that to you thrusting your vagina on him?”

  “Well, I said I’ve been accused of things before, like being kinky, so immediately, he wanted to know what kind of kinky.”

  “What did you tell him?”

  “I didn’t I was all ‘umm’ and ‘I don’t know’, I didn’t want to say, and I thin
k that’s what hooked him in.” which may not entirely correct, I for sure mentioned I liked to be bitten, I’m just not sure it was that particular moment.

  “Ok, so who sent the first picture then?”

  “He did. I can’t remember why. He said he was fat I think, then he sent a picture, and I was like holy shit, he’s damn cute.”

  “And you sent one back?”

  “Yup...”

  “Hussy! And then what?”

  “He told me I was beautiful.”

  “Oh my god, you are so fucking lame! That line worked on you?”

  “Well, he was like twenty-ish and I was bricking it, I thought he would be all, yuck, you’re so old, and I dunno, I just figured it would go nowhere.”

  “So, where did it go? What happened next?” she leans in glued.

  “Well, he wanted more,” I offer shrugging.

  “Of course, he wanted more, I get that, you did hall ass off to his fuck pad Friday night,” I laugh at her saying fuck pad. Tan interrupts the discussion with our meals, and I hope he wasn’t with in ear shot of the topic of conversation.

  “One Thai red curry and one Satay chicken with no onion for the lovely ladies,” and with that he swiftly places the bowls down in front of us. Alyssa clearly pre-ordered our favourites in advance, so no time was wasted.

  “Thanks, Tan, looks yummy,” I smile and nod at him in return to his half bow.

  “Yes, looks great thanks, Tan.” Aly-B has seemingly lightened up a bit, but my grilling is hardly over. We both start getting stuck in, I mix mine around a bit and test the temperature against my lip before I commence eating it. I really am hungry all of a sudden and I am looking forward to eating this. Alyssa pops some food in her mouth and then resumes the inquisition with a hand politely covering her mouth.

  “Ok. What did he ask for next after he said you were hot or whatever?” she says between chews.

  “Well, he wanted tits basically, but I kept telling him I was too shy,” this makes her scoff at me, in clear amusement. I know, I’m not usually the shy type, BUT I do have issues.

  “You! Shy?” she shakes her head like it’s the most ridiculous thing ever, “I’m guessing he doesn’t know you that well.”

  “Yeah, I know. I am always confident, mostly, but I think it was just nerves, I mean I had never met him, I didn’t know if I could trust him after both ex-boyfriend’s bullshit, you know. He could have been another stalker troll, so I balked.”

  “Nerves? I have seen you with guys, and I’ve never seen you nervous, unless- oh my god! You love him, don’t you?”

  “Nooooo, don’t be daft! That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said,” but I can feel my face betraying me as I heat bright red. She starts laughing, which in my state of embarrassment seems like cackling from a hyena, fuelling my discomfort more.

  “Shut-up… Or I’m chucking sickies the rest of the week and then it’ll just be you and bird-shit-lips,” and with that, I poke out my tongue. After a stint she finally composes herself and resumes her meal again, before diving into the next question.

  “Ok, let me get this straight. He likes you, and you like him to the point you feel nervous, he asked for a picture of your tits and you what? Just sent them off?”

  “Not exactly. He sent me a picture of his junk first, then I eventually sent my tits.”

  “He sent you a picture of his Junk?”

  “Yep.”

  “And, what are we talking?”

  “Large! I still feel sore from him.”

  “Daaaaamn! That’s a whole lotta lube required!”

  “Yup,” I give a little chuckle before my next mouthful.

  “Ok, so just like that? Here’s my tits? Gross...”

  “No, I tried to make it artistic, had my bra on you know the little pink and grey number, I went for a little feel-ski, draped my hair down around it, totally calling it art.”

  “Uh-huh,” she nods acknowledging the bra I reference because she has seen it.

  “I thought it would be classier that way,” I add.

  “Yeaaah right! Only you, T-bag, could think about staging a classy tits photo,” Ok, maybe the thinking was floored somewhat. I’ll give her that, but at the time it made perfect sense.

  “Hey, I’m cool like that, what can I say?” I shrug joking.

  “So what? There’s pictures of tits and cock flying back and forth between you and then bang! He turns up?”

  “Well, it’s kind of progressed into other pictures. We are kind of ‘come buddies’ I guess.”

  “Shut the fuck up! How are you gonna have a come buddy and not tell me about it?” She uses a mock tone of being wounded with a hint of jest to her voice. Not often are we ever that serious in discussion that we can’t make fun of the other and we can only call each other nasty names because neither one of us is easily offended. I make a hand gesture coupled with the shush lips to encourage her to keep the volume down.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just kept telling myself every time we spoke it was the last time. He’s too young.”

  “How old is he again?”

  “Twenty-one. See what I mean, it can’t be going anywhere.” She makes a contemplative sound while she finishes off her mouthful.

  “Twenty-one is not so bad though, that’s only four years younger than me.”

  “Yeah, but come on? A twenty-0ne-year-old guy? I’m just the hot piece of ass, right?”

  “Mmm, I’m not so sure. Let’s look at the facts, shall we? First this has been going on how long between you guys?”

  “Twelve months I guess,” I move my head from shoulder to shoulder indicating ‘give or take’.

  “Bitch... Ok, twelve months. Then he moves here?”

  “Errrmmm, yes.”

  “Then he tracks you down and you spend the weekend together. Hmm.”

  “Aly, it’s just physical, I’m telling you, he just wanted to see how we fucked, that was our entire weekend, a gigantic fuck-a-thon,” I sneer as I say it.

  “See, I would agree with you, but you didn’t see the way he was looking at you Friday night, because you were shit-faced before he turned up! I did, and then the way you jumped him right in front of us! Holy shit! It was so soft-core porn, I almost dragged Brian into the restroom and make him do me right there, seriously!”

  I raise my free hand up to above my brows and rest it there with my palm covering half my face thinking about how that must have looked to the gang. Uber cool Trinity, jumping some guy like a schoolgirl. Man, I just know I am going to cop so much flak from them, especially Merrick. Then it occurs to me about my fight with Kamryn!

  “Shit! That reminds me! Kamryn! What the hell happened there?”

  “OH... MY-GOD! Highlight of the frigging night! That’s what that was!” She hustles her phone from her bag, “I taped that shit, let me get it set.”

  “Cool...”

  She flicks through the touch screen and the holds it to the side of the table so we can both see, leaning over the table with our heads almost joining. It unfolds pretty much as Derek described, she approaches me in the background and Alyssa’s phone swings around from the guys who were goofing off in front of the camera. She shushes them as you see me wave Kamryn off, uninterested. I was having fun and didn’t want to speak with her. She stands there trying to get my attention, hands fisted at her waist until finally I excuse myself from the girl I was chatting with and ask her what she wants. It’s hard to hear over the music as well as the background chatter and laughter. The Vibe is always a good time. She looks her usual polished self, pencil pleat grey fitted skirt to just above the knee, ink-blue satin blouse with waves of red soft curls flowing around her shoulders, draping loosely past her plush cleavage peeking out through the unbuttoned V in her blouse. Her pale skin looks almost airbrushed and is accentuated by the dark colours she wears. Very immaculate. But that look on her face is the dead giveaway. What a nerve, showing up there, trying to play her games. Oh yes, I was intoxicated, b
ut not past the point of falling for her petty ‘bait me up’ project.

  It sounds like she says something like she heard I was running my loose cannon of a mouth at the office again and I should move on and stop bringing the place down to the gutter. The rest of the banter goes as follows:

  “Well, I wouldn’t be too worried for me, Kamryn, I was actually scouted for my position,” she mocks smugly in my face.

  “The Holy Trinity. Holier than thou. Your arrogance is shameful! I hear you might be getting the sack though... Who on earth would want to hire an uppity, cheap and nasty, foul mouth, houso, skank like yourself?” I see Derek approaching in the background with a tray of drinks, eying us both keenly as I visibly shift my stance from Friday night good times to ‘back up off me bitch’.

  “Now listen up, Baby Cakes! At least I didn’t need to whore myself out to get a job, no sucking my way to the top. I also don’t require a rich boyfriend just to pretend I’m more than I am. I’m not for sale to the highest bidder, so at least I know I was hired for talent.”

  “How dare you! You’re just a self-righteous little upstart, who doesn’t know her place. Eldon will fire your ass and as for Levi, you are out classed a million percent.”

  Mean girl bullshit. I can do mean girl though.

  “Is that so? Well, I would be worried about your opinions, but then I remember that you’re just a nobody secretary. Is the office whoring not quite going to plan? I doubt Levi is into your brand of desperate, we know you haven’t sunk your fangs in yet, we see the cobwebs flowing from your baron, loveless vagina,” she is visibly shaken; my words seem to suck her breath away like a blow to the gut before she rears up towards me with ferocity swirling over her pretty face.

  “You think you’re so smart, don’t you? Two-bit-no-class-bitches like you are a dime a dozen. I at least have what it takes to appeal to the high-end investment types, more than I can say for a foul-mouthed trollop like you!” I laugh in her face and the camera wobbles around a little and I hear Merrick’s voice saying what sounds like “this bird needs to take off before she regrets it” and he’s right. She is coming undone in front of me, without the protection of the office decorum, she is swimming with the sharks now. I smell the blood in the water, I know I have the power. I look her over and say: