Choose Me

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “There are more messages or alerts,” Cara says as I look at her questioningly. “What? Mine blinks like that.” She says, shrugging.

  We stand around Evan and his outstretched hand as if he’s holding a timer to a bomb. I don’t know if we’re waiting for it to go off again or what, but none of us are moving.

  “Evan,” Carole says his name so calmly, I feel like she’s about to deliver bad news. “Have you prepared yourself for the possibility that we could look at that and find out that River is involved?”

  He shakes his head, clasping his fingers over the phone. “I don’t think he’s involved.”

  “Why?” I ask.

  “If he were, he wouldn’t let me stay at his house.”

  “Good point,” I say, looking at everyone. “I figured this is the safest place right now. I want answers. I want to know who did this to us.” When I say “us”, my eyes find Cara’s. Last night I thought about how things would’ve been different. In all likelihood she and I would be married by now and living in Virginia. But someone decided to screw with my family and now they must pay.

  “We could put a tap on the phone and put it back,” Cara offers.

  Evan shakes his head. “I want to know now.”

  It’s been days since Carole took the cell phone from us. We were tempted to read it all right there, but she wanted everything from it, including emails and internet searches. Carole has a friend in NCIS who is helping her, someone she trusts. The hard part was letting go of what we considered a huge piece of evidence and probably the key to discovering who is behind all of this.

  I reported for work, keeping up the guise that everything is fine. A few team members had a lot of questions, but others just sat there, likely contemplating how something so fucked up happened to someone they know. Believe me, I’ve been asking myself the same question over and over again.

  Evan didn’t return to River’s and I told him that he could stay with Ryley and EJ, and I’ll stay at Carter’s. It’s not ideal, but my brother doesn’t have any place to live so it is what it is… for right now. Evan also hasn’t informed River, McCoy or Rask about the phone. He’s not sure who he can trust right now and feels that keeping a low profile is better. The one thing he has done in the past few days is finally got his own cell phone.

  “Is it weird?” Tex asks, interrupting my daydream. When I said I’m back to work, I am, but only in the sense that I show up on base and watch everyone, even Carole. Commander Clarke, as I refer to her when we’re on base, suggested I keep my eyes and ears open and my mouth and my fingers off the keyboard. I’m doing as she says.

  “Is what weird?” I ask, bending over to pick up some rope.

  “Having your brother back?”

  I shrug, keeping up the pretense that we’re on the outs. We’re not, but we’re not exactly friends. He does respond to my text messages and I consider that a huge step from where we were earlier.

  “I’m happy he’s home, but he’s trying to steal my woman.” I make it sound worse than it is. Truth is, Ryley belongs to Evan and it’s something that I’m slowly starting to realize. Now if only my heart would listen.

  “It’s not mine,” he blurts out, catching me off guard.

  “What isn’t?” I ask as I wait for him to pick up the other section of rope. I found us grunt work to do that would put us near the building of Admiral Ingram. Tex doesn’t need to know, but having an unsuspecting partner in crime is always nice.

  “The baby, it’s not mine.”

  “How do you feel about that?”

  He stops mid stride, causing me to turn around. “You said being a dad is one of the greatest joys in your life, do you still feel that way knowing your brother is going to take your son away?”

  I set my section down and look at Tex. “It’s not that Evan will take EJ away, I’ll still be there. EJ needs to know that Evan is his dad, but we’re not forcing the situation. But yeah, being a dad is pretty much the best feeling in the world, why?”

  Tex shrugs. “After we got back I went and saw her, and thought, ‘yeah I can do this’. But then another guy comes around and he says the baby is his. So I ask her and she says it’s his, but his job isn’t stable and she wants us to get married so she can have benefits and all that shit.”

  My mouth drops open, but honestly I’m not surprised. This is one of the reasons Ryley refused to hang out with any of the girlfriends because they’re intentions aren’t always for the best. Hearing him say it out loud, though, really turns my stomach.

  “Come on, let’s get this rope stowed. I’m meeting Ryley for lunch.”

  “Ah, a little lunch time nookie in the back of your car,” he jokes.

  “Yeah, something like that,” I reply. Except it isn’t and I don’t expect it to be. I don’t ask what goes on at the house either. I’m just hoping she’s respecting the ring that she wears. As soon as we’re finished, I take off in search of Ryley. We’re meeting at the café near base since she refuses to even step foot past the gate.

  The café is just a short jog and I find her sitting outside, waiting for me. As soon as she sees me, she stands and has a bottle of water waiting for me in her outstretched hand. I guzzle down the ice-cold water first before leaning in to give her a kiss. Our lips linger against each other’s momentarily until I pull away.

  “I thought we could get some ice cream and go sit on the beach.”

  “For lunch?”

  She shrugs. “I thought it’d be something different. Besides, I already ate.”

  “You did?” I ask, pulling her into the café. “Why are we having lunch then?”

  I tell the waitress our order and pay. For as long as I’ve known Ryley, she’s ordered the same kind of ice cream and if the place doesn’t have it, she usually goes without.

  Walking side by side, both of us carrying cups of ice cream, we sit down on one of the log formations. There’s a charred out fire pit which was probably done by one of my Team members or some other sailors hanging out down here.

  “I had lunch with Cara today,” she says in between bites. “She asked about you. In fact, she spent the entire lunch talking about you.”

  “Is that so?”

  Ryley nods as she puts a spoonful of her favorite raspberry and chocolate ice cream in her mouth. “Mhm,” she mumbles.

  I finish off my cup and set it down in the sand. The ocean waves are calm, but won’t be later when BUD/S training starts. I’d like to watch this new class, but I have other pressing issues to deal with.

  “Ry, there’s nothing going on with Cara. I’ve spent some time with her, but she’s just trying to help us figure out what happened.”

  “I know,” she says as she puts her cup down and pulls my hand into hers. “She loves you and I know you love her. I also know that you love me, but it’s not the same. She’s your Evan and we both know the only reason you’re not together is because Evan died. But he’s not dead anymore…”

  “Ryley, are you trying to tell me that you chose Evan?”

  She shakes her head. “No, Nate, I’m telling you to choose Cara.” Ryley slips the ring I bought for her off her finger and places it in my hand. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with Evan, but I’m not going to be the one who holds you back from happiness. This decision is made wholeheartedly, Nate. There’s nothing rash about it and I’m not hurt. It feels right. I love Cara, and she’s the one you need in your life, not me.”

  Tears prick my eyes as I clutch her ring. I pull her into my arms and hold her. I don’t want to admit it, but she’s right. When we kissed earlier, the spark I used to feel wasn’t there. It felt like I was kissing my sister. Maybe that’s why I can walk away knowing everything will be okay.

  When she pulls away, she kisses me, and I still only feel her lips and nothing else. “Cara’s here. She’s waiting for you in the parking lot. I came with her, but my mom is here to pick me up.”

  I turn to look and there she is, dressed like she’s going to work. I take
Ryley’s hand in mine and we walk back toward the street. She releases my hand and waves at Cara, but I don’t take my eyes off of her until she’s in Carole’s car.

  Putting my hands into my pockets, I walk over to Cara who greets me with a smile. We both wave when Carole honks her horn, our eyes following her car out of the parking lot. Cara steps to me and it’s as if everything moves in slow motion. My head turns toward the deafening sound of metal crunching against metal, the nauseating smell of rubber on fire and the heart-shattering wail of blood curdling screams.

  Carole’s car is upside down in the middle of the road with flames coming out of the engine. “Call 911,” I yell at Cara as I take off running toward the car. The explosion knocks me back and all I can do is scream.

  I’LL NEVER KNOW WHAT Ryley went through when she was told that I had died, but if it’s anything like what I’m currently going through, I’m going to have to find a new way to worship this woman. Telling her I love her, or how much I want to be with her, is never going to be enough. I have never been the type of person that can describe my emotions very well and Ryley knows that but right now, pacing outside the emergency room doors that separate me from her, I’m about to use every word possible to describe how I feel. Scared, nervous, hopeful, I don’t know. My body is zinging with anticipation to see her, to hear from the doctors, anything to calm my nerves. I feel like if I sit down my body will shatter into a million pieces.

  When my phone rang and I saw that it was Nate, I almost didn’t answer it. After having gone six years without a cell phone, I’ve grown used to the nice feeling of not being attached to anything. I know it’s a necessity, but it’s probably one that I could’ve lived without for a little while longer.

  Nate may have come clean, twice, but it doesn’t erase the fact that when I came home he had claim on my girl. I know others are to blame and if I ever find out who has done this to my family and me, the punishment will be severe.

  But I answered the call and to hear Nate’s broken voice on the other end was enough to stop me in my tracks. It was the first time since I’ve been back that I cared about what he had to say. After hearing the words, “there was an accident, but she’s okay,” I froze. I dropped to my knees and felt my axis shift. I just got her back. I can’t lose her now.

  Ryley and Carole were in a car accident. Cara and Nate were there, in the parking lot, when it happened. How or why they were all together, I don’t know. I haven’t asked and right now I don’t care. What I do care about is finding the asshole responsible for running them into the semi-truck. According to Nate, Ryley and Carole drove off and not seconds later he heard the crash. He went to them, only to be knocked on his ass when the car exploded.

  That wasn’t enough to keep Nate down and he burnt his hand trying to save Ryley and her mom. His efforts were futile because the motherfucker who insists on trying to harm my family committed this act in front of a military base and so many sailors saw what had happened and were there before Nate. They saved my family. They also saved Nate before Carole’s car exploded for a second time. The triage nurse that treated his hand told him that he wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them.

  I may be pissed at my brother. I may have hatred toward him, but I’m not ready to lose him.

  I’ve been asked multiple times to move, but I refuse. I want to see the doctor first when he comes through the double doors. Jensen is standing next to me, helping me put up a solid “don’t fuck with us” wall. Our women are back there and we need to know what’s going on.

  I never wanted to think that a job I love and trust would be behind whatever fuckery is going on, but the more evidence that we uncover the deeper the bullshit becomes. I have no doubt that today’s accident is a result of that phone I found in River’s house. He’s here, waiting with the rest of my family, but Frannie isn’t. I haven’t asked him where she’s at because I don’t care. In fact, when I see her, I may strangle her until she tells me what I want to know. Hell, for all I know River could be in on this, but my gut is telling me otherwise. No one spends six years in a damn jungle by choice. As our fire team leader, he did everything possible to keep us safe and to get us home. But someone didn’t want us home and we have to find out why.

  If Frannie is involved, I feel sorry for River. I don’t know what’s worse: Finding out your girl moved on with your brother, or finding out your wife knew you were alive the whole time and played along with it. Both are pretty shitty, but his situation would be just plain fucked up.

  “What’s taking so long?” I groan, tapping my fist against the wall. I’ve never really been in a hospital until today, but I can see why people hate them. Everything is white and plastic. The chairs are uncomfortable, hard and uninviting. It’s the same way I feel when I go to the therapist’s office, but I’d take Doc Hudson over this place any day. When I look around, I see death. It’s something I’ve experienced and standing here now, you see how it’s affecting people. The nurses don’t smile when you look at them even though they’re supposed to be here to reassure loved ones. The doctors walk with their heads down to avoid eye contact with people because they can’t mask the pain and agony they feel when they’ve lost a patient. The white walls and floral prints can’t brighten a place like this.

  “Precautionary measures, I’m sure,” Jensen says as calmly as possible. How he can keep a cool head right now is beyond me. His wife and daughter are back there and we know nothing. We’re being kept in the dark. All someone needs to do is tell us if they’re okay.

  Nate was in the ambulance with Ryley while Cara rode with Carole. Both of them were unconscious, battered and bleeding from the wounds on their heads, but they were alive according to Nate and Cara. I fought to go back there, to watch the doctors as they did what they had to do, just to make sure they’re on my team and not working for whoever tried to kill them.

  “They need to come out soon or I’m going back there.” I rub my hand over the top of my head, moving my hat back and forth. My other hand holds a bear, some stupid bear that I bought for her today which I thought she’d like. Why I’m holding it now, I don’t know, but something told me to bring it in when I got to the hospital.

  “They’ve only been back there for forty minutes.”

  “How do you know?” I ask, looking at the man who should be my father-in-law.

  “I’m timing them. I’m giving them twenty minutes to give us an update before I let my son-in-law loose.”

  I try not to laugh, but it’s funny. He’s my voice of reason right now because he knows that these double doors aren’t enough to keep me away.

  “Any word?” Nate asks, as he joins us. His left hand is bandaged in white gauze.

  “Nothing yet. Are you okay?” I ask, signaling down to his hand. He holds it up and nods.

  “Just a burn, nothing I can’t handle. I’m just sorry I didn’t get there fast enough.”

  “You did fine. You were there for her when she needed you.” I don’t know why I’m giving him the affirmation he’s looking for, but he did what he could. He has to know this wasn’t his fault and he couldn’t have prevented it. Some sick bastard is on the loose right now.

  “There are people in the waiting room. Everyone is here except for Mom, she’s staying with EJ,” I say, but hold back on telling him that I think Frannie is involved. I don’t have the proof, but everything in my mind is telling me she’s guilty.

  “Let me know as soon as you hear anything.”

  I nod and Jensen assures Nate that we’ll fill him in. I won’t, though, because as soon as the doctor comes out I’m going in.

  “I can’t lose her,” I say to anyone who is within earshot to hear me.

  “It was a car accident, Evan. They’re both fine.”

  I shake my head and hold up the bear so I can look at him. He’s cheesy, but Ryley will love him. “It’s not that, Jensen. I can’t lose her, period. This isn’t some high school infatuation that I never grew out of, or the fact that she should’ve be
en waiting for me when I came home. She’s who I see when I dream at night and who I want to see when I wake-up. When I think about what makes me tick, it’s Ryley. She’s the reason I am who I am today because without her I’m less than half a man.”

  Jensen sighs. “I get it, Evan, because that’s how I feel about Carole.”

  “If she chooses me, I’m going to marry your daughter the first chance I get.”

  “About time,” he mumbles, causing me to laugh. If he only knew that I would’ve married her the second I came back from my so-called “snatch and grab mission”.

  I quickly stop laughing when the doctor walks out. He looks somber as he takes off his paper cap. He holds it in his hand and the expression on his face is grim. Jensen steps forward first, followed by me.

  “Your wife and daughter are fine. Your wife suffered a compound fracture to her femur and a broken arm. She’s needs to have pins put in both her leg and arm. The ortho surgeon is with her now and will be taking her up to surgery in a few minutes. She’ll be confined to a wheelchair and physical therapy will be required, but other than that she’ll make a full recovery. Your daughter has fared much better than your wife. Aside from breaking her wrist, she’s fine. They’re very lucky that they were saved before the car was fully engulfed in flames. They have no burns, whatsoever.”

  I let out a huge sigh of relief that both of them are okay. I don’t know how our family would cope with losing either of them. Broken bones we can deal with, those are easy. Death is not.

  “How did my wife break her arm?” Jensen asks. I know he’s concerned, but I want to shake him and tell him he can ask questions later. I just want to get in there. I’m trying to be patient, but my patience expired a long time ago.