Memoir in the Making: A May-December Romance

by Adrian J. Smith

  Packing her resignation letter for the dean and the one for Ainsley in her school bag, she pulled out her papers and graded them. She’d struggled with focusing at first, but as soon as she was three or four papers in, she got into the groove of grading and focused only on the stories her students had created.

  When Meredith looked at the clock on her wall again, it was after five and her stomach rumbled from hunger. It was the first time she’d realized that the anxious pain that had been present for the last several days constantly and every once in a while in the past few months was completely gone. It really was better to make decisions and take a leap of faith than stay where she wasn’t completely welcome.

  Licking her lips, Meredith got up and went to her wall of wine in her office. She grabbed the best bottle she owned and lugged it out to the kitchen. Pouring herself a glass of it, she toasted herself and her decisions, sipping it gingerly. She started dinner on the stove and glanced at her phone which she’d left on the counter all morning in hopes she wouldn’t have to listen to it ring as Ainsley called again.

  She had three missed calls and quite a few text messages. Instead of calling Ainsley or Sam back, she sent Ainsley a text, telling her to meet in her office the next day before noon. She knew Ainsley would be there early in the morning, but that didn’t matter. Meredith needed to see Ainsley more than she ever had before, but she still couldn’t tell her everything. She had to keep it all bottled for two more weeks—two weeks to the end of the semester and to the start of one of the biggest life decisions she had ever made on her own.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  She’d been back since Friday and hadn’t heard hide nor hair from Meredith. Every text, every phone call had been ignored. The idea of going over to Meredith’s house and seeing her had crossed her mind more than once, but because of the last time, she had decided it might be better to just wait it out. Her weekend home hadn't been as relaxing as she had anticipated, mostly because of Meredith.

  Her mother had been shocked, but her step-dad—he had been livid. She'd tried to calm them down as much as she could, but she was certain they were only listening to her for a few seconds before they completely forgot what she had said. Ainsley had wanted to warn Meredith about the conversation and had intended on doing so the night she'd called, but it hadn't happened. She'd chickened out, and then each time she tried after that, Meredith hadn't even answered. She'd left a dozen messages, asking Meredith to call her back, but her phone had remained silent for the rest of the weekend—at least silent from Meredith.

  Her mom had called about every hour to make sure she was okay. Like Meredith was going to corrupt her or something. Ainsley sighed and shifted to lean against the wall in her bedroom, the books in front of her long forgotten. It didn't matter anymore anyway. She should have waited until Christmas break to tell them. That way she would have weeks to convince them not to do anything other than a measly three days. Friday had been a blessing and a curse. She'd flown back to school but not without fighting for her right to. Her mom had threatened to keep her home.

  Biting her lip, Ainsley glanced down at her phone and then picked it up. She flipped through to Meredith's name, and then flipped through the pictures she had. She didn't have many, but there were a few of the two of them together. Mostly when Ainsley had convinced Meredith to do something ridiculous and had snapped a picture before Meredith could object to it. She smiled sweetly at one of the pictures and then put it away. Anger bubbled into her chest. She was mad at herself, mad at her mom and Nick, and she was certainly mad at Meredith.

  After all the shit she had gone through, Meredith at least owed her an explanation, or owed her something. Keeping her in the dark and avoiding her after everything that had happened was worse than just up and leaving with a quick goodbye. Ainsley crossed her arms over her knees after she pulled them up to her chest. She rested her chin on her knees and looked out the window across the room from her.

  She should just go over there and throw a fit. She definitely deserved to be treated better, and if it hadn't been for being so in love with Meredith, she probably would have left the relationship already. Her being in love—the thought still scared her half the time when it wasn't exhilarating. It wasn't just that she was in love with Meredith; she knew, deep down, Meredith loved her back and fear had overridden most of what she said and did. It seemed so odd coming from a woman who oozed confidence and poise, but that was what it had to be. Ainsley didn't have any other explanation for it, and she was very good at reading people.

  Sighing again, she rolled her eyes and sat back up, ready to get more studying done. She'd made it halfway through her second run of the chapter for her chemistry class when her phone echoed in the room. She had a text. Glancing at it, sure she was going to see Adam's name along with a few quick words about how he hated her step-father, she was surprised to see Meredith's name. Picking up her phone, Ainsley opened the text message and read it quickly. It was so formal, so dry and unemotional.

  "Please meet me in my office before noon tomorrow," Ainsley read out loud, sarcasm dripping from her tone. "Fat chance," Ainsley said.

  The last thing she would be doing was exactly what Meredith wanted her to do. Not after how she'd been treated for the last two weeks. Nope, she wouldn't show up before noon—she would show up sometime after noon. Maybe it would teach Meredith a lesson, but at the very least, it would make Ainsley feel better, give her some control in the situation that felt completely out of control.

  At least when they met, she would be able to tell Meredith that Nick was probably going to call the school and file a formal complaint about it. She didn't know how far that would go, seeing as how she was an adult and could definitely make her own decisions, but she was sure Meredith would end up behind a firing squad for sleeping with a student. At least I am an adult, Ainsley thought. If this was high school? It would be far worse than she could even imagine.

  Opening her book up, she read through the rest of the chapter, thoughts of Meredith swirling through her head as she tried to get them out. Her roommates were expected back that night, and she was going to have a hard time studying with them chattering it up and making noise in the living room and kitchen. She was definitely the more dedicated student out of all of them. Perhaps she would join Adam at the library for a bit that evening—of course—the library during dead week was probably going to be worse than her house. If she and Meredith were on speaking terms, she could go over there and study, at least there it would be quiet.

  Cursing herself for the thought, Ainsley forced her way through the rest of the chapter, her eyes locked on each page as she read every single word on it, not absorbing anything. She tried to read it again, but when she was just as distracted as before, she realized she needed a break. Licking her lips, she got up and went to the bathroom. A shower would help her focus. The water would cleanse her thoughts and make her able to study for the next few hours before she needed a food break.

  Ainsley turned the water on as hot it would go and then stripped down. Her body ached for Meredith, and it was the first undeniable sign that it had been weeks since they'd really seen each other. Ainsley puffed out her cheeks and put her head under the hot water, letting it relax her muscles and work the knots out. She needed to focus on school not on the woman who clearly wanted nothing to do with her at the moment.

  If Meredith could ignore her for weeks, then she should easily be able to ignore her for one night and half a day while she worked on homework and prepared for her exams and papers. She had been avoiding her final project for the memoir class, knowing she had a few more stories to write before she could put them all together in a portfolio, edited and prettier than ever.

  Once she was dried and ready to study, she grabbed her phone and typed a quick text back to Meredith. She typed each word carefully, knowing Meredith wouldn’t respond but not even knowing if she would read it.

  Why won’t you just admit you love me? I’ll talk to you tomorrow as reque
sted.

  Ainsley wavered over hitting send, debating if it was the right thing to do or not. It was certainly everything she was feeling wrapped up in two neat sentences. She looked out the window again and thought about what Adam would tell her to do. He’d probably tell her to say it instead of sending it, but if Meredith wasn’t going to answer a phone call, then she couldn’t very well say it out loud. She could potentially wait until the next day when they met, but that was Meredith’s show not hers.

  Looking down at her phone again, Ainsley’s thumb hit the send button. Her stomach roiled for a few minutes before she gathered up her books and study materials and left her house and her phone sitting on her bed. She had bigger things she needed to focus on for a few hours. Ainsley drove down and set up shop at the local coffee joint, intending to stay there until it closed later that night.

  #

  Meredith’s stomach pains started again, but this time it was because Ainsley hadn’t shown up. It was just after noon according to the big clock over her office door, and Ainsley wasn’t there. She picked up her phone as she tapped her foot against the plastic under her chair and checked it. She had one text message. Opening it up, she saw it was Ainsley and clicked it right away, thinking it was an excuse for why she wasn’t there.

  Meredith’s heart lodged in her throat when she read it. “For so many reasons,” Meredith whispered to the empty room. Ainsley had intended on coming according to the message, but she wasn’t there. Worry etched its way in place of anxiety, and Meredith had to leave. The dean was going to be in a meeting all afternoon, and she had to get him the letter.

  Grabbing the one with his name on it, she raced down the hall to the next set of offices, and opened the door. His secretary was already gone, and he was packing up his bags. Meredith let out a sigh and knocked on his door with one knuckle. When Jared looked up at her, she was sure she was going to lose her breakfast.

  She’d never felt like that before, never in her work life, but for some reason, with everything else going on, she had no confidence what so ever. She handed him the letter and stepped back. He gave her a look and then opened the back of the sealed envelope.

  “What is this?” Jared asked.

  “My resignation.”

  His head shot up at that, and he sat down in one of the two chairs in front of his desk. He motioned for her to sit down as well, and Meredith did, smoothing her skirt as she sat. She took in a deep breath, feeling for the second time in the last week, she was finally doing something right.

  “Why? What happened?”

  “It’s all in the letter, but if you want the quick version, I did something I shouldn’t have, and before it blows up here, I wanted to tenure my resignation and help you shovel it all under the rug. There’s no reason for one incident to take down the whole department.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Meredith rubbed her lips together, and then she locked her gaze on his face. Jared was the nicest and most hard-working dean she had ever worked with, and telling him how badly she had screwed up was harder than she had thought it was going to be. He hadn’t read the letter, and she wished he had because then she wouldn’t have to explain it all.

  “I’m in a relationship…with a student.”

  The shocked expression on his face was enough to tell her she had done exactly the right thing. Obviously, Ainsley’s step-dad and mom hadn’t contact the school yet otherwise Jared would know about it. She let out a breath and closed her eyes, tears threatening.

  “I didn’t mean for it to happen, you have to believe me. I tried to stop it countless times, but I can’t. And I can’t keep going like this. I love her, Jared. I love her, and I have to do something for her this time around. I can live without this job, but she needs to finish her education in peace. I’m resigning to avoid a fuss. Please let that happen.”

  He nodded, and the read her letter. She stewed in her seat, hoping he would accept her reasoning, that he would make all the hoopla that could come out of the situation disappear. He took a deep breath and sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing them under his glasses.

  “You know how bad this looks,” he said.

  “I’m well aware. I’ll be out by the end of the semester. No need to worry about it.”

  “I’ll have to talk to someone else about this, see if we can make it disappear.”

  “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

  Jared nodded. Relief washed over Meredith. One of the hardest things she’d done in the past twenty years was done and over with. She only had one more thing to do, but that would only happen if Ainsley showed up. She stood up and headed toward the door. Jared stopped her by calling her name, his voice echoing in the eerily quiet office.

  “I hope it works out for you.”

  “Me too,” Meredith whispered back. “I never expected to find someone again. I never expected to want to be with someone like I want to be with her.”

  Jared nodded. “You’re in love. It’s not always easy to be in that position.”

  “It’s not,” she agreed. “It’s sometimes the hardest place to be.”

  “We’ll have a meeting with the school board, but I don’t see any issues in them accepting your resignation. In fact, I think what you have done here is very honorable, and I’ll tell them that myself. I don’t think they’ll have issue letting things lie so long as no one else comes by and stirs it up.”

  “We can only hope,” Meredith said. “Thank you, Jared. I’ll have my office cleaned by the fifteenth.”

  She left his office with a lightness in her step. She had done the right thing, and she knew it. Her career was ending, but she had a new phase of her life to look forward to, whether or not Ainsley was a part of that phase had yet to be seen, but Meredith was confident in herself once again. She could rectify the situation and make something worthwhile come from it. She should have made the decision months ago.

  When she got to her office, Ainsley was sitting in her chair. Meredith’s stomach clenched, and she shut her door with shaking hands. Swallowing, she turned back around and crossed her arms over her chest as she looked at Ainsley.

  “You’re late,” Meredith said.

  Ainsley shrugged.

  “I wanted to give you this.” Meredith reached into her bag next to Ainsley’s foot and pulled out the second copy of her resignation letter. Handing it over, she moved to the rickety wooden seat and perched on the edge of it.

  Ainsley flipped the envelope over in her fingers, looking up at Meredith and not opening it. “What is it?”

  “Open it and read it, please.”

  Ainsley did as she was asked, opening the letter and skimming it over quickly. She set the letter down on the desk and shook her head. “Don’t do it.”

  “Why not?” Meredith asked.

  “Teaching is your life. If you weren’t here, you would be stuck at home writing books and not seeing any one. You love teaching. Don’t do it because of me.”

  Meredith swallowed. “I may not have a choice in the matter.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If your step-father calls the school—”

  “He won’t. I talked him out of it last night. He’s not planning on doing anything.”

  Nodding, Meredith sighed. Some of the weight still in her stomach lifted. It was a relief to know there wouldn’t be complications with the school board. “How did you manage that one?”

  “I told him he wasn’t my dad, he didn’t have the right, and that I loved you, so it wouldn’t matter in the long run anyway. I was going to be with you no matter what he did to try and stop it. I also may have thrown it in his face a few times that I’m an adult and I can make my own decisions concerning where my life is going. My mom agreed with me from the start. She may not like it, but she doesn’t have any say in the matter.”

  Meredith pursed her lips and hooked her heels over the bottom rung of the chair. She let out a breath and blinked back tears. “Thank you. That means a lot.”<
br />
  “It shouldn’t have happened.”

  “This shouldn’t have happened,” Meredith said, moving her hand—palm up—between her and Ainsley. “I shouldn’t have let it happen until you graduated. We could have waited.”

  “I didn’t want to wait.”

  Meredith snorted. “That was clear.”

  “So don’t quit, okay? Even if after all this we aren’t together, don’t quit.”

  “I already handed in my resignation to the dean. He’ll be meeting with the school board later this week.”

  Shock echoed on Ainsley’s face. Meredith knew it would hurt her, but there was no other way she could do it. She would hurt her by staying and by leaving, but it couldn’t have been avoided. She just had to choose which one was the lesser hurt of the two, and at least this way, if they wanted, they could still be together.

  “I’m done on the fifteenth. It’s my last day.”

  “You shouldn’t have done that.”

  “Ainsley…” Meredith unhooked her heels and stood up, walking over to Ainsley and cupping her cheeks so they could look at each other. Tears swam in Ainsley’s eyes, and Meredith bent her head and kissed away the tears as they fell. “I had to quit so I could be with you. I love you.”

  Ainsley sobbed. She gripped Meredith’s sides and shook her head. “You love me?”

  “I do. I’ve loved you for months now. I just couldn’t admit it to myself, and then I had to figure out the rest of this mess.”

  Narrowing her gaze, Ainsley glared at Meredith. “You could have figured it out with me instead of cutting me out of the decision process.”

  Meredith smiled. “I’ll remember that for the future.”

  Ainsley nodded and then grabbed Meredith by the back of the neck, pulling her in for a kiss. Meredith fell into the embrace, knowing this was the first time they had both been completely honest with each other and with themselves. She cupped Ainsley’s cheeks and swirled their tongues together, breathing deeply through her nose. She’d once promised herself never to kiss Ainsley in her office again, but she couldn’t resist. And with her resignation already in, there was no reason to deny her desires any longer.