River’s eyes meet mine and disappointment is written all over his face. His head moves back and forth slowly. I know he’s not going to approve, but Cara is a viable option for help. She’ll be able to gain access to confidential and hidden files, which is what I’m assuming is needed.
“You’re playing a dangerous game, Archer.”
“I know, but with her connections –”
“To Nate?”
“No, not necessarily,” I say with a shake of my head. “Cara can access files that Carole can’t. She’s trained to find answers.”
“She’s Nate’s ex. Don’t tell me you’re bringing her around to see if she can get him away from Ryley?”
The thought of using Cara like that hadn’t crossed my mind. From what I remember, they were in love but I don’t even know if she’s still around.
“It’s not that, River. Clearly something happened between them since he’s engaged to Ryley, but I’m hoping she can help. Honestly, I don’t even know where to find her, it’ll be a shot in the dark.”
River nods and looks like he’s contemplating what I’m saying. I could be grasping at straws where Cara is concerned. I don’t know why she and my brother are no longer together. It could be a number of things, one being Ryley got in the way.
“Like I said, it’s a long shot, but it’s better than not doing anything.” I sigh, exasperated. I want the answers to all my questions put down on a piece of paper and handed to me on a silver platter.
“I’m going to get going,” I say, needing to clear my head.
“Where?”
I shrug. “I don’t know, for a drive. I just need to think.”
“What should I tell Ryley when she calls?”
Looking up and down the road I’d love to think that Ryley is at home wondering where I am, but I have a feeling she’s not. My return interrupted her life and now that Nate’s home, her life is probably going back to normal.
“She won’t,” I say as I step off the curb and head to my car. It’s a stab to my heart thinking the way I do, but the alternative isn’t much better. For all I know, they’re happy and plan to get married whether I approve or not.
Walking into Magoo’s feels like old times. I’ve only visited my favorite establishment once since I’ve been back and I hadn’t realized how much I missed hanging out here. We’d stop here at least once or twice a week after work, just to be normal. This is where McCoy met his wife. She was here looking for trouble and found it in the name of Tucker McCoy. Many consider Magoo’s a meat market. Women flock here in hopes of picking up a SEAL or higher-ranking sailor.
The walls are covered with photos of military members who have long since left us. Our images were up, but as I look around I see a new memorial for them. The four of us hang together with a flag draped around us and in chicken scratch writing, the note says: Home and Never Forgotten. If I weren’t so fond of the owner and bartender, Slick Rick, I’d tell him to take this shit down.
We may be home, but we were definitely forgotten.
Taking a seat at the bar, a frosty mug with some amber liquid is placed before me. Rick is only the third owner of this bar, a bar that has held a lot of homecomings for sailors and a few Marines. He took over from his grandfather when he was barely able to drink himself. This place is old and in need of some major renovations, but that’s what gives it character. In the corner is an old jukebox that plays songs from the seventies and eighties, and is the only thing that provides us music.
“You seem to be missing your crew.” Rick wipes down the section of bar I’m sitting at and sets down a fresh bowl of nuts. I pick a few up, tossing them in my mouth. If Ryley were here, she’d frown and remind me that the other guy who put his hands in there probably didn’t wash them after using the restroom. Right now, my response would be: If I could survive in the jungle for six years, nothing is going to kill me.
“We’re all trying to find a way to deal.”
“Makes sense.”
I glance at Rick, who busies himself with restocking glasses. He’s lingering near me, maybe wanting to talk. The thought never occurred to me that he hears things working here. He may have information on what happened with my crew.
“Things been good?” I ask, breaking the stillness. Rick looks around, his head moving from side to side. I try to follow his gaze, looking at the patrons in the bar, but don’t recognize anyone. More often than not, people come and go. Duties change, deployments happen, or you get transferred to another base. Being a SEAL, my base options are limited. It’s one of the things I love about my job.
“Business is always good, better now that you guys are back.”
“Oh yeah, why’s that?” His words pique my curiosity.
Rick sets his hands on the bar and leans in. “People are asking a lot of questions. There’s been a news reporter hanging around. She comes in every other night or so, lurking. You know how I feel about reporters, but she keeps to herself. She’s waiting for one of you to come in is what I’m guessing.”
This is exactly what River and I were discussing earlier. Where is all the media hoopla with us returning? Four men do not return from the dead, alive and well, without the media circus. Where’s the hero’s welcome? The parade? The banners? Why aren’t the television crews camped outside our houses waiting to tell our stories?
“She here now?”
Rick shakes his head subtly alerting me that someone is here that he’s not too fond of. I look around, but don’t see anyone I recognize, which isn’t saying much since I’ve only seen a few faces since my miraculous return home.
“Who has you bothered, Rick?”
He nods, and I look over my shoulder. “That’s Senator Lawson.”
“Never heard of him,” I say, turning my gaze back to Rick.
“You wouldn’t. He’s not from here. He’s a representative of Florida. The first time I saw him was about a month or two before you guys left. He was in the corner with O’Keefe. I hadn’t seen him again until you guys came home.”
My mouth feels like its dropping open and my eyes are bugging out, much like you’d see on Saturday morning cartoons. I don’t care if there’s a connection or not, what Rick just said seems very out of the ordinary. Why would this guy suddenly be back in Magoo’s now that we’ve returned?
Rick leaves to tend to other patrons and clean a few tables. I keep my eyes focused on my beer and occasionally glance in the mirror to watch the Senator. I need to tell River and the guys, see what they know or how we can investigate who this guy is and what his relationship is with our Captain. O’Keefe walked off our plane into a waiting car and we haven’t heard from him in a month. This reeks of a cover up, but I need to know why and what exactly we were involved with.
A soft, warm hand brings me out my bubble. To my side stands my girl. Her long red hair is pulled up on top of her head in a messy bun. The shorts and tank top she had on earlier have been replaced with yoga pants and a sweatshirt. Her beautiful angelic face is free of any make-up. She smiles at me, and just like that I know that whatever she has to say, I’m going to listen.
Everything in me is telling me to pull her into my arms and hold her, never letting go, but that’s not why she’s here. She’s chosen Nate and as much as it’s going to hurt, he’s the safest choice for her.
EJ TALKS ABOUT EVAN the entire way to Carter’s. It feels good to hear about my brother bonding with his son, but at what expense. Mine? Ryley’s? How is EJ going to feel or even understand that Evan is his father and I’m not? That isn’t something I’m willing to tell him, at least not at the age of five. He’s not going to comprehend that what his mother and I did was for his own benefit. How do you explain that we were only trying to give him the family that he deserved? You don’t.
As soon as we’re parked, he’s out of the car and running toward the door. Grace, Carter and Lois’s daughter, is his best friend. Lois and Ryley joke that they’ll get married someday, much to the loud groans of Carter. I don’t re
ally have a take on the whole situation. I’m a guy with a son. It’s not in my genes to worry about who he dates. I’ll leave that up to Ryley.
Lois meets us at the door and takes our bags from me. She kisses my cheek before allowing me to step inside. I take her in, her brunette hair and small five-foot-two frame.
“Carter’s out back,” she says with a smile. Just the sound of his name makes her dark eyes sparkle.
“Thanks,” I say as I give her another kiss on the cheek before walking through the house toward the back door. Grace and EJ are already upstairs, making a racket. Their laughter echoes through the house and their footfalls shake the walls. I wish I could be a kid again, to be able to laugh and play without any worries. What I wouldn’t give to go back to those carefree days.
As soon as the door shuts behind me, the noise level drops. No wonder Carter has chosen to have his man cave in the backyard. A few years ago he called me over to help him build a shed but what he ended up with is far from a shed - it’s big enough to hold a couch and two recliners, a large screen TV and a “beererator”.
Rapping my knuckles against the door, I turn the knob and step in before Carter has a chance to get up from his chair. Not that he really would, everyone is welcome. My best friend since high school is relaxed, lying back with his feet propped up and a beer resting in his hand.
“Sup,” he says, as if he knows nothing of what’s been going on. Carter is the type of guy who will wait for me to tell him what’s on my mind before he starts offering advice. Mostly, he’ll just listen. He and Lois have been together since high school, but haven’t married yet. It’s not because they don’t love each other, but more so because they wanted other things first, like this house or their cars. I was hoping that when I came over today, it would be so I could ask him to stand up for me at my own wedding, not for a place to stay.
“Did you know?”
Carter shuts the television off and sits up in his chair, setting his bottle down on the table beside him. “Ryley called Lois. I could hear her screaming through the phone; I thought she had been hurt. I was putting on my shoes, about to go over there and kill someone, but Lois just shook her head. She had tears streaming down her face and I thought ‘my god we’ve lost Nate’.
“I was pulling at Lois, much like Grace does when she wants attention and Lois kept slapping my hand away. When she mouthed ‘Evan’ my blood turned cold. I didn’t wait to hear anything else. I left and went over to your house, but he was already gone.”
Carter stands up and starts to pace. When he looks at me, I see anguish. He walks over to the wall and pulls down a picture of Evan, Carter and me from high school. The three of us played football together, and it was Carter who introduced Lois to Ryley. It was either by happenstance or fate that those two became best friends. After Carter and Lois graduated from college, they both looked for jobs in San Diego so we’d all be close. It’s always meant a lot to us that they chose to be close to their friends, leaving their families behind.
“I haven’t seen him,” he continues. “I stay at home when Lois goes over there because I don’t know how I’ll react. I mean, what if it’s not Evan? What will I do if I see him touch her? What if he hurts her and EJ?”
Carter puts the framed photo back, making sure it’s straight before he sits down again. I’m not sure Evan will ever know how much his death affected everyone, not just Ryley.
Sighing, I pull at the ends of my hair. “I’ve thought the same thing, about it not being Evan. He’s changed... he’s angry. But I think that’s to be expected. Ryley believes it’s him and I know that’s what she wants, but I’m still skeptical.”
“Are you going to order a DNA test?”
I shrug. “I could, but we’d probably have to go someplace where no one knows us. If he is Evan, then something is up. I did a DNA test when his body was flown back. I had to make sure. So if that test came back positive, and my brother was in fact alive, what’s this next test going to prove? You don’t go on a mission for six years. You don’t get buried for years. And you certainly don’t show up again as if nothing has happened.”
“He’s not the only one, right?” Carter asks. I nod in agreement, but I don’t really know much about the other members of the Team.
“Did he say where he was?”
Shaking my head, Carter knows I’m not going to answer. He may be my best friend, but he knows his boundaries. He respects my job and my inability to tell him about what I do.
“I’m sure Lois told you what’s going on,” I say vaguely, unable to speak the words it would take to actually explain any further. “Ryley wants space. She said she needs time to figure out her feelings and the future. It sucks and I have no choice but to accept it, but it’s still hard to understand. We’ve been living together for a while and now I just feel lost.”
“What about Evan?”
I groan and lean back. “She left to tell him before I came over here. I asked her if I could take EJ since I just got home. Ry promised me that she’s telling him the same thing.”
“Do you believe her?”
“Yeah, call me a stupid man in love but I do. I don’t think she’d lie to me. Especially not after being lied to about Evan being dead.”
“How are you doing with all of this? I mean with your brother being back?” Carter isn’t one to delve into feelings, call it the macho man in him and what not, but he avoids the touchy feely stuff like the plague. It makes me wonder if Lois gave him a speech about making sure I’m okay before I arrived.
“I’m confused, man. I buried him. I mourned. Part of me died when he did and now that he’s back – a homecoming like this should be celebrated – but I can’t wrap my head around it. We moved on and now my life is a soap opera without the cheesy music playing in the background. I should be planning my wedding, having a bachelor party and taking my wife on a honeymoon.
“I’m angry that Ryley has been put in this situation, that someone had the gall to fuck with my family, and for what? That’s what I want to know, where the hell have these guys been and why? Why tell us they’re dead and then bring them home? What did we do to deserve this?”
“It’s been crazy for all of you, from what Lois has said. People don’t believe what they’re being told.”
“Everything is so fucked.”
Carter must agree because he nods. He stands, and I follow. It’s late and the kids need to go to bed. EJ will want to stay in Grace’s room, and I’d usually be okay with that, but tonight I want him with me. I know I’ll have no choice but to share him with both Evan and Ryley after tonight so right now, I can’t help but be selfish.
When we get back in the house, Lois is curled up on the couch with a book in her hands. She smiles at Carter, who kisses her, and I turn away because the last thing they need is an audience. The love they share for each other is what I like to think Ryley and I have. It’s easy and unassuming.
“EJ is upstairs and ready for bed.”
“Thanks Lois… for everything,” I say, as I head upstairs. When I get to Grace’s room, the kids are curled up together, sound asleep. I watch the rise and fall of EJ’s chest. He’s living in a peaceful world without any idea of what’s going on around him. I have to protect him from what lies ahead and I’m confident that despite everything, Evan will do the same because the last thing he wants is to see his son hurt.
I hate to wake him, but I need to hold him tonight. He’s my glue. His love repairs what ails me. I need him in my life and giving him up isn’t an option. If Evan takes him away from me, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Scooping him up, I bring him into what’s going to be my room for the foreseeable future. The sparsely decorated room already holds our bags, waiting to be unpacked. That will have to wait until tomorrow. Tonight, I’m going to lie in a bed that’s not mine, holding my son and dreaming of how our lives were a month ago so that I can have a little semblance of what happy is again.
LAST NIGHT, WHEN RYLEY was stand
ing next to me, I thought for sure we were over before we were given the chance to really start again. Still, her asking me to find a place to stay while she works out what she needs to do didn’t hurt me as much as it shocked me. I didn’t want to ask about Nate because it wouldn’t matter how I phrased the question, it would have sounded childish and that’s the last thing I want to be. But she knew it was on my mind and volunteered the information. Nate is going to go stay with Carter for a while and that made me as happy as I can be considering the situation.
As much as I don’t want to give her the space she’s asking for, I know I have to. I can’t ask her to be something she’s not ready to be, and if that means she needs time for her and EJ to figure out where they belong then so be it. She knows how I feel and I have no doubt she knows how Nate feels as well.
After I left Magoo’s, I sucked it up and went back to River’s place. It was either that or the barracks and going back to base really doesn’t appeal to me right now. River was waiting for me, which led me to believe that Ryley had called Frannie. Not only was I angry that she asked me not to come back to the house until everything could be sorted, but I became even more pissed that she shared this with my boss’s wife. Honestly, it’s something I should’ve expected. I just wasn’t mentally prepared to hear the words come out of her mouth.
Sitting down in my favorite, yet most uncomfortable chair, Doc Howard sits opposite me while Ryley is to my left. Today is a therapy day and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Last night I asked Ryley if she would come with me. I figured we could use today to discuss our newfound living situations and hopefully the good doc can provide some guidance. I thought Ryley would tell me she doesn’t need help anymore, but she said she’d come for me. I really want her to be here for us, but we still have a lot to figure out.
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