I Wanna Be Bad For You

by N. Carmouche

  “Watch me work.” I said, as I strutted over toward the area where the cops were. I, quickly, turned on the water works of tears and the victim routine almost flowed naturally. Hell, I already knew that they couldn’t tell I’d done the shit intentionally. I’d made sure there were no cameras in the area that I had parked in when I walked into the mall, so I ain’t have no worries.

  ~~~

  With the help of Rina, Sasha, and a few of their home boys, we were able to move all of my things down the hall and into my new apartment in no time. I knew that, once I forwarded Rashaad the video of himself, it would only be a matter of time before he came looking for me trying to plead his case. I just wasn’t interested in hearing it. It wasn’t a secret that I didn’t have many places to go, and since Rashaad knew where both Rina and Sasha lived, switching apartments was the best option. I lost my skyline view, but it was worth it, as long as I had a piece of mind.

  “Let the cards fall where they may.” I said to myself, before I hit send and forwarded the video of Rashaad and Mesha to his phone. I went into one of the bags that I’d brought in earlier from the mall and pulled out the new phone that I had purchased. As I read the instructions on how to activate it, I heard my old phone starting to ring.

  “Hey! What you up to?” I answered in as much of a chipper voice as I could muster up. “You know what, that don’t sound like a bad idea. Text me your address.” I said, before ending the call.

  Everyone had already left from helping me with the move, and since it had been a few minutes since I’d sent Rashaad the video, and I hadn’t heard from him yet, I’d figured that he hadn’t gotten a chance to check his text as of yet. I threw both my old phone and new phone in my bag and headed out the door.

  Rashaad

  Meek had taken care of getting our mother checked into the hotel while I met up with my father and a few of his men at the bar of the downtown hotel he was staying in. I hadn’t told him that my mom was also checked in that same hotel, because I figured that, if they ran into each other, it was fate’s fault, because Lord knows, I didn’t want no part of that.

  My father had already been in contact with a few of his connections and had an idea of how we could go about catching up to Danielle. He was always cool, calm, and collected when it came down to him handling his business, but when I’d brought up what was left at my mother’s house, I could see fire in his green eyes, which I’d inherited. After a few drinks, I told him that I would touch basis with him in the morning so that we could get things in motion. We hugged and went our separate ways.

  Since my loft was only a few blocks up the road, I decided to walk back to my place. I had a lot on my mind so the breeze that Mother Nature was providing was definitely helping me blow off some steam. I had been trying to get in touch with Devyn for the past four hours and still hadn’t been able to get through.

  As I walked into my dark apartment, I knew right away that she hadn’t been back to the house once she’d left earlier. I went up the stairs to my bedroom and stripped out of my clothes. When I walked into my bathroom to take a shower, I was shocked at the pregnancy test sitting on the counter with a note.

  I’m surprised, too! Call me when it sinks in.

  XOXO

  Baby

  I read the note over and over again in between looking back at the two blue lines on the test that I held in my hand. To say I was happy would have been an understatement. I knew that Devyn was the person that I wanted to build something with. In our short relationship, I saw how genuine of a person she was. Other chicks these days were solely out to get whatever they could from a nigga, but Devyn was happy with just my time and attention, and I loved that about her. I went back to my bedroom to send my baby a text. She must have been avoiding my calls, because she was nervous. I needed to let her know that I had her. This was a relationship and family that we were going to build together, and I meant that. I was ready to do everything in my power to make sure that they were straight.

  Just as I picked my phone up off the charger, it lit up and displayed that I had a message from Devyn. I opened the media file and grimaced at what I was looking at. Without thinking, I threw my phone over the railing that overlooked my lower level, and I heard it crash against the hardwood floor.

  “Fuck man!” I roared. I couldn’t believe that that shit was happening. The timing for that shit couldn’t have been any worse. All the shit that was happening in the streets, and now, to see that this thirst trap, Mesha, set me up on some exposing a nigga type of shit. I was breathing fire. I stomped into my walk-in closet and threw on my all-black Nike sweats and headed for the door. Without a phone, I couldn’t even call Meek to let him know what was up.

  I pulled into Devyn’s apartment complex in under ten minutes. If Devyn thought that I was about to let that shit jeopardize what we were trying to have, plus the fact that she was now carrying my seed, then she had another thing coming. I skipped steps getting up to her third floor apartment and began banging on the door so hard that I could feel the frame shaking under my force.

  “Umm, why you out here banging on that girl’s door like the police, young man?” The older lady from across the hall peeked out of her door.

  “Have you seen the girl that lives in this apartment today?” I asked.

  “Honey, I saw them earlier moving her stuff out before I went to bingo, and I haven’t heard a peep from over there since I been back. That girl don’ moved!” She said, placing her hand on her wide hip. “Now, it’s almost midnight, and you need to cut all this damn noise out, now!” She warned. In frustration, I punched the wall, leaving a large hole. Devyn’s neighbor slammed the door after yelling that she was calling to police, so I headed toward the stairs to leave. That night was going from bad to worse, fast, and I needed to find the pause button so that I could gain control of the situation again. I walked toward my car already planning where my next stop was going to be.

  Devyn

  I pushed the buzzer and waited for D to buzz me up to her apartment. With everything that had happened today, I had completely forgotten about the project that was due in class the next day, so when D called me, I quickly pulled myself together so that we could compile all the notes we’d been working on and submit it on time. I would have hated for her grade to suffer at the cost of me and all the bullshit that I had going on in my life.

  “What’s up, pretty girl?” D said, opening the door and welcoming me into her apartment. She had on a pair of grey Nike sweats and a wife beater with her tattooed arms and neck on full display. Her long hair was pulled back in a tight bun, and she had a gold grill clamped onto the bottom of her teeth.

  “Hey, D. I’m so sorry that we came down to the last hour with this. I really didn’t mean to leave you hanging.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Ma! Come in and have a seat. You want something to eat or something to drink?” She asked.

  “Nah, I’m good. You ready to get started, though?” I asked, taking a seat on her living room sofa.

  “Well, I’mma get me a drink, cause it helps me think.” She laughed, while pouring herself of a glass of cognac. I relaxed a bit during our short time working together on that project, and I had really enjoyed getting to know D. Rina swore that she had a crush on me, but I brushed it off, ‘cause I thought she was cool and funny.

  I pulled my notebooks out of my backpack and made myself comfortable. I knew that we were definitely in for a long night. I welcomed it, because at that very moment, a distraction was what I needed to have.

  D and I went to work organizing our presentation for class, while I struggled with letting my mind wonder. I could hear my phone vibrating in my purse that sat across from me, and I, silently, regretted not turning the old one off after I’d activated the new one. I knew that Rina was the only one who had the new number so it could have only been Rashaad calling the old number back-to-back. It had been almost two hours since I’d forwarded him that video so I was sure that he was fully aware that I was avoi
ding him.

  “You sure everything is good, Ma?” D asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. All I could do was shake my head before the tears started falling from my eyes. I just couldn’t keep it together anymore.

  “No, no, no, don’t cry, Ma! What’s wrong?” D said, rushing over to comfort me. I leaned into her, and I let it all go as she consoled me. I was just tired of it. I felt like I was losing myself, and I wasn’t sure if I even liked who I was turning into. I vented to D the abbreviated version of some of the things that had been going on lately. She was cool, but I didn’t need her to know my life like that, although, I was glad that I had someone to listen to me in that moment.

  “Damn, Ma. It seems like you got a lot on your plate right now, but you shouldn’t be stressing like this. You gotta take control and do what makes you happy.” She assured me. I nodded my head, because I knew that what she was saying was right.

  “I’m just tired of these ain’t shit niggas.” I proclaimed.

  “I hear that shit. I know exactly what you mean, shit.” D agreed, as she sparked a blunt that she had rolled on the table when I got there. I had to laugh at the fact that she was agreeing with me.

  “There goes that smile. See, you too pretty to be crying over a man. You would never have that problem with somebody like me, though.” She boldly stated, before passing me the blunt. I took a pull, but quickly remembered that I was now with child and passed it back. However, that toke alone had taken a bit of the edge, especially since that last statement threw me for a bit of a loop.

  “You a trip you know that?” I giggled trying to play off how truly awkward I felt.

  “Nah ma, I’m serious.” She said while blowing rings of smoke into the air. “You a cool chick Devyn, and you bad as fuck. I’d be lying if I said I ain’t want to know how you taste.”

  I stared at D, intensely, and without a second thought, I leaned in and kissed her full on, on her soft lips. I wasn’t sure if it was because I appreciated the fact that she was sitting here comforting me and hearing me out in my vulnerable state, or the fact that, in some sort of way, I found her attractive. Rina’s suspicions were confirmed, though, when she gave in and kissed me back.

  After an intense lip lock, I could feel the heat rising from between my legs and my body beginning to tingle. I had never experienced anything like this with a female, but I was intrigued. I allowed D’s hands to roam under nether the crop top I had on only to find my bare breast. I leaned back onto the couch, giving her full access, as she flicked my nipples between her finger tips, causing them to become rock hard.

  “You sure you trying to do this, Ma?” D asked me, before slipping her hands down my pants. I didn’t even remember her unbuttoning them, I was so caught up in that kiss. I nodded my head when really I wasn’t sure about what was happening. I felt her fingers squirm around until she found my clit and massaged it between her fingers. I closed my eyes; I felt like the room was spinning, because I was feeling so many mixed emotions. I was confused, angry, and feeling pleasure all at the same time that I shot up like a bullet from the couch. I, quickly, began to gather my things, and I tried not to look at D, because I was sure she probably thought I was crazy.

  “I gotta go.” I mumbled, as I threw my backpack over my shoulder and headed for the door. I didn’t even give her time to respond before I bolted from her place. I was so embarrassed that I just wanted to run far far away.

  ~

  By the time I’d made it home, my head was pounding. I had already listened to Rashaad go from cool and calm to yelling and furious on my voicemails, so I wasn’t the least bit surprised when I saw the whole in the hallway wall. It just confirmed that he’d been there and may have found out that I’d moved. At that point, I just didn’t care anymore. I needed time to regroup and figure out what the hell I was doing with myself.

  D sent me a text after I’d left, but with the way I felt, I just couldn’t bring myself to read it. I turned both my phones off and crawled into my bed, burying myself underneath my pillows. I just wanted to sleep until everything was over. I started my day floating on a cloud, and now, I just felt confused and alone.

  Mesha

  I was startled out of my sleep by the sound of pounding on my door. It felt like my entire apartment was shaking with every knock. I climbed out of bed and grabbed my robe before heading to the front of my small apartment.

  “Hold the fuck on!” I yelled. While grabbing my Kahr CW9 luger from my Gucci bag and looking out of the peephole. Shit! I said to myself before unlocking the top lock, but leaving the security chain on.

  “What are you doing here, Shaad? And, why the hell are you banging on my door like a crazy person at one o’clock in the morning?” I said, peeping through the crack of the door.

  “Open the door, Mesha. Let me holla at you for a minute.” He said, calmly. I could see the fire blazing in his eyes, but the sincerity in his voice had me confused. I hesitated for a second but reluctantly unlatched the chain securing the door.

  Rashaad pushed his way through the door before I fully opened it nearly knocking me over and began pacing around my living room. I, silently, prayed that he was beefing with his girl and chose me to run to help ease his mind. He was looking good enough to eat in his all black sweat suit. My eyes trailed his body, and I couldn’t help licking my lips, imagining his body under his clothes.

  “What you thought you was going to do with that little shit, huh?” He motioned toward my pink handled Lugar. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I’d forgotten I even had it in my hand.

  “Nigga, you banging on my door like the fucking police at o dark thirty. Did you forget, I live alone? Or, the fact that I’m a woman?” I loosened the belt of my robe giving him a sneak peek of my lace bra and panty set before sitting my pistol down on my coffee table.

  “Why are you here, anyway? Did you forget the text you sent me telling me how I wasn’t shit and how your new bitch is the sun, the moon, and stars for you, and shit? Nigga, the moon is out, so where’s your bitch?” I said, sarcastically, shrugging my shoulders at him. Rashaad stood in silence staring at me for, what seemed like, forever. I couldn’t figure out what the hell was up with that dude.

  I’d ran into Rashaad a few days ago outside of D’s building, and initially, I was shocked. I hoped, like hell, that he had come to his senses and followed me to get my attention, but I was afraid that he’d saw me with her and was feeling some type of way. I’d pushed those thoughts to the side, because I was so determined for him to be mines, and I seized the opportunity to be in his face. Hours after I’d topped him off, I guess the nigga grew a conscience, because he sent me a wack ass text message calling me everything but a child of God, and to be honest, I was tired of that nigga going back and forth with me like I wasn’t shit. How dare he think that I was good enough to pop his dick in my mouth, but I wasn’t good enough to be in a relationship with?

  So, I did what I usually did and created a fake Facebook account and posted the video I’d recorded of our little encounter from my smart watch to a page that exposed cheaters, and I didn’t feel bad in the least bit. All people could see was the side of my face, but full shots of him with his eyes rolling in the back of his head. The icing on the cake would be if that nigga sucked his thumb at how good I topped him off. I was tired of these dudes trying to play me and wife the next broad like I wasn’t giving my all. I doubted that Rashaad would even see it, anyway, since he didn’t do social media.

  “Nah, I know what I said to you in the text.” Rashaad said, calmly walking over to me.

  “So, what? You and your girl fighting, now you wanna come fuck with your girl?” I smirked.

  “Something like that.” He responded, with a seductive look in his eyes, as he moved into my personal space. I could smell his cologne mixing with the scent of the cognac on his breath, as he moved in closer to my ear. Rashaad reached in and pushed my robe off of my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. I held my breath as he ran his hand up the middle o
f my naked belly, stopping at my neck. I closed my eyes in anticipation of his lips against my skin, but my eyes shot open when I felt his grip tighten around my neck.

  “So, you wanted to play these bird ass games, huh?” He asked between his heavy breathing, taking me completely off guard. I tried my best to form words, but the grip he had on me wouldn’t let them escape my lips. My eyes frantically looked over to the table where I’d sat my gun. I was mad at myself for thinking that that dude came there for a pleasure trip.

  “I told your ass before to respect me and respect my woman, but your simple ass wants to put your thot ways out there for the world to see, right? That’s the problem with bitches like you. You think playing these type of games is cute all the time. What, you thought I was going to come running to you when I lose my girl and shit was going to be sweet? Like I wouldn’t find out you had somebody send that shit to my girl.” He asked, getting louder. “I put that on my unborn kid, if I lose my girl behind your thottie ass, the next time I see you, you losing your life, bitch!”

  Rashaad let me go just as I felt myself on the verge of blacking out. I fell to my knees, gasping for air, as he slammed my door so hard my flat screen came crashing to the floor.

  D emerged from my bedroom, and immediately, came over to comfort me, but all I could do was cry. Why couldn’t he see that all I wanted was to be with him? Instead, he nearly choked the life out of me, and then, threatened me behind that chick, Devyn. I needed to change my life, because I couldn’t keep living like that. I always fell in love with the wrong nigga, and I just couldn’t understand why.

  “You good, Ma?” D said, as she tried helping me to my feet.

  “No,” I cried, in a hoarse voice. “I’m not. Can’ you see that this nigga just tried to kill me? He tried to kill me in my own damn house! I can’t take this shit! Get the fuck off of me!” I yelled, as I pushed her away from me, finally regaining control of voice box again. “You sat back there like you ain’t even hear the shit, but that’s what I get for fucking with a bitch! You didn’t even try to help me!”