Brush Strokes

by Janelle Stalder

  Grabbing her hips with my other hand, I pulled her into my body and started to explore her mouth more boldly now. I devoured her, taking everything I could before her senses returned and she pushed me away and out of her life forever. Instead of pushing me away though, her hands gripped my shoulders, keeping me close. A small moan left her, only igniting the fire inside me more. I didn’t want the kiss to end but I knew it had to – unfortunately.

  I moved my hand from her cheek to the back of her head, gripping her hair to tilt her head back, angling her so I could deepen the kiss even more. I branded her with all that I had, wishing this was the beginning for us rather than the end. Finally I pulled back, taking in her upturned face as I tried to control my erratic breathing. Her eyes were still closed, her cheeks flushed and lips swollen from me. I’d never seen anything so beautiful in my life.

  Desire, pure and overpowering, blazed through my entire body. Finally her eyes opened to look back at me, those green orbs brighter than they had ever been. We stared at one another for a moment, neither of us speaking, before I dropped my hands and stepped back.

  “I really am sorry, Olivia,” I said, my voice gruff. “I hope we can at least be friends.” Then I turned and left like the coward that I was. I just couldn’t handle hearing her tell me to leave after that. I’d kissed lots of girls, lots of times, but none of them could ever compare to what I had just experienced with timid, beautiful, Olivia Banks.

  Man, I was even more screwed than I thought.

  Fifteen

  Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one. – Stella Adler

  Olivia

  What the hell had just happened? The door closed as if some unseen force pulled it from my grasp, blocking out the outside. I stood in the same spot, my eyes wide, mouth still tingling from the best kiss of my entire existence. He kissed me! Kissed me! My mind and body were trying to play catch up but it was difficult when everything was spinning out of control.

  Wait a tick. He left. He left? Who just waltzes in, kisses you silly, and then turns and walks out all dramatic like? Spouting that ‘I’m not good enough for you’ bullshit? What kind of self-sacrificing baloney was that anyway? Utter nonsense, I say! I was still finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that this was why he’d just stopped talking to me all summer. It was complete rubbish. And then he goes and kisses all thoughts and sense out of my mind, before walking out like this was over. Well guess what, Colt Morgan? It was NOT over! Not if I had any say in it.

  Sure, I was still pissed at him for leaving me high and dry all summer, and sentencing me to weeks of self-doubt and boy-woes. And yes, his reasoning still rubbed me wrong because it was stupid. Then there was his whole outlook on himself, which was awful and made me want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he realized that he was a good person and deserved the same happiness that everyone else did.

  None of that changed the fact that I wanted him. I had liked Colt too long to simply just shrug my shoulders and walk away. I might not have known very much about him over the years, just what I had witnessed from afar, but the more I got to know him, the more I decided I really liked him.

  Except, what was I supposed to do? Huh. I could be all ‘I am female, hear me roar’ all I wanted inside my head, but when it came to putting words into action, I was at a complete loss. How did one convince a boy to give them a shot when he was an idiot? Who would know about stupid boys? Ella.

  Turning, I ran upstairs to call my best friend, and only boy specialist I knew. Who would have thought that I’d actually admit that? Of course, I was never going to tell her that.

  “He what?” she screamed over the line. As soon as she’d answered I hadn’t even bothered saying hello, I’d just blurted out what happened.

  “Colt kissed me,” I repeated.

  “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit,” she chanted.

  “I know,” I agreed, for once feeling exactly the same way as Ella.

  “How? When? Where? Why? Start from the beginning.”

  I quickly explained about the fight, his excuse for the summer, and then the subsequent kiss. She gasped, cursed, and sighed throughout the story.

  “I need a minute,” she said.

  “Me too,” I said, nodding my head even though she couldn’t see me.

  “I can’t believe this just happened. What the hell made you go over and talk to him to begin with?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” I replied. “I was coming home from drawing over at the park, and he was just standing there. He looked…sad. I don’t know what was wrong, but he was just staring at his car with this look that made me want to go over and make sure he was okay. So I made a joke to try and bring him out of whatever daze he was in.”

  “You’re too nice,” she muttered, but I could tell she didn’t really mean that. She would have felt the same way if she’d been the one to see Colt standing there. I hated that look that was on his face. The only other time I saw an expression on his face like that was when he stood in his driveway the day his father had left.

  “What do I do, Ella?” I asked, serious now.

  “Have his babies, obviously,” she answered immediately.

  I laughed. “I’m serious.”

  “So am I.”

  “Ella,” I warned.

  “Okay, okay. Let’s be serious for a second, even though I kind of am, and figure all this out. I think we can both agree that Colt’s reasoning for dumping you over the summer is weak at best.”

  “He didn’t dump me,” I said defensively. “It’s not like we were actually dating or anything.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  I sighed, falling back on my bed. “Fine. Continue.”

  “So with all that being said, I think we can overcome this excuse of him not being good enough because obviously he still wants you. We just need to use that to our advantage.”

  “How do we really know he wants me though? I mean, he’s never been the type to have an actual girlfriend, and I’m not really the type to just mess around.”

  “Uh, I think we can safely assume he wants you since he just made sweet love to your mouth.”

  My cheeks burned. “Jesus, Ella,” I said. “Do you have to put it that way?”

  “Yes, because that is how I’d like to think about it.”

  I grinned into the phone. “You like to think about a man making sweet love to my mouth? I think you have a problem, Ella bella.”

  “If you don’t know by now that I love you long time, Ollie, you are not very observant.”

  We both laughed. “Okay, okay,” I said, getting back to the subject at hand. “So do I forgive him for the summer?”

  “Yeah, I think we’ve made him suffer enough. He’s obviously really sorry for it, otherwise he wouldn’t have apologized that way. Boys don’t usually make that much of an effort.”

  “True,” I agreed.

  “Then all that’s left to do is make him want you so badly that he’ll forget any stupid reasons he might think up for not being with you.”

  “Okay, great…And how exactly do we do that?”

  “Giiirrrl, I’ve got plenty of ammunition for this kind of war. It’s time to suit up!”

  Operation ‘Make the Bad Boys Notice Want Us’ or as Ella liked to call it, operation ‘Make the Bad Boys Want Us to Have Their Babies’ – she’s nuts and has seriously questionable morals – was officially underway.

  I pulled down the hem of the tiny – and I do mean tiny – white, sundress I was wearing. It was Ella’s and she was shorter than me, so I felt wholly indecent. The action of pulling it down had the negative effect of now making my boobs even more noticeable in the low-cut dress. With a sigh, I pulled it up, once again making it too short. It was a lose-lose situation. Ella insisted it wasn’t as bad as I thought and I was just being a prude, but I begged to differ.

  “I don’t know about this,” I said for the umpteenth time.

  Ella waved her han
d at me dismissively. “You look like the hottest little virgin on this side of the ocean.”

  What did that even mean? “Uh, I’m not a virgin,” I reminded her.

  “Doesn’t matter,” she said, waving me off again as we made our way to the front of the school. “Wearing white makes guys think you’re all innocent and pure, and all they’re going to want to do is corrupt you.” She turned and waggled her eyebrows at me.

  “Seriously, what is wrong with you?”

  She laughed. “Nothing. This is so going to work and then you’re going to be thanking me.”

  I caught a few interested looks from some boys standing around outside and my cheeks instantly burned up. “I don’t know about that.”

  “May I remind you that you were the one who called me last night, so do as I say and shut-up.”

  I pulled on the bottom and then the top again as if I didn’t already know there was no magically making this dress any bigger or longer. It wrapped around my body like it was painted on, accentuating every curve. Even I could admit I looked nice – okay, maybe a little hot – but now that I was here at school, I was starting to think this was an awful idea.

  Ella had shown up early this morning – way too early for my liking. Arms full of clothes, make-up and instruments of torture. The hour before school was spent being poked and prodded by her until I’d ended up with the big curls now flowing down my back, and this ridiculous dress. I just hoped she was right and it paid off because I was going to spend the entire day trying not to flash the rest of the student body any T&A.

  Walking into first period was like walking the green mile. My heart was beating so erratically I was half afraid I was going to have a heart attack right then and there. The entire night before I had done nothing but play that kiss over and over in my head. I was starting to wonder if I was being a big loser. Colt probably hadn’t given it another thought. For him, those kinds of kisses were probably normal.

  Not for me. I might not be a virgin, but I had never shared a kiss like that with anyone. It had done things to me I wasn’t familiar with, and every ounce of me wanted to experience it again. What if it was something I’d only ever feel with Colt? Wouldn’t that suck, I thought. Especially if I couldn’t manage to convince Colt to give us a shot. That thought had my nerves tightening as his desk came into view. It was empty.

  Disappointment flooded me. Why I wasn’t relieved instead was beyond me. I’d been terrified the entire drive here about what I would say and do when I saw Colt. Now I could get to my seat and pretend to be interested in my textbook – even though no student was ever interested in what was written in a textbook – and ignore him when he walked in.

  He never walked in. I spent the entire first period flip-flopping between anger that he hadn’t shown, relief that he hadn’t shown, and then anger again. It didn’t help that I had to spend most of the time covering my chest from Jake’s very interested gaze. If he didn’t look away and stay that way, I was bound to toss my textbook at his head.

  “So,” he started as we began to pack up our things. The bell hadn’t rung yet, otherwise I would have already been long gone.

  “So?” I said, not really interested.

  “Remember I was telling you about that art show my aunt was having?”

  I looked over at him. “Yeah, I remember.”

  “Well it’s this Saturday. Would you still be interested in going?”

  I wasn’t sure if he was asking me, or my boobs, which was where his eyes were now focused. “I’d love to,” I lied, “but I have this family thing to do. Maybe next time?”

  His eyes finally lifted to actually look at my face, and I could see the regret there. I was sure it had nothing to do with me actually saying no, and more to do with whatever plans he had going around in that perverted head now being kyboshed. Too bad, so sad.

  “Yeah, maybe next time,” he said reluctantly.

  The sound of the bell was like music to my ears. Throwing him a quick smile, I hightailed it out of there before he could undress me any further with his eyes. Not that any of the other boys were any different. By the time lunch came around I was about ready to kill Ella and her stupid idea. That was, until I entered the cafeteria and locked eyes with the one person whose attention I did want.

  Colt was leaning down on the table, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows, showing off the tattoos that covered his forearms. Muscles flexing as he spoke to that guy Briggs, his dark hair falling forward, hiding those silver eyes I loved so much, he was by far the most gorgeous guy I’d ever seen. I don’t know why it felt different to look at him today, but it was. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that I knew the kind of electricity that existed between us when we touched, or it could have been because of my resolve to try and get him to give us a chance. Whatever it was, all those feelings I’d had when he kissed me the night before came rushing back as I stopped just inside the doors, my eyes frozen on him.

  As if he somehow felt me, his eyes flickered toward me then back again in a quick double take. He straightened off the table slowly, his gaze never leaving mine. It felt like my entire body was set on fire as he slowly perused me from top to bottom and back again. I was going to kiss Ella when I saw her.

  Without looking away, Colt walked around the table and started toward me, completely unconcerned with anyone or anything around him. It was a heady thing to be the center of Colt Morgan’s attention. The want and desire in his eyes was intoxicating, making me wish we weren’t standing in a cafeteria in the middle of a regular school day.

  I stayed locked in my spot as he made his way over, stopping just in front of me, a minimal amount of space between us. I tried to smile, cursing how quickly my chest was rising and falling from the spell he was casting over me, but there was no hiding his effect.

  “Hi,” I said awkwardly.

  His eyes dropped to roam over my outfit. I saw him gulp and every girlie part of me wanted to dance around in a ridiculous jig.

  “Hi,” he croaked. Clearing his throat he said, “Is that a new dress?”

  “What, this old thing?” Oh my God, I did not just say that. How cliché. “No it’s not new,” I replied lamely. It was new for me, but technically it wasn’t so I wasn’t necessarily lying.

  “Hey guys!”

  I turned to see Reagan standing beside us, smiling. When I looked back, I realized Colt hadn’t once torn his eyes away from me. Suddenly I could have cared less that the queen harpy had interrupted us.

  “What an adorable dress, Olive,” Reagan said, pulling at the hem of it. I hated that she called me a nickname she had absolutely no right to call me. And I could tell as soon as our eyes met that she definitely did not think my dress was adorable. Jealousy burned in her gaze. “Doesn’t she look great, Colt?”

  I narrowed my eyes. What was she playing at? Colt cleared his throat again. “Yeah, great,” he mumbled.

  Reagan hooked her arm through mine. Gag. “Let’s go eat,” she said, pulling on me. “See you, Colt.”

  Colt and I looked at each other until my neck could no longer twist that far back and I was forced to look forward toward our table. Ella was sitting there, smoke practically coming out her ears. I almost wanted to laugh at how enraged she looked that Reagan had separated us. Disentangling myself from her, I went and sat beside Ella, glancing back at where I’d left Colt. He still stood there, his eyes on me. Even from where I sat, I could feel the heat of them.

  “I’m going to kill her,” Ella muttered.

  I looked back at her, smiling. “Easy there, tiger. I think your play is working regardless of the pass interference.”

  Ella sighed, her body relaxing a fraction. “I guess. But next time I’m going to tackle a bitch.”

  The rest of school went by without incident. I was still getting looks from a lot of boys, but I hardly noticed since my mind was focused on the fact that I was going to see Colt again after school for the art project. I was actually looking forward to painting him and s
imply staring at every shape and angle of his face. By the time last period’s bell rang, I was practically jumping out of my seat. I was the first one set-up and waiting patiently for the other students to arrive.

  My eyes were trained on the door. When he finally walked in, I thought for sure he’d be able to hear my heart pounding from across the room. His gaze instantly found me, and a slow smile stretched across his face. I smiled back, heat infusing my cheeks.

  Colt walked over to the platform set-up in the centre of the room. When he got up on it and removed his shirt again, I swear I stopped breathing. It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen Colt shirtless plenty of times over the years, considering that he always worked on his car without one, but for some reason I was more aware of him than ever.

  The next hour was torture as I desperately tried to concentrate on what I was doing. Usually painting was my escape from life, my one sanctuary from anything and everything that was going on around me, but today it just wasn’t working. My eyes couldn’t stay on the canvas in front of me long enough to get much accomplished since all they wanted to do was trace every contour of Colt’s chest and arms. I knew he was watching me back, but I couldn’t risk looking up and meeting his gaze otherwise I really would have just sat there the entire time.

  When Mrs. Hart called an end to the session, it felt like the entire room had gone up ten degrees. I tried to take my time cleaning up, but Mrs. Hart was still talking to Colt by the time I was done, so I had no choice but to head to my locker. Hopefully, I prayed, he’d come and find me when he got out of there. Ella was trying out for the cheer squad, so I still had some time to kill until she was done.

  After rummaging around in my locker for a while, I finally just gave up and decided to head toward the gym to meet Ella. On my way I saw Jenn walking toward me. She smiled broadly at me like we were best friends. It was so strange how much things had changed this year, even though I knew it was all fake.

  “Hey, Olive!” she called out.