Struggle to Forever: a friends to lovers duet

by Lilliana Anderson

“We got into a fight because the guy’s a fuckwit, all right?”

  “That isn’t an answer.”

  The only reply I had was a shake of my head. Sure, I could’ve told her he was talking shit about her. But then she’d want details, and I wasn’t going to be the one to give them to her. She’d feel dirty, used, violated. I wasn’t about to do that to her. This way, she’s angry, and she’s frustrated, but both those emotions are preferable.

  “This is bullshit,” she said, walking a step ahead of me in stormy silence until we were back at her house.

  “Here. I’ll give you a boost,” I said, interlacing my fingers and holding my hands open for her.

  “What did he say about me?” she demanded in a harsh whisper.

  “Trina.” I pressed my lips together and looked away.

  “I know you, David. The only reason you’d beat him up and tell him to stay away from me was if he said something about me you didn’t like. What was it?”

  “Are you going to let me give you a boost or not?”

  “You seriously won’t tell me?” She dropped her hands so they slapped on her thighs. I met her eyes with silent determination. “Fine,” she said, planting her foot in my hands and letting me heft her over the fence while she mumbled about squeezing blood out of stones.

  “Good night, Trina,” I told her as I turned to leave.

  “Whatever David,” she said from the other side of the fence before her head popped up again. “You know something? I would have thought out of everyone in that locker room, you would have been the guy to tell me the truth. What is this? Some stupid bro code? I thought I meant more to you than that.”

  I moved closer to her, taking her head in my hands as I planted a soft kiss upon her forehead. “You mean the world to me, Trina, and I don’t want to upset you over guy talk. I took care of it OK? You don’t have to worry about it. Now go inside before your parents hear us and ground you too.”

  She rolled her eyes. But I still saw the tears escape as she turned away.

  During my suspension, my mother left me a huge list of jobs I needed to have completed by the time she got home each day. She also swore that she was going to drop by randomly to check on me and alluded to having some sort of surveillance set up to make sure I stayed home.

  I didn’t believe that, but I wasn’t in the mood for socialising, anyway. I spent my days trimming trees and weeding garden beds as well as cleaning out all of our storage areas. I wished the list of jobs took my mind of things, but they didn’t. I hated—hated—hearing Ben talk about Katrina like she was any other girl out there. It made me sick. And before I left the popular group I’d always been part of, he never would’ve spoken about her like that because she was under my protection, and I was one of them. But, I guess that’s what happened when you changed friendship groups; your alliances and respect changed too. I was never going to stand by and take it. I wasn’t to be trifled with.

  On the third day of my suspension, Katrina detoured past my house on her way home from school. I was busy raking leaves in the front yard, so I didn’t realise she was there until she called to me.

  “Are you back to school tomorrow?” she asked, standing on the council strip and talking to me over the garden bed.

  I paused what I was doing and leaned on the rake, happy she was here speaking to me after she seemed so angry the other night. “Yeah. How’s it been in my absence?”

  “Boring, enlightening, and a little lonely.”

  “Enlightening?”

  She bounced a shoulder and chewed on her lip a little. “Do you know Ethan? He’s in year twelve and gets off a stop before us on the bus.”

  “Yeah. I know Ethan.”

  “Of course you do. He’s on the basketball team isn’t he?”

  I nodded, feeling pretty sure what was coming next.

  “Well, Ethan sat next to me on the bus today. He told me what Ben was saying about me and what he said would happen after the formal. He told me how he was provoking you.”

  I tapped the rake on the ground a couple of times, before I gave her a shrug. “Like I said, guy’s a fuckwit.”

  “Yeah, but the stuff he said. It’s not true. Half of it hasn’t even happened, and I’m certainly not ready to…you know. Anyway, I’m glad we broke up. I really liked him at first, but then he started pressuring me to do more and well, it’s a relief to have that over. And I don’t like being locker room fodder. It’s supposed to be private, you know?”

  I met her eyes, working my jaw as my memory reminded me of Ben’s bragging. “Yeah, Trina. I do know.”

  “Do you ever do that? Talk about girls like they’re things to conquer?”

  “No,” I assured her. “The guys who talk that way do it because they think they have something to prove.”

  “And you don’t?”

  I shook my head. “Not to them. Not to anyone.”

  Reaching out, she nudged me on the shoulder and smiled. “Not even to me?”

  Catching her hand, I pulled her into a one-armed hug. “There’s nothing to prove. If you don’t know me through and through by now, we’re doomed.”

  Hugging me back tight, she took a deep inhale. “Sometimes I think I know you better than I know myself. I just wish you wouldn’t clam up the way you do.”

  Releasing her, I offered a half smile. “Gotta have some sort of mystery going on.”

  “Not really. I always know what’s wrong with you. I know why you do what you do.”

  “You just want the gory details, huh?”

  “I want to hear the truth from your mouth, actually.”

  “And what truth is that?”

  Repositioning her backpack, she smiled the way the Mona Lisa does. “I should go.”

  I held my hand out to the side. “Aw, come on, Trina. You can’t leave me hanging like that.”

  “Annoying, isn’t it?” She giggled as she turned away, the squeaking of my mum’s brakes stopping her in her tracks.

  “Ah shit,” I muttered, immediately returning to my rake. I am so dead. “You need to leave.”

  “Relax,” she whispered before turning her attention to my mum as she parked the car in the driveway. “Hi Mrs Taylor!” Katrina bounced on her toes and waved. Mum did nothing to hide her dissatisfaction.

  “David’s grounded, Trina. That means no friends, not even you,” Mum said as she got out of the car.

  “Oh, I actually came to talk to you, Mrs Taylor. If you have time, of course.” Trina smiled, pulling her bag from her shoulder and leaving it on the ground near me. Mum narrowed her eyes suspiciously before she nodded toward the house to tell Katrina it was fine to follow her.

  “Back to work, young man,” my mother said to me. “Your suspension isn’t over yet.”

  While I wondered what the hell Trina and Mum were inside talking about, I finished up in the front yard. I scooped up the leaves and cut up the palm fronds that never seemed to stop falling from the tree next to our letter box. By the time Trina walked out my front door, the green waste bin was full of clippings, and I was in desperate need of a shower.

  “See you tomorrow morning,” she said, smiling as she skipped down the front steps then started off for her place.

  “Hang on. Aren’t you gonna tell me what that was about?”

  She threw her head back and laughed while she just kept walking. I couldn’t help but smile. She was playing me at my own game.

  When I turned back to my house, Mum was standing in the doorway.

  “You’re not grounded anymore. And you can go to the formal too.”

  “I can?” This probably isn’t the best time to tell her I was never planning to go...

  She nodded. “Trina just told me what the fight was about. Frankly, I think that kid deserved a good hit for talking about our girl like that. You should have told me, David. I wouldn’t have been so hard on you.”

  I bounced one shoulder. “I’m not exactly proud of it.”

  “You should always be proud of fighting f
or the people you care about.”

  Six

  With only a couple of weeks until the formal, things had gone back to the way they’d always been between Trina and me; easy and comfortable. She’d migrated from the celeb group to mid-level group I was a part of. We were the people who were friendly with everyone within the high school hierarchy. It was way less stressful hanging out with people who weren’t constantly trying to be better than everyone else, I can assure you.

  Unfortunately, Trina’s and my perceived downgrade didn’t come without its fair share of drama. Cassie became an absolute bitch. I know I shouldn’t talk about people like that, but it’s what she was. I don’t know if she was pissed at me or Trina, but when she found out I’d changed my mind about going to the formal, she lost it and started up a rumour saying she was pregnant. Of course she claimed it was mine, making matters even worse by adding that I ordered her to get an abortion or else I’d punch her in the gut to get rid of the kid myself.

  How seriously fucked up is that? I felt like such an idiot for ever getting involved with her in the first place. I mean, a girl who throws herself at you repeatedly, despite you constantly telling her that you don’t want a relationship is, in my books, either totally self-aware, or a couple sandwiches short of a picnic. I wish I'd been smart enough to stay away from the psycho. Never listen to your dick, fellas.

  On the upside, I felt incredibly lucky to have found a group of friends who didn’t believe the shit Cassie spouted for a second. They stood up for me and called bullshit whenever they could. Still, there were a lot of people in our grade who ate bullshit with a shovel and loved it.

  It sucked. I hated that my character and personal life were being discussed in vivid detail yet again. People felt they had the right to ask me questions, and if they didn’t confront me directly, they were happy to make unfounded comments behind my back. The writing returned to the bathroom walls.

  “That’s the last of it in the girls’ bathroom,” Trina said, pink cheeks and messy hair from her hard work. We stayed back after school with Loren and Jeremy to scrub the graffiti about me off the toilet stalls. It wasn’t gonna do much, but it felt like we were being proactive.

  Loren placed her cleaning bucket on the ground. “I wanted to write something creative about Cassie—give her a taste of her own medicine—but miss take-the-high-road here wouldn’t let me.” She pointed her thumb in Trina’s direction.

  I met Trina’s eyes and grinned. She knew I’d hate stooping to Cassie’s level. “Thank you,” I said to everyone. “Thick shakes and fries are on me. I mowed my neighbour’s lawn last weekend, so I’m cashed up.”

  “What’d they pay you, ten bucks?” Jeremy asked.

  “Fifteen,” I replied with a laugh. “It’s why we’re eating off the two dollar menu.”

  While the four of us sat around a table at Maccas, laughing and talking shit, I realised how fucking grateful I was for these new friends of mine. They’d already proven themselves more true than any of my old friends ever were. And despite the shit I had to go through to get here, I was happy for it. This felt right.

  “Watch out, Trina.” The last voice any of us wanted to hear sounded from behind me. “He’ll get you pregnant then threaten to beat you up.”

  Cassie moved into my line of sight, her arms folded across her middle, lips pursed, eyes dead.

  “Why don’t you go sprinkle your hate glitter somewhere else?” Loren said, popping a fry in her mouth.

  I fought a grin while Cassie popped a hip, unimpressed. “Can we talk?” she asked when her gaze swung my way, one hand twisting her hair.

  “I have nothing to say to you,” I responded, keeping my voice even as I leaned back in my chair.

  “You don’t have to talk. Just listen.”

  “Aren’t you listening?” Trina added. “No one wants you here.”

  Pride swelled in my chest. Trina never stood up to anyone. And here she was, standing up to the queen of year ten. It was glorious.

  Cassie didn’t share the same opinion. Her expression darkened, her lips tightened, and she turned her hateful eyes on my favourite person in this world. She opened her mouth, ready to splash her venom in Trina’s direction. But before she could get a word out, I stood, blocking her view and towering over her.

  “Walk away, Cassie,” I said.

  “Or what? You’ll punch me in the stomach?”

  Narrowing my eyes slightly, leaned in real close so she was the only person who could hear me. “I wouldn’t touch you if you were the last woman on this earth. You and your bullshit lies disgust me.”

  “You won’t even consider that the baby is yours?” she asked, surprise registering in her eyes.

  “I won’t even consider the possibility of you being pregnant.”

  “Birth control is only 99 percent.”

  “But maths is absolute. And if you were pregnant by me, you’d be showing. We haven’t been together for months. Now get out of my face and never speak to me or my friends again.”

  We locked eyes in silent challenge. I could see the hesitation flit through hers, like she wasn’t sure if she should keep going or stand down. But Cassie has never been too smart. “I’m going to make your life a living hell.”

  “No, Cassie. It was hell dealing with your neediness. This is a cakewalk.”

  Her mouth dropped open then she spun on her heel and stomped off. I knew I’d poked the beast, but for the life of me, I didn’t care.

  “What did you say to her?” Jeremy asked when I sat back down and reached for my shake.

  “I told her to leave.”

  “Looked like you said more than that,” Loren added, lifting a brow.

  “David doesn’t elaborate,” Trina said with a knowing smile. “You have to read between the lines. I’m guessing he told her she wasn’t worth his time and that he didn’t even believe she was pregnant.”

  I laughed and stretched my arm across the back of her chair. “It’s like you were reading my mind.”

  The whole year seemed to be getting pretty jazzed about this formal thing. In the days leading up to it, it was all anyone could talk about. Who are you going with? How are you getting there? What are you wearing? Even the guys were asking. It’s was crazy considering it was a school event and would undoubtedly be pretty boring. If my mum and Trina hadn’t colluded over getting me to go, I’d happily skip the event all together. But I had to admit, I was kind of happy about riding in the limo since I’d never been in one before. The idea was made better with the knowledge that Trina would be coming to the formal as a part of our group instead of as Ben’s date. Thank fuck. Every time I thought about that guy, I clenched my fists.

  “Hey, what’s got you frowning like that?” Trina asked, reaching out to touch the knit between my brows. It was lunch and some of my ex-friends were playing footy not far from where we sat on the grass.

  “Nothing that matters.” I flashed her a smile then laid back, looking up at the sky with my arms folded behind my head.

  Katrina leaned on my chest, her long hair falling over her shoulder and brushing against my face as she moved it over to one side. “Do you ever miss it?”

  “Miss what? Playing footy?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Being popular, dummy.”

  I smiled, reaching up and tucking some of her hair behind her ear. “I’d only miss it if you were over there instead of right here with me.”

  She laughed lightly as she rolled off my chest and onto her back next to me. “Do you think you can get over yourself enough to dance with me at the formal?”

  With a laugh, I turned my head to face her. “You’re not worried about dancing with a monster like me? It might ruin your reputation.”

  “Oh David, my reputation was ruined the moment I let you sit next to me on the bus all those years ago.”

  I laced my fingers through hers. “Good. I want you ruined for everyone else.”

  The day of the formal rolled around. Dressed to the nines, we met at
Erin’s house to wait for the limousine. Erin's family owned an indoor sports centre and their home was a flat attached at the back of it. Between the eight people in our group and their families, the parking lot was chockas. Parents crowded around, taking photos like they were paparazzi and were about to score their next big pay cheque.

  We did look good though.

  I just wished it wasn’t so damn hot. While all the guys were sweltering in suits, the girls were in dresses that showed off all their lovely curves and kept them cool. Katrina wore a short, pale blue spaghetti strap dress that looked amazing on her. And even though we weren’t officially going to this thing together, she gave me a pale blue tie, so we matched.

  Her hair was cut and styled so it fell in soft curls at her shoulders, and she wore a pair of low-heeled shoes that made her around the same height as me. She was truly stunning, and I honestly had trouble keeping my eyes—and my hands—off her.

  On a regular day, we tended to touch whenever we were near out of habit, or perhaps comfort. But that night was different. My hand kept wandering over to rest on her back, to hold her hand, to wrap around her waist. I felt an overwhelming need to keep her by my side, hold her close.

  “You’re good at this dancing thing,” she said with a huge smile as we swayed together on the dance floor. Her fingers were laced behind my neck and my hands gripped her hips a little tighter than they should.

  “I never said I couldn’t dance,” I replied, my voice husky because…shit. I think I’m about to kiss her. Look away. I cleared my throat. “I said I don’t dance.”

  “Well, don’t I feel special?”

  I grinned. “You should.”

  She laughed before resting her head on my shoulder. I held her even tighter.

  I still couldn’t let go of her when we arrived at the after party. For a guy who never did anything that could be considered ‘relationshippy’ I was certainly acting like the possessive boyfriend. And there was nothing I could do to stop myself.

  Somewhere in my brain there was a tiny voice that kept yelling, ‘This is a terrible idea. You’re messing everything up.’ But the rest of me kept going along like it had decided Trina and I were together now and my logical self had no say in the matter.