“With what?”
“Trust, I guess.”
He paused for a second before answering. “You are having a hard time trusting me?”
“Not you, just everything,” I exhaled. It wasn’t coming out right.
“I’m sorry, Becka, but I’m kind of confused.”
I needed to be honest, as honest as I could get. “What I’m trying to say is that I have trust issues. But I don’t want to have trust issues with you.”
He listened again before answering. “Okay.”
“Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, I mean with what happened before, you have every right not to trust people. I just hope that you will be able to trust me.”
“I want to, I really do. But when I think about letting someone in, all I think about is what happened, and it is psyches me out. I wish it didn’t, but it still does.”
“And I don’t blame you for that, not at all.”
It was going well. “I think it might just take some time.”
“Take all the time you need.” I could tell he was smiling so I did the same. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Thank you for listening.”
“So, how was your day?”
I sighed. “Long.”
“I take it that is what the bath is for?”
“Correct. Just feel stressed. Bubbles seemed like the way to go.”
“Wait, there are bubbles?”
I covered my mouth to stifle my laughter. “I’m overflowing in bubbles.”
“Now this is getting interesting.” This made me laugh harder.
“Matt, are you thinking about me taking a bath?” I just wanted to see his reaction.
“I mean it’s kind of difficult not to now. Is that a bad thing?”
“If it was, I wouldn’t have told you about the bubbles.”
“Oh! So, you wanted me to think about you in a bath?”
He was tricky. “I mean I’m not gonna say no.”
“Is this what I think it is? Is Becka flirting with me?” he asked in a cute voice.
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Absolutely not.” He sounded so sure of himself. “I would like that very much.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” We had never done this flirting thing before, but I liked it. “How was your day?”
“Not too bad, school was whatever. I went to the gym and worked out my chest. Then I went to work for a few hours. Now I am just hanging out at home, watching a movie.”
“And talking to me?”
“And talking to you.”
“Why?”
He didn’t say anything at first, but I knew he would. “Talking to you and just being around you is easy, and I like it. So, when I’m sitting around and wanting good company, I think of you.”
Of course, I smiled, but I was speechless. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything, it’s just the way it is.” We kept the silence for a minute, just being in the moment. “Have you decided what you are doing for the meet yet?”
“No. Coach wants me to decide soon but I don’t know what I would be good at. Or what would benefit the team best.”
“Maybe you should ask Dawson,” he suggested. “Getting her opinion on it might show her that you care about the team and want to do your best.”
I smiled. “How are you so smart?”
He laughed. “I didn’t know that I was.”
“Come on, any time I have anything going on you always have the perfect thing to say. It’s like magic.”
“Oh, magic huh?” He chuckled through the phone.
“You are practically a magician.”
“Now I’m a magician?” Just listening to him laugh was making my heart glow.
“You have to be a magician to have magic Matt, duh.”
“Not if I’m a wizard.”
“A wizard? Definitely not cool enough to be a wizard.”
“I could totally be a wizard! Wizards are way cooler than magicians.” I could tell he was ready to defend this like he does pizza.
“I agree, but that doesn’t mean you could handle the world of wizardry.”
“Oh? So, all I’m good for is pulling rabbits out of hats?”
“No. You just seem more likely to give me a bouquet of flowers from the sleeve of your tux than wrap me in your invisibility cloak.”
“You wish I would wrap you in my invisibility cloak!”
“You wish you were cool enough to have an invisibility cloak!”
He sighed heavily. “I think we both have made some valid points. Can we agree on that?”
“This I can agree with, yes.”
“So, just to clarify, you are agreeing that you wish I would wrap you in my invisibility cloak?”
Damnit. “I suppose my answer is yes. That is what I am agreeing with.”
“Just clarifying,” he laughed.
“You’re not funny,” I told him, trying not to laugh myself.
“I think I am.”
“Definitely not.” We both knew I was fighting it, and I was doing a really bad job.
“How’s the bath? Is it doing its job?”
I smiled as I looked at my overly pruned hand. “I am definitely more relaxed. But you helped too.”
“I didn’t do anything Becka,” he paused, “I just called you.”
“Nothing else in my life is easy right now, but this is. And I like it.”
“Yeah, I like it too.” I knew he was smiling on the other end.
“However, I’m a human prune.” I heard nothing but laughter on the other side. “It might be time to let the bubbles die.”
“As long as you feel better, do what you need to do. I’m probably just going to finish this movie and then head to bed. What about you?”
“Find my way through this maze of bubbles and then I’ll just read until I fall asleep, which will probably be very quickly tonight.” I unplugged the tub and wrapped myself in a towel, ready to find the warmth of my bed.
“Not a bad way to end the night,” he said. “We should do this more often.”
“Talk on the phone?”
“Or just talk.” He paused again. “I like talking to you. I get to know you better.”
“I’d like to get to know you better. I talk too much for the both of us.” I laughed.
“I like listening to you talk. It’s honest.”
“It feels honest, for the first time in a long time. But I want to know you too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes,” I said assertively.
“Okay. I can try to do that,” he said, almost shyly. Matt wasn’t the type to get shy, but I could almost sense it. “What do you want to know?”
“Is it creepy if I say everything?”
That made him laugh. “Not creepy, but we should probably pace ourselves.”
“Fine,” I slid on some shorts and threw a tank top over my head. “What is your favorite color?”
“Green. And yours?”
“Blue.”
“It’s a start.”
“You know way more about me already.”
He chuckled. “I’m sure you’ll catch up in no time.”
“Yeah?”
“I hope so.” I leaned back into my pillows and grinned to myself. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Same place as always. Enjoy the rest of your movie.”
“Enjoy reading until you fall asleep. Good night, Becka.”
“Good night, Matt.”
Neither of us hung up right away, it was like we were just listening to each other be there. It was something I had never done before, but I loved it.
Matt was amazing. He showed me what it is like to have someone really be there for you. It was a blood-rushing, butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling, and I never wanted it to go away. I never wanted Matt to go away.
Instead of reading, I scrolled through my social media. I wanted to look at his pictures again. I felt closer to tr
usting already. It was scary, but it filled my body up with happiness all the same.
As soon as I clicked on his page, a new picture was uploaded that very second. In the picture, Matt had his feet propped on his coffee table with Rocky’s head in his lap. In the background of the picture was a scene from The Social Network. The caption read: A good night after all…
That next morning, I was eager to meet Matt. Our talk had me smiling until I fell asleep and it had me smiling again when I woke up. He made me laugh like I hadn’t laughed in years. It was refreshing.
I got dressed in black skinny jeans and a faded green t-shirt with white vans and a long gold pendant. The second Matt told me his favorite color was green, I immediately planned my outfit. I enjoyed flirting with him more than I thought I would, and I was excited for more. Hopefully, the green shirt would initiate it.
I opened the front door to the school and the commons was congested with people. At first glance it didn’t seem any different, but it was. This time I stopped short and lost my breath. I didn’t lose it on purpose, it felt more like a punch in the gut.
In the middle of the commons stood Matt. Matt looked so handsome in a blue button-up with the sleeves rolled up past his forearms. But what really caught my attention was his smile. That smile I started to look for all the time was face-to-face with Ashleigh, who’s hand was resting on Matt’s shoulder. My worst enemy was invading my new life, and it looked like he was reciprocating.
My lungs were airless, tears already welling up in my eyes. My hands were shaking so quickly you would think it was drug induced. My feet started backtracking at a panicky rate and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
I sprinted out of the school and back to my car. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be in a place that seemed to focus solely on crushing my spirit. Ashleigh was the devil, and it seemed she had infected Matt as well. I sat in my car and held my face in my hands, crying so horrifically. He told me I could trust him. He encouraged me to trust him. I told him what these people did to me and yet there he was, smiling with her like she was decent. He was wrong. I couldn’t trust him. I couldn’t trust anyone.
My house was empty, thankfully. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone or explain why I wasn’t at school. I just wanted to be alone. I made myself a cup of coffee and curled up in my window seat. I changed out of my skinny jeans and replaced them with gray sweatpants. I didn’t understand how this could happen to me again. I was careful this time. I made sure to take my time before letting anybody in. I trusted Dani, and Dani told me I could trust Matt. Matt told me I could trust Matt. But the sight of that smile facing Ashleigh made me sick. This is what I got for putting myself out there.
My tears were falling into my coffee when my phone buzzed next to me, Matt calling. My sobbing was too severe, there was no way I was going to answer it. I let it go to voicemail. But he immediately sent me a text.
Matt: Good morning :) I’m in the library and I was wondering where you are. Have something funny to tell you
I stared at his words for a while. How could he be so nice to me after what I saw? Man, he was good.
Me: Not feeling good. Stayed home.
Matt: I’m sorry :/ Everything okay?
Me: Just need to sleep.
Matt: Okay… I’ll miss you today…weird not seeing you across from me. But I hope you feel better. I’m not working tonight so let me know if I can bring you anything :)
This was the worst.
I tried to stay busy, distracting my mind from the pain. I washed my bedding and did all the laundry. I washed all the dishes and vacuumed every room in the house. I even organized Rhylie’s toys so you could see her floor. It helped a little, but any time I finished a chore, my brain instantly flashed to Matt’s sweet smile staring back at Ashleigh. There weren’t enough chores in the world.
When I ran out of things to clean, I checked my phone and found a lot of messages. I didn’t think anyone would notice I was gone, but I was wrong.
Dani: Matt told us you are sicko, hope you feel better! Love you!
Matt: Been thinking about the zombie apocalypse. Curious to hear your take on it.
Matt: Hopefully you’re resting, or deep in thought about zombies and are working on getting back to me. Lunch is weird without you…
Mom: The school called and asked me to excuse your absence? Have a good day and get ready to explain.
I tossed my phone aside and turned on the television to drown out the silence. I would explain to Mom as soon as she got home, but until then there was nothing else to be done.
I don’t know how long had passed before I was being shaken awake by tiny hands.
“Becka!” Rhylie shouted in my face.
“Hi, Bug,” I sighed and wiped the sleep from my face. “What time is it?”
“5:30, I just got home from swim practice. How was your day?”
“Yes, Becka, how was your day?”
I looked over at the doorway and found Mom, arms crossed, and eyebrows raised, not looking thrilled.
I exhaled and put my head in my hands. “I’m sick,” I muttered through my palms.
“Sick? Really?” She clearly didn’t believe me. “Because you seemed just fine when you left this morning.” She sat on the coffee table across from me, ready to ream me.
“It’s complicated,” I groaned. I knew I was going to have to tell her what happened that way she didn’t think I just decided to skip school, but I wasn’t ready. My image of Matt had been stomped on and lit on fire. I wasn’t ready for her to feel the same way.
“Rhylie, go upstairs and start your reading. I need to talk to Becka.” Mom’s stare never left me, her eyes like daggers.
Rhylie leaned into me very closely, she whispered breath on my earlobe. “I think you’re in trouble.”
I nodded quickly. “I think so too. Go upstairs.” The sound of Rhylie’s door closing gave Mom her cue to lay into me.
“I don’t know when you decided to just go ahead and do whatever the hell you want, but skipping school is absolutely not an option.”
I leaned forward and held my head in my hands, just trying to get through her wrath. “I know,” I mumbled.
“Do you?” She got louder. “If you know that, then why did I get a call from the school telling me you did not show up for your classes?” I sighed heavily, not wanting to answer. “Where were you?”
“I was here. At home.”
Her eyebrows crinkled. “You skipped school to stay at home?” I nodded. “Why? Why did you even go if you were just going to come home?”
I sighed again, wiping my hands over my face. “Can we please not talk about it?” I could feel the tears welling up again. “Just yell at me or ground me or do whatever, but can we please not talk about it?”
She didn’t say anything for a minute, just letting me hold back my tears. I thought I had it under control until she spoke again.
“What did they do?” Her voice was still stern, but not toward me anymore.
“Mom, please.”
She peeled my hands away from my face and stared back at me. The tears were a steady stream at this point. “Becka, what happened?”
I tore my hands from hers and leapt from the couch, heading straight for the stairs. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it, and I meant it. I sprinted up the stairs and slammed my door shut.
I don’t know how much time had passed before I heard my mom’s light tap on my door. I didn’t respond but she found her way in. I stayed in my window seat, unwilling to notice her. She made herself comfortable on my bed, putting a pillow in her lap and giving me her full attention.
“I’m sorry I assumed you just decided to skip school. I know that’s not you,” she began. “I just didn’t expect to get that call from the school and you didn’t answer my text. I overreacted and I’m sorry.”
I didn’t expect her to come in here and apologize, but it warmed me up to the idea of telling her what happened.
“You don’t
have to tell me what happened,” she continued, still trying to make eye contact with me. “It’s your business and I will respect your privacy, but if you want to talk, you know I’m here, whether it be just to listen or to help with anything that I can.”
Tears started falling from my eyes again, but this time it had everything to do with Mom and how much I loved her. I took a deep breath and prepared myself. “I got to school, and Matt was talking to Ashleigh.”
“Matt?” Her eyebrows furrowed like caterpillars. The last person she expected me to say was Matt, and if you had asked me that morning, I would’ve said the same thing.
I stared out the window and recapped the morning, letting the tears continue to fall. “Ashleigh had her hand…on his shoulder and…and Matt was smiling…and laughing with her.” I was trying to sniffle through my words, but it wasn’t working very well.
“Come here,” she reached for my hand and pulled me onto the bed, wrapping her arms around me and holding me close. I smelled her familiar smell and cried into her chest. Neither of us spoke for a while. She just let me cry and get it all out. I thought I had gotten it out a while ago, but I guess not.
“So, you walked in and he was just standing there with her? Smiling?” she asked after a while, clearly still confused. I nodded, taking a nice long, deep breath. “And her hand was on his shoulder?”
“She held his shoulder in her deviled hand and made him smile and laugh. The same way he smiles at me.” She rested her head on top of mine and squeezed me again. “I told him about Ashleigh and Aiden and the bet. I told him all about it, and he told me I could trust him. And I really wanted to, Mom. I wanted to trust him so badly, more than anything. But seeing him there, with her…” I started sobbing all over again.
“I can’t imagine what you must be feeling sweetie, and I’m so sorry,” she kissed my hair softly, “but are you sure that what you think happened actually happened?”
I leaned back from her to see if she was being serious. “I know what I saw.”
She shook her head, “I’m not disputing what you saw at all, I’m just saying, what if it’s not what you think?”
“What else could it be? Why would he be laughing with her?”
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