The Literati

by Justin Fleming

For I place little value on your opinion, and I must confess,

  I am not the sort of man who can suffer these egregious insults;

  Your house is a mockery, Madam, like a day care centre for adults.

  I deserve to be treated with higher regard as your intellectual superior

  Instead of wasting my time with people who are, in all respects, inferior.

  [In Latin] Vale.

  He goes. PHILOMENA is crushed. Her eyes gradually settle on MARTINA.

  PHILOMENA:

  How, how did you … see it?

  MARTINA:

  See what, Missus?

  PHILOMENA:

  His mercenary soul,

  And that his nobility was all a charade, like he was just playing a role?

  MARTINA:

  Some knowledge is got from living, Missus. That’s all I can say.

  PHILOMENA:

  I’ve been instructed by false voices.

  MARTINA:

  You’re a good woman, led astray.

  CLINTON:

  [To PHILOMENA] I can’t pretend I’m a scholar, Madam, but I’d be honoured to share with you

  Whatever destiny has in store, and to do what we have to do

  To survive this situation, and though all I have to offer is me,

  You’re welcome to every penny I’ll earn, if I can be part of your family.

  PHILOMENA:

  Your generosity is most charming; how on earth did I fail to see

  That all the while my true son-in-law was standing in front of me?

  CLINTON:

  So that’s a ‘Yes’?

  PHILOMENA:

  That’s a ‘Yes’! I—

  MARTINA:

  [Indicating CHRISTOPHER] Er-hmm.

  PHILOMENA:

  That is, my husband and I

  Have great pleasure in announcing a change of direction, whereby

  We join together in blessing this union of our daughter, Juliet,

  To the only worthy son-in-law that any of us have ever met—

  JULIET:

  No, Mother, stop! I’m sorry to say, but I have changed my mind.

  CLINTON:

  What are you saying, babe?

  CHRISTOPHER:

  But what better husband could you find?

  JULIET:

  [To CLINTON] I know how little money you have, and how poor we will be;

  I’ve always known that you would be the perfect husband for me;

  But because I love you so very much, I thought that by becoming your wife

  I would be able to give you security, and to improve your situation in life.

  But now that our fortunes have changed to this drastic extremity,

  I adore you way too much to inflict on you such calamity.

  CLINTON:

  The only destiny I want is you, no matter how the cards fall,

  Because any destiny without you, is really no destiny at all.

  JULIET:

  When two people are in love, they always talk like this,

  But let’s avoid the anxiety that would ruin our marital bliss,

  As nothing erodes a loving bond like struggling to make ends meet;

  When you can’t afford the basic needs, and end up on the street,

  Each accuses the other and patience begins to wear thin,

  And love is replaced by bitterness as harsh reality kicks in.

  CHRISTOPHER:

  Is our sudden poverty the only reason for your change of heart?

  JULIET:

  Why else would I leave a wonderful man I’ve loved from the very start?

  CHRISTOPHER:

  Then let nothing stand in the way of the beautiful bond you share.

  The letter I read is a fake; I made up the entire affair.

  It was a strategy, a surprise attack; it was Doctor Vadius’ idea,

  I wanted to set a trap, to make Tristan’s true colours appear.

  To deceive my wife and family is not something I am above

  When desperate measures are needed, all at the service of love.

  CLINTON:

  Praise the Lord!

  PHILOMENA:

  I can’t wait to see the look on that scoundrel’s face,

  When word of his filthy greed gets out all over the place.

  What a fitting punishment, when he finds out he’s been trounced

  And he sees with what triumphant joy this wedding is announced.

  CHRISTOPHER:

  I always knew, I did, that these two would tie the knot.

  AMANDA:

  It was only through my sacrifice that she has the man she’s got.

  PHILOMENA:

  I wouldn’t call it a sacrifice; you are wed to your philosophy;

  Give them your blessing and crown their love with sisterly generosity.

  AMANDA:

  Jules pretends to be clueless, but it turns out she’s actually quite smart;

  And Clinton will always have a very special place in my heart;

  My one request is that, when sitting with pipe and slippers by the fire,

  He spare a thought for the older sister, who, for a moment, he did admire.

  CHRISTOPHER takes PHILOMENA’s hand.

  CHRISTOPHER:

  Well, let’s go and tell the Attorney, who must be at the end of her tether,

  That Love and Reason have joined forces …

  PHILOMENA:

  … and reached a decision together.

  They lead the company away.

  Wedding dance. Curtain.

  THE END

  Copyright Details

  First published in 2016

  by Currency Press Pty Ltd,

  PO Box 2287, Strawberry Hills, NSW, 2012, Australia

  enquiries@currency.com.au

  www.currency.com.au

  in association with Griffin Theatre Company

  First digital edition published in 2016 by Currency Press.

  Copyright: The Literati © Justin Fleming, 2015, 2016.

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  PERFORMANCE RIGHTS

  Any performance or public reading of The Literati is forbidden unless a licence has been received from the author or the author’s agent. The purchase of this book in no way gives the purchaser the right to perform the play in public, whether by means of a staged production or a reading. All applications for public performance should be addressed to Smith & Jones Management, 8th floor, 10-14 Waterloo Street, Surry Hills NSW 2010, Australia; ph: +612 9213 9612; email: david@smithandjonesmgt.com.au

  Cataloguing-in-publication data for this title is available from the National Library of Australia website: www.nla.gov.au

  ePub ISBN: 9781925359817

  mobi ISBN: 9781925359824

  Typeset by Dean Nottle for Currency Press.

  eBook developed by IntegralDMS www.integraldms.com.

  Cover design by RE:.

  Cover photo shows Kate Mulvany. Photography by Brett Boardman.

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