“I started hitting the bag and his face just popped up.” Pulling the towel from around my neck, I use it to dab up the blood on my knuckles. “Anyway, what’s up?”
“I had a lead on Penny but it didn’t pan out. I’ve lost hope of ever seeing them again.”
“Have you spoken with Carole or base housing?”
McCoy takes the seat next to me and sighs. He looks exhausted, and not from fighting an enemy but from fighting the battle going on inside his head. I thought I had it bad with Ryley being engaged to my brother, but to come home and find your wife and child gone is unthinkable.
“Base housing says she left and didn’t leave a forwarding address. The private investigator has nothing. The day she left, the CHP’s traffic cams were malfunctioning so there’s no footage of her on the highway. He says no one matching Claire’s description is in any public schools either. Thing is, if she left right after we did, where did the photos come from?”
That seems to be the million-dollar question. Someone here knew we were alive. They stalked our families and used that intel to write us letters. They photographed our kids, wives and parents, and sent them to us. Whoever did this is a sick fuck that needs to be burnt at the stake.
“Someone has the answer,” I say, mostly for my own benefit. He knows this. Rask knows this. I want to believe that River knows as well. And no one is going to figure this shit out for us except us. The problem is, our access is limited and people on base already consider us an enigma.
“I just want to know if they’re okay,” he says. “If Penny wants a divorce, I’d give it to her, but I have this gut feeling that they’re hurt and in danger. Penny isn’t resilient. She didn’t grow up in the military like Ryley did. I need to find them, Arch. I have to know they’re okay.”
If it were Ryley and EJ that were missing, I’d be moving heaven and earth to find them. I wouldn’t care who stood in my way. But when the trail runs cold, you’re at a standstill and you don’t know where to look next.
“I think we need to pay Carole a visit. Besides, I haven’t seen her in a couple of weeks and she missed my party.”
Today is my first day back on base. It feels both welcoming and odd at the same time. Sailors and other service people mill around as if nothing is wrong. As if the two guys walking into the JAG office haven’t been dead for six years. I didn’t want to come back here even though I’m still enlisted. I guess maybe I’m waiting for a formal apology, but I know it’s never coming. Since our return the Navy hasn’t reached out to us. You’d think, under the circumstances, they’d want us all on base until their extensive debriefing was concluded. To date we haven’t been asked one question. We haven’t opened the door to an NCIS agent.
It’s as if no one cares.
Walking into the JAG office, McCoy and I stand side-by-side. I have to admit that it’s nice having a Staff Judge Advocate at your disposal. The receptionist makes eye contact with us, but makes no attempt to move or greet us. It doesn’t escape my notice that she presses a button on her phone before asking if she can help us.
“Is this where I’ll find Commander Clarke?” I ask because it’s been years since I’ve been here and a lot of things have changed.
“Yes, it is.”
“I’d like to see her please,” I tell her. She looks down at her phone, shaking her head.
“I’m sorry but Commander Clarke is unavailable.”
McCoy groans next to me. We’re both eager for help and Carole is the only one I know that can guide us in the right direction. I’m not expecting her to get me the answers, but she’ll know where to send us.
“Do you know when Commander Clarke will return?”
“No, I don’t.” Her tone is flippant and dismissive. In my many years of being a SEAL, one thing you learn is how to read people. Her posture, tone and overall attitude tells me that she doesn’t want us here... that we’re not allowed here.
With my hands spread wide along the edge of the counter, I lean forward. “Do not mistake me for a stupid man. I need to see Commander Clarke and it’s urgent. Now where can I find her or when will she be back?”
“I’m right here, Evan.”
Carole appears in the doorway with files in her arms. My eyes travel from her to the receptionist and back again, hoping to communicate that she’s been an issue.
“Sabrina, as with any other lawyer in this building, if our family members need to see us, you call. And I know you’re well aware of who this man is.”
“My apologies, Commander Clarke,” she says as she falls into her seat and sure as shit, her hand slides over to her phone, pressing another button.
“Follow me,” Carole tells us as she turns down the hallway she appeared from. McCoy and I follow her, passing numerous offices until we turn into the same one as Carole. She waits, shutting the door behind us after we step into her office.
“You’re dressed like a civilian today,” I say, pointing out the obvious.
“I was having lunch with your brother earlier,” she says, pointing at the seats in front of her desk for us to sit down in. “I’m happy you’re here though, I want to ask you some questions.”
I try not to let the fact that she’s already met with Nate bother me. My jaw ticks from anger and frustration. Why is it that everywhere I turn, there he is? This isn’t his fight. It’s mine.
“Who gave you your orders?”
“Ma’am?” McCoy says. I don’t know about him, but the answer seems obvious to me.
“Captain O’Keefe,” I say, knowing that she knows this answer. My training tells me that I should ask one back, but I want to know where she’s going with this.
“Do you know this for a fact?”
I look from her to McCoy and both of us shake our heads. Carole slides a piece of paper toward us and we lean forward to read it. It’s our orders, telling us the where, why and what of the operation. The only thing questionable is the space where O’Keefe’s signature should be at the bottom. It’s not there.
“I don’t understand,” McCoy says.
Carole takes the paper back and places it in her briefcase, along with the file that she pulled it from. “I’m doing what I can to figure this out, but Evan, I want you to talk to Nate. He wants to help and he’s been doing his own digging. Right now, he has a little more freedom on base. Keep your eyes and ears open and your mouths shut. Do not talk to anyone about this except for me. I’ll be at Ryley’s tonight. I think you guys should join us.”
There’s a brief knock on the door before it opens. When Carole stands, McCoy and I both turn to find the Commander of the Southwest Region in her doorway. We stand to attention, but he ignores us.
“Just stopping in to say ‘hi’ and introduce myself. I’m Admiral Jonah Ingram.” He stands there, staring at us before closing the door. McCoy and I both exhale and look at each other before we sit down. I grip the arm rests as my mind starts running every scenario possible.
“Why’s he here?” McCoy is brave enough to ask, but I want to know why he didn’t talk to us, ask for a meeting. Is the Commander of Navy, Southwest Region not concerned that four of his men are alive and well instead of buried six feet under?
She sits calmly, but all the color has drained from her face. “Captain O’Keefe hasn’t returned to base since you guys arrived home. A body was found the day Nate returned but is now missing from the morgue. Now I don’t know about you, but if four SEALs return from the dead and their Captain disappears, all sorts of red flags are flying. Yet, there hasn’t been a single news crew or reporter around and people are acting odd. No one seems to care about any of this.”
“But ma’am, this is San Diego,” McCoy states. “Dead bodies are a daily occurrence.”
“You’re right, unless you’re me and looking for answers as to why my son-in-law and his team disappeared for six years.” Carole folds her hands together and sighs. “I know I look for cause in everything, but before you left, Senator Lawson was hanging around the base. I k
now you don’t know who he is –”
“Wait, I’ve heard that name… Rick, he said it. The guy is from Florida or something like that. Rick says he was here about a month before we left and he hadn’t seen him again until a few weeks ago. What does he have to do with this?”
“Ingram is Lawson’s father and while it may just be coincidence, I don’t like it. Things aren’t adding up – and why would the Commander be here?” Carole asks, as she stands and starts to pace.
“Nothing has been adding up since we deployed,” McCoy states, earning an ominous look from Carole. River has even stated that our orders seemed a bit out of place, but we didn’t question them.
I think it’s time we start.
THERE HASN’T BEEN A time in the past six years that I haven’t jumped when Ryley has called, until today. As much as I want to sit down and talk with Evan, spending the afternoon with him is not high on my list right now, especially with his team members and Jensen and Carole around. Jensen has never been shy about his feelings toward me. Evan was, and probably still is, the son he’s always wanted. At best, he tolerates me because he has to. But now that Evan is back, I can’t imagine Jensen wants to pay attention to me at all. If that’s not going to be awkward, I don’t know what is.
I walk to the back gate instead of through the house. I don’t know why, but with Evan here, it feels like I shouldn’t. After giving Ryley the letter that Evan wrote, I’ve been second-guessing my spot in Ryley’s life. Maybe it was my subconscious that forgot about the letter. It had been so long since he gave it to me that I just didn’t remember it until yesterday. I knew that as soon as I handed it to her, I’d be sealing my own fate. He was madly in love with her at eighteen. I can only imagine what that letter says.
Steeling myself for what’s surely going to be a rocky afternoon, I open the gate and walk into the backyard. Deefur is the first one to greet me. At least he’s happy to see me. One can always count on man’s best friend. Ryley walks over to me and I pause. I can be like Evan and take her here, piss on her leg and show him that she’s mine or I can treat her like I’ve always treated her - with respect.
The respect always wins out where I’m concerned and I kiss her lightly on the cheek. “These are for you,” I tell her, showing her the flowers I’m holding. Her hand caresses mine as she grabs a hold of the packaged stems. Her eyes never leave mine as she inhales the flowers’ fragrant scent.
“They’re beautiful.”
“Not nearly as beautiful as you,” I say and this time I ignore the people in the backyard and pull her into a kiss. When she pulls away there’s a smile where my lips just were.
“I’m going to go put these in water.” She’s gone before I can respond and even though her family and mine are mingling in the backyard, I feel utterly alone. Jensen and Evan are deep in conversation, and it makes me wonder whether my showmanship was even witnessed. Did Evan see Ryley react to me? Did he see how good Ryley and I are together? And then there’s my sister, hanging on every word coming out of Evan’s mouth right now, laughing at anything he says. Where’s my greeting? And more importantly, where’s my son?
Climbing the steps of the deck, I step into the house. Ryley is standing at the sink with her attention focused on the backyard. I want to be in her head right now. I want to know what she’s thinking. I want to know where we stand because we’re supposed to be getting married and she’s still wearing my ring.
I place my hand on the counter and press my chest against her back. Whispering against her neck, I say, “Penny for your thoughts?”
“Is that all I’m worth to you, a penny?” she laughs softly and leans into me. “Do you remember when everything was simple?”
I sigh and sag against her. “Do you mean before I left on this last mission?”
Ryley shakes her head. “Before, like when we were teenagers and it was spring. Do you remember that day it rained –”
“We lived in Washington, Ry, it rained all the time.” She turns in my arms, her face full of excitement.
“That day we all went to the beach and it started raining. We were covered in sand and Evan was freaking out because your mom had told us ‘no sand in the car’. You started snapping us with the towel to get the sand off not realizing that the wet towel, mixed with cold air and sand, was leaving welts on everyone.”
“My dad was pissed when he got calls from all the other parents.”
“I want to go back to those days where everything was simple.”
“We can’t,” I say as I pull her into a hug. “There’s so much I’d love to change, but we can’t.” When she pulls away there are tears in her eyes.
“Let’s change the one thing we have control over. You know I love you and want us to be a family. We talked about getting married and I know you asked for space, but you’re still wearing my ring. Call me stupid, but that gives me a ton of hope.”
Ryley shakes her head as her tears fall. “I can’t, Nate. Not yet.”
“I know,” I say as I cup her cheek. “It was stupid of me to ask, but I had to because I made a promise to you that I’d take care of you and I’d never lie to you.” Taking a deep breath, I ready myself for what I’m about to say. “I’ve received my orders, and I’m set to leave at the end of next week. I can’t leave knowing things are up in the air with us.”
Ryley looks down at her hand before her tear-stained eyes meet mine. “You can’t leave. You have to tell them no, or tell them that your brother is home and it’s just not possible. Evan left and didn’t come back... you can’t leave me. Not now.”
I pull her back into my arms to curb the panic attack. I should’ve known this would be the result. It was never going to be easy telling her that I was leaving, but it’s not like I can keep it a secret.
“Nate, promise me that you won’t leave.”
“Ry –”
“No, promise me,” she demands, pulling away from me. “Evan just got back. You both need to repair your relationship and call me crazy and paranoid, but if you leave, what guarantees do I have that you’ll come back?”
“There’s a war –”
“NO!” she roars, pushing me away. “You don’t leave. You tell whomever you need to that you can’t go on this deployment. You tell them that you don’t trust them.” Ryley wipes angrily at her tears, smudging her make-up. “You tell them that your family comes first and you’re staying here to find out what happened to your brother.”
“Ryley?” her head turns at the sound of both Carole and Evan saying her name.
“You’re leaving?” this time the question is directed at me from Livvie.
“It’s my job,” I tell her and anyone else listening.
“It was Evan’s job and look at what happened to him. Who’s to say that the same won’t happen to you?”
“Tink, don’t,” Evan says to her. I’m not sure if he’s defending me right now or not.
Livvie stands next to Ryley, both women in my life staring me down with their arms crossed over their chests. In a normal situation I’d look to Evan for guidance, but with me out of the picture he has a clear shot at Ryley. Right now it feels like I’m facing a firing squad and it’s not going to matter what I say or do.
“Mom, can’t you do something?”
“Ryley,” I say, getting her attention. “Your mom has no say in the orders we get, you know that. Short of breaking my leg, you know there’s nothing that can be done.”
“I could break your leg. Oddly enough, I’d get a perverse satisfaction by doing so.” I wish to hell I could say Evan is joking, but he’s not.
“Thanks, Evan, but I think I’m okay.” He shrugs, as if it’s no big deal that he just offered to break my leg.
We’re all in a standoff. Ryley and Livvie are on one side of the kitchen with Carole and Jensen on the other. Jenson hasn’t said much, not that I thought he would, but it would be nice for some support. Evan and I are in the middle of this. We’re the tug-of-war. Both of us are being pushed and pu
lled in every direction but the one we both want to be heading in.
The sound of an abrupt knock on the door startles us, even causes me to jump. Deefur barks and EJ’s thundering footsteps are heard coming down the stairs.
“I get it,” he yells, just as Evan and I make a move for the door.
“I’ll get it,” Jensen says loudly as he brushes by me. Ryley uses the break to her advantage and starts pulling food out of the refrigerator. Livvie and her mom start to help while Evan and I stand in the kitchen like statues. It’s a face off - or a childish stare off - like EJ and I sometimes have over a bowl of ice cream.
EJ comes running into the kitchen and tackles me. I pick him up, and ignore the disgruntled sounds that Evan is making.
“I didn’t know yous was here.” At what point in a parent’s life do you start to correct your child’s speech? I know that when he gets to school everything will change. Those days are something I’m not looking forward to.
“I just got here. I was about to go on a secret mission to find you.”
“I’ll go hide,” he says as he squirms out of my arms and runs off, barely missing Jensen who is standing in the doorway. His face is white as can be.
“What’s wrong?” Evan has the foresight to ask before I can utter the same question.
Jensen looks at us and down at the paper he’s holding. His steps into the kitchen are cautious and he holds the paper as if it’s fragile. Setting it down on the kitchen island, he stands there shaking his head.
“I don’t know what you guys are doing, but you need to stop,” his words are monotone and they send chills down my spine. Evan, Carole and I all step forward and look at what he set down.
STOP
OR
SHE DIES
The words are cut out from a magazine and arranged like a ransom note. Ryley steps forward and I wish I could’ve caught her before she saw the paper. The bowl she’s holding slips from her hands and crashes to the ground. The sound of shattering porcelain echoes throughout the room. Her hand covers her mouth and somewhere from within a scream emerges.
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