It’s Evan who catches her before she falls. I’m grateful, but also jealous. She’s mine and I should be the one to comfort her.
“What did you do?” Jensen asks as he looks from me, to Carole and then Evan. “Why is someone leaving death threats for my daughter on her porch?”
“I’ve been digging –”
“I’ve been asking –”
“I’ve been looking—“
The three of us say at once causing Jensen’s head to turn.
“Tink, go upstairs with EJ, please.” Evan asks because he knows she’ll do whatever he says. It doesn’t escape my notice that she has tears in her eyes. She knows the magnitude of what’s happening and what that note means. Evan’s return and our subsequent investigation has rattled someone and it’s someone close to us. Now, the question is who?
“Outside,” Carole demands. You would think after her daughter’s life has just been threatened that she’d be more upset, but she’s calm on the outside. We follow her out to the backyard for reasons unknown to me. “Gather around, and listen closely,” she says. “The three of us have been digging and the more I find hidden, the more I’m convinced something transpired that the Navy doesn’t want us to know about. I don’t want any of you talking about this in the house, am I clear?”
“Carole –”
“No, listen to me Jensen. I know I’m a conspiracy theorist, but my gut is telling me that I’m right on this one. Four highly trained and decorated SEALs do not go into the jungle and just disappear. They don’t receive care packages and updates from home after their loved ones have buried their bodies. And if I wasn’t right, we wouldn’t receive a death threat on the one-day that we’re all at the same house. Who knew you guys were coming here today?”
“McCoy, but you invited him… and Frannie. I told her when I was leaving that I’d be back later. She asked where I was going and I told her.”
Carole nods and looks at me. “No one but Carter and Lois would assume I’m over here if I’m not at their house.”
“McCoy isn’t in the right frame of mind to do this. He’s hurting, just like you guys. But Frannie –”
“Hold up, Mom. You think Frannie has something to do with this?”
“I didn’t say that but tell me this Ryley, who was with you the whole time Evan was gone?”
Ryley steps back and looks at me. “Aside from you and Dad - Nate, Frannie, Carter and Lois,” she says as her eyes go wide. “That could mean that –”
“Carter wouldn’t,” I say and am shocked to find Evan nodding in agreement.
“People do the unthinkable when they find themselves stuck in certain situations. We have to find out what that situation is, what was the catalyst that set this in motion. Someone knows something,” Carole says pleadingly. “Jensen, I know you’re worried about Ryley and EJ, I am too, but she has two highly lethal men in her life that will kill before they let a hair on either of their heads be harmed. They’ll protect her.”
“What about you?” he asks.
“I’ll be safe,” she says to Jensen.
Carole is right, regardless of whom Ryley and EJ belong to right now, Evan and I won’t let anything happen to her. Same goes for Carole.
IT’S OFFICIAL... A FIVE-YEAR-OLD has more logic than I do. When did that happen? After a tension filled dinner, Jensen suggested that one of us start staying with Ryley. An argument ensued and I lost simply because EJ asked that his dad spend the night. I didn’t think tonight was the time to assert my position in his life, and as much as I wanted to pound my chest and go all Tarzan on everyone, I can’t compete with the imploring looks from EJ. Ryley says that I’ll learn, but right now I don’t want to. I want to give in to every little request he has and give him the world. I want to learn what makes that little boy tick, what his favorite cereal is and whether he puts ketchup on his eggs like I do.
When I look at him I see me.
When he looks at me I want him to see his dad.
“Tough night?” Rick asks as he wipes down the bar. Magoo’s is empty for the most part. There’s a couple in the corner, but they’re so into each other they’re not paying attention to anyone else.
“You could say that.”
“I’d ask you what’s bothering ya, but I can probably figure it out.”
I finish off the beer in my mug and slide it toward him. “I imagine that you’ve heard a lot of stories, people tell you a lot of things. So let me ask you, have you ever heard of anyone going through what we did?”
Rick takes my mug and refills it, placing it on the bar along with a fresh bowl of popcorn and nuts. I shouldn’t be hungry but can honestly say I didn’t eat a thing at Ryley’s earlier, so bar food it is.
When Jensen showed us that note I wanted to lose my shit, but figured that’s what the people who are doing this want. It seems like they want the fight but aren’t willing to show face. They’re hiding behind death threats being left on front porches. Cowards... that’s what they are.
“I hear things,” Rick says, leaning closer to me. “I’m told things. And some people aren’t careful with how loud they are. Take that couple behind you.” I turn, looking quickly. “He’s having an affair, but his lady there doesn’t know it. He came in last night with a different woman.”
“That’s stupid.”
“Mhm, but what’s worse is that he came in at lunch with his friends, bragging about it.”
Some men don’t get it. I’d give anything to have Ryley in my arms, and here’s this man cheating on his partner. He makes me want to go over to him and bash some sense into him.
“Ever hear anything about me or my team?”
“You know you always wonder if you missed something. I like to think I’m fairly observant, like that reporter chick. She spends a lot of time in here looking for you, but you’re never in here at the same time. Then there’s that Senator dude. I don’t like him. He sits in the corner on his phone and always orders a beer that he doesn’t touch. Never talks to anyone, never meets with anyone.”
“What else do you know about this Lawson guy?”
Rick shrugs, leaving to help someone at the bar. I turn around and look at the couple in the corner. I feel sorry for the woman. She’s all over him, completely smitten and he’s just sitting there. He wants the attention, but isn’t willing to give it back to her. He looks tired, likely realizing that cheating is hard work. Keeping your stories straight takes a lot of effort.
The idea of them disgusts me and I realize that could’ve been me. I was pushing Ryley to be with me knowing full well that she belonged to another. I didn’t care if she compromised her relationship with Nate because as far as I was concerned – and still am – he took her from me.
A suit walks in, his eyes glued to his cell phone as he sits down in the corner. The door opens again and in walks a woman. I look away from her and back to the man in the corner. He doesn’t check his surroundings and definitely doesn’t look up when the lady walks by.
Turning back around, I take a handful of popcorn. This is as good as it gets for me tonight. Going back to River’s doesn’t appeal to me. After Carole asked who knew we’d be at Ryley’s tonight, the thought of seeing Frannie turns my stomach. I can’t fathom that she’d have something to do with this mess, but part of me wonders. She was ready for River to come home. That right there is a red flag for me.
The thought of Nate in the house with Ryley after EJ goes to bed makes my blood boil. I’m happy that someone is there with her, but it should be me. Picking up my mug, I down the tepid beer and signal for another one. From here, I can walk if I need to. Or Rick will call me a cab. In fact, the less I remember about tonight the better.
“Do you always sit at the bar alone?”
“Thanks,” I say to Rick after he puts my fresh beer down, ignoring the question that’s just been asked. I know the polite thing to do is acknowledge the woman next to me, but I have no desire to get to know anyone and I don’t want to give her a false hope fo
r the night.
“Not alone, I have my friend Rick here.” It’s really the only thing I can say, aside from “I’m not interested”.
Rick looks from me to her before he leaves us alone. I’m going to have to remind him that my heart belongs to Ryley until she chooses Nate. It’ll probably still be hers until I can figure out how to move on. That’s not something I like thinking about though. Each morning I wake up with a small bit of hope. However, after the afternoon at the park, I told her I was walking away. For all I know I just handed her right over to Nate. Maybe if I grow a set, I’ll ask her about their relationship tomorrow.
But then again, maybe not. I’ve had enough heartache to last me a lifetime.
“I have something for you.”
I try not to roll my eyes at her come on, but the lack of effort is futile.
“Not interested,” I finally say, hoping she gets the hint.
“Oh, I think you are,” she replies, and I finally give in and look at her. Big mistake.
Her caramel colored eyes are mysterious. Her brown hair has blonde highlights and is styled perfectly, shaping her face. A face I know and remember well. She’s changed. She’s more sophisticated than the last time I saw her.
“Well, if I knew it was you, I would’ve pulled the stool out for you.”
“It’s good to see you, Evan.”
“You too, Cara.” I start to lean over to hug her, but she shakes her head discretely.
“The man in the corner; I’m tailing him. We need to make this look like we’re flirting.”
Peering over my shoulder quickly, I see the man who walked in earlier. It dawns on me that this guy is Lawson, the guy Rick has been talking about.
“You’re the reporter?”
She nods, and thanks Rick for the wine he’s set down for her. “I am.” I can’t tell if she’s lying or if she’s a legit reporter. The last time I saw her she was just starting out at the CIA. Because we were together for family functions, Ryley and I were interviewed and asked a lot of invasive questions. It was all worth it once Cara told us she got the job.
“You’ve asked about me?”
Cara takes a sip of her wine before answering. “We’re interested in what went down in Cuba. Call it an unhealthy curiosity or a hazard of the job. Either way there are things we’d like to know and asking is sometimes the easiest way to find out.”
“We?” I question, hoping that she gives me the answer I seek. Is she truly a reporter now or is she undercover?
Cara smiles shyly and touches my arm. I’m thankful it’s for show. Cara’s an attractive woman, but she doesn’t flip my switch. “We… work. You know.”
“So that hasn’t changed. You’re still doing the bidding for the Navy? Gathering information for the big dogs? Pretending to hide in corners?”
She laughs, hopefully remembering that we used to joke about everything we thought the spooks did.
Cara sighs. “A lot changed when you died. I left for Virginia. I got my dream, but I recently switched to the sprawling city of DC,” she says.
I’m a bit shocked and give her a sideways glance. She cracks a small smile. Last I knew she wanted nothing to do with bringing people down, she just wanted to spy on them. “Feds?”
“Yeah.”
“Am I in trouble?”
Cara shakes her head. “No, but you took out a heavy hitter and lived to tell about it. That’s why I’m here.”
“I’m not sure you can call this living, Cara. I came home to a family that had moved on without me. I have a son who knows I’m his dad but doesn’t want to call me dad. My fiancée… I’m assuming you know what happened there.”
Cara shakes her head. “I left Nate. He didn’t leave me for Ryley if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I wasn’t, but thanks for clearing that up.”
She smiles, bringing her glass to her lips. I think I’ve struck a nerve because she lingers. She’s taking her time with the wine and her next question. Or maybe it’s my turn to ask something.
“What did you mean by ‘heavy hitter’?”
“Tacito Renato was a major player in the sex ring you guys busted up, only you were supposed to capture him. We wanted to interrogate him, get him to turn on the others, but you put a bullet between his eyes instead.”
“He was raping a little girl about six years old. He’s lucky that’s all I did,” I say, as I slam my mug down on the counter. Rick is there to clean up my mess, making me feel like shit for spilling my beer.
“He’s not the only one,” Cara says as nonchalantly as possible.
“What are you talking about?”
“My tail. We believe the Senator is into pedophilia, but I’m having a hard time proving it. One day we see it on his computer and the next it’s wiped clean. I’ve been following him for a year or so. He’ll go into strip clubs, watch the show and then go home or to his hotel. He disguises himself so he doesn’t get caught. I want to arrest him, but I’m not ready yet.”
To say I’m confused is an understatement. This senator is Ingram’s son that no one seems to know about and he’s a closet perv who may or may not be into some fucked up shit.
“What does this have to do with me or my Team?”
“Just you,” she says, turning to face me. “Renato and Lawson were friends and I have a feeling he’s here to find out from you what Renato confessed to before you shut his lights out.”
“He didn’t say jack shit, didn’t even plead for his life.” It’s not entirely true, but he never mentioned Lawson’s name. I know it’s been years, but I would’ve remembered that much. “Cara, why are you here?”
“I go where he goes until I have enough for an arrest warrant. When we started digging, I saw your name. I was there when you…when everything went down... so it was a bit of a shock.”
“What do you mean you saw my name?”
“I have every reason to believe Lawson knew you guys were alive. An email he wrote to someone that goes by the initials JI asked what would happen to him when the four come home.”
“And you think that’s about my Team?”
“I do, now I just have to figure out who JI is.”
“Admiral Jonah Ingram is my guess. He’s the Commander, Southwest Region and he showed up on base today.” I look over my shoulder at Lawson. His head is down and he’s typing away on his phone. “Ingram is his father according to Carole.”
If I didn’t believe that my life was screwed up already, I do now.
I DON’T KNOW HOW long I’ve been watching Ryley. I’m not even sure she knows I’m behind her. But here I am standing in the doorway to EJ’s room spying on the woman I want to marry while she stares at all the photos of my brother which cover the wall. I wouldn’t think her being in here is odd except for the fact that EJ spent the night with me in the guest room.
I should be jealous, but I’m not. This isn’t the first time I’ve found her like this and I can only imagine how many nights she’s spent in here since Evan returned. When Lois came up with the idea to wallpaper EJ’s room with photos of Evan, I thought it was great. I even spent time in here, talking to him and EJ, reliving our childhood as I told his son stories.
When EJ was born, Ryley had every intention of telling EJ that Evan was his father. But then daycare happened and when I was home, I’d pick him up because I needed to feel close to Evan. However, children are smart and they follow what their peers do so when EJ saw his little friends getting picked up by their dads, he started calling me “Dad”. At first, I was against it. I didn’t want to dishonor my brother’s memory. But on the other hand, I didn’t want my nephew growing up without a father and I honestly couldn’t see Ryley with anyone else.
Cara didn’t like it, and I understood why. She loved EJ, but didn’t want him calling me “Dad”. I should’ve respected her request when she asked that only our children refer to me as that, but I didn’t. I couldn’t look my nephew in the eyes, the same eyes that I felt held my brother’s sou
l, and tell him no. I still can’t. It’s not what tore Cara and me apart. Ryley isn’t either. Life is. But it’s also the same life that has given me the opportunity to be EJ’s dad and a partner to Ryley. It’s the same life that I’m fighting to keep.
“What are you doing?” I whisper to Ryley as I enter EJ’s room. She smiles softly, but doesn’t answer. Her being in here doesn’t require an answer anyway. I know why she’s in here. It’s still early and the sun is barely peaking over the horizon. EJ’s window is open and there’s a cool ocean breeze coming in. It’s mornings like this that I’m thankful Evan had the good sense to use his inheritance from our dad to buy a house near the ocean.
Standing against the wall, I slide down until my butt is firmly on the ground. Pulling my knees up, I rest my arms on top of them. Maybe the wall of Evan has all the answers, but then again, maybe it doesn’t.
“Do you sit in here a lot when I’m not home?”
“I used to, but you helped me heal. If it weren’t for you, I’d be a shell of the woman I am today.”
“EJ did that for you, Ry. You’re strong because of him.”
Ryley wipes the tears from her eyes and I fight the urge to pull her from her chair and into my lap. It took so long for us both to heal and find a happy medium. We both lost a lot in the last six years, but we gained a lot as well. Evan was taken from us, but our family was blessed by the arrival of EJ who was my last connection to my brother. Then I lost Cara to my own selfishness and my inability to see what was good for her... good for us. All Cara wanted to do was love me and I wouldn’t allow her to.
“Do you ever wonder how things should’ve been?”
“Every day,” she says in a voice barely above a whisper. Ryley repositions herself, pulling her blanket a little higher. It’s not cold in here, but I imagine the security of having herself covered is what she needs right now.
“You and Evan would be married,” I say, even though it’s not reality.
“And probably barefoot and pregnant again,” she says with a hint of laughter. “He once said in a letter that he wants to have his own football team and it didn’t matter if we had nothing but girls because girls could play too.” Ryley pauses as she plays with the corner of her blanket. “Do you ever wonder about Cara?”
Choose Me Page 12