“You told him without me being there! So, you and Nate decided that Nate will still be his dad and I’m what? That I’m some guy that comes by every now and again?” My voice is louder than I want, but I can’t control it.
“No,” she answers weakly, pissing me off even more.
“Then, what? I get it, Ry. I’m not stupid. You want to be with Nate, fine, be with him. But that little boy is my son and I’m going to be in his life. I know when to step aside and this... well, this is me walking away.”
For the first time in my life I’m willingly walking away from the one girl I’ve loved my whole life. The one girl I never thought I’d be away from. The one girl who I thought would love me no matter what life threw at us.
“DO YOU HAVE EVERYTHING?”
Mom fusses, folding another t-shirt and placing it in the pile.
“Yes Mom, I do,” Evan assures her. He’s leaving before me by one week. We thought we’d be in basic together, but he enlisted after me and he told them that he plans to be a SEAL. The Navy plans to kick his ass.
“You can change your mind, you know.” Mom has been telling him this every day since he signed his name on the dotted line. She didn’t say it to me - maybe because this is something I’ve wanted for the last year. That’s what I’m telling myself, at least.
Shaking those thoughts out of my head, I know I have to save Evan. I set my hand on her shoulder, butting in on his behalf. “Mom, he’ll be fine. Just think, next week you can worry about me.” I all but push her out of Evan’s room and shut the door.
“I should kick your ass for leaving a week early,” I tell him, sitting down in the chair at his desk. I pick up a picture of him and Ryley and smile. He loves her. If you had asked me nine months ago, I would’ve said it’s not possible for Evan Archer to love anyone but himself.
“She’s going to miss you,” I say, setting the photo back down on his desk.
“She’ll miss you, too.”
“I’m talking about Ryley.”
Evan sighs. I expected them to break up, but I’ve been proven wrong. This is a new side of my brother. He’s heading to basic training with a girlfriend. It’s either a crazy notion and they won’t last, or he’s going to be the biggest pussy-whipped sailor in the Navy.
“I need you to promise me something.”
“Anything,” I tell him without hesitation.
He walks over to me and pulls out his desk drawer. He picks up a white envelope and my heart drops. “If anything happens to me, ever, give this to Ryley.”
“Evan?”
“No, just listen. I know you like her, Nate, but I love her. I’m going to marry her, but if at any time I don’t make it back, you give her this letter and make sure nothing ever happens to her. Make sure she knows that I love her with everything that I am. I need you to promise me that you’ll take care of her.”
“I promise,” I say, taking the letter from his outstretched hand.
I flip the yellowed worn paper between my fingers. It’s fragile from years of being folded. I came over to Ryley’s to give her a letter that I should’ve given her years ago, but sometimes it takes a word to bring back a memory from a time in your life when everything was perfect.
Evan said something the other night that reminded me of this letter. He gave it to me a few days before he left for basic training. He wrote it the night Ryley tried to break-up with him. He wouldn’t let her. I don’t blame him.
“What’s going on?”
I follow her voice to find her standing in the doorway with a laundry basket on her hip. She smiles, reminding me why I love her, but I can’t help thinking that maybe we don’t belong together. My brother loves her and part of me thinks I should step aside, but I know she loves me too.
“Come here,” I say to her. She sets the basket down and walks over to me, holding her hand out for me when she gets close.
Curling up with her on the couch is my favorite thing to do. The quiet, the calm, especially after a crazy day at work, is all that I need. She and EJ give me solid footing and I know what to expect when I get home: Smiles, hugs and lots of laughs. But lately we haven’t been laughing at all.
“What’s that?” she asks, pointing to the envelope resting on my leg. My lips go into a thin line thinking that what I’m about to tell her could be the catalyst for our demise. Sighing, I put my arm around her and kiss her forehead.
“Evan gave this to me a long time ago. I forgot about it until the other day. I was supposed to give this to you if something happened to him. He wrote it the night you tried to break-up with him. He asked me before he left for basic to hold onto it and give it to you in the event something happened to him. I promised I would and I broke that promise... I’m not trying to make up for it now, but think you should probably read it.”
Giving her the letter, I close my hand around hers. I have a sinking feeling that whatever he wrote on that piece of paper when he was eighteen is going to be enough to end us. It’s my fault if that’s the case. I should’ve given it to her years ago.
“I’m meeting your mom for lunch,” I say, standing. Ryley and I have so much to discuss, but I don’t want to be here when she reads what Evan has written. It’s better for me that way. Decisions need to be made that are going to hurt.
Not her...
Not Evan...
They’ll hurt me.
Yesterday at the park, Ryley and I made a mistake when we told EJ that Evan was his dad. We should’ve waited for him to be there with us, but there’s no handbook on how to break the news about something like this. In that moment, we thought we were doing the right thing. In the end, we only hurt Evan and he’s been hurt enough.
I don’t know if I’m man enough to walk away from Ryley. I’m not sure I’m man enough to even try.
“Thanks for meeting me.” Carole stands and offers her cheek, which I kiss lightly. She’s dressed in black slacks and a white button down blouse, civilian clothing. It’s different seeing her during the workday like this. Usually when I visit her at lunchtime she’s in her Navy uniform, sitting behind her desk in the JAG office. Before I can sit down the waitress is at our table handing us menus and taking my drink order. Carole is already nursing a glass of Chardonnay and as much as I’d love a beer, I order water. I have a lot to talk about and need to keep my wits about me.
“I can understand why you didn’t want to meet on base,” Carole says, bringing her glass to her lips. “I’m not sure public is safe either, though.”
“I know but home may not be the best option. Besides, I’m staying with Carter and Lois, I don’t want to impose.”
“Are you afraid the house is bugged?” she asks, leaning forward to keep her voice down. My soon to be mother-in-law, unless Ryley decides to call off our engagement, is a conspiracy theorist. She’s always looking for the underlying message in a story. Many times I’ve joked with her that if someone is going to uncover the truth, it’s going to be her. I’m not joking anymore, though. The truth needs to come out. The only problem with getting Carole involved is that I’m afraid she’ll lose her job... or worse.
“I’m not sure. I get the feeling that Evan thinks so, but we’re not exactly on speaking terms right now. I need to find out what happened to him and why this is happening to us. Lois told me there has been only one article since they came home. One! And I don’t think for a second that it’s a coincidence that all of this happened days after we were sent out on a training exercise.”
Pulling out a folded piece of paper, I slide it across the table toward Carole and start talking. “The guy who wrote this, Art Liberty, I can’t find him. He doesn’t work for the paper, or he did and isn’t anymore. No phone, no email. It’s like he doesn’t exist. Lois told me that she called the news stations and the papers to get some coverage for Evan and no one would call her back. Four guys return from the dead and they get no air play, that right there tells me something is up.”
“I read this article, but there was never any f
ollow-up. I thought for sure this reporter would come around, but he never did - at least Ryley never said anything,” Carole tells me.
Looking around, I bring my chair closer and lean in. “Do you know where Lcdr. Dawn is?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I asked for her before calling you. She’s not stationed in Coronado, or she’s been transferred. I don’t know, but no one has heard of her.”
“I have,” Carole states, relieving some of the anxiety that’s building. “But I haven’t seen her in a few weeks now that I think about it.”
When the waitress is within eyesight I lean back in my chair, opening the menu to find something to eat. Carole orders first and I ask for a burger and fries. I’m not that hungry, but want people to think we’re just having lunch. It’s not odd for us to be out together, it’s just never happened until now.
“I called the Military News to talk to Candy. She says she doesn’t remember talking to this Liberty reporter.”
“Do you think Liberty is a pseudonym for someone in the Navy?”
Shrugging and now wishing we were someplace more private, I lean in. “I don’t know what to think except my brother is a walking, talking zombie. Someone knows something and they’re not talking and the two people that did some talking are conveniently missing. Our lives are being turned inside out. Evan hates me, Ryley is confused and EJ is trying to grasp the fact that Evan is his dad. I want to know why this happened to my family.”
“Do you think Evan witnessed something?”
“I don’t know, Nate. I’ve been asking the same thing ever since Ryley called and told us he was home. I wouldn’t have believed her had I not seen him for myself.”
Carole and I separate when our food arrives. We both pick at our food, keeping our conversation limited to things like Ryley, EJ and family picnics. Every time the door chimes, I’m watching the people entering. Each one, to me, is a suspect in this bullshit mess. I just need to figure out where to start. Calling around and looking for people who may or may not exist isn’t cutting it.
As soon as we’re finished, I pay the tab and suggest that Carole and I take a walk. She happily agrees and takes my arm, earning some very dubious looks from the other patrons. Trying not to laugh at their expressions, I wink and receive the same scrutiny… If they only knew how much I admire the woman on my arm for everything that she’s achieved in her career, not to mention that she’s been like a second mom to me.
Carole keeps my arm until we’re a block away from the café. The sun is out, warming the afternoon. I should be on base working, but finding out what’s happened in the past six years is far more important. Tomorrow, I’m going to ask for personal leave. My request is likely going to be denied since my Team is being deployed, but there’s no way I can leave right now. Whether Evan wants my help or not, I’m going to find out who did this.
As soon as we step into the park, Carole slips off her shoes. “My heels will get stuck in the grass,” she explains.
“I wasn’t judging,” I respond, trying not to laugh.
“Let’s find a bench. I want to talk freely.” It takes us a few minutes until Carole is happy with one of the benches. She chooses one out in the open when I would’ve chosen one by the trees.
“Why here?” I ask, sitting down next to her.
“You can see everything and no one is able to lurk behind trees to listen to us speak.”
Looking around I see that she’s right.
“When the guys landed, they did so at an abandoned airfield and taxis were waiting for them. That’s all public knowledge. What’s not public is that their CO hasn’t been seen or heard from since that day. He never returned to base. His phone is off and his credit cards haven’t been used. A body was found four days ago, the same day you came home. The body is badly decomposed and was sent to the county morgue for identification. I have a friend in NCIS who did some digging. The body is now missing. I don’t know if there’s a connection, but it seems that everything can be connected to a timeline.
“Senator Lawson has been on base asking questions. He’s from Florida and has been rumored to be putting his name in the mix for Presidency. He seems very interested in Team 3, but is very hush-hush when I’m around. I don’t like it and I don’t like him. He has no business here, especially in California politics. You and Evan are right to think that there’s something not right about this, but I don’t know what it is. And I want to talk to you about Rask.. He’s on base, lingering. I know his family has written him off and he needs someone to talk to.”
“He was at Evan’s party the other night and seemed fine,” I offer, but I honestly don’t know him that well. He was new to Evan’s team right before they left.
“Jensen isn’t going to be happy with me, but I’m going to do what I can to help you and Evan. My daughter and grandson are the most important people in my life and I hate seeing them hurt so if I can find out what happened, I’m going to.”
Shaking my head, I tell her, “It’s not safe.”
Carole turns and stares into my eyes pointedly. “None of us are safe, Nate.” She looks over my shoulder before standing and walking away. Spinning in my seat I look around for who she saw, but don’t recognize anyone. I search for Carole, but she’s already out of sight, leaving me questioning everything she just told me.
MY MUSCLES BURN, BUT it’s a welcome pain. Each time I push the weighted bar, I’m rewarded with agony and I welcome it. I crave it. It’s been years since I’ve been able to work out and I hadn’t realized how much I’ve missed it until now.
My spotter, a trainer who works here, helps me finish my last rep before he walks away to tend to his next client. My chest heaves from exhaustion. I’m out of shape, my core is weak and being weak has no place in my life.
The punching bag is calling my name, begging me to take my aggression out on it. When Nate and I were younger, we’d spar. We’d get in the ring and work each other out. It was for exercise, not pain. I never wanted to hurt him until now. I used to have my own set of boxing gloves, but I imagine Ryley has probably thrown them out. I know I would’ve since there’s no sentimental value in your gym necessities.
The gym is busy, mostly with sailors, but I don’t know them and they don’t know me. I’ve never felt as alone as I do right now, sitting on this weight bench and looking around for someone to work out with. Just as girls go to the bathroom together, guys like to have a gym buddy. We need to spot for each other, hold the punching bag and just be that angry voice that pushes you harder.
River would’ve been my first choice, but this morning when I came out of my room it was clear that he and Frannie were in the middle of something. I left as soon as I could, with nowhere to go. I can’t see Ryley right now. I’m angry with her and am afraid of what might come out of my mouth. It’s a hard pill to swallow, walking away from the one person you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. I guess, in a way, that’s what I did. She moved on and that’s something I have to accept.
Wandering over to the punching bag, there’s a box of gloves beside it that anyone can use. The smart thing to do is find someone to hold my bag and help me lace up, but I don’t have time for that. What’s building inside me needs to come out and if I don’t find a healthy way to expel this aggression, some drunk ass is going to end up being my victim.
Squaring my hips, I jab at the bag. My punch is weak and off center. I don’t have the focus I need so I remind myself that I’m a warrior. I’m not allowed to be weak. I jab again, throwing a 1-2-1 combo. My knuckles sting as they come in contact with the bag and I love it.
I need more.
I see his face. I see the look in his eyes as I stare him down. They’re black and soulless and the 1-2-3-2 combo doesn’t faze him. In my mind he swings. He’s weak, a predator. I’m here to stop him. To break him. I sidestep his attempt and land a solid hit to his gut. He bends over, groaning like the piece of shit man that he is. With an uppercut to his nose, blo
od splatters everywhere and the crunch of cartilage spurs me on. I grab a fistful of his hair in my hand and jam my pistol into his forehead. He begs for mercy, just like those children he was selling on the black market had begged to go home to their moms and dads. I have no mercy for scum like him. He’s the reason I’m not home with my family right now.
The loud bang of weights being dropped jars me. My vision is fuzzy. The bright overhead lights are causing me to blink. The bag is swaying back and forth from the pummeling I was giving it. Looking around the gym, people are staring and I can only imagine what they saw.
“You okay, man?”
The voice behind me is that of Tucker McCoy. I sigh in relief that it’s him and not the gym’s owner. McCoy throws a towel at me and when I bring my hand up to catch it, my red skinned, cracked knuckles stare back at me.
“Shit,” I say as I toss the towel over my head.
“Who the fuck are you trying to kill?”
He knows because he was there. I shake my head and sit down on the bench. “I was thinking about Nate when I started, but Renato’s face… I don’t know, it’s been years since I put a bullet in his head. I’m not sure why I’m thinking about him now.”
Tacito Renato was the reason we were sent into the jungles of Cuba searching for Senator Christina Charlotte’s daughter who had been kidnapped. Charlotte was on the Vice Presidential ticket and didn’t want the press involved which blew my mind. Instead she called in a favor to her father-in-law, Brigadier General Chesley, and away we went. We had the child in our custody within days of arriving, but uncovered a sinister child sex ring. Each time we thought we were done, we had orders from the CO sending us back out. There was always something more. The amount of children who had been kidnapped astounded me, and yet no one knew about them. The children were from other countries and of different ages, being hidden in the jungles and sold on the streets for prostitution. For every mastermind we took down, another would take his place within days.
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