She clears her throat and faces the front. I want her to turn and stare at me so I can form the perfect picture tonight before going to bed. I want to memorize every inch of her porcelain face and hold her delicate hands in mine. I want to protect her from the world.
I turn away when she glances at me. I shouldn’t have these feelings but I can’t help it. Evan’s right, she’s an angel. But if she’s the angel, he most certainly is the devil and I know I’ll have to bide my time until he’s moved on. I’ll be there to mend her broken heart even if the wait kills me.
Evan texts back asking me if I’m serious. I could lie, but that will only work until he sees her himself. She’s new; everyone will be talking about her. I can’t hide her as much as I’d love to.
“Evan has been pacing by the phone waiting for you to call. He’s going to be outside that door when the bell rings now that he knows you’re here.”
She looks at the door and back at me. Her expression is stoic. Her hands clutch the end of her desk, and her knuckles turn white.
“What was your name again?” I ask my tongue thick in my throat.
“Ryley Clarke.” Her voice is barely above a whisper but it’s enough to make the hairs on my arm stand tall.
“What’s yours?”
I like that she cares even if she’s just returning the gesture.
“Nate. Nate Archer.” This is my opportunity to touch her so I extend my hand for her to shake. I feel my eyes go wide when we shake hands. “Like I said, Evan will be very happy to see you.” I want to add that she should run in the opposite direction and that I’ll be there to meet her. I’m the good one of the both of us. Not him.
My heart races the closer the second hand gets to the bell. I wish I had never sent that text and just talked to her myself. What harm would that have done? I could’ve easily told Evan I forgot what she looked like. He wouldn’t have bought it since he spent the night reciting everything that he loved about her. I know once he gets her into the backseat of his car he’ll be done with her. I won’t mind. I can’t fight what my heart wants.
The bell signals the end of class and Mr. Reed throws his pen onto his desk and waves the students out. It’s only the first day and he already looks flustered. I gather my things slowly and walk down the aisle staying one step behind Ryley. I’m trying not to watch her, but I can’t help it.
I let her go in front of me and as soon as we’re both facing the door, I see Evan. His head is bent slightly and he’s watching her like a hawk watches his prey. When Donna, his weekly “friend” walks by, I expect he’ll start watching her, but her presence doesn’t faze him. That doesn’t bode well for me.
I hate my brother right now. The coolness oozes off him. I didn’t get the sex appeal gene. I got the brains. Why can’t I have both? He beckons her with his finger and she goes, just like every other girl in this school. He looks up, catches me watching and shakes his head. He’s telling me she’s off limits.
I don’t wait to see what happens next. I put my head down and walk to my locker, letting the regret build with each step I take.
I should’ve never texted him.
Footsteps bound up the front porch steps. I place my beer on the table and smile at the memory of the first day I met Ryley. Everything could’ve been different but like I predicted, I was here to pick up the pieces when Evan died. It’s not how I wanted things to be with us, but I’ll take whatever I can get.
The front door opens and Ryley walks in. She’s laughing and looking behind her. She doesn’t know I’m here, reminding me that we need to talk about security and her being cautious when I’m not home. I see the top of EJ’s head, knowing instantly that someone is carrying him. He’s being held too high up for it to be Lois holding him.
They step in and all eyes are on me. My throat closes as we stand there, staring at each other. I blink, closing my eyes tightly and pray that when I open them again all I will see are Ryley and EJ standing before me.
When I open them my worst nightmare has come true. A ghost is holding my son – the boy I’ve raised. A man I buried years ago stands before me, having just been laughing with my fiancée a moment ago.
I look from him to Ryley and back. I don’t even want to think about what’s been going on or how the hell he ended up in our living room.
“Daddy!” EJ exclaims, and the only solace I feel right now is running toward me after being set down. I scoop him up and look at my dead brother as he eyes me with his newly found possession.
“How are you here?” I ask, clearly in shock.
“Ah, don’t act so surprised little brother. It’s not like you didn’t know I was alive.”
I didn’t.
I HAVEN’T SEEN MY brother in six years. We haven’t spoken or emailed. It’s not because we were angry at each other – although he might be now that I’m standing in front of him – it’s because I’ve been fighting against an enemy that may or may not be some type of cover up. Little did I know that I’d also be fighting to get my family back from the one person I trusted to keep them safe.
He stands here, holding my son in his arms as if nothing has happened. As if I’m the one who doesn’t belong here in my own home. The one I bought with Ryley and we had planned to fix up together. He’s said nothing to combat the accusation that I believe is true – he knew what was going on. Instead, he ignores me and doesn’t even seem shocked that I’ve miraculously “come back from the dead”.
Nate sets EJ down and kisses him on top of his head. “Go upstairs, EJ. I need to talk to Mommy about work stuff.”
“But what about yous tellin’ me about your trip?”
“I promise, I will,” Nate is soft and gentle with my son, his fingers linger on EJ’s cheek, and his eyes tell me that he loves my boy.
“Can you tell me later?”
“Yeah, I’ll be up.”
EJ hangs on every word Nate says and holds his hand up for a high-five when he passes by. “Later Eban.”
My own voice is caught in my throat. My son has just dismissed me because he believes his father is home. I am home, yet I don’t belong. My brother needs to say something. He needs to face me like a man. There’s a bond between brothers, twins especially, that is hard to sever. Our bond was strengthened when we joined the Navy together, when we became SEALs together. Nothing should come between us, but we both know Ryley and EJ will, and for good reason. Our mother and sister will divide the family because of all of this, taking unnecessary sides, sides that were created by Nate for his own benefit.
If something happened to me while on a mission, he should’ve found out what went wrong and why. SEALs are the elite of elite, the best of the best. We don’t turn our backs and pretend like everything is okay. We fight until the end. We protect our family.
We don’t covet.
When Nate and I were little, we fought, but never anything too serious - he would take a toy from me, or vice versa. I’m older by five minutes and I’ve never let him forget it. I matured faster, shaved first and had a girlfriend before he did. He studied harder, worked out longer and always stayed after practice to be better. With siblings there’s always competition, but with twins I think it’s worse.
The one thing I could always count on is that Nate would have my back, just as I would have his. People knew not to mess with the Archer twins because where there’s one, his brother isn’t far behind. We knew we could always count on each other. The same thing went with Ryley, who was my first serious girlfriend. Once I met her, everyone paled in comparison. Nate protected her like a sister… a sister. So right now when I look at Nate living in my home, sleeping with my girl and raising my son, all I see is anger. He’s deceived me for years. I knew he liked her, but I never thought he’d do what he’s done.
It’s one thing to be a father figure to my son, hell I would’ve done the same thing, but I would’ve never crossed the line with his fiancée.
To me, that is unforgivable.
He needs to be a man a
nd admit that he capitalized on my absence so he could take Ryley away from me. Part of me wishes our lives didn’t come to this because after being gone so long, all I want to do is sit back and enjoy my time home. That includes catching a game or two with my brother, who up until this past month was my best friend.
“So how’d it happen?” I ask, knowing that if he goes into details about how he and Ryley ended up together it’s going to make my stomach turn, but needing to hear it from him anyway.
Nate shakes his head and before I can say anything the soft touch of her hand is on my arm. “That’s an unfair question, Evan, and you know it.”
She’s right, but I’m giving neither of them the satisfaction of knowing I agree with her. The anger I felt for Ryley is back now that Nate is home. His posture and relaxed state tells me everything I believe to be true. He must have known and did nothing about it. He took advantage of a cover-up to pursue his own twisted fantasy and make it a reality.
“Do you have anything to say?”
Nate looks at me and his eyes drift down to where Ryley is touching my arm. She removes her hand and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that she did that for his benefit. I look at her, her eyes are downcast and she’s staring at the floor. I shake my head at the thought that everything we’ve worked for these past few weeks is now circling down the drain.
“Everything is so awkward.” Ryley’s voice is low, but crystal clear. I want to shake her, ask her if she thought that Nate was going to disappear for the next six years so she wouldn’t be faced with this decision.
“Awkward?” I question. “You think this is awkward? How the hell do you think I feel right now?” She jumps back, causing Nate to stand. I look at him and point. “You don’t get to protect her right now. You knew where I was, Nate, and you did nothing. I know for a fact that there wasn’t a damn thing in the press about how or where we died. Just that four SEALs came home dead.
“You say you identified my body but how the hell could you not know it wasn’t me? I’m your fucking twin for God’s sake. Everything that runs through my veins runs through yours.”
I stop and turn away from them, my hands clenching at my sides. The anger soaring through my body right now is enough to cause physical damage, but I can’t with EJ in the house. The therapy sessions haven’t prepared me for this confrontation and I know I’m not supposed to lay blame, but I can’t help it. Doc Howard believes that there’s been a cover-up and everything appears to indicate the same, but I can’t get over the fact that my own brother believed that I was dead.
“We’ve all struggled with this news, Evan. But I don’t think Nate knew you were alive. He would’ve gone after you.”
Why is she protecting him? Does she love him so much that she can’t see he’s always pined after her? That this was the perfect opportunity for him to take my place in her life? To pretend that he’s me when he watches her close her eyes at night.
“Are you changing your mind about us, Ryley?” I turn and face them both.
I get a small sense of victory when I ask that question and see Nate’s face fall. He looks at her and his eyes beg her to tell him I’m wrong.
“Ryley?” she refuses to look at him. I should feel like shit. I should have some remorse for breaking him like this, but I don’t. He’s taken the one person I love and tried to make her love him instead.
“I don’t know,” she says meekly, avoiding eye contact with either of us. My head shakes as I bite the inside of my cheek.
“Seriously, Ry?” I ask, even more pissed off than I was before. “What about –”
“Not now, Evan,” she says sternly. Her eyes are like daggers as they pierce through me, tearing apart what little we had started to rebuild.
“I see.”
“No, you don’t. All you see is that Nate is home and we’re engaged. You see me, right now, but you don’t see me the way I need you to.” Ryley angles her body so she’s facing me, tears rolling down her face. “For years I battled through the pain of losing you and so did Nate. I didn’t set out to be with him, and he knows that. You were dead. We buried you, and yes there was a mistake, but we can’t erase the damage that has been done. We have to move forward and you have to have patience with both me and EJ.”
Ryley wipes angrily at her cheeks, smearing her tears. “And you,” she says, facing Nate. “If you knew your brother was alive, I’ll never forgive you. If this was some ploy or some act to be with me –”
“Ryley, why would you think that?” Nate’s voice is pleading, and I realize it’s probably how mine sounded too.
“I don’t know, but the thoughts are there, Nate. How could no one know they were alive? How could you have identified his body?”
Nate takes a deep breath. “Your face was mangled.” He looks at me as he says this. “Your arms were missing, so there weren’t any tattoos and I couldn’t match our birthmarks. Believe me that’s the first thing I looked for. They told me that a bomb had gone off and they had recovered as much of you as possible. They showed me your dog tags and a picture of Ryley from high school, that’s all there was. I asked for a DNA test and they swabbed my cheek right there. A few days later it came back as a match.”
“Did you ever think it was your own DNA?” I ask.
“No, not until you walked through the door. I trusted them. Why wouldn’t I?”
“We all trusted them,” I correct him as I pull my tags out from under my shirt. “But that doesn’t excuse you from taking over my life.”
I DIDN’T KNOW.
I didn’t know.
I didn’t know.
I repeat the same three words over and over again in my head while Evan blatantly glares at me. I can’t keep my eyes fixed on him, even though the warrior in me is telling me not to break eye contact. My eyes shift from him to Ryley and back again, trying to piece together what‘s been going on since I left, or since Evan returned from the dead.
“Daddy, are you coming?”
Evan turns sharply at the sound of EJ calling for me. His jaw tightens. His fists are clenched. I can’t blame him, but I’m not correcting EJ and neither has Ryley. Evan may be his biological father, but I’m his dad. I’ve raised him since he was born. I’ve been there through every illness, bump, scrape and I’ve earned the right to be bearer of the title. But as I look at my brother and my fiancée standing in front me, together, I’m not sure that’ll be enough.
“I’ll be up in a minute, buddy,” my voice cracks as I call up to EJ. He’s the one who is going to suffer the most. The adults can push everything under the rug and move on, but EJ is too little to understand. He’s not going to be able to grasp the difference between Evan and myself.
And I refuse to tell EJ I’m not his dad.
“Are you going to answer me, or just stand there?” Evan moves to sit down, crossing his leg over his knee like him being here is no big deal, when it in fact, it’s monumental. I close my eyes tightly and pray that I’m having an out of body experience. Maybe I was exposed to something and it’s causing hallucinations because by all accounts Evan Archer should not be sitting on my couch, in my house. The simplest answer to all of this is that he’s an imposter and is infiltrating my family. My brother is dead, buried six feet under about fifteen miles from here. I know because I was just there talking to him.
I was here the day his body came off the plane. I identified him. I cried for him and for the loss my family was suffering. I held his fiancée in my arms so she wouldn’t crumble to the ground from devastation at his funeral service. None of this makes sense, yet here sits a man who looks and speaks like my brother, only he can’t be because my brother would never let me claim his son as my own.
I have two of Evan’s most prized possessions and if the man before me actually is my brother, I just became public enemy number one.
EJ comes thundering down the stairs, shouting for me to come and join him. Evan’s eyes are trained on him, and mine are on Evan. There’s no handbook on
how to handle this situation. Evan and I have never trained for anything like this. It’s unchartered territory, and I’m nervous. EJ passes by Ryley, who hasn’t moved an inch since Evan sat down. I’ve noticed in the brief time they’ve been home that she watches him like a hawk. What I can’t determine is if she’s waiting for him to do something dangerous, or if she wants to crawl in his lap and tell him it’s going to be okay. Never mind the fact that she still wears my ring on her finger, not his.
As soon as I sit down, EJ hops into my lap. He’s blocking my view of Evan, and that gives me a little reprieve from the death glare.
“Nate, are you hungry?” Her voice is meek, unsure and sounding nothing like the Ryley she was when I left. I don’t even want to know how many nights she’s cried herself to sleep. In my mind, the only image I want to have of her sleeping while I was gone is by herself. But I know Evan well enough to know that he hasn’t left her alone.
“I am, but I can make something.”
She shakes her head. Her lower lip quivers as she pulls it into her mouth. EJ is restless on my lap and the tension in the air is so thick that it’s suffocating. EJ taps me on the face, taking my attention away from Ryley.
“Did you hear’d me?”
Evan mutters something as he stands up and passes by, following Ryley into the kitchen. The eighteen year old in me wants to get up and go be the third wheel, much like I was in high school, but my son needs my attention.
“I’m sorry, buddy. Tell me again.”
EJ prattles on about everything he’s done while I’ve been gone, but I’m only picking up a few tidbits of information. Each time I hear “Eban” my train of thought diverts. I’m not being fair to my son right now and I hate that. Each and every time I’ve returned from deployment he has been given my utmost attention. He’s curious about what I do and loves going to base with me. The guys love having him around too.
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