Memoir in the Making: A May-December Romance

by Adrian J. Smith

  The Human Rights Campaign had people out and about asking for names on some petition or another. One of them stopped her by tapping her on the shoulder. She turned around, listening to the man rattle off his spiel while looking over his shoulder for any sign Ainsley was in the general vicinity. She was sure Ainsley was—she knew it. Her heart quickened when she had to focus on the man in front of her again.

  “I’ll sign,” she said.

  “Thank you! It’s a great help.” He handed her the clipboard, and she filled out her information.

  Handing the clipboard back, she walked to the next booth, laughing at what was laid out on the table. Picking one up, she held it in her hand—a peach colored vagina Popsicle. It was tiny, barely bigger than her thumb, but everything was there.

  “These are fantastic,” she said, leaning over to the owner of the booth so he could hear her.

  “Take one! They’re free.”

  “Really?” Her eyes lit up. “My friend would love one or two.”

  “Take two then.”

  She picked up another one and put them into one of the pockets of her purse for safe keeping. Sam would get a complete kick out of them, and it would probably make his day.

  “Thank you,” she said. Lingering to figure out what the booth was actually for and pay her respects to the owner of it, she finally left, her gaze still searching for the one person she wanted to see again. She finished her rounds at the booths and was just about to leave when she caught sight of chestnut hair. Walking to the other end of the staging area, Meredith found her.

  Ainsley was dancing with Adam, spinning circles around him as he tried to keep up with her. She was laughing and smiling and having the blast of her life. Meredith had never seen Ainsley enjoy herself so much. She stood and watched as the two danced among a sea of people in front of the stage the band was set up on. She watched, not wanting to interrupt them or distract from the fun they were having.

  She didn’t know how long she stood there, but at least two songs started and ended before she turned and walked back the way she had come. She wouldn’t talk to her—there would be other times for that. Meredith glanced at her watch and decided to bring Sam the loot she had before heading home to grade the papers still sitting in her office.

  Meredith was in her car and driving when her phone rang. She fumbled around for a moment before she managed to open it up and answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Mer—it’s Sam.”

  “Hey,” she said. “What are you doing?”

  “I need you to come.”

  “Okay. I was actually on my way,” she said, taking another turn so she could get on the highway and head back in the direction of the university and Sam’s apartment. Smooshing the phone between her ear and shoulder, Meredith hit the power button on her stereo and turned the music off so she could hear Sam better. There was something in his tone of voice that frightened her.

  “I’m coming from the parade,” she added when he didn’t answer. “It’ll be about thirty minutes before I can make it there.”

  “I’m not at home,” he answered.

  Meredith’s stomach dropped and then clenched tightly. Vomit worked its way into her throat, and she swallowed three times to get it to go back down. Tears sprang into her eyes, and she had no other reason to be crying except the tone of his voice.

  “I’m at the hospital.”

  “Which one?”

  “Saint Mary’s.”

  “I’m on my way. Jeremy?”

  “It’s not good,” Sam’s voice cracked, and Meredith’s heart went out to him. “It’s really not good. They’re saying—they’re saying maybe a few hours.”

  “What happened?”

  “He stopped breathing for a few minutes. I called the ambulance, but by the time they got here he was breathing again.”

  “Hospice?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t even know anymore. The paramedics wanted to bring him in here.”

  “Sam,” she broke. Tears flooded her eyes and slipped down her cheeks. She wanted desperately to be at the hospital already. “Does he want to be at the hospital?” she asked.

  “No—he wants to be home.”

  “Then tell them to bring him home. If he’s on hospice, they can do that.”

  “Okay. Okay, I’ll do that.”

  “They should transport him for you.”

  “Okay.” Sam sobbed. His voice echoed through the line, and Meredith took a deep breath, knowing she had to stay strong for him. “Stay on the phone. I’m going to talk to them now.”

  He must have muted her because Meredith didn’t hear anything for several minutes. She blinked and wiped away her own tears so she could see clearly as she drove. At least the hospital and the apartment were in relatively the same direction for the next twenty minutes or so.

  She was just about to take the exit for the hospital when Sam finally came back on the line. It had been a long twenty minutes to wait, but she knew he would want her on the line when he came back, so she hadn’t hung up.

  “Mer?”

  “Yeah, I’m still here.”

  “We’re going home. Meet us there.”

  “Okay. I’ll beat you there, probably.”

  “You have the key still?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then go inside,” he said. “I’ll see you soon.”

  “You too. I love you, Sam.”

  “I love you, too.”

  He hung up, and Meredith let the flood waters release. Her chest tightened and her eyes sprang to life with tears again. She pushed them away and turned her radio up, hoping it would be a distraction for the sorrow bouncing around in her heart. If there was anything she wanted in life, it was to protect Sam from any more pain and hurt—he’d been through so much already. She wanted to see Jeremy again.

  Not having been back since their dinner the other night had been killing her. She’d been shocked and scared and hadn’t known how to deal with it. But that was done and over with, and it was time for her to be strong. If not for herself, then she needed to be strong for Sam. He would need her then more than ever.

  Meredith took the turn toward the school and slowed down her car. She scrunched her nose up as a new wave of tears took over. She could be strong in a few minutes when she saw Sam. For the time being, though, she was allowed to cry like a baby and let all her sadness out. No one was there to judge her except the driver in the next lane.

  When she risked a glance, he was staring at her with an odd look on his face. Ignoring him, she turned back to the road and hit the gas once the light changed to green. She didn’t care who saw her cry—the fact of the matter was, one of her best friends was dying, and she had avoided the reality of the situation far longer than she ever should have. Meredith pulled up to the apartment complex determined to take care of Sam for the next week and to be there for him any time he needed for the next year at least.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Each step she took became heavier. Ainsley walked to class with nothing other than Meredith on her mind. She hadn’t heard from her since Friday when she’d left Meredith’s house, and even though she’d sent a few text messages and called, there was nothing. Fear had built up quickly over the weekend and only intensified on her walk.

  She’d made it to the building and took a deep breath. Everything that had been light and fuzzy at the start of the weekend and disappeared completely. It wasn’t like Meredith to completely ignore her, and with what had happened, what was she to think? Ainsley licked her lips and climbed the stairs to the second floor, taking a left to go down the hallway toward her class. She was early but not any earlier than normal.

  Adam had kept her company for most of the weekend, and once she’d recovered from her hangover on Sunday, he’d taken her to Denny’s for their breakfast. Ainsley managed to get through the rest of Sunday and Monday without talking to Adam about Meredith at all. It wasn’t that she didn’t want his friendship and advice on the matter, but ever
y time she brought it up, he had a disproving glare about him. She had decided she preferred to avoid his look and keep her thoughts to herself rather quickly.

  Ainsley stopped in front of the door. There was a note pasted onto it. She narrowed her eyes as she read it, her heart thumping wildly in her chest. Spinning around and biting her tongue, she about yelled in the middle of the hallway. Class had been canceled. Professor Frenz would not be available for office hours that day.

  Her heart raced. She panicked. Meredith was gone, and the only reason that would happen would be because of Friday. The only reason. Ainsley jogged out of the building with her backpack securely around each shoulder. She ran to the library and pushed her way to the front of the line going in. Swiping her card, she ran up the three flights of stairs to the third floor and found Adam in his secret spot.

  She tugged on his jacket and dragged him outside the front door of the library, leaving all his books and studies behind. She was hyperventilating when she reached the bench outside, and Adam had his hands on her shoulders calming her down as best he could.

  “She’s gone,” Ainsley made out. “I don’t know what happened, but she’s gone.”

  “Who’s gone?”

  Ainsley rolled her eyes. “Meredith. There’s no class today. It’s canceled. Note on the door said no class, no office hours. Keep posted about Thursday.”

  “She probably just had an emergency,” he said, trying to stand up and walk. “Those do happen all the time, you know.”

  Ainsley tugged him back down. “She hasn’t talked to me since Friday.”

  “Since kissy-kissy-smoochy-smoochy.”

  “Stop it, Adam. I’m serious right now.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, looking down at his toes.

  Ainsley sighed. “Maybe I am overreacting, but I just have a really bad feeling about this. She hasn’t answered any of my texts or calls. Now she’s missing work. She said she would figure it out—what if this is her figuring it out.”

  “I don’t think that’s what this is.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “You’re right. I don’t know what happened, and neither do you. You need to calm down.”

  Taking a deep breath, Ainsley let it out on a sigh. She bent over, putting her forehead on her knees and breathing deeply. Adam was right; she did need to calm down. She’d been going a mile a second since she’d seen the note on the door and hadn’t even stopped to really think it through rationally. She took another deep breath and sat up.

  “Okay. So that might not be it, but what else could it be? She doesn’t really have any family.”

  “She doesn’t?”

  “I don’t think so. It’s not something that ever came up in conversation. She lives by herself.”

  “That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have family. It just means she’s not married or in a relationship at the moment. It could be a sibling, a parent, a child.”

  “I don’t think she has children.”

  “You don’t think? You don’t know.”

  “I don’t. Wait…she mentioned a son in class one day.”

  “Ainsley—maybe you should talk to her about her life and get to know her better before you jump into this whole thing. She could have kids—hell, her kids could be our age for all we know.”

  Ainsley scrunched her nose. “It could still be that I’ve done something wrong.”

  “It could be that,” Adam said, raising an eyebrow in her direction. “But until you get hold of her, you’re not going to know. And until you do know, there’s no use in panicking.”

  “Right.”

  Ainsley was considerably calming down. Her heart was still beating rapidly, but at least she didn’t feel like she was going to faint from fear anymore. If Meredith was gone for a few days, it meant she probably wouldn’t be able to get hold of her. That meant she would have to wait to find out. And if Meredith never came back—then that answered her question.

  Adam grasped her hand and squeezed it. “Let me go get my things, and then I’ll take you to lunch. You look like you need a break. We’ll go to your pick of a place.”

  Ainsley nodded.

  “Give me your ID card,” he said.

  “What?”

  “You dragged me out of there so fast I didn’t even have time to grab mine nonetheless grab my shoes.”

  Ainsley looked down at his bare feet and cringed. She hadn’t even noticed.

  “It’s cold,” he said, wiggling his toes.

  Ainsley fished her ID card out of her pocket and handed it over. “I’ll wait right here,” she said.

  “Good. Don’t go anywhere.”

  She watched him walk away, feeling far calmer than she had minutes ago. Her panic receded, and she was left with a strange feeling, one she wasn’t sure she liked. Adam was the only person she could talk to about it—and even he didn’t really want to hear all the details. Perhaps this had been part of Meredith’s hesitation as well. It wasn’t just being in a forbidden relationship; it was having to keep everything secret, even her own happiness.

  When she saw Adam coming back out of the library with his backpack and shoes, she smiled. Well, if she was going to drag someone down with her, it might as well be him. Ainsley stood up and walked over to where Adam waited. He handed her back her ID card, and she slipped it into her back pocket of her jeans. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and they walked arm in arm to his car.

  “Don’t worry so much,” he said. “I don’t think it has anything to do with you.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  “Just a feeling,” he answered.

  Ainsley looked up at him a smiled. Usually Adam’s feelings were right, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to worry. This was the first relationship she had wanted to make work, the first one she really wanted to try hard at working. The thought hit her hard, but she knew it was true. This was far more than just a crush on a professor, and it was to the point where she didn’t want to follow the train of thought. Ignoring it seemed like a much better idea.

  Getting into the car after setting her backpack in the trunk along with his, she shivered. Adam turned the heat on full blast after he started the engine and then turned to face her. “Since you’re wasting my precious study time, make it a good place.”

  “Not Denny’s,” she said.

  He laughed. “I said you could choose. I figured we’d end up at some hole in the wall place you had found.”

  “Actually, I really want Chinese.”

  “Then let’s get some Chinese.”

  He pulled out of the parking spot and left the lot without another glance to her. Ainsley felt at ease around him, knowing she could and would talk to him even if he didn’t want to hear it. That’s what best friends were for, after all, and she had listened to plenty of his whining. Lunch would be a conversation filled with everything about Meredith, and she wouldn’t hold back.

  #

  Meredith had been up half the night with Sam and was just pulling herself up and off the couch in his living room when the noon hour struck. She’d already contacted the school and told them to cancel her classes for that day but figured she wouldn’t even make it in that week. Sam was an utter mess.

  She’d made it to his apartment an hour before he’d gotten there and had cleaned it spotless in her frenzy. Sam had arrived with Jeremy, only to have Jeremy pass away a few hours later. She couldn’t even figure out why the paramedics had been called in the first place or how Jeremy had ended up at the hospital, but either way, it didn’t matter anymore. Jeremy was gone.

  She brushed her hands on her face and sat up, still in her jeans and bra. She’d been so exhausted she hadn’t even bothered to take them off before curling up on the couch under the blanket. Sam had gone back to his room, and she was thankful Jeremy and he hadn’t shared a bed at the apartment. It was Sam’s sanctuary and a place that didn’t remind him of his dead husband.

  Meredith sighed and wobbled to the bathroom, her
bones aching from sleeping on the couch and from having little to no sleep for the past four nights. She sat on the toilet and rubbed her eyes again, trying to get the bleariness out of them. Sam was crushed. Not only was he dealing with the loss of his life-partner, but since his family didn’t recognize the relationship, they didn’t think his grief was real. Meredith had been his only support for the past few days.

  Jeremy’s family had arrived the previous evening and were staying in a hotel nearby. They were stunned in their own grief and hadn’t been much help to Sam, but it had prompted a whole new wave of bitterness from her friend she hadn’t seen in years.

  Checking the watch on her wrist, she noted they had a few hours before they needed to be at the funeral home for the viewing. Jeremy had been Catholic, and his parents had insisted on a Catholic funeral mass—that meant it was going to be a long few days.

  She freshened up and went to Jeremy’s room. She had stored her bag of clothes there but hadn’t been able to sleep in the room. It still smelled like him—well, like hospital and him, but it was him nonetheless. She tried not to look at the hospital bed in the corner of the room when she bent down and grabbed her black duffel bag.

  Going back to the bathroom, she changed into a nice black dress and applied her makeup. As soon as she was done, she would wake up Sam, make some coffee and breakfast for him and then wait out the day in support of him. Anything he wanted or needed she would do for him. He had done the same for her so many years back she couldn’t even count.

  Meredith went to Sam’s bedroom and knocked. He groaned, but she opened the door anyway. Walking to the bed, she sat on the edge of it and turned on the light on his nightstand. “Time to get up,” she rasped. “We have the viewing in just over an hour.”

  Sam nodded but didn’t open his eyes. She shook his shoulder until he turned on his back and glared at her. “I don’t want to go.”

  “You need to go.”

  “It’ll be too hard.”

  “We talked about this last night,” she reminded him. “You need to go. You need closure just as much as I do, and Jeremy’s family needs you there. You were a huge part of his life, and he would want you to stand there proud of the relationship you had together.”